Hi Nala I know exactly how you are feeling, I lost my husband 14 weeks ago and I feel guilty I should have fought more because I do feel he was failed in his care.
I’m here anytime you want to talk
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The swamp has me firmly by the ankles and is pulling me down. I am feeling guilty as I have changed our car and had our lounge decorated, I had no qualms about doing this and felt Ray was telling me to do it but once it was done I feel as though I am erasing him. Our daughter says that he would be pleased with what I have done, it is the first time in all our 52 years together I have done something without consulting him. Sorry for rambling.
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We are coming for you Jane,I bought new bedding and sought advice whether to put it on the bed,so know how you feel,I was told your bedding won’t last forever and will eventually need to be changed,I think the same applies to your car and decorating,they wouldn’t last forever,I think your husband would agree,rope on its way.
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It’s a good thing to do. We are stuck with the life we have got, even though it isn’t what we wanted or expected. Instead of always thinking of what we have lost, eventually we have to think of what we still have left. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, today is all we have, and we should/must make the best life we can.
It is what I would have wanted my husband to do if I had gone first and I know that he would have wanted the same for me.
I know exactly how you feel, each bank account and utility bill that is changed to my sole name feels like he is being gradually erased and deleted. I still wake up every morning and feel that punch in the face, and I still go to bed and night aching for him.
But I also know that I have to get on with it. I refuse to let the grim reaper take my life as well as my husband’s. Only one of us died that day, I often wish it had been me. But I would not want my wonderful husband to be feeling this pain instead of me.
Onwards and upwards. Xx
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Such wise words @Willow112
I’m struggling a bit this morning. I don’t know why but it’s grey and gloomy outside
I woke up tearful.
Maybe because I’d been dreaming of him
But I don’t want the dreaming to stop.
Its all I’ve got of him now
That and my memories
Hugs to everyone x x
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Thank you Ron, I think the final straw yesterday was taking Ray off the Electoral Roll.
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Sending you a hug 
I went to bed in tears last night as I do most nights and I hate it.
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I know it’s like Willow said deleting them one piece at a time,someone once said you are very precious now because you are now the only keeper of all those precious memories, made me sad and proud at the same time.
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Thankyou
Hugs definitely needed today
Big hugs back
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Thank you for your wise words Willow the Electoral Roll was the final straw for me. It is a horrible gloomy day here again, I am at our daughters for a few days so I will have good company. Our grandson turns 20 on Monday it is the first of the firsts so I hope I can hold myself together , it will be the first family meal out since Ray died.
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Morning Liz.
The nights are drawing in,there’s a chill in the air winter is on its way,it’s going to be a hard one for us this year,and if we all stick together and have an occasional laugh we will pull through,Mrs Morecambe and I will have to find some new material though.
Many hugs Ron.
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I am sending you all hugs i have my 3 year old grandaughter today. So keeping me occupied. I hope we all find peace soon its what our other halfs would want for us,just as we would have them if things where in reverse.
Hugs jo xxxxx
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Thankyou @Ron11
Yes it’s going to be a long cold lonely winter.
But we will get through it.
We will keep each other up
It’s comforting to know there’re people here who really understand, and really care
Many hugs
Liz x x
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Thanks for the hug Jo.
I really need it today
Sending one back
Love Liz x x
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Ty Liz I think its those we tend to miss , i know i do , i love a good hug xxx
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Not rambling.
I recently had to make a couple of decisions so I understand.
It is so new to us and another part of the firsts.
Sending a big hug.
Rose xx
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Here for you.
Big hug xx
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I have to get someone out to look at my roof but I’m really worried about doing this without the help off steve
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Morning every one.
Just been reading the posts.
I could have writttn them all my self
I too have had to what felt like erase my Sam out of my life like he was never here.
If he could walk through our door he would say where is my car? Who cut the trees down who has been cutting the lawn.Where is my bank card why is my account closed.
Who took my name off the dentists list?
Many many other things and honestly it just breaks me up
I have no children but he had not that they bothered with him when he was alive.
I simply don’t want those toxic selfish people
In my life especially now.
I have to think about me now and get on with my life such as it is…
I know how difficult it is for us all.
This is my grim weekend again and it comes
Around like clockwork.
Dragging me down got me talking to myself
wandering around our home recalling just about
every thing we ever did.
Do you know though it not getting better it’s worse and I can’t stop it.
I am feeling dreadful and I know it is the same for us all.
Comfort and many hugs Doreen x
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Hi Pam, it’s really daunting isn’t it! I too have various jobs that need attention in the house and apart from not having my husband Damien to discuss with, I constantly worry about how to cover the cost of things. I’m sure many are in the same position, and when you’re grieving it seems overwhelming. Sending lots of love to you - hope it all goes ok! xx
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