100% correct when it the right time you will know it but it will never be easy, I did keep some small things that will for as long as I hang around stay hanging up wherever I am, favourite bobble hat mitts and scarf (Hazel made them) her favourite pair of sandals and boots and lastly her gardening hat and gloves.
Not much for 52 years together but it is all I need as her memory will never fade and unfortunately neither will the grief.
They say that the level of grief corresponds directly to how much you loved the person the way I feel I must have really loved Hazel.
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Johnr.i have my beautiful gorgeous late wife sues rings and a lock of sues and my hair intertwined with each other in a neck tube .it gives me closure
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Well today I am on the home run, started on the last of things to clear out and that is bedding and towels, H seemed to like to collect duvet covers I did not realise how many we had along with sheets and pillow cases, personally I hate duvet covers pain in the neck to put on and duvets never seem stay in place inside them so they are going, as they are not personal items so they are in black bags but even so there were quite a few tears as I remembered wrestling the beastly things on with H and as we have super king duvets it was a real wrestling match to be honest it was hard enough us both fitting the things alone it is far to hard.
Towels will be the last thing to go, some of these brought on even more tears and reflective moments as we used to buy towels wherever we went on holiday so they really brought back the happy memories but we have far too many so have to go.
Tomorrow they all go to the recycling centre.
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This made me chuckle this morning John. Jackie was the same.
Enough duvets, covers, sheets, pillows and towels to furnish a small hotel.
I have got rid of a few of the duvets and covers, mainly the Super King size ones as I have downsized to a King size.
I discovered towels everywhere around the house, so put them all into a chest of drawers. Some look brand new.
I prefer duvets and found the King size a lot easier to put on than the Super King.
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Glad I made you chuckle it is something we all deserve occasionally.
I do not know about a small hotel I reckon we could have supplied a hotel chain with towels and bedding but mostly going today, all duvet covers most sheets and pillow cases and enough towels to stock a Dunelm Mill store personally I have moved to coverless duvets and will buy a new washing machine to go with the almost new heatpump drier.
One of the greatest learning points from losing Hazel has been that 90% of what is in various drawers, cupboards and other hidey holes around the house is full of stuff most of which has been accumulated over the years and will never be used.
A trip to Dunelm mill was always an adventure the minute the dreaded red tag or sticker was seen that was another cubic metre of storage space required.
I did not realise how much space we had in the house until I undertook this task.
A final note, Hazel never did really fully understand what was squirrelled away in my double garage which is next on the hit list. 
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Same here as found wrestling with the king sized duvet just too back breaking. Have downsized to a double, but it’s still a whole mornings work doing the bedding. Folding sheets! How on earth does one do it alone - think I pick up more dirt in the folding than before they were washed! We miss our lived ones for so many reasons.
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No , my husband died in 2021 and I still have most of his things. I do use some of them and I wear his clothes so it isn’t like I am making a museum of his things. I just think it helps to keep the house ‘our house’ because I promised him it would always be our home even if he wasn’t around to see it.
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I agree … moving and removing things for me would make our house sterile, empty and be tantamount top removing my beautiful wife from our home. Can’t and won’t do it.
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& S198, Entirely your choice there is no right way or wrong way to approach this it is a completely personal decision and we all do what is right for ourselves.
I personally was finding being surrounded by all Hazel’s things a torture I have kept some items that are a permanent reminder of H and these will stay with me until my time is up and I have a large canvas picture of H on the wall beside my bed so H is the first and last thing I see every day additionally her ashes are on the mantlepiece along with her picture.
None of what I have done was easy and did cause me a lot of grief but as I am likely to be downsizing it would have needed to be done sometime.
I feel the same level of grief as anybody who has lost a life partner going though the same stages of grief some days better than others but mostly not the best but that is the pain we suffer for the love we have lost.
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John
Do you mind me asking about the canvas picture of your wife?
Did you commission a painting or use one of those apps that turn photos into artwork?
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@JohnF … absolutely. Apologies, I was not questioning others in the approach they take. And I understand what you say and mean. There are times when I see my wife’s things about, or I notice something that I had forgotten or not seen for a while and it sets me off.
I think I am seeing that however each tries to deal with this awful thing, there is one common thing: it is painful and enduring for all. Hard decisions and actions need to be made whilst dealing with the worst, most catastrophic, unimaginably painful event in one’s life. I knew it would be bad…… but it turns out it is many times worse than that in reality.
Being able to talk to and listen to similarly affected people provides some solace. I am glad I joined this group in that respect.
