Beautiful pictures! 
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Hi Kate, I’ve been missing mum and dad a lot today. I think it might be the aftermath of Christmas and new year and realising how crap it is now without them. I still have to take it in sometimes that they are actually not here. It’s like I forget sometimes which is weird because I think about them all the time. But maybe even just a few seconds and then I remember but then I’m like ‘really. Did that really happen?’ I am dipping a bit now so we’ll see how the next few days pan out. I’m still planning my ‘fun’ things and I’m also running everyday. Even if it’s just a mile round the block I’m doing it. 
Wishing you all the very best for the new year ahead. Lots of love Hxxx
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Hi Everyone,
Aww I have loved reading your posts.
It’s heartening in a way to know we are all feeling the same after the Christmas festivities. I was dreading Christmas and New Year and was so pleased it was all over. But then there’s this even stranger feeling of being down and miserable starting the new year when people all around me are saying Happy New Year. The weather here has been terrible so that hasn’t helped either.
I am pretty sure our mum’s guided us to this site. We all said in the beginning we were sure they had something to do with us posting initially as non of us had ever used sites online for anything to communicate with complete strangers. I certainly would have frowned upon doing anything like this as it was never something I would ever have got involved with. So it was more than a coincidence that somehow I found this site in the first place as I didn’t seek sites out in grief and I just feel there was something that guided me. I hope it was our mums and they are all together watching us.
Lucy I have had loads of strange things happen. Almost all to do with lights. Flickering , coming on in the middle of the night, bulbs and fittings bursting, brand new bulbs lasting just for one day, fairy lights coming on on their own. But I also lost a ring that I had bought when mum was with me. I posted about it at the time but briefly I will tell it again. I was clearing mum’s house and had my ring on. Showered so took it off. Next day couldn’t find it anywhere Thought I had left it had home as wasn’t anywhere in mum’s house. Went home but not there. Went back to mums . Hunted everywhere upstairs as only place I stayed long enough that day. Still nothing despite moving every piece of furniture. Went home again ,checked but nothing. We live 40 miles away each way so it was back and fore all day. Paul came back with me to mums and as we approached the house her bedroom light was on. I had left in the afternoon and hadn’t put her bedroom light on. So that was odd plus her neighbour said it wasn’t on when she came home from work and it was dark. We went into the bedroom where I slept and Paul started moving the furniture to check. On the bedside table was an ornament and I held into it whilst moving the table and guess what. The ring was underneath it. That particular ornament was never kept there. It was a musical ornament and the week before it started playing on and off all day one day when we were in the house even in the middle of the night. So to this day I can’t understand how the ring got there.
I have written down things that have happened so looking back and reading them is special. They just can’t be explained.
A white feather appeared right in front of Glyn’s hotel room in Belgium when he went to his room the third floor the day he checked it. It was his birthday and if he could he always saw my mum on his birthday. How strange was that.
On the night of completion of his flat the landing light came on in the middle of the night. Just before she passed she gave me money to go towards his first property and wedding. I really feel it was a sign from her.
After mum passed I never left the house for months. On the day I first went anywhere it was to a summer fayre in Cardiff. There were different musical items on the stage throughout the day and one item was Scottish dancers and bagpipers. As I watched I froze with the song they played… It was probably the most well known song in Wales called Calon Lan and we played it at mums funeral. What were the chances of Scottish bagpipers playing it and on my first outing!!!.
I think we have all had signs of some kind.
It’s lovely to share them.
