Christmas cards

Would it be wrong of me to ask family and friends not to send me Christmas cards this year?Maybe ask them to donate to charity instead?Christmas isn’t happening with me this year and I need to get through it the best way I can.

hi Jill.
I dont know,but I told my mum and brothers I do not want any or presents .I told them not send birthday cards or presents.As ive nothing be happy or merry about.i wont be sending any either.sorry if that dont seem right,it feels right to me .

Hi,Ian,I just want 2 normal days.I know that will be hard but I will be on my own with my thoughts but it’s only 48 hours.It’s hard for your family but they have to respect your wishes. x Jill

I think its perfectly reasonable jill.
My sister is taking my daughter to a party on new years eve whilst I work. I am going to collect my daughter at 11.30 pm and have told my sister I’m not going into the party, im not saying happy new year to anyone and she is to let my daughter out to meet me at my car.
Its feels awful but it’s how I feel. I will celebrate xmas and share xmas cards but only for the sake of my daughter. If it was just me I wouldn’t. We cant help how we feel x

Christmas will be difficult, as my Mum only passed 8 weeks ago. Within an hour of getting up this morning I was in tears.
How about letting the cards come, but if they are difficult you could always pop them away. I’m going to put only a small amount of decorations up, but I doubt anything will lift how I feel. I shall buy Christmas gifts, as I know I will receive a few through the post. (For decades, the gifts have been very cheap and iffy. It’s the thought that counts. )
I shall focus on cooking a meal, followed by a walk and perhaps something will be on TV. However, if it’s old classics on TV that will trigger memories too. Perhaps, a book is the best idea, if I can somehow get the concentration.
I have never known anything as sad. And I don’t think I’ve ever felt so lost. I fear it might take years to get over this grief.

I wonder every day how I’ve got through this so far. I think our bodies are amazing to cope with this trauma. When you think we lived with our mums and shared our lives with them, its amazing we are surviving. X

Do we ever get through this grief though?What do we do with our lives?I just don’t know at the moment.It’s all too soon for me

Of course it is jill and you lost your life partner. Daffy and I lost our mums which is a different type of loss.
I’m sure we all will get through but I think we will always be very different people. I survived life without my dad purely because I had my mum.
Without her it’s a huge struggle x

The effect of the upset/ trauma on our bodies is a big worry. I have suffered Chronic Fatigue in the past after major life events. Yesterday, I felt like my heart was attached to a brick and it feels like it often. A heavy heart.
We’ve got to grieve, but somehow we need to not make ourselves totally ill in the process. If that is possible.

Any type of loss is horrible x

We keep going until, we realise that the days are not so sad and bleak. It’s going to take time. I think we forever miss our loved ones.

I’ve got a full on Xmas and NYE. I’m doing it for the kids and I think I’ve gone the other way where if I plan lots I won’t think and then it won’t hurt. I’ll let you know how that pans out.

I am dreading NYE the most. We are going to a party but I think around midnight I will sneak off somewhere quiet. I don’t want to go. But my husband and kids want to go. So I’ll go but disappear at midnight I think. Xmas is at my cousins. She has a house full. I’ve told dad who is staying there too that we will sneak off for a long walk together. I fear I’ll probably just drink through it

Jill I think it’s perfectly ok to ask people for a donation. I said to dad just to donate to Macmillan cancer in mums memory instead of spending money on Xmas card. and send everyone an email explaining this is what he had done

I always find New Years Eve emotional, so i have no doubt there will be tears. Maybe, this year I’ll just go to bed!

It’s the thought of a new year a whole year ahead without our loved ones.

I know.Maybe we can have a whole new perspective after January 1st.I had an e mail today from TUI asking me if I am booking up for next year!Didn’t know whether to laugh or cry!

i didn’t send any cards, told everyone i wasn’t doing christmas last year, i did get cards, they really upset me, they went straight in the drawer, the only cards i actually put up were two, one to me from Winston, which was very loving and tender, the words our daughter had printed made me shed buckets, the other was to Ada, my pug from Winston and Eric, our daughter’s pug and tortoise. this year i am a little stronger , although not got to the point of writing any cards yet, so cannot comment on how i am to cope with it.

i found that receiving cards last year was very upsetting and truly emotional for me, some remained unopened, just couldn’t bring myself to see the greeting showing only my name and not Alan’s as well as they did for the time before we were married and the 50 years of marriage. that was far to painful to bear. even the writing on the envelope upset me, to read ‘Mrs’ and not ‘Mr & Mrs’, this still upsets me.

so in answer to tour question Jill, tell your friends and family that this year, at least, you’d prefer it if they did not send you a card. what i told people that if they preferred, they could make a donation to Alan’s chosen charity, this was were his funeral donations were sent. and they record future donations to his memory. i don’t know if your husband had a favourite charity, wither way you could suggest they do that.

hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today


Thanks Jen,I appreciate that.It would be hard enough writing out cards with just my name on it but I have to send one to my daughter.She has been such a great help to me .Things weren’t always so good between us when Rob was alive because she didn’t like him much but things are better now. Jill x

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Hi Jill I don"t know if this helps. I lost my lovely Ron 3 years ago but it could be yesterday. When I write any cards I always put my name and Ron"s name and I always add my Angel in the sky and all the family and friends love it. No way will I ever just put my name . I know my Ron would love me doing this and he will always be included and never ever forgotten, Love and hugs to you. xx Carol. xxx


You are so right Jill. Losing someone we love and cherish, breaks our hearts. No matter the relationship, we are never the same. When I lost my beloved Mom in 2012, I had my sweet Sister by my side. We continued to celebrate holidays and birthdays, in memory of our Mother, who always enjoyed the festivities so much. Then in 2018, my Sister was taken too. Both died of cancer. I no longer wanted to think about birthdays or Christmas/NY after losing now two of my loved ones. At work we gives cards on birthdays. I approached my boss privately to say I was not up to receiving a card anymore, She proceeded to preach to me that “birthdays are a gift, and you should thank God you are having another one.” The last thing a grieving person needs is a sermon.
I think we need express our needs, but also protect ourselves, Be aware that not everyone will understand. and may even become defensive and hurt us more. To me, every day is the same, Christmas, birthdays lost their meaning without the people who brought me such joy. Thinking of you all, as we face another Christmas without our greatest gifts, the ones we love. :broken_heart: Xxx Sister2

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