Can't deal with it

please do you will never start the heeling process otherwise. Jean will be with you im sure of it x

Hi Karie and Pattidot, I have been told that I would be contacted today for counselling, but I have heard nothing, I don’t know if anyone is aware of this, but I do think that I need some help, I think if I could talk to someone it may help.

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Hi Richard

It was my GP that got me into counselling. I’ve been going for 2 years now and it has helped me come to terms with the loss of Clive. I don’t think I’ll ever truly accept what happened but I’m not in a place where all I want to do is die anymore.

The trouble with bereavement counselling is that you only get 6 or 8 sessions (yes, I’ve been through that too) whereas if your GP refers you to your local mental health board, the support is ongoing for as long as you need it. I’ve gone from twice weekly appointments to monthly now as I’m gradually getting better - I’ve actually got a case review tomorrow when I’m hoping they’ll sign me off completely.

In the beginning, I was completely suicidal. I refused medical attention and stopped having my B12 injections (I have pernicious anaemia). I couldn’t see any way out of the pain. But now I’m seeing that life must go on, even if it’s not a life you want or chose. From what I’ve read from your posts, you’re in much the same place that I was, so I’m urging you to see your GP. If you explain to them how you’re feeling, they will help.

I went too long without getting the help I needed and I’d hate to think that you would go through the same. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk - I work full time but I’m here after 8 most evenings.


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Hi Aly, thank you for your message, I will get back to my GP.
Richard x

richard do u have a face book account

Hi Karie, No not any more.

11.30 again can’t sleep, with all the problems in the world my problem seems so small, compared to others, but all of us have such heavy hearts, and I find that is so hard to comprehend what is going on in the world at the moment, that I am finding it hard to say without upsetting anyone how I am feeling, so I will leave it there tonight, god bless you all.
Richard xx

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Of course your problem doesnt seem small. You can compare a world virus to losing your loved one.
When you cant sleep, dont just lay there. Get up, make a hot drink, watch a bit of tv or listen to the radio.
I took sleeping tablets for a week to get me back into a pattern, although I can still wake at 3 or 4 am 9 months down the line.
It’s my mum I lost, but we were very close and lived together. Living without her is very hard.
Cheryl x

Cant compare not can

Hi Cheryl, I know what you mean, it is the being alone that I find so hard also.
Richard x

No Richard. Grief for a lost one is on a different level to world events. It hits home and it’s so personal. In the world we can come together and help each other by being a bit cheerful and not making small issues into big ones. But loss is a life trauma and there can be no comparison to anything else.
Counselling can be very helpful. But it should be long term, or as long as it’s needed. To be cut off after 6 weeks is not good enough. But I know how inundated counsellors are these days.
Skywise is saying what most of us went through, and her words make so much sense. You can get long term help if it’s done through your GP.
We are all in this at the moment, but like everything else it will pass. Being alone!! Tell me about it. It’s one of the worse parts of this awful process. I open the front door and come into an empty house. I’m getting used to it after 16 months, but it still hurts.
Recently, with all that’s going on, (I’m in the ‘at risk’ category), I have been overwhelmed by the kindness shown. So many offers of help. But my generation is used to ‘going it alone’ and all the time I can I will.
Take care Richard. It’s a hard road we are on and very bumpy. It does level off, even if only a bit, flashes of peace do come. Take care. John.


Hi Karie, I don’t know why but I seem to connect with you, I am struggling with the situation I find my self in, I can’t see myself wanting to live like this anymore, what is the point I have nothing to live for anymore, I have lost the love of my life, and Jean meant the world to me, I just can’t see any way forward, I have tried to get counselling for the last two weeks but nobody has replied,
Given up Richard Goodbye to you all

Richard, I hope you’re still on line and read this. The way you are feeling is how we all felt when we lost that person who basically was part of us. But given time, it does get easier and you will feel your Jean is still with you, death doesn’t end your love, it remains and you get the strength to stay on your journey and get comfort from memories where at the moment they will feel painful. My husband passed away 2 years ago tomorrow. It’s painful as I go towards it, feels like stepping backwards but I know I’ll get to the other side.
You will too, for Jean will want you to give yourself time.
Sending you a hug (virtual ones are the order of the day at the moment)

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Yes Sandra. You are so right. The early days are awful. I too almost gave up, but I asked myself what would my dear wife have wanted, me walking around being miserable.

I really am so sorry Richard. As Sandra says, death does not stop love. Nothing whatsoever can do that. And it goes on after this life. Please don’t say goodbye. You can get so much understanding here because we all know only too well what you are feeling. Loss is a life trauma. You will feel bad for some time, we all do/did. But honest, it can get better. Of course you will never forget but the pain does ease if only a little. Take care. Look after yourself. John.

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Hello Richard, I’m so sorry that you’ve lost the love of your life. You talk about feeling like you have nothing to live for and that you’re giving up and I’m worried about you. Feelings like this can be normal after the loss of a loved one, but sometimes they can become overwhelming and it’s important to reach out for some support.

You mention that you’ve been trying to access some counselling - is this through your GP? I would suggest trying to get in touch with your GP to see how else they can support you through this difficult time.

The Samaritans are also always there to talk about how you’re feeling on 116 123 or you can email

If you don’t think you can keep yourself safe, please go to A&E, call 999, or contact your GP for an emergency appointment.

I’ll check in again with you by email shortly. You deserve care and support so please, Richard, get in touch with one of these services and take care,



Hi Richard, Please listen to the advice from SanW, Jonathan and Eleanor, they are so right. We all go through that heartbreak that becomes just too much to bear or understand, all say ‘what’s the point’ as our life as we knew it has come to an abrupt end. But everything they say is so correct. We never forget but we do learn to live through another day, and then another. You won’t think it now, I know I didn’t but dig deep for that strength and remember that your love for your beloved wife will never cease. It is a lasting love to be cherished.
Pat xx


Hey Pattidot, I have come back after trying to end what I found to be an impossible situation, but I think that a very good friend talked me out of it, that is all I have to say at the moment.
Richard xx


I found sleep a real problem when my husband died…brain couldn’t rest…I use Sainsbury’s bedtime tea… I really helps me to sleep. I have a cup about 9pm…try it, it might help you to get off to sleep x

Diverliz, I will try that, if and when I can get in Sainsbury’s, thank you.
Richard xx

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Welcome back Richard, it’s good to hear from you. We were worried about you. Sending love x

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