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I know how you feel,
Just when I thought I was starting to get used to being on my own, tonight hit me hard. I’m having a complete meltdown—I can’t stop crying. All I can think about is my wife and how much I miss her. I’m not even sure what set it off—maybe something on the TV, or just a sudden thought—but the feeling is so overwhelming that I just can’t stop myself. I just wish we could have spent more time together.
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And that’s just fine. My first post here but the one I’m sure is right . I’m earlier in grief bit in my heart I know, I’m going to hold onto what
I need around me and that’s the right thing for me.
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No need to apologise, as I said we all deal with our grief in our own way I may be lucky that Hazels possessions did not have the same meaning to me as some feel for their partners but it was still a difficult thing to do.
I struggle more with the memories, I have only been out once for a meal since Hazel left us and had to leave early as I could not handle the empty chair next to me, every time I go out in the car I cry as as I look at the empty seat next to me once I retired it would be a very rare occasion for me to go out by myself we were inseparable.
Hazel was a big crafter knitting sewing patchwork quilting in fact almost any form of crafting (I used to dread going into charity or craft shops) Hazel could not bear to part with anything that may have been usable for her many crafting journeys there were enough old clothes and material for five lifetimes in fact when I took her clothes into my local Sue Ryder shop the comment was there was enough to clothe the whole town and that was the first visit of three with my “estate” car fully loaded.
I miss Hazel terribly and to many what I have done would be considered premature but everything I have done has been to try and make life easier for myself to make life more bearable trust me there are still many things that set me off I only have to look at the garden and I imagine Hazel kneeling down weeding, or look at the Batik that I bought and framed for her birthday three weeks before Hazel was diagnosed with terminal cancer in late 2022 even the simple act of cooking a meal that we both liked sends me into floods of tears, yesterday was a great day when I took the wheelchair I bought one week before Hazel left us thinking Hazel would be coming home to the charity shop.
I looked after Hazel for the last two and a half years of her life and watched her fade away until the end came last March, there is nothing that I have disposed of that mean as much to me as the memories I have and the love I felt for Hazel.
Please take these ramblings as purely my own, there is only one thing we all have in common and that is grief we all feel what is probably the deepest grief you could ever feel, I have lost parents grandparents and even a brother who took his own life but nothing prepared for grief of this level and I am sure that it will never leave me but I like everything else in life I have to work with it as nothing that has happened in the past can be changed I need to look to the future and make life as bearable as possible for what is left of my time on this earth, I know this is what Hazel would have wanted me to do but it still hurts like hell.
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Welcome to the world of kindred spirits.
I totally agree 100% with what you have said, what is right for you is right and there is no way around that you will do what you need to do when the time is right for you and nobody else.
Stay with the forums join in and share your experiences, the wonderful people here are probably the only people who fully understand the reality of what you are going through as we are all suffering the same grief, there are no theories just real life experiences and it defiantly does help to chat to others in the same situation.
So please do join in.
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I lost my wife in December 24, and have been thinking of clearing her cloths away, i dont feel i need to hold on to them. I hear people leaving them all in situ for years, but i dont understand this. My memories are the thoughts, pictures and videos
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Sorry for your loss.
My wife passed on the 8th March 2025 and all her clothes minus a few I am keeping are out of the house. My children and grandchildren took what they wanted and the rest went to a local charity.
The thing is though, while we all have suffered a devastating loss, we can all have different ways of ‘dealing’ with it. The main thing is to do what you think is right for you.
Take care
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Hi, I’ve just ordered 2 canvass prints of Sue at Max Spielmann. Went into the shop and downloaded 2 pictures from my phone. Should be ready to collect this afternoon, but told them it will be next week when I am back in Alnwick.
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Johnr is exactly right. You do exactly what seems right to you.
I am finding letting things go easily if I can give it to someone who knew my lovely husband but almost impossible in most other circumstances. I think if Phil’s clothes were in the same wardrobe as mine, I might be inclined to move them sooner. As it is I don’t see them unless I deliberately open the door to look (or sniff for aftershave smells!).
Two things have helped me. One was the suggestion, if you are not sure, box it up and decide what to do with it later. The other was a charity offering people the opportunity to borrow interview outfits for people who didn’t have the money to kit themselves out. I managed to part with two suits, shirts and ties that way.
I am sure of one thing. I am just going to do what feels right to me.
Phew…first post done!
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It took me two years to sort out my gorgeous beautiful late wife sues clothes out but there are still some things to sort through but I know that the clothes are going to a friend who is a church minister for the charity they run in Africa. I know sue would be extremely pleased with what i did
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