So sorry Poppet my words to Heartsand go out to you also. The shock is devastating. I know. And then all the other emotions come after. I hope we can all find strength in our pursuit to find peace.x
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R went away for a few days break at our holiday home. He took the dogs with him. He had a bit of a tummy bug. I told him to come home. He said he would travel back the next morning. I couldn’t reach him in the evening. Our son travelled down and found him. He had passed away alone.
The circumstances surrounding our losses are our trauma. We cannot change what happened. We all wish we could though.
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I lost my wife on the 16 Feb and feel exactly how you do. The last two months have been a nightmare. I have no idea what the future holds for me and to be honest I don’t have any drive left in me to care. I’m 81 so I’m not planning anything. I know this is selfish of me but it’s early days and shouldn’t expect too much. Just have to get through it one day at a time.
Keith
Similar for me. I’ve just been invited for my ‘Annual heart check’. Since when have there been annual heart checks. If Andy had had one of those he might still be here now.
Exactly lydia 2. I am so sorry for your loss. Its devestating.
The other thing that strikes me about this forum is that in respect of sudden death and cardiac arrest it seems to be happening to what were fit men not women. Im not and have never been a conspiracy person but I think covid jabs in recent years may have a lot to answer for. Im just searching for why I guess as the situation is so hard to accept
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Lydia, first of all I’m so sorry you lost Andy. I lost my wife suddenly in November 2024. She didn’t have good health but she’d never been hospitalised for her asthma or COPD before this chest infection that wouldn’t go away. There was nothing really unusual about her chest infection except it went on for a long time. She had them frequently. She was already under the care of the GP and had hospital tests arranged for a day or so after she went into hospital. It turned out she had three sepsis symptoms, I lost her a week later.
Annual health checks and heart checks have been available for a long time. Unfortunately they wouldn’t have saved my wife, and I think that they haven’t been advertised widely enough, although my own GP has been pushing them and offering them for years. Pro-actively offering them is, I believe, part of the changes the government has brought in to make the NHS more fit for purpose. Prevention of problems before they arise is also key. (No blame or support for any political party implied here by the way) I’ve been involved with my local health guys since 2020, and change is one of the main things happening at the moment. Additionally, and tragically, us men are notorious for ignoring anything that might be happening to our bodies and for not going to the GP. I met a man in a pub recently who had the exact same conditions as my wife, and had the same symptoms, and had been on the same, or very similar medication. I begged him to go back to his GP, and told him what had happened to my wife. I probably frightened him, but I actually didn’t care - it was worth that, as he did go back and is still alive today. I’m telling every person I can to get their health check - particularly men. I’d implore others to do the same. None of this brings our loved one back of course, but maybe, just maybe, I can save another life (and the resulting grief) as a result of my loss. If I can do that, I’d feel that my wife didn’t die in vain.
I wish you all the best for the future, which I know is just so tough.
Nigel xxxx
Hi Heartsand, I agree with you about covid jabs. We were carefully following Dr John Campbell and had no more jabs after November 2021 when covid turned into Omicron. Andy died from athlersclerosis , plac in the arteries, which would have built up over many years. I think an annual heart check could have saved him but we were never invited to these or even notified that they existed. Good that we can share here isn’t it. It helps me a lot to know I’m not the only one going through this xx
Thank you Nigel. Andy was very conscientious about his health with blood tests for prostate etc, as well as a regular 25 minute excercise routine each weekday morning, cycling, walking, healthy eating, microbiome, keeping his weight down below 12 stone.
I’m glad the NHS are now promoting prevention and these heart checks. Just too late for Andy. He certainly would have gone for a heart check if he’d known about them.
However have just booked my heart check and discovered you only get one at m6 surgery if you are already being treated for a heart issue, as I am…so that is why Andy was not invited for one. So much for prevention. I am not pleased.
Its interesting how you discover everything when its too late. Like your andy and myself we tried to keep on top of health issues , Martin with prostate etc but neither of us were ever offered heart tests etc. I would have gone for a private health check had it ever been suggested but it wasnt. Heart disease is the silent killer but if its so common why oh why didnt we know. I really cant work this one out so the guilt is here as I sit on our favourite park bench. And watch all the couples of our age walking by. Z
Lydia, I understand it’s not the same at all surgeries - I wish they were all like mine. That’s why I’m trying to get as many as possible to ask for a health check. My high blood pressure was picked up through a health check, and they set up hoards of tests including 24 hour heart monitoring. As far as our local health services are concerned, I know I’m very lucky. Nothing is too much trouble for my GP - he even gave me 40 minutes of his time after I lost my wife, and then recently personally called me back in to see how I was managing. Even that was 20 minutes.
