I am going through disbelief, in my head im telling myself he left me because i dont want to believe he has gone for good and il.never see him again , makes me sound weird but im not wanting to accept reality, not sure if it makes sense to others , always here for you x
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Yes darling it makes perfect sense to me, i would sooner think hevis still in hospital then except the reality. I know hes gone but if I xan get through 1 hr pretending then thats what I do. Hugs Jo xxx
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I think forgetting about whats happening and being in my own world helps for a little as reality does come up and skelp you in the face when you least.expect it x
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I only went backbto work to distract fromnthe bloody awful feeling, what ivwant to do us stay in bed all day and sleep so it doesnt hurt. I havent decided yet whether i want to live in a world without my wife.
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Please be kind and gentle with yourself! Weâre all here to support you, donât think youâre on your own although I recognise weâre all on our individual paths. Have you got people around you that properly listen and hear what you are saying?? Try to find a tiny little bit of positive each day. It may not work, there may be none but at least itâll give you a focus xx
Thank you Ginger. It really is tough as i dont have children or family around me. I do have some great friends but dont always want to bother them
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Marie I like you are struggling its just over 9 weeks since I lost my husband. But I am sure they walk with us everyday, so for that reason try each day to do something. Its hard the tears come fast. I do have family but i dont see or hear from tbem a great deal. I was told this was my new life something I had to get use too. Hugs Jo xxx
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id love to turn back time so was never ill, and id hold him so tight id never let him go. its 6 months an eternity yet yesterday. im now trying to sort things, starting in loft after getting leaking water tank changed, had to rake some stuff out so all sorted, some tossed out, but there are more to sort and the ones ive done are in room, so getting cluttered again, but most were mine from when i moved here in 1996, but yesterday , what we got down were from an ex long time before me, he was in his 20s then, but they were cards to her with all my love Dave, i was jealous inexplicably, i know he wouldnt have saved them, he never did. its a woman thing he probably didnât know they there, but i found seeing them hard, they got binned. i had a husband befire Dave, i knew about all his other girlfriends until he found me, his soulmate. so why did it hurt so much,. in some wats i guess if hed left id could fight and get him back, just such a strange way to feel. Trouble is it takes me a long time to sort things, i find it exhausting, i stop as if i find his things i cant deal with them i just stop and cry, that includes shredding his bank statements im throwing him away, 28 years together snd i get stopped dead by a few cards Am i going mad? Sorry for rant i dont even know what im trying to say just so exhausted and alone and fed up of people telling me im doing well, how do they know what its like.
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I bet your friends are waiting for you to call them so please do xx
I know how you feel. I sorted our loft out a bit. We were both married before and widowed. There were three wedding albums, his and his first wifeâs, mine and my first husbandâs and ours. I knew they were there, sitting next to each other on a bookshelf. They never bothered either of us. But when he died I couldnât bear to see photos of him happy with someone other than me. I threw them in the bin. I then sorted out his old photos, hundreds of them in Trueprint folders, taken at university, years before I knew him. There were a few of old girlfriends. I was full of rage and jealousy. They went in the bin. Yet I knew they were there all along, and they didnât bother me when he was alive. Because then I knew he loved just me. Mad, what our brains do.
Xx
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I had to go through Andyâs photos etc before the celebration of his life, and found photos of previous girlfriends. Heâd told me about them but seeing them in pictures was very different! They knew him when I didnât, theyâd loved him when I didnât! But I know that despite whatever went before, we were together until the end and his love for me transcended all others 
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I did picture boards for the gathering after the funeral. I sort of found it therapeutic at the time but hard to look at them now.
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Thank you, i kmow i was his last love, the one he told everyone that i was his soulmate, the only one who ever understood and got him, Our song was High by Lighthouse Famiky, he always said we were going to be forever you and me. i wAs with him when he died, it was awful he fought so hard to stay fighting to the end, and after i laid on the hospital bed holding him my arms for as long as theyd let me, talking to him, that vision haunts my dreams, i know was really was his one true love even if i wasnt the first, thats why i cant understand why cards to his x made me so jealous, i had him for 38 years married and 2 years before that. i darent start on photos. even though i know they are mostly of me, as they make me cry. i just miss him so much, wish id gone instead, but i know he wants me to go on, as he had an autustic son who does need me, but id rather have swapped places with him. Hed call me a silly sod for getting upset over silly things. i feel so useless.
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theres no sense to it, no one who not on this road understands, even his of my kids. i get well you were married before and you knew he was, but youre right perhaps it is that they had a part of him we didnt, though i had his final love that is eternal. Thank you i hadnt thought of it like that.
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This whole thing is painful madness
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Ot surr is Marie. Each day proves that. Hugs to us all for today moving forward as best as we can. Jo xxxx
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None of it makes sense.
I keep wondering if he is waiting for me to join him or is he happily reunited with his first wife?
If he is waiting for me, is my first husband also waiting for me? Because I loved him just as much, and for twice as long. If it is my choice, who do I choose?
Of course, it is all lunacy and the sensible part of me knows that.
But the whole experience defies belief. We all say the same things. They were good people, too young, too loved and needed.
âItâ happened on a day like any other, it was unexpected. It was a shock, even if they were poorly. We canât believe it, we stagger around looking for them, praying it was a dream, a mistake. Not getting rid of stuff in case they come back.
Itâs all madness, but I just keep on doing it.
Xx
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Morning Willow I am also in tbat madness i was only with my first husband just over 5 years. He was only 36 when he died. I was with Gra almost 20 years married almost 16. I love them both equally. I couldnât choose between them. Hugs Jo xxx
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Hi Jo,
The daft thing is, I donât even know why I torture myself over it. I absolutely know that it is pointless and irrational.
I was married to Richard for 28 years. I met him when I was 16, soon after leaving school. I was 20 when we married. He died in 2004, Sudden Adult Death Syndrome. Four years later I met and eventually married Jeremy. His first wife died of bowel cancer. We were married for 16 years, he died 12 weeks ago, he had a cardiac arrest in bed next to me. He was on life support for 2 weeks, they turned off the machines but he hung on for another 6 days. I kept hoping he would prove them wrong and make some kind of recovery, but he didnât.
The madness continues. Xx
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I was in a controlling relationship for 19 yrs with my sons dad. Who eventually left after meeti g someone new on the Internet. Then i met Steve in 2000 we married in the may of 2002 he died from a dvt in 2005. I then met Gra at the end of 2005 in a widow and widows chat room his wife had died from a brain hemorrhage. We got together properly in 2006 he moved up to me in 2007 due to my agrophobia, we married Aug 2008 . He had sephis in april they put him on palliative care told us he had days but he pulled through. Came home after 6 weeks he was bed bound. A week and half later he was back in hospital full of fluid , his kidneys where failing he died the 16th june fathers day from heart failure. Now like yourself i am bereft and lonely and lost hugs jo xxx
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