Note to oneself,don’t go out in the garden when it’s raining,your face can get wet.
2 Likes
You don’t want your make up to run do you Ron
1 Like
Hello, I am so sorry for what you have been through and are going through. My husband of 47 years died 10 years ago after a long illness and believe you me, you will not start to even come close to coping after such short time.
I found that it took me three years to even accept that this was now my life as the first year went by in a fog, organising his funeral and sorting out paperwork. I found the second year to be the worst as everything had been sorted out and reality set in that this was my life now until the day I also died. I realised that the first year had been so busy that I didn’t have the time to grieve but the second year was the start of my lonely existence, I realised I would never ever see him again, never hear his voice, hold him in my arms, kiss him and make plans with him again, he had gone.
I played our music over and over again especially Roy Orbison’s song ‘Only the Lonely’ and I cried and cried for what used to be. If I had to go out I would get a taxi, do what needed to be done and come straight back home again, I did not want to speak to anyone, I didn’t want the constant, how are you coping. I would lock the doors because our home had now become my refuge and I honestly didn’t want to leave it, I felt my husband all around me.
It took me three years to even think about sorting through his clothes and then I realised that I was starting to come out of the gloom and could laugh again. Don’t get me wrong, after all these years I can still shed tears when I pass our photographs of when we were so young and happy and I do wonder if the tears are now for myself as I am an old lady of 82 years as well as for the loss of my husband.
I am lucky I have a loving family, I don’t see much of them as they are busy but I know if I need them they will be here for me. They take me out and on holidays for which I am grateful.
You will never get over your husband not being here but you will learn to live a different kind of life albeit a life you never expected to have to live.
I am lucky, I have a lovely, comfortable home and don’t have to worry about money, I don’t have a lot but I can buy what I want if I need to, thanks to my husband ensuring we would have a good retirement. It is so sad that he isn’t here to share it with me.
I still have my husband’s ashes and here they will stay until the day I die then they will be scattered together in a favourite place of ours.
Take care.
9 Likes
Oh Rose, I’m so very sorry. Huge hugs. xx
2 Likes
So sorry Rose i understand hiw hard that is . Sending hugs Jo xxx
2 Likes
So sorry for you but glad you and your vet said you aren’t ready for goodbye yet. Enjoy the time with Tony. We will all be here for your when the time does come.
@Onestepatatime thanks for sharing. It gives me hope. My friend lost her partner 2 days before my husband died. We both were just saying we haven’t gotten rid of any of their stuff yet. Not ready.
I too have some of his ashes. Some were made into jewellery for me and daughter.
Xxx
2 Likes
Dear rose
I am so sorry to hear the news about your
Lovely Tony.
I do think you have done the right thing though.
It is so hard to make this sort of decision and really only you can know how your lovey cat
Is coping
He sounds like he is not ready and seems
determined to continue to comfort you and
Keep you company and love you.
What more could you ask for!
Hard to make this decision on your own and I
Am sure when you asked your Paul his answer
would have been the same as you clearly
both adore him.
We have both my Sam and me had to go through this with our beloved pets and it
Is truly terrible but we both knew when it was time
I am thinking of you and of course your lovely
cat I guess lots of kisses and cuddles are coming his way.
Give him a kiss and cuddle from me.
Love Doreen xxx
2 Likes
I thought you might prefer to see my hairy pals instead of my old face lol
1 Like
I respect that to be your experience I live in a village in an area of mostly retirees,many I know personally who have lost partners (some like me recently)having had many conversations with them I have found that the majority have found their way through their grief quite quickly,although they still mourn their lost partners they don’t let it control their lives,in the nearly six months since I lost my wife I have laughed cried,screamed,yelled and cursed,I can see a glimmer of light in the distance.
I don’t profess to being an expert,but I don’t intend to wallow in this swamp for years.
I loved my wife dearly and she would never want me to do a Queen Victoria.
I will find a new path and with my wife in my heart go forward.
5 Likes
I promised my husband I would be ok so I know I have to be. There will be good and bad days but like you Ron I don’t intend to be queen victoria. I will never love anyone as much as I loved him for 52 years and at 72 I have no expectations of meeting anyone else but I will live the best life I can.
2 Likes
Too true, Ron.
The road isn’t linear, there are lots of bumps and pot holes, but it is a gradual rise out of the swamp.
Some of you know that this is my second time around.
You don’t suddenly recover from losing the person you love, you get used to it.
In the meantime, accept any support, grab any hands available, and look for the tiny glimmers of light.
Laugh when you can.
I laughed when I saw this photo of @Ron11
Xx
3 Likes
Oh if only I had the hair.
1 Like
I agree about nit wanting to be like queen Victoria but it’s all still too raw right now. It also feels like I am betraying him if I move on… How do people deal with that?
Rajay - cute dogs.
Xxx
2 Likes
Quite right Jane,I too have no desire to meet anyone else,but there is still life in the old dog yet,and I fully intend to love it.xxx
2 Likes
I too promised that I would live my life.
But I really didn’t know it was going to be so so hard.
I really don’t know what I was expecting, because I told him I’d be ok so often, I think I started to believe it.
Wrong!!
But because I told him I would be ok I will be.
Eventually.
It’s just going to take a bit of time.
But one day I’ll get there. Wherever there is.
But he will be with me, in my head and in my heart forever
Love and hugs
Liz x x
3 Likes
Of course he will, Liz. And Jeremy will always be in my heart and in my head. But I am willing to make a bet that they will be a lot more comfortable inside a happy heart and head.
Xx
3 Likes
Thats exactly it.
I never want anyone else, like you I’m almost 72. He was the love of my life and no one could ever replace him
If we move on and start enjoying life again, are we letting them down?
Are we betraying them?
X x
3 Likes
It is still raw and we never “move on” we push through it,as I see it we wallow in grief until we go or we try to live a decent a life as possible and make our lost loved ones proud.my wife would be devastated if I just gave up so onwards and upwards it is.
4 Likes
I don’t think that we would be betraying them or letting them down by living a happy life. I know that Ray would want me to be happy and live the best life I can
4 Likes
Everyone here has different beliefs and I don’t want to offend anyone.
Some belief in an afterlife (I do, I hope). Some believe in nothing (like my husband).
If there is nothing, only oblivion, then he will not feel betrayed by my determination to be happy.
If he is in heaven or somewhere looking down on me, I know for certain that he will be at peace if he can see I am coping and making a reasonably content life. He would be tortured to see me crying.
So, either way, I will continue to try and be happy.
Just my thoughts, I am not trying to convince anyone else.
Xx
5 Likes