I know it sounds a daft question but can you put a time frame on when you think you last saw your passport etc. It may help you work out what was going on at that time and how Creep managed to get in. It’s such a difficult situation and I’m amazed at how well you are handling it.
You are right about the garden, I’ll just have to do bits at a time as I tend to go off on a tangent and then get overwhelmed. I’m trying to do it for Mum cos she hated mess, but every so often I get these nagging “what’s the point” feelings.
I can see why you’d have the thoughts you describe about Xmas. We weren’t really Xmas celebration oriented so it’s not something We miss in that sense, but there are certain things we’d do at Christmas which I do bother about as the time is getting closer. If you can’t decide on what to do with the ornaments don’t do anything, it’s much better than making a bad decision.
Its been a week since Zoe drank out of the stream and was poorly and I cant get any response from the local council on whether there was any updates on the algae in the park so I managed to find an App that people submit photos of possible algae growth to and then they get assessed and the relevant councils are informed. Something is better than nothing.
It will be 6 years since I lost my Husband on the 6th October. Keep pushing the date back mentally, but seeing as I’m not a magician it will happen anyway. Time is weird since loss I think. It’s not the same as before.
Colder whether is getting to me a bit as the other night I wax in bed at 10pm with a hot water bottle!
Are you managing to take good care of yourself Christine. I’m not. I just seem to have given up. I don’t sleep when I should, I can’t stop eating but I’m not hungry and it’s all junk food stuff, etc, I could go on but you know what I mean.
I haven’t done ant crafts for long time either. I shod try a bit harder really.
Hi Tina,
Just a quickie to say hi and let you know I’m feeling a lot better. You’ll have read about my antics in the loft today. I am so buggared! But pleased I made headway after leaving it for so long. Check out my blog too. Creating A Working Environment (mrxstitch.com)
It’s like I know I’m doing stuff but feel so detached from it I’m like a robot, going through the motions without being present. But I have made a good start on new textiles so have a pile of hand sewing waiting for me before I can move onto the next stage. Had to order more pins I’ve done that much work.
Have a swim booked for tomorrow after a blood test so a busier day than usual. Booking things in my diary means I push myself to achieve it. Ticking it off is better than letting myself down. It’s a strange way of getting through the week. I’m always relieved when Friday comes round because I can enjoy Gardners World and Gogglebox.
My new thing on You tube is watching tent and van living, especially in the rain. Really tranquil. I love the rain. Being tucked up in bed while watching someone watching a storm is quite soothing.
Hope Zoe is ok and improving. Poor thing. She’s always up to mischief in one way or another. Porsch is making a right racket having a wash. She’s so noisy! She loves the tissue paper bed I made up for her but I can hear her every time she moves. She is always scratching despite having flea treatment and I just sprayed the house the other day. It’s with going out in the garden.
Just read your post. I totally get that ‘what’s the point in doing anything’ feeling but I’ve found to be busy gets me through the day quicker. Planning small chunks of anything means I can achieve something. Like moving the rocks up the garden. I haven’t done anymore because the creep has been home. He was pounding on the wall the other night and I really don’t know why. I assume it’s another form of getting attention. If you read my reply to Suzanne I explain about having had the passport 10 years ago before the creep moved in and then it being missing after he carved out that hole in the loft wall and getting in my house through the ceiling hatch. There is no other explanation. But of course I don’t have proof.
I managed to move mams xmas houses and didn’t get upset like I was thinking I would. It’s strange not reacting in the way I think I will. I just felt empty and disconnected again. You are right in not making any decision. I might take them out of their boxes and group them together so I can sit in the loft and feel close to her. I always set them up on top of the sideboard with fake snow and little people sledging with fairy lights to give a xmas glow. It’s just so sad thinking how much she loved those things. They were precious to her. I’m getting upset now so I’ll stop.
Just a thought, you could join the nextdoor neighbour online thing in your area to check for postings about the stream for Zoe. It’s another thing to try. Can’t remember how I came across it now. Try googling it for your area.
