It is hard and doesn’t seem to get any easier does it. I spoke about moving but unlike you, I was talked out of it. I would have stayed in the area but gone for something smaller. But still it would have meant new neigbours, and mine are brilliant .
I think as we grieve we’re going to find everything incredibly hard. Just getting up and finding ways to fill the time is really difficult. I try because I promised my husband I would, but its so hard and my heart is not in anything I do, I just go through the motions
Please take care
Sending you hugs
1 Like
I have done that a few times , written out a post of things in my head that I know I cant say to friends /family , (as if I did say it to them they would seriously worry about my mental state ) then deleted it before posting , somehow helped to just write it out , getting it out of your brain if you like .
I’m not going to beat around the bush , ending things is an option , certainly NOT one I’m looking at taking but an option none the less .
The loved ones we have lost would want us to fight on though , which is what I intend to do .Thank god I found this forum and people who are on the same horrible journey, who can identify with how I’m feeling , otherwise I don’t know what state I would be in.
3 Likes
So very sorry. That is difficult x
1 Like
I too am glad I found this forum. As you say we can say things that friends and family just wouldn’t or couldn’t understand.
I write to my husband every night, I find it helps although I’m usually in tears as I write. I tell him about my day and how much I’m misding him and need him. I do find it does help me, its like a diary. In time I hope to be able to read back over it and notice a change in my grieving.
I haven’t found one yet, only that it seems to be getting harder.
Yes our loved ones would want us to fight on, and thats the only thing that keeps me going. I can’t give up. that wouldn’t be fair to his memory, he wanted me to carry on and I promised him I’d be ok. When I don’t know. But hopefully in time
Take care
Hugs to you
2 Likes
For me, ending things is NOT an option either.
What others decide to do is their business.
In fact a dear friend took their life just over 2 weeks ago.
They were the last person you would expect to do so.
The saying that you never know what is going on in someone else’s head is so true.
I guess we give ourselves time and permission to cry, to rage, to question and grieve.
We try to be encouraging to ourselves when we need to be and kind to ourselves when needed.
I definitely need to share with others who understand.
Writing my feelings has helped. It is a release.
Love and hugs everyone!
4 Likes
That’s my point , if I had not found this place with likeminded people who can identify with how I’m feeling , if I had thought I was the only one who had ever felt this empty and completely devastated, I may not have been
strong enough to keep fighting on . You are right no one really knows what’s going on in someone’s mind , it certainly helps to be able to pour it all out here without fear of judgement .
Hopefully we all find ways to eventually get some joy back on our lives x
3 Likes
Hi @Liro I agree with you about our loved ones wanting us to fight on, although I am finding it extremely hard. I know my husband would not want his death to define the rest of my life negatively. Just trying to make my way through each day but just seems so pointless now. I have no motivation. I just sit around thinking how has my (our) life ended up like this? It wasn’t supposed to be like this, we should have grown old together. Mind you, at 71 some people will think that is old.x
3 Likes
I have decided to try and be positive.
Cats fed.
Washing up nearly done and just a couple of things soaking.
I have sorted out some filing of household docs.
Started tidying up.
Put food out for the birds.
Now having a mug of tea.
5 Likes
Thank you for replying. i think I moved too soon after my husband died and so i feel so lost here too and the area isn’t as nice as where I lived before but I must try and be positive and i guess eventually I would have moved due to age… who knows? just go to somehow get on with things. I have a dog who is 15 years old and is a lifeline to me and when she goes hopefully I will manage to have another one. i never thought that I would be in this position of grief so dense but everyone on here feels likewise I think. my husband would say " Come on …get a grip " but it is just so hard.
5 Likes
Hi everyone. We are definitely all struggling through this new life we’ve been dumped with. We all seem to agree that we must find a way forward, but how. As so many of us say, everything seems so pointless.
I’ve been lucky today, my daughter and son-in-law popped round for a cup of tea, and while they were here did some jobs that have been waiting. They stopped a bad day from getting worse and have made me feel a little better.
@RoseGarden you’ve done so well, so many positive things.
I have been trawling old videos trying to hear Rogers voice, but so far nothing.
Love and hugs to all
2 Likes
Hi @RoseGarden thanks for replying. I decided today to do some work in the garden. I’ve just come in as I realised I haven’t had anything to eat today. Just made a cuppa and had some biscuits. I will have something proper to eat later. I’m glad I did something outside but then no one to tell what I’ve done. My husband kept a lovely garden but it doesn’t look as nice now. But I can only do what I can. Looks like you managed to get some things done. Well done both of us.x
3 Likes
Definitely.
I managed to do a few things in the garden.
It did feel lonely as we usually worked together or close by BUT I did it and didn’t cry in the garden today although I felt very sad.
I will pat you on the back if you pat me on the back 
4 Likes
So glad you feel a bit better. Enjoyed the photos of the garden
1 Like
I have had a better day today than yesterday.
I did realise I am better when I am distracted and not thinking about what has happened. It worries me a bit as I know I can’t avoid it and in time somehow come to terms with his death.
It’s getting the balance of reality and distraction right. I hope I am.
Hugs to everyone x
3 Likes
Hi Rose.
You do sound do much better today. I know you’re still struggling but you’ve made some positive moves
Unfortunately I couldn’t get in the garden today as its been absolutely hammering down. Seems to be brightening up a bit now. Now its too late 
I have done a couple of positive things today but couldnt find any videos of Roger talking so that upset me. Not that it takes much to upset me.
Lets hope for another positive day tomorrow
Take care
Love and hugs
Liz x
1 Like
Hi Liz,
I did manage some things. The weather wasn’t too bad. However, was raining just now and I think I heard thunder.
Trying to find something important is worrying and when you can’t find it that’s distressing.
I hope we both have some positives tomorrow.
A couple of friends should be coming around tomorrow.
We didn’t have a wake, I couldn’t face it. I thought a celebration of his life would be more positive. So hopefully, they will help me decide on somewhere to have it in a couple of months.
I am considering starting a journal tonight. I don’t know if it will help or upset me but I think I will give it a try.
Bigs hugs Liz, thinking of you x
1 Like
Hi Rose
I’m glad you had a slightly better day.
I’ve been writing to Roger every evening since the funeral. It’s very often accompanied by tears as I tell him what I’ve been up to and how much I miss him.
As I’ve been doing it on the notepad on my phone, I suddenly got terrified that I might lose it. My son-in-law e-mailed it to me so I won’t lose it (apparently). But this afternoon I decided to start typing it out so I can heep it in a folder forever. I’m no typist so it’ll probably take a couple of weeks, but it will keep me occupied.
Altough I’m often in tears when I write it I do find it helps, telling him about my day.
I had a wake for Roger but it wasn’t a sad affair, it was more a celebration of life. So many people were there it was lovely talking to them all. He would never have believed how many people thought so much of him, and how many came to show their love and respect for such a private man
I hope you manage to sort a celebration for your husband
Hugs to you Rose
Take care
Liz x
1 Like
Hi Liz,
I have started writing the journal/letter. It has started me crying.
I hope it will help but at the moment it just emphasises how much I miss him.
I will continue and pray it makes me feel closer to him.
Take care, hope you sleep well.
Big hugs,
Rose x
1 Like
He maybe by your side you just can’t see him?
I feel and try to believe that he is always by my side and it does help ease the pain a little.
Take care xx
3 Likes