If anyone has had any recently please share. I would love to hear about them
Thinking of you all
Deb x
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Deb it’s odd what mum kept, school books and reports, a blue ceramic/plastic kangaroo i bought for her at a school fete (all the glass beads have fallen of and it’s no longer blue). What really made me emotional was a peg doll I’d made when i was 7ish - box decorated with wrapping papper now faded and falling apart. Sis was coming to mum’s 21st but didn’t (problem at work ). Glad she didn’t as they all came down with flu over xmas, she said it was really bad and wished she’d had the flu jab. Have been off work a while and keep making plans to sort my house and life out but can’t find the energy - mum would be furious at me for wasting time!! Thankful for the support of all you, take care, Sarah
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Hi Sarah,
I know exactly what you mean bec I found things at my mum’s house that I never thought she would have kept. Knitting patterns as she was a wonderful knitter and looking at the pattern leaflets I remembered seeing many items made by her. She had kept a Mary Quant box that was once mine with my first set of make up in. Make up long gone but she kept seeing things in the box. Up in her attic we found lots of old board games we had and teddies and dolls. Gosh it brought back memories.
She also took cuttings from the gardens of family members that had passed and planted them in her small garden as a memory garden for them so I took cuttings of them all before the hose sold. I just couldn’t bear to leave them there.
How long are you able to stay off work for?
Personally I would stay off as long as you can and of course afford to. It just depends on how you feel I guess. Some people stay off a long time whilst others find going back to work gives a routine. Just depends on the job also I suppose.
Just put yourself first and do what you want to do. There’s no right or wrong way so do what’s best for you. Not bosses in work or friends and family. Your wellbeing must come first.
I too am trying to get my life back on track and like your mum my mum would be quite cross with me for being as I am. She hated negativity and if anyone used to worry about anything she would listen attentively,give advice then go to make a cuppa. On her return she would look at the person worrying and say “You are not still worrying about that are you?” Then she’d go on about life is for living not worrying and even if you didn’t want to snap out if it you did. So I know exactly what she’d say to me hearing I was still struggling,not going out much, putting my life on hold and all the rest. But she was my motivation and inspiration so without her it’s so tough.
Yes lots of flu bugs going around at the moment. I think the NHS in Wales was at the critical stage a few days ago with up to 24 ambulances queuing up outside Welsh hospitals. Not a time to be ill so keep away from anyone showing symptoms.
No need to thank us for the support Sarah. You give us so much support yourself.Reading posts helps so much. Makes us all feel we are not going mad when we read others feel the same. It is a godsend to have such a lovely group of people who understand our ups and downs in this horrible journey.
Keep going and just set yourself a few small targets for each day. Really small ones so you can achieve them.
Love Deb x
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Hi everyone, I’ve been awake since 4am so now sat up in bed with a cuppa reading your posts. I definitely feel a low coming. I think we’ve probably all tried extra hard to be as cheerful as we can over Christmas but as we know, you can’t fight grief. We can only manage it. It has to come out in the end. I’ve suppressed it while James has been here for Christmas. He goes home tomorrow so it will probably come out after he’s gone. I’ll let it do its thing for a bit, feel thoroughly miserable and then pick myself up again. Just a few days before mum died she made me promise I’d live a happy life so I owe it to her.
One of the things I’ve done in the 2 years since losing mum is write letters to her, and now dad. As my grief has become more tolerable I haven’t done this so much. Probably haven’t written one in 3 months but I will do that tomorrow. It’s a good way of looking back to see how far we’ve come. Those first early letters are so painful. You can feel the raw agony and desperation coming through in my writing. I thought I’d share it as we’ve all been thinking how cross our mums would be that we are still struggling. We forget how well we are doing, and how much progress we’ve made. Our mums would actually be very proud of us rather than cross. It’s so good we have our mums as our inspiration and we can learn so much from them and how they handled trauma. Even without them physically here, they are still teaching us how to do life. I’m trying to focus on being an example for my kids when they go through this.
Hope you are okay Jules. It’s so depressing going through your parents’ house and all their personal stuff. It’s also quite therapeutic as it helps you process the loss. It did for me anyway. I’ve thrown things I wish I’d kept and have had sleepless nights over it, but then I hear mum saying ‘oh love, it doesn’t matter, leave it now. Forget it’ You can’t keep everything! The house is now up in the market so should be sold by spring. At first I couldn’t bear the thought of it going but now we have emptied it of all mum and dads stuff, it does feel more like ‘just a house’. I remember the post Kate and Debs wrote about selling their mums houses and this has helped me a lot. Another example of how we all help each other on here. If Kate and Deb can do it, I can too. And they managed without help from siblings. They probably don’t even realise how much they’ve inspired me! Thankyou Kate and Deb xxx I know I’ll cry my heart out when it finally goes but that will help me to move forward.
