Coping with grief at Christmas


We know that this is a particularly difficult time of year for our members. Whether it’s your first Christmas without someone, or you lost them many years ago, you might find that your grief is more intense throughout the holiday season. If you’re struggling to cope with the sadness, anger or any other emotion brought up during this time, we have an article that might be helpful:

Please do keep reaching out for support from the community too; you are not alone.

Take care,


This will be my first Christmas without my wee wifey. She passed on to glory in February. People are saying the 1st the worst… I don’t know how I’m going to cope. I did not realise what all my wife knew. What peoples sizes are. How’s a man to know these things(a wee bit of a joke) Come the new year I will hopefully hear back from the hospital that she was in. I’ve lodged a complaint as they knew back in October 21 that my wife was suffering from lung cancer. We found out in January. I was even told 5 days before she went to get her wings that the hospice would not be taking her in as she was NOT DYING QUICKLY ENOUGH. I know find that her family have turned their backs on me. What else can go wrong

Thank you for sharing, @Blueman, I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. We know that the first Christmas can be especially difficult. There’s a thread talking about the first Christmas after losing our loved ones here: Christmas where you may find some ideas for getting through it, as well as some support.

Take good care,

Thank you. I will look at what you recommended. Talking on here does help me as even though I have a wonderful supportive family I don’t want to talk to them about my feelings as they are hurting too.

Seaneen, this is my second Christmas. Last year, I still seemed so busy that I got through it somehow. This year from 1 December, I seemed to regress. All over the place. My local hospice, has a drop jn bereavement group, once a fortnight. The next meeting is due to take place mid January. This seems a long time ahead. I am waking again in the night. I switch the radio on. I listened to a program on grief. They kept talking about letting go. How can I do this? Can you recommend any really good practical books, with advice.
I do not have family nearby. I do not have the closeness of friends, who understand bereavement and grief. I probably need further counselling, as feel I am getting worse, not better. My husband’s death was sudden. I was left with a lot of complex admin, etc. It has been said to me, that because I had to deal with all that, I didn’t process the death at the time and its happening now. Would ‘letting go’ help me and how do I do this. I want to move forward, its not for the lack of trying. I just seem stuck in floods of tears and self pity. I am spending Christmas alone, partly thanks to Mick Lynch. That does not help. Any advice would be most welcome. PS my husband died July, 2021. Thankyou.

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Seaneen, the program was ‘Something Understood, Letting Go’ by Mark Tully. Thanks

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Hello @Gonegirl01

After I lost my husband in Nov 2021, I found a book by Megan Devine called ‘It’s OK that you’re not OK’ very helpful. She was a counsellor and experienced the loss of her partner so has been through it.

If you search ‘Refuge in Grief’, she also has twitter, facebook and instagram sites.

I remember in her book she talks about the difference between pain and suffering. The pain of loss will never go away, but how we can try to reduce suffering.

I hope it may help…take care x

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Hi @Gonegirl01, thank you for reaching out. I hope you can lean on the community over Christmas - we’re all here for you.

I haven’t heard this programme, but we have a support page called, “How long does grief last?” which sounds it like talks through some similar things. It says,

But the goal is not to move on. Your grief is not something that can or should be ‘fixed’. The goal is to find a way to live with and cope with your feelings. You may eventually come to a point where your feelings of grief are a reminder of the person, and that in itself can be a source of comfort.

Our Online Bereavement Counsellors have made a list of book recommendations to help you through grief. You can find them here:

I hope there is something there that can offer you the practical help you’re looking for right now. Maybe our members will have some ideas, too.

Take good care,