Nigel xxxx
You are lucky Nigel. I feel so let down by my gps. Not even a phone call .
But there are trying with me now I think but never see same dr twice
After Andy died my daughters paid for me to see a cardiologist and have an echocardigram and CT scan privately. Thats the only reason I’m now being treated and now able to have a heart check. On the NHS I’d still be waiting to see a cardiologist. It’s not fair to jump the queue but they were worried the same thing was going to happen to me because I was the one getting breathless walking uphill and with a fast heart rate. Andy had no symptoms. In fact his blood pressure and pulse were always perfect.
Thats amazing Nigel. You are incredibly lucky.
Yes Lydia, so lucky with that - my wife said he walked on water! Only one person in her religious beliefs has ever done that!
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Thats where my hope lies. He’s the one who came back from the dead to show us the way. Andy believed too, even though he didn’t come from a church going family. He became a Christian age 38. That really does give me hope.
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My 53 year old husband passed away in November last year from heart disease and undiagnosed COPD, he had an ECG in april and was told all was good, there were no follow ups. He was a fit man that walked everywhere but he wouldn’t go to doctor for anything, always said he didn’t have time. Even that morning in November he said he was struggling to catch his breath but thought it was just an after effect of covid. I have guilt for not forcing him to go, he said he was okay. We did separate errands and on my return found him on sofa
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Hello JainieM
I’ve not been on here for a long time & just read your post I was really saddened for you 
it seemed exactly as myself I too lost the love of my life tragically & suddenly my amazing Bill he was dancing at a Halloween party 28th Oct 2022 so nearly same amount of sad months as yourself Jainie
He just collapsed & paramedics tried for over an hour without success
he had his Aorta valve replaced 10yrs previously & he was not ill and loved walking loads
his consultant explained to me Bill would of been unconscious within 15seconds & no paramedics would of been able to save him due to something very rare had happened
The Aorta can become loose
it still takes a lot of coming to terms with
I am like you just keep having overwhelming crying because we miss them so much & the heartache is unexplainable
We were together from 16ys old engaged at 18 & married at 20 loved life & did everything together
Would of been our 60yrs diamond Anniversary April 3rd just gone & had so many plans for it
In the early weeks my GP drew me 5 circles of grief it sort of helped at the time look it up it’s called Louis Tompkins 5 circles of grief
Also on Sue Ryder I came across a beautiful song called Without You sung by Tanya Tucker I’d never heard it before it’s sad but lovely to listen to her voice is haunting & the words really resonate to how we all are feeling
I hope I have not wrote too much to you I just felt I needed to try & support you in some way sharing my sadness too may help you feel not so alone
Love from Ann x
Thank you so much for reaching out. Yesterday should have been my husband’s birthday. My daughter booked a meal for the family to get together. It was a thoughtful gesture, but I found it difficult because I couldn’t say what I was really thinking because everyone wants me to be ok. The truth is losing a parent is not the same sort of grief that losing a partner evokes. You sound as if you had the same sort of experience - I met my husband as a teenager and, like you, we shared everything together. We were so lucky, but it makes it even harder when it’s gone. I hope you find peace, best wishes, J
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Hi JainieM
Thank you for your kind reply and
You are so right the grief we are experiencing is so different to all of our other sadnesses which makes the hurt it impossible to understand at times
It’s all very strange as we have so much kind support from our loving family & close friends yet the feeling is we feel we just seem to exist
I don’t think family /friends are fooled by us putting on an Oscar face as they know how close we were to our amazing love of our lives but suppose Jainie if that’s what keeps us going & trying to be strong so be it
Sending you a big hug Ann x
I am in the same situation. A wonderful loving family who love me dearly but struggling to cope after the sudden death of my husband of almost 50 years. He wasnt ill and nothing can prepare you for a sudden cardiac arrest when all was normal 15 minutes earlier. Its like he was beamed up , no chance to say goodbye nothing after a lifetime together
I have my brave face daily and when asked by an yone I say Im ok because thats what they want to hear. But im not but i have to be .
Noone wants to be with a cryer , a moaner do they? I need to find myself again . How? Xx