Wishing you all a good weekend. Love Hxxx
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Hi Helen and everyone.
I also write letters well emails to mum if and when I fill the need. I look back on them and like you see how far I’ve progressed. I often write them on difficult days like anniversaries or birthdays or when I’m down.
I too feel a new one coming. There is so much expectation with Christmas to have a good time and be merry. A nightmare for us all.
Now we have to unwind, try to destress and be kind to ourselves in this new year. I know January isn’t an easy month for you Helen, but we are all here for you.
Deb mum also said to not worry and enjoy life. I’m like my dad a born worrier she used to say, but she took life in her stride anll the difficulties too and I so wish I could be like her.
I’m going to try. Gosh I miss her so much.
Our mums are guiding us like we all say. We feel they are letting us know what to do and how to live even though it doesn’t seem possible, they really are.
Lucy, I haven’t had any signs for a while, but mum is often in my dreams I feel. As I often say, in the morning I can’t always remember them, but she’s often present. Maybe that’s a sign in itself?
Hope you are bearing up Jules. This year will give you the opportunity for a fresh new start and your keeping busy and active will help. That’s what I prefer to do too.
Beautiful photos again Gill. I must go to Scotland sooner or later. Mum and dad went there on holiday when mum was pregnant with me. Mum used to say it’s so majestic and the people so friendly and welcoming.
I agree Keith about getting out in nature helping us and seeing the wildlife. I really miss the beautiful English countryside. Where are you from?
We’re off to Parma in the fog for a football tournament of Alex’s and back tomorrow evening. It will take me back as I was there for part of my degree in 1992/3 !! 
. A lifetime ago!! The best year of my life. How happy and carefree life was back then.
Wishing you all a lovely weekend. Rest, unwind and take care of yourselves.
Love K xxx
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Hi,
Helen this is the worst part about selling the house. I wanted mum to be the last one leaving her house so I carried her photo out with me the last time. Blew a final kiss at the house ,got into the car ,closed my eyes and Paul drove away. I couldn’t bear to look up.
But you know what I was like selling it. I waited 18 mths just so I could go there. After that last day I can honestly say it was a relief in so many ways. As Kate wrote at the time it was just a shell of a house without mum and actually I can’t believe I just wrote that because I never felt like that ever. But it’s so true.
There’s the worry of someone breaking in as word soon gets around it’s empty. The bills still keep coming in for it and despite paying them it was a waste of what money left for us. In the end I was so selective in who bought it and really thought I had done good in choosing an elderly couple in their 80s. However wait for it they have let it. To a family that have several family members, they are loud and are causing havoc for the neighbours . One neighbour has put a very tall fence between her and mum’s house so she doesn’t have to see them it’s so bad. When I asked what was the problem she told me she couldn’t tell me as it would break my heart. Apparently the house is a mess. So now I feel awful for trusting this lovely sweet elderly couple. But I realise I had no control after it sold so this really isn’t my problem now so I have to switch off. It’s been difficult though as my first priority were her lovely neighbours.
Kate we could make our next meet up in Scotland. Gill that would be great. I haven’t been to Scotland for 30 yrs so it’s an idea.
I feel better today. Have taken the decs down and feel more myself. I cried a lot over Xmas and New year so think I got it out of my system.
Girls if you need to girls do it. You can’t keep it in because it just builds up and up.
All those dreams with your mum Kate are signs. We all have signs in different ways.
How are you Keith, Sarah, Jules, Gill and Lucy ?
Thinking of everyone
Deb x
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Thanks Kate, it’s so supportive on here and so easy to be honest. I feel it will come out when James has gone tomorrow. I just have a real sadness. Mum had knitted a really beautiful cable sweater that I was wearing today. I kept looking at it and touching it knowing mums