Forgot to mention I am a believer in signs. Xxx
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If it wasn’t for being on here and part of this community. I would have thought I was on my own, with this awful sadness and grief. Everyone on here has known true love, found their person and sadly lost them. What we feel is real. We share and support one another. I am truely grateful for the people on here.
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Morning everyone. Sending love 
and hugs 
to you all.
I promised myself I wouldn’t inflict my feelings on you any more, but the problem is I’ve got no-one else I can “off load” to.
I know we’re all in the same boat but I think I’ve fallen out of it and I don’t want to swim anymore.
Floods of tears every morning. I’ve tried to stop them but they just come. I lost my lovely Bill on June 26th this year, after almost 10 years of marriage, and I’m feeling worse every day. I loved him so much and feel that most of me went with him that day. All I want to do is sit and watch tv all day, although I know I should be getting on with things like cleaning, washing etc etc. I can’t get into a routine any more. Every time I sort out my evening meal the tears begin again because I remember how Bill used to love cooking and trying out new things and that’s never going to happen again. I exist on ready meals or something simple like fish and chips that I can just stick in the oven for 20 minutes.
I knew losing Bill would be difficult but guess I wasn’t prepared for just how hard it was going to be.
I’m left with a nice house and all the lovely things we bought to make it a home, but without Bill to share them with there doesn’t seem much point. Bill would probably lovingly tell me off for being like this but try as I might I can’t help it, I miss him soooooh much.
Bill’s daughter lives about an hour and a half away so she phones me every evening. I can’t tell her how I feel’ cos although it was her dad it’s different for her and she has her own family. She said, the other evening, “you sound a bit down”. If only she knew. I’d been doing a bit of tidying up in the garden and got upset when I remembered how Bill and I had sat outside filling the pots with bulbs and plants. Some had not survived and I had to empty the remains which totally choked me up 
.
I have to go to a funeral of a very close friend tomorrow - in the same church that Bill’s funeral was held, so I’m not looking forward to that.
I’m so sorry to go on and lower the mood but I think my “get up and go” has “got up and gone” and it feels like it’s never coming back 'cos at the moment I don’t even want it to.
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So sorry Harriet.
I totally understand objects, places, activities, etc stirring up memories
that bring tears.
I can do some gardening but some parts of the garden or particular activities bring memories and tears. So I stop and go inside.
Cooking is the same. I have not yet felt able to cook a roast.
I am sure there are many people who understand and experience the same reactions.
It is so hard and upsetting.
We understand. We wish we had the solution for you and ourselves.
As you know, people on this site people are kind and supportive so no apologies needed.
Sending a very big hug,
Rose xx
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Morning Harriet.
There are many hands hanging over the side of the boat to pull you back in,
Lots of things trigger our memories I guess the trick is to control them,I hadn’t found that key yet,I thought I was having a reasonable day yesterday and then bang down again,I survived on ready meals for weeks it’s only recently started to cook again.
One step at a time friends here really do care.
RonXxxxx
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Hi Dot1
Its going to be there all the time. I did throw some things out then put them back. But am only keeping now the things she wore that I knew she did. There are 2 fluffy house coats may get one made into custions for the bed. As its under the pilliow. Work very difficult but abit of a distraction. But when I stop I whatever I am doing it all comes back to meand I find myself crying and asking the same questions why. I do understand its overwhelming and not right x
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I got a cushion made from one of my husband’s favourite jumpers and have it on the bed. A nice small comfort but the tears still come every day. I’ve even put more photos up around the house which has helped me stop scrolling through my phone so much. The pain is so much and feel totally alone without him. Hugs to everyone xx
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Everything I do and everywhere I go makes me think of my husband. Yesterday was a good day - I was busy putting up pictures on the wall, something we had discussed together. But then I wanted to discuss them with Jon and reminisce … I did in my head but I cried as well. It is all so lonely …
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I have a cushion with Steve’s photo on it and a teddy bear made of his clothes on my bed
I really miss him and it give me comfort at nightb
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Hi @hazd
Yes I’m afraid it is all very lonely now.
Even in company you can feel lonely
Thats why this forum is so important.
We all understand and are all here for each other.
Sending a big hug
Liz x x
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Good morning everyone
I Just want to say I’m here and I’m thinking of you all.
I know Sunday is a bad day for a lot of you.
Mines a Friday
Sending lots of love, hugs, understanding and strength
Liz x x
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Hi Pam that sounds nice. I think I will get a cushion done. I am also finding everything hard too. My heart bleeds and we seem to be the only ones on here to know how it feels x
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I am also getting a cushion and teddy made with some if his favourite things.
Ty Liro i hate Sundays its 21 weeks today aa I am typing this the tears are pouring.
Omg what i would give to go back in time.
Hugs Jo xxx
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Morning Liz.
Hope the sun is shining where you are,an expert told me it’s the right time to prune roses,having never done it before and having what looks like a medieval bit of torture kit in my hands off I go,wish me luck.
RonXxxx
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Hope you manage to keep your fingers away from the blades. It will be difficult to type on here otherwise.
Xx
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Hello Everyone
Ron, please tell us how you get on with your pruning!
Saturdays are particularly difficult for me - I cry inside …
Hugs to everyone
Hazel x
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Hi Ron
Yes I’ve got to do mine. I’ve got some buds just about to open, so I’ll let them flower first
Yes please be careful of the secateurs, they can be lethal and sharp, as I’ve found out.
Its the rose you cut not your finger 
Have plasters ready
Liz x x
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I am do sorry as I am in the same position even after 23 months. No one really can help although they suggest all kinds of things but I am sorry to tell you that for me none work although I try to keep a smiling face for other people even strangers I meet. Trying hard but some days I am so overwhelmed with memories I am paralysed and do nothing except walk my dog who is my saviour and this does help because one has to give them what they need as they do help you. Perhaps getting a rescue dog may help as they need you and they know your pain too:broken_heart:
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Now that was an ordeal,no-one told me it’s best to wear gloves.
The neighbours must have thought there was a lunatic in my garden doing some bizarre American Indian trible dance,a constant stream of ooh and ah mixed in with some disturbing expletives,I still have all fingers an thumbs intact but quite a few tiny rivers of blood running down my hands.
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Morning everyone
Well I usually come on here with a dose of humour and positivity but for the first time in a while I have ended up in the swamp and need a hug.
My man friend is becoming more demanding and every time I am with him it just makes missing my husband worse, to be honest I feel lost, without a compass.
It takes so much effort when you are alone but equally so much effort in company. I don’t want to live another possible 20+ yrs without someone special in my life but then how can I ever love someone as I did my husband? All I am doing his comparing the 2 of them and it’s opening up the wounds of grieving again. I thought I could move forward (not move on) but clearly I can’t which has thrown me as I don’t know what I actually want any more if that makes sense. Had a good cry this morning to try and release what’s inside of me that needs to come out. This is all so damned hard
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