Changed world and life

I am still crying. It is pointless. This is one of the worst days I have had for a while.
I think my mind had been trying to block it out and bit by bit reality is breaking through.
It all feels so hopeless. He was such a wonderful man.

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I fully understand how you are feeling. My husband died 18 months ago and we had been married for 54 years and been through thick and thin together and hardly ever apart. I am still deep in grief and lost without him whoever I am with and wherever I go.
How does anyone get over such a loss is beyond my understanding.

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It is so hard isnā€™t it.

Take care xx

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Oh Pat
That is soo scary ā€¦. for you itā€™s been 18 months and no improvement in coping ā€¦.
thatā€™s then even more scary and totally totally hopeless for those of us whose husbands/wives just died a few weeks ago.
It sounds like itā€™s really really not worth living any longer .

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It sounds like none of us are coping very well at the moment.
I too keep thinking whats the point.
Everything is an effort and even getting up is getting harder. Is it even worth it.
But our husbands would not have wanted this. They wouldnā€™t have wanted us so sad we can hardly function.
So no matter how hard it is, and it is, then we have to go on, for them.
I donā€™t know how Iā€™m going to do it, but I know I must. I seem to be getting worse instead of better. Iā€™m crying more and there seem to be ever more triggers, but I must get through this.
I went to church this morning although Iā€™m not particularly religious. The people there were very welcoming and even though I cried they were so so kind. They made me feel that I can go on. This afternoon Iā€™m back to hopelessness.

Do you know I feel like Iā€™m rambling but I hope this makes some sort of sense

Take care everyone

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Maybe all our husbands could meet )in heaven?) somewhere and discuss with each other how they can help all of us to survive ??
By the way where does everybody live ?? Up North ? Down South ?

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What a lovely idea. Iā€™m sure theyd all want to help us.

I live in Kent

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South xx

They all sound lovely men.

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I also looked a clubs and even holidays for bereaved, but decided that Iā€™d rather do my own thing. Iā€™ve holidayed alone occasionally since I was 25, thatā€™s no issue and at least I wouldnā€™t be trapped with a bunch of potentially boring people. I find that more people speak to you when you arenā€™t part of a couple.
I have booked my 2nd singing lesson, just for me but with the possibility of doing gigs with other singers in future.
@LCat I do think your husband can see your garden from where he is!

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Rise Garden ā€¦. roughly where in the South are you ? Iā€™m sure n Buckinghamshire .

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Iā€™m meant : I am in Buckinghamshire

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What you say ā€¦. I couldnā€™t agree more ā€¦. Clubs can be a problem ā€¦. because of boring people ā€¦ I made the mistake to go to one ā€˜widow meetingā€™. It turned out to be in a Church ā€¦.oh my god ā€¦. what boring women I saw there ā€¦. very old looking (I donā€™t mind any age ā€¦ but I donā€™t like boring old mentality ) ā€¦. It scared the hell out of me ā€¦. ā€œIs this now my future ?ā€.
My husbandā€™s and my hobby has always been for decades ā€˜Sailingā€™. We have a Sailing Boat on a Swinging Mooring in Chichester Harbour and we always sailed to France and the Channel Islands. It was such an exciting hobby.
People tell me I have to now find other new hobbies ā€¦ What new hobbies ?? Going to a knitting club with old ladies ???

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Also Sad Girlfriend ā€¦. going on holidays together ā€¦. even more scary !:worried:

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If you have hobbies and interests, why not try your local u3a? We are all retired or semi retired but the range of interests that are possible is almost unlimited. It isnā€™t ā€œclubbyā€, just a group of people, who soon become friends, who share your interests. My branch has an annual fee of Ā£12 per year plus sometimes shared cost of venue hire. I joined 5 years ago and since my wife died earlier this year, it has been a godsend. Good luck.

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Sadly, I am a long way from Buckinghamshire.

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I have just deleted a post I had written.

It was not easy to write but it was a true reflection of how I feel.
Very, very down. I know you understand.

Donā€™t worry, I am going to struggle on.

I just needed to write it down, express myself.

I feel I can tell you ā€˜I am having a truly terrible dayā€™.

I cannot tell family and friends.
I think they have had enough as I have been open with them from the beginning.
I knew it would not be good to bottle it up.
However, I can tell that now it is getting too much for them.

Thank you for being here. I am so sorry that our understanding of each otherā€™s feelings comes from such devastating losses.

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Iā€™m sorry youā€™re struggling so much Rose. Truth betold so am I.
I just dont know how weā€™re going to get past this.
There must be a way. Weā€™ve just got to find it.
Iā€™ve just had a dreadful night, sleep wouldnā€™t come, just dozed on and off.
It looks like its going to be another miserable day, that doesnt help.
I wish there was something I could say that would help you. All I can say is I do understand and I feel pretty much the same.
Take care Rose
Big hugs
Liz

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Oh Liz, we are going through such loss and heartache.

It is difficult and I think for both of us this time it is quite a big dip as we had felt a bit more positive. I know you were about the garden.

Perhaps, the numbness of shock is gradually wearing off.
I think I would welcome a bit more numbness at the moment.

We definitely understand each other and I am so glad to have that.

I will try to do something today, donā€™t know what that will be.
Iā€™m sure we will talk later.
Take care, Big hugs and much love ,

Rose x

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I should be doing my friends garden. Silly isnt it Iā€™m having so much trouble with mine, but I can do hers. It is very tiny mostly a small lawn and a couple of narrow borders. Doesnā€™t take an hour. My friend has mobilty problems and canā€™t do it herself. It will at least give me something to do, although it looks like its going to rain shortly. If it does Iā€™m going to have to make myself do something indoors. I cant sit crying all day again. Iā€™ve got to try to do something
As you say we seem to have hit a big low. Lets hope we can get ourselves up a bit somehow.
Meanwhile we can speak to each other, we know exactly how weā€™re feeling

Take care Rose
Try and have a reasonable day
Hugs for you
Liz

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Well you will probably all cope better than I have. i am 81 and find it all so hard. I was gently persuaded/encouraged to move house and area to be near to my two sons and their families because i am getting older but still very able to cope at the moment. I miss my previous home of 46 years and the area unbearably so I feel my grief for my husband is compounded and although I have a nice house a few minutes away from both my sons whereas previously I was 25 minutes drive away I feel worse than before as the security of my old home and area and the people i knew there meant so much but I agreed in the midst of unbearable sorrow and now must try and make the best of it but Iā€™m finding it all very hard.

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