@Antoinette Oh goodness, I’m sorry to hear you have been through so much loss in your life. It is so sad that you weren’t told when your father died - I suppose people thought this was a way of protecting a child, but it’s really important to be honest with children and give them a chance to grieve properly. You can absolutely write about all of these things on this forum if you find it helpful.
We have some instructions for starting a new conversation here: https://community.sueryder.org/pub/help-using-this-site#new-conversation It’s also possible for me to take the second post that you wrote and make it into a new conversation, if you don’t feel like writing it all out again?