Time is certainly a strange reality now. The dread of an anniversary and then the impact of the day is something like a car crash. Six years is a long time but will also feel like it’s just happened. I think because we cannot process trauma we try to hide from it, distract ourselves. But our lives will always be defined by those times. Knowing you’ll get through it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. I’m dreading mam’s first year in Nov. Just can’t believe time has slipped by. How have I got through it? It’s baffling. We battle each day as best we can. Sometimes we cannot win and just have to accept defeat. Other days we have a bit more strength and willpower to do stuff. It doesn’t mean we have ‘moved on’ but are trying our best. I look at the work I’ve just made and don’t know why I did it. It doesn’t mean anything. Mam won’t see it. I can’t tell her about it. I was compelled to create it because I got it down out of the loft and it was easy chunks to do and then put back down. I think doing nothing is harder for me than trying to do something. When I have no focus all I do is think of mam and cry.
Going to find a raining camping vlog. Am I a geek? Not sure. But I do love it. It’s my new thing on a night.
Thanks Suzanne
Usually a bad day Tuesday but feel better already knowing that I have something to look forward to this afternoon.
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
I’ve just looked at the blog you created. It’s amazing. I love the paneling for the storage. That’s so ingenious when you have limited space. It’s a good job you have a loft as well.
I have that Next Door App and started a thread to see if anyone had had any experience of their pets being ill after a walk and there had been 7/8 pets poorly. The council never got back to me so I’ve done all I can to try and find things out and to warn others.
It’s funny you should mention the rain as on TikTok I saw this video of a rain storm over someone’s verandah and it was just utterly mesmerizing. So stress-relieving.
Looking at your photos was intriguing, especially the buttons for some reason. I was just thinking how old they must be and what life they must have seen over the years.
No, the raining-camp thing isn’t geeky. If I feel anxious my stress relief is watching TikTok (and I’ve watched a lot recently!) I start off watching craft videos and then I get hooked on something and you end up down a rabbit hole for the next two hours. At the minute it’s a case of whatever I can do to stop me thinking of things but it’s like a train with no brakes in that it has to crash sometime.
I’m going to go and make something to eat as my eating habits are as erratic as my sleeping habits at the moment.
Hi lovely friends
Had a lovely afternoon and forgot Tuesday is normally my worst day
Got round to seeing Top Gun Maverick and really enjoyed even though not a Cruise fan he has made some cracking films.
After the cinema I got on the tube to the V &A and took in the Africa Fashion exhibition which was very good and well- presented on two floors . First visit there and hope to explore more of the museum again soon!
Here’s some pics I thought I would share , hopefully if any of us are feeling a bit down they will cheer you up
Love and best to you all
Neil x
Thanks for the photos…those outfits are amazing and I love the green dress so much x
I’ve never been to the V&A as like you it never appealed really but maybe need to broaden my horizons next time I’m down x
Like you again not a massive Tom Cruise fan…there is just something I’m not keen on about him but agreed he’s made some decent movies….I liked A Few Good Men, Minority Report and War of the Worlds but think I’m in the minority (pardon the pun) about the last two lol x
What are you up to the next couple of days? anything planned? I’m working but have an online training course tomorrow night as a refresher about sett monitoring for Scottish Badgers…always look forward to learning x
Anyway take it easy and will catch up with you soon x
Love the pics Suzanne . Those doggies
The V and A is mightily impressive when you see the building and it will be several visits before I see everything. I like Sth Kensington station as you can get off and go through a subway which is a short cut to the Natural History museum on the left and V and A on the right. Keep going it’s the Royal Albert Hall. And if it’s raining you dont get wet!.
Just some washing and hoovering tomorrow. It was good to do something different on a Tuesday and its kept me in a good place .
