Hi. You have every reason to burst into tears… And it’s absolutely OK to want to cry when you’ve lost the one you love. Six months on and I still have a little cry most days… It helps me to vent my feelings and helps me cope. I hope you have somebody you can talk to about your feelings… It’s important to talk. I don’t want to move on either… It sounds like to move on we have to leave them behind… I prefer to think about moving forward… And taking them with us x
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Hi
I too feel jealous when i see couples
My husband passsed October 2019.I feel the sadness will never go
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talk to her as much as possible. dont avoid thing because u think it will hurt. my chip sang travelling light by cliff Richards when we went to karaoke, so i choose that for his final song. i thought every time i heard it it would break my heart i play it as much as i can now i just see my chip singing away to it at karaoke. im looking for anything positive to take from losing him. i was lucky i shared so many years with him tho i wanted many more, i was lucky i found him, i was ;lucky we did so much together so i have memories that make me smile. dont get me wrong they pull at the heart strings big time. i still have trouble believing i have lost my chip. when i remind myself chip has died i sink. i cant imagine life with out him same as you with your Jean. life will never be the same there no way. now we have to learn to live a different life which is neigh on impossible. What other choice do we have Live for Jean Richard please. by a rose bush a colour jean would love put it in the garden when the summer comes sit out there and talk to her. She will always be with you she will see what you see and feel what you feel so for both of your sake. try and live again. i know easier said then done. but imagine she is with you every step of the way she seeing you crying she seeing you isolated yourself afraid to laugh because of the guilt she would be heart broken wouldn’t she. your never stop loving her and ur never for get her so remember all the best bits xx
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Karie, That was emotional, I wish I could do more to try and get on top of my feelings but I just can’t seem to move forward, the slightest thing just sets me back, even reading what you have just sent, I honestly just don’t want to live like this, after all those years together.
Richard
bless your heart. have you got family and friends around do u work?
Karie, yes got a sister, but most of my friends work so they don’t have a lot of spare time and I don’t like to trouble them, I have jeans daughter nearby but she also works, I have only just retired so all our plans have gone, which just adds to the sorrow.
Richard
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i so understand what your saying it was the same for us we were going to start spending more time together maybe get a little camper. now nothing. its a suggestion but could you go back to work part time or volunteer somewhere you really need to be occupied xx
Karie, I don’t think I could go back to work now, especially with the problems everywhere, I have a fairly big garden but I can’t even think about that at the moment.
Richard
you got to you need to be busy trust me it does help get out into ur garden make a special garden for jean get a bench and sit there and watch it bloom x
Karie , Maybe one day I hope, thank you.
Richard x
can i ask what your days consist of x
Not much at the moment, its only four weeks today that I lost Jean.
Richard
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are u at home most of the day?
Karie, yes I am at the moment because of all the health problems.
Richard
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would you like to share. I think you struggling because you are home all the time and your sat with nothing but memories to fill your time. You honestly needs to get out a bit even if it is in the garden. i feel heartbroken for you i know i couldn’t be in all day i avoid being in the house alone. i dont want to think xx
Hi Richard can I suggest that you make an effort to go out into your garden. We had two allotments and when Brian died I doubted that I would even be able to go there ever again. I did go four days after Brian died and as I stood looking around wondering if I could ever do gardening again I had a honey Bee land next to me. Brian helped with the Bee’s and it was November and no Bee’s around at that time so I took it as a sign from Brian to get on with the work. I did and it has become my saviour. I have cried buckets of tears many times when there and some days it has been hard but it has helped me enormously to have something to focus on and it was something we both enjoyed doing together.
The suggestion of a garden area dedicated to Jean sounds lovely, somewhere to sit and be with her.
Take care
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Karie, I know what your saying but If I go out I will still be alone.
Richard
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Hi Richard but I’m with Karie here. It’s is hard but there is only one person that can help and that is yourself. I go out and keep busy. I found it terribly hard at first. I cried all the time. But go out and have a walk, go to a park, jump on a bus and sit looking at the scenery, go to a cafe, anything but sit at home in despair, that is destructive. Yes you will be alone and that is something else we have to come to terms with, as hard as it is. Good luck to you
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Thank you both for your ideas and thoughts, I will try and make an effort to change.
Richard x
Well done, tiny steps Richard, just a few minutes here and there. I managed to work on our allotments but hated doing our garden. However little by little I did start to take an interest in it again.
xxx
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