Thank you all for reassuring me that I will not bring you down. I was so worried about that.
I didn’t want to leave and people not know the reason. So that’s why I posted my thoughts and concerns.
I am so overwhelmed by all your kindness and understanding.
I feel so supported by you.
I will not be leaving.
And Ron, gin it is.
Thank you all so much.
Love and hugs,
Linda 
xx
Please don’t leave us. We all need each other. I know I’ve thought about not posting anymore because I don’t want to upset others by feeling so miserable, but they always help.
At the moment I feel like I’m going mad. I want my Bill back so much. I know it won’t happen but it doesn’t stop me wishing. I see things he bought, like a couple of small seed propogaters, in April, ready to use which he didn’t get chance to use and the tears flow like a waterfall.
Now this next is stupid. When Bill went into hospital every Tuesday for his transfusion, I stayed with him to keep him company. I use to take a book of Sudoku puzzles to do. I still have these puzzles but I can’t do them, because I used to do them sitting by Bill - daft or what.
I think I’ve cried more in the last 2 to 3 weeks than I have in the rest of my life. Everything I see that he wanted, I get so upset about. I would have given him the world if I could, I loved him so much, and still do. How on earth do we ever get over this when we love someone so much…
See, I 'm being so down again. Can’t seem to find an “up”.
So sorry to everyone, when I know you’re all going through similar things.
So glad you posted as I think it’s been awhile. I was going to stop posting at one stage too. But we all need each other. I was like you in the respect my husband had to go for blood transfusions and/ or chemo regularly. We would joke with the nurses. Most times I would drop him off as I work. But sometimes I would go in with him. I used to do codebreakers with him but I can’t concentrate to do them now
Keep sharing when you can
Linda glad you are staying but also had the courage to say you were thinking of leaving. It shows you were thinking of all of us so you aren’t really in the swamp if you think like that!! Xxx
The sudoku thing is not stupid. Norman and I used to watch countdown and play along everyday. Haven’t been able to watch it since he died. Only just started watching university challenge again. We both used to give a number of questions we would answer. This is after 16 months.
Xx
Sandra
Its really not silly not bring able to do suduko without him
I used to make greetings cards, mainly decoupage.
Roger used to help me. A lot.
Especially with the Christmas cards.
I won’t be making any this year. I may not make them ever again.
It hurts so much
X x
I agree it is not stupid.
We would get a particular newspaper on Saturdays and between us try to complete the general knowledge crossword.
That is definitely not possible now.
In fact I came across one of the sections of the newspaper Paul bought the day before he died. I have kept it as I cannot part with it.
@Harriet4Bill thank you for contacting me.
It is so very kind of you to think of me xx
Hi RG
I ask myself this question all day long. Then again when i wake up in the night. Am dreading the month after next but time is not slowing down before I know it. June will be here already 16 weeks today. I will take jack out tomorrow for a long walk. Today a nice friend of my partners popped round we went out for 2 couples. Spoke about her and still shaking our heads. I then went home then had to go for a drive as couldnt near to be in the house. Now gone to bed. I just feel empty still in disbelief. Whenever we feel there are cracks in the tunnel they quickly get filled again . This for me is my coping mechanism. I keep imagining her in the room where ever I am. Even at work as that is the only way I can get through the day. I think of her when shopping and still in disbelief. I do totally understand as there myself x
Thatbwas meant to say couple of hours for tea and a sconex
Rose, you’re giving Tony so much love and care……he sounds like he hasn’t given up yet and is still enjoying his life with you…….
They give us so much love in the time we have them………and love us unconditionally.
Thinking of you and Tony…….and sending you both huge hugs x
Please you and Tony be careful tonight. No more falling out of bed.
Xx
Sandra
Our daughter dropped by to join me for dinner.
Now I know I’ve dropped a pound or two.
And her comment was you have gone from a b to an a cup now dad,cheeky bugger.
Rose,
Please don’t leave the group….we’re stronger together……you are one of us and we help each other through. When some of us are down there is always someone to offer you a hand out of the swamp.
You’re not weak….you’re going through this bloody awful time ……and you’re still here. You are Tony’s strength now……and you are still going on and getting though the oh so hard days…
Don’t give up……we all understand……We want you here……don’t leave, we will all miss you and your thoughtful posts that cheer us up.
Things can only get better Rose…hang on in there….with us. Xxxxx
Thank you that is so kind.
He is has been quite a bit perkier today.
We have been out twice today
First time I carried him and second time I carried him and then he wanted to get down. So I placed him down on the pavement and he shot off across the road and into someone’s back garden!
So I had to go in and get him back.
Sadly, his chin is quite swollen and he has some difficulty eating. However, each meal is a taster meal. Different pouches opened for him to try.
He snores, belches and dare I say it, farts. Still love him!!
He has just got up off me and is exploring a different part of the house xx
I love her sense of humour xx
Hi,
I don’t think I have seen you post before. Please can you let me know your first name if you are ok to share.
Thanks
Siobhan
X
Gosh, thank you so very much.
That is so kind xxx
Hi all,
I have been sat here reading all your words to each other and it has made me realise that this forum is the best thing since sliced bread.
Everything i have read…apart from the wine…i dare not start down that road as yet, i don’t know if i could stop and i have a job i cannot afford to lose.
Like many of you, my cooker has not seen the light of day for quite a while now. My Colin…21st july last year, my heart broke. I have no one to cook for, both children are grown and have their own houses, it is just me and Brian(the cat) now. I have just had my second birthday without him, this isn’t how it is supposed to be. I said this to my friend. I said, we were supposed to live the rest of our lives together.
She said something that hit my heart so hard, it was almost physical pain. She said
" You did not get the chance to live the rest of your life with Colin, but he got to live the rest of His life with you."
Oh my God, did that not hit home.
Sending hugs to all.
Nicky
Goodnight everyone
The co-codamol seem to be knocking me out
Love and hugs to you all
Liz x x
Night night Liz talk tomorrow sleep tight.
Ronxx
Night liz, sleep well.