As for Mr Cruise I like Collateral and The Last Samurai . Mission Impossible Fallout another good one. You dont need to have seen the original Top Gun to like this one. A lot of references back to it but they are explained through the film. He always has to run in his films and he does in this too
Anyway speak again soon
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Beki,
I would have expected nothing less! They have to be in amongst it all, making a bed wherever they can, always very inconvenient. My other cat, Mercedes (passed when he was a baby, had a tumour in his chest and we didn’t know) loved it when I made the bed. He’d get under the sheets and I’d waft him like it was waves and he’d go scatty, running around, chasing the sheet as it went up and down. He never wanted it to stop and I’d have to make the bed on top of him and just leave him under there and he’d conk out and sleep.
How many days are you going for and what are the scissors for? I haven’t been on hols on a plane for about 25 years now. Wouldn’t have a clue about weight and what you can/can’t pack. You must be getting excited now. I know it will be tinged with sadness too but take your mam with you in your heart. She’ll enjoy it as much as she always did. Have you sorted someone for the cats? They’ll be feeling so lost without you and when you get back I’m sure they’ll punish you for days! The silent treatment no doubt.
I’m really not getting much done today. Had a man come round from the council to see if a new fence can be put up behind my very old one on the other side of my garden. I can’t take the old one down because of all the attached climbers. So it was nice to get out there for 2 mins. But I have so much to do. It’s sunny here so will probably be warmer than in the house. If I move some logs I’ll feel like I’ve achieved something today so that’s my plan.
Good luck with the packing and I’m looking forward to your updates and pics. Enjoy it!!!
Lots of love xxx
Since when did dogs get so expensive. I know they need feeding and need treatment etc. Think ours was 1000. I didn’t buy it, it’s my brother’s but it makes your eyes water. I don’t know how much a rescue dog is but there are many people that need a dog for a bit of.conpany that may never get the chance. xx
Hi Tina,
Was so worn out yesterday I didn’t get a post done. Those panels for the alcove next to the fireplace were a tenner at the car bootie years ago. Just screwed them to the wall. But a curtain rail with a lovely piece of fabric would do just as well. It really is a good job I can use the loft space for storage of my fabrics as well as seasonal clothes and xmas stuff. Still have to get up there to finish the insulation under the eaves, left over from after the rat infestation. I’ve cleared the space to accommodate new boxes so that’s the motivation for me to get back up there.
You mentioned the life of my lovely collection of buttons. I do love collecting buttons and beads. I got a huge stash from freecycle. A company was closing down and giving away its stock. I got another batch again from another member of the team because I recognised the buttons. My new textiles is waiting to be stitched and after that I will be embellishing. That’s the fun bit, adding texture, depth and colour with buttons, beads, sequins, jewels etc. Mam always accused me ! of being a hoarder because I said she was with her jam jars. It’s my treasure! Some women collect diamonds. I collect buttons!
Watching storms and rain really is mesmorizing. I’ve subscribed to two camping blogs now, very different experiences. The japanese is very high tech with very clever kit. The New Zealand one (I thought he was from the UK) is much more down to earth, less efficient, more laid back and much more blokey! It really is lovely to wind down to for sleep. I’ll try the Tick Tock tonight. Been using You Tube.
Just a thought for your situation with the council and poorly pets, you could contact your MP. I’ve always found them to be really good in all different scenarios. It’s an environmental issue which cannot be ignored. Small children are also at risk. The MP appoints a member of their team to contact the council about the issue and liaise on your behalf. So all they need is detail of what happened and when. As much info as you have. The council must act if the MP is involved. I think the reason the anti social tenents were given behaviour orders was because I threatened to contact my MP and told them I would not put up with their behaviour any longer. It worked. Always worth a try. Google for info and the online form to complete to contact them. All done by email so not as stressful as in person or telephone.
Kisses to Zoe and you too! Going in the garden to move some logs. I was going out there an hour ago and got side tracked.
Lots of love xxx
Been out in the garden moving some brick around. Like you say, it’s far easier in little chunks. It’s freezing everywhere else but like a sun trap in back garden.
