Hi Rae, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad and the confused emotions you are having. It is understandable that you didn’t have a close relationship with him due to his addictions, but it is still completely normal to grieve. I’m glad that you’ve found this site, as it’s really important to have somewhere you can talk through all of those feelings.
I have found some other posts from people who are grieving people with addictions, or people they had difficult relationships with. These are older posts, so the people who wrote them might not be active on the site any more, but I thought it might be helpful to see what their experiences were:
You might also be interested in this article on the site What’s Your Grief? , called Grieving the Difficult Relationship.
I’m sorry to hear about your daughter’s behaviour problems, and that you blame yourself for these. It’s important to make sure you are getting the right support for yourself so that you are in a good place to support your daughter with this. Are you getting any support or counselling for your pre-existing mental health issues? If not, as Jonathan has mentioned, it is definitely worth speaking to your GP about what support is out there.
You can also use the NHS IAPT scheme to search for psychological therapies in your local area: https://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Psychological%20therapies%20(IAPT)/LocationSearch/10008
If you’re employed, check whether your employer offers an Employee Assistance Programme and what help you might be entitled to under this scheme.
This guide from Mind also offers suggestions on where to start when seeking help with your mental health: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/seeking-help-for-a-mental-health-problem/where-to-start/