Ahh.Be strong.Every little step we take is huge.x
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Thank you for your strength, itās been a wobbly day today but Iāve got through it. I hope youāve all had a positive day. X
Hello Jeanette
Nice to hear you had a good day Monday with your grandson, they definitely help donāt they? Iām trying not to think of future and xmas itās too difficult ! Iāve had family birthdays and put both our names on the cards. little steps as everyone says , I love your saying every step is huge ! it definitely is.
Take care Ang xx
Been in the mood to sort and clear out .Not my husbands stuff.Just anything and everything I donāt want anymore.Its very therapeutic and time goes by really fast.Hope the rest of your week goes ok.Keep strong.x
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Hello Ang Just to let you know that my lovely Ron passed 3 years ago and after meeting other friends who have lost their partners and my lovely family I am just about coping. But I thought I would say that ever since he went on any cards I have always put our names and then after Ron"s name I always put my Angel in the sky and every one loves it. I will never ever just put my name. My grandchildren who are grown ad family love it and I know if he was here he would love to think his name is still going on. I don"t know if that helps but it really helps me. Love and hugs to you all. xx Carol xxxx
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Dear Ang
I donāt know when I will be able to listen to music again. As Gary was a musician it was part of our lives from day 1. In the young romantic days he wrote me love songs - he played in so many bands and our life was set to music. It was never quiet in our house, the children went to sleep while band rehearsals went on downstairs. Our son writes music too and I can listen to him play an acoustic but that is about it. My radio in the car remains on chat shows. Maybe one day I will be able to listen but I even find I turn off the adverts set to music.
I know what you mean about couples who seem to ignore each other. I went away with my daughter recently and that in the same way was painful - I looked at people and some of them literally sat in silence for upwards of 20 minutes - what a waste. Even after 40 years we had so much to say - we talked about everything all the time - still sitting up talking late into the night sometimes. Yes I still talk to him but the silence is so painful isnāt it.
Take care
Trisha xx
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Hi Carol.Jeanette here.Just to say I liked what you said about still writing your husbands name on the cards and saying that he was your angel in the sky.Thats so lovely.They are our shining lights.x
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Thank you, we all need to keep strong and were all helping each other on this site.
big hugs to all xx
Thank you for the reply,
what a lovely idea Angel in the sky!
my grandson says Grandads gone to stars! I will always include his name. He will always be part of our family.
Take care xx
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Hi Trisha
How lovely your son plays acoustic for you, thatās so special for you a reminder of his dad. Me and Paul always found plenty to talk about even after 43 years together, laughing together at silly things all the time , itās starting to give me comfort that our relationship was so good in comparison to others. However I wanted more years together, as we all did . I really think people take happiness for granted I know I did!
Yes silence is definitely painful.
Take care xx
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Dear Ang
I think we too had something very special. I tend to have a bit of a melt down in the car on the way home from work every night. I pull myself out of it by telling myself that everyone only has a certain quota of happiness allocated to them in their life and we were so happy we used ours up and so many people are not that lucky. It sort of makes me feel better and stops the tears - well most of them.
Take care
Trisha xx
I think your right, we used our allocated happiness up, iām going to treasure that thought, thank you xx
Itās strange how tears fall when alone in the car, I wonder what other drivers think ?
Hope tomorrow is kind to you
Good night x
Hi Ang.Just felt I had to make contact.Feeling a bit low today on the run up to his birthday.But getting lots of hugs from friends at work .Had a little cry .But ok now.Have a good day.x
Hi Trisha
Well I tried this morning to listen to a CD of Brian singing. Havenāt put one on for months. Like your Gary, Brian was in many bands and asked to front other bands if there was a singer out of action. I found scrap books in his cupboards of his early days when he first started. Young men, and I have no idea how many of them are alive today.
Listening to him singing and playing his guitar, hearing his voice was wonderful but Iām afraid it cracked me up and Iāve had a good cry, so Iām still not ready. Perhaps I should play it all day, every day until I can listen without the inevitable meltdowns.
I am beginning to listen to music but there is always a line somewhere that getās to me and the tears come. A couple of weeks ago the allotment had an open day and show and there was some music, a couple with guitars singing. It was too much for me and I fled back to my own plot where I could have a good cry. I have always loved music and it has pulled me through many a sad time but these days, like you, I struggle.
Take care
Pat xx
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Ahh the birthday. Brianās was in May and it was an awful day at first but I went out later with a friend and we had a meal at a pub. I took a framed photograph of Brian and put it on the table with us. I went to a local riverside pub he knew well and used to keep his boat right opposite to where we was sitting. I made it his day once I got through the initial start of the day.