I collect sequins and love the one with the rainbow glitter that have the hologram effect. To be honest I used to use them on the sparkly sun catchers that I’d made but it seems pointless now. Plus brother doesn’t like me putting sparkly things up in the garden so I can’t really do anything.
Just going to utilize a bit more of the nice weather and do some more garden work.
Hi Neil,
Soz I didn’t get posting yesterday. So pleased you enjoyed your day. I had been thinking of you out and about. Love the kaftans. The more colour the better I think. Colour and pattern is their strength in design. You should include exhibitions more often when you have theatres booked. Or if the travel is free maybe venture out for a half day to make the most of it and fill your week up. More stuff to look forward to.
I don’t know what it is about Tom Cruise. I’ve never liked him, the poor thing! I don’t even know why. His films are always full of action, like James Bond, but I’m not really into that kind of thing. He does his own stunts too, which is to be admired. Really hurt himself doing a massive jump from one rooftop to the other. He really slammed into it and broke or sprained his leg / foot. He must be getting on now. I’m always quite shocked when actors age, when I haven’t seen them for a while. I’ve got a real phobia about the aging process.
I always love seeing your pics. Love architecture. Really admire the intricate detail of old buildings. I replaced cookery at school with tech drawing and was just baffled by it all. Maths and all that stuff is not my strongest asset. And I was surrounded by very studious geeky boys who didn’t want to chat. I soon replaced that with extra art and was happy.
My day went very smoothly. Got my postal renewal drivers license sent off, got my blood test, had a swim (though the special needs man biting himself, flicking water at the lifeguard, giving me and everyone else murderous looks and beating on his chest as I swam past didn’t put me at ease!) and got parked when I got back.
Just remembered, I liked War of the Worlds. And I remember when he was interviewed about scientology on Oprah and he was jumping on the sofas. Very excitable!
Maybe you could keep your new Tuesday going by returning to the V and A next week. Might make it more bearable because that’s the day which is hardest to bear. Also include your church. Even to pop in and light a candle for mam and dad. Small things really do count. My swims are only half an hour but really impact on my day. Just hope that man isn’t there next time I go to the lido. It would have made me laugh if he wasn’t so scary.
Hope you’re still thriving off yesterday. Have you met the new neighbours?
I’m still trying to get in the garden. Might have a cuppa instead and then finish my loft.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Tina,
I still haven’t got out there so you’re not the only one who gets distracted! Tell your brother to buggar off! No sparkles in the garden indeed! Why does he think he can tell you what to do? Make loads of them for the garden and every window in the house. Pop one in his bed as a surprise!!! Help him to vent his anger. He’s such an angry man. You’ve reminded me to keep the offcuts of fence I was using to help the sweet peas clamber up the tree. They didn’t do well but I could dry the wood out and use them for sparkly dangles. I could decorate the xmas tree I will get for the garden to celebrate mam because I can’t do xmas at all now without her. Thank you for reminding me. I’ll have a look at Amazon this afternoon.
Keep going with a bit of the garden each day if poss. You’ll be amazed at how much you get done and if you photograph as you go like I do it will encourage you to do more. My garden is in such a state but I just have no energy. I had to sleep when I got in after swimming. Check out my post to Neil about the special man in the pool. It will make you laugh!
Going out there now or I never will.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Christine
Glad you had a nice swim .
Yes it was good to get out yesterday . I will be returning soon to the V and A as they have some other good exhibitions on . Got some theatre next two weeks first.
The Top Gun film has been out for about 4months and only just got round to it. Mainly because I had planned my exhibition and the only showing of the film in that cinema this week was yesterday afternoon. With the price of rail fares I try and do two or three things when I go up to London and save a bit of money . Been looking at some of the other museums and galleries to see what they have got on . Good thing about living half an hour away from London is there is so much to do. I was looking at Churchills War Rooms- they charge £26 to go in there. Definitely not paying that.
Looking forward to speaking to my friend later on .
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
x
x
