Day of disbelief

i was married before, my first husband i married in 1975, i have 2 children with him, i loved him but turned blind eyes to his lies and affairs, always thought hed change. i thought we were soulmates, we could finish eache others sentences, he died of a massive heart attack in 1990 we were together 15 years. id met David at work, but only talked to each other, 2 years after Peter died i got stage 3 breast cancer, realised then i needed to live, David was there the day i came out of hospital with gifts. he kept asking me out, he was now single, i pushed him away didnā€™t want anyone else to go through the grief, he stuck around and we started going out in 1994, i moved in in1996 and we were inseparable after that, always together, always just us 2. so i was with him 28 years with a deeper love than before, its David i want to be with, i ask him daily to wait for me, to please be there for me, i even get answers in my head, where he tells me he will be but its not my time and that he loves me. ive even heard him dreams shouting me, in my worst days of doubt ive woken with a start to hear him shouting im here, or Ronnie as its happened a few timess. Its been so real ive got up checked door camera and looked around, so he has to be here looking after me in best way he can. i ask him to hold in as he used to and to help me sleep and i sleep better now maybe its psychological but i have to believe hes there waiting on me, as my love for him is deeper and stronger than my first love, but its David i want to be with and Peter would be happy with that as he wouldnt have wanted me to be alone. As David used to say i was his sloppy sod, and pull me in for a hug if i ever got uoset, i guess im still the sloppy sod.

4 Likes

We all different and need to take comfort in any place we can, i keep trying because it would be what Gra would want but omg its hard, i sometimes just wanna curl up and die but I know he would be annoyed as he fought so hard to stay. Xxx

4 Likes

we have to keep going, its what they would want, even if we dont want. i know i have to, i have Davids autustic son to care for, hes very goid hes works part time and is buying his iwn foid and does his washing, but hes not goid with money he needs to know how to deal with the bills as the house.will become his, but i really want to be with David. But every day we get through is a day nearer to being reunited. we all need to find our own way, snd its hard and avroad none of ys want to travel Hugs to you all xx

4 Likes

Today has been a terrible day, so hard to get out of bed even though cant sleep. Feels like i am failing. Had to go round a friends house to feel calm and sleep. I feel like i cant do this

2 Likes

So sorry to hear youā€™ve had such a bad day, Marie66. You are absolutely not failing though! You did get up and went round to your friendā€™s. Look what you have achieved today! Sending you love and good wishes that tomorrow will feel a slightly brighter day for you xx

4 Likes

Marue 66, your not failing, its hard, but you got up and went to a friends, thats a massive achievement, be proud of yourself. Kerp going 1 day at a time

2 Likes

I dont think i will survive if i keep living in this house, i step over where she died every day andbit kills me. I might go andblook at other houses for sale and see how it makes me feel

2 Likes

Hi,
After my wife passed I toyed with the idea of moving house,
We had lived here for over thirty five years,brought up our kids here tons of happy memories,and made it into the home we both wanted it to be,
I too looked at other houses and found them cold stark and lifeless,
I decided the good memories far outweighed the bad and chose to stay.
I wish you the very best in making your difficult decision.
Very best wishes.
Ron.

3 Likes

Bless you marie its 10 weeks tomorrow since I lost my husband and its so bloody hard to put one foot in front of the other, but I try each day. Yes the tears fall yes i am so exhausted but I try and do something small each day. Moving isnt going to be easy, you and your dear wife filled that house with love and so many happy memories. No one xan tell you what to do but dont rush into anything you might regret. Hugs Jo xxx

1 Like

FFS. I went out on Thursday evening with a (male) friend. Weā€™ve been friends for 12 years and usually meet up for dinner once a month. On leaving the restaurant I said hello to a friendā€™s partner who was passing, thinking no more of it.
I just bumped into said friend, who asked me who my new boyfriend is. Her partner had told her that I ā€œDonā€™t stay single for longā€.
In fact, when I got home that night I spent virtually all night in tears and hardly slept as I miss him so much. It hasnā€™t been 7 months yet.
Whatā€™s wrong with these idiots? And why am I so interesting when I show no interest in anyone elseā€™s business?
Just needed to vent.

1 Like

Some people are really stupid, arenā€™t they??? They donā€™t realise how their words can affect another person! Iā€™m sorry you were put in that position xxx

1 Like

Even if you were seeing someone else its no ones business but yours.
People are so fickle at times and it really annoys me how quick ppl are to jump too conclusions without learning all the facts first. Hugs Jo xxx

My neighbours say the wrong things all the time like, your only young you will find someone else. Some people dont have emotional intelligence

1 Like

Your right Marie my neighbour told me the same.even went as far as saying as I get a tesco delievery i might meet one of them from there. Its 10 weeks tomorrow since as lost my husband.some just have no consideration for our feelongs .xxx

2 Likes

And itā€™s so disrespectful to our lost ones

1 Like

It sure is , they honestly dont understand or think before they think. Hugs jo xxx

It is sort of part of why i want to move as well, the neighbours. They were annoying use before my wife died.
I saw them the other day and they asked how i was, i said i was having a bad day, and then they asked why? Are they completely stupid.,ā€¦

3 Likes

unfortunately there are some insensitive people out there, my neighbour used to ask , if i saud was voping just, id get well it diesnt get any better. Youd think shed know better as she lost her husband, but shes as bad as the rest, even when i told my daughter i was having a bad time, she said i was being needy.
please dont rush into moving, especially if your good memories are there, as you may regret moving.

2 Likes

I am not sure how much more things can be thrown at me. First my wife in May, then one of my cats died in July now my last cat is in the vets due to heart issues. That is all my little family, will this ever stop

4 Likes

I feel for you Marie i do hope you cat is ok. I lost my husband in june fathers day, the following sunday i lost our little dog Bobby to heart failure. Hugs Jo xxx

1 Like