I wonder though when we stop having these reminders. This month is hard as it was September last year when I realised that I wasnāt going to get him through his illness this time. I was losing him. 15th September he struggled to get to an AGM, 18th was the last time he got to his precious allotment and planted onions. 21st the last time he managed to drive the car, 24th the last time he could go to the hospital and he went out. Then there will be the day I lost him in November and then the funeral and then the day we had a small memorial when his ashes were scattered in his grandparents grave. Not forgetting Christmas. Oh hell, Is there no end to all these reminders I begin to ask myself or is it me being oversensitiveā¦ Then I tell myself that everyday is a reminder and itās what we now have to learn to live with.
You too have a good day and best of luck.
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Oh bless you Jeanette, I send you a big hug xx
i found the lead up to my husbands birthday worse that the day itās self!
I hope you and your family enjoy tomorrow and remember all the good times youāve shared together.
Take care
Ang xx
Thank you Ang.Feeling a little better tonight.Looking forward to tomorrow seeing all the family.Hope your weekend goes well.Hugs to you too.x
evening Pat, like you I went through all the firsts, then came 19th May this year, the 1st anniversary of Alanās passing, but the year of firsts wasnāt over, there was the 1st anniversary of his funeral then the 1st anniversary of when his beautiful cockatiel Monty escaped (I firmly believe he had a heart attack and fell into the back garden of a house that was empty and up for sale) he was almost 22, Iāve accepted Montyās passing, yet acceptance of Alanās I clearly cannot, donāt even know if I ever will. anyway, digressing again, was going to say that once I had hit all the first anniversary hurdles I found myself facing another year of anniversaries and whilst people have said the 2nd year is easier, Iām not finding this to be so. oh donāt get me wrong, I do have a little more easier days, although I still have my meltdowns, some are real humdingers.
I have made some progress outwardly, itās the times when Iām on my own that it tends to creep up. i suppose those moments will take much longer to get easier. trying to create a different life is not easy yet something we have to strive towards.
Iāve started to repeat a mantra, which hopefully will become an automatic reaction one day -
hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today
Really proud of how much you have been able to achieve
Take care
blessings
Jen ā
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Re, " coping every dayā¦" I cant get out of this depression, it is part and parcel of the sudden loss of my Richard, my partner of 20 years, we met in our later years " he was 74 when he passed, i am 68ā¦and part of my depression is dealing with my worsening MSā¦All i keep crying out for to Richard is us having our old life back, which was in our happy forever home back in Bedfordshire not the three years when we moved here to Dorset, neither of us was happy hereā¦I know i am asking, begging for the impossible, our old life back but we both had all that we needed and more, a lovely home, a lovely back garden, comfortably secure, three loves of my life dogs, my fur-babies, now all gone, i once had Richard, three dogs, a lovely house and garden, all in a lovely village, where did that life goā¦I would give anything to have that life back again and make every day worth living, not wasting one day of our 15 years that we spent in that houseā¦It was only my MS diagnoses that got me-us to move, oh how i am hating this PP-MS, it messed us both our livesā¦
This isolated and unfriendly parkhome site i am now stuck on is on the for sale market but i will be stuck hear a good year or so before any viewings even take place ( summer holidays is a popular time ) so i am stuck in a place i dont want to be in, a county i dont want to be in, i just want to head back towards home, home is where i belong, not here but, what is my future without Richard, even that doesnāt bare thinking aboutā¦oh i so wish he was still here with me, i am missing him so much, even though coming up to half a year now ( 11 th April ) yet only seems like a month or so when he left this earth for his new forever home with our Godā¦I would still like answers as to why did God take him on that fateful morning-mid-day, as neither of us was expecting that morning was going to be his last day, as if he-we had known this, he would never had gotten in his car to do a half hour drive to take our-his dog to the pet groomers, sadly he died at home in his armchair ( heart blockage ) before he had the chance to go back to collect himā¦I was the one who found him, this will haunt me foreverā¦
Jackieā¦
Jackieā¦
Hi Jackie-Richard,
Iāve read lots of your posts but dont comment because Iāve lost my mum not my partner and itās a different sense if loss to what you are going through.
However, I have experienced the sudden loss of both parents and my dads death 21 years ago was similar to your Richards. He had been out in the car early one saturday morning then come home to grab an hour sleep before a 2 hour road trip to the Kent coast. My mum offered him a cup of tea in bed and when she returned 10 minutes later he was already dead having suffered a heart attack aged 53.
My beloved mum who died suddenly of a brain hemorrhage was in hospital at a routine appointment.
Both incidents were shocking, sudden and have caused me immense loss and grief.
However things could have been so much worse.
My dad could have been on the road an hour later and killed not only himself but other road users. My mum could have had her brain hemorrhage the following day and my daughter or I would have found her on the floor or dead in bed.
As much as I cang understand either loss I am grateful that both died without knowing or suffering.
You found your Richard which has scarred you, but his heart blockage could have happened on route to the vets, or walking round the supermarket.
Iām not undermining your loss as believe me, I have cried every day now for 15 weeks and living without your beloved partner must be so hard.
Iām just trying to be grateful that the way they passed was a blessing and that it may bring comfort to you much further down the line. Iām not religious but I do believe things happen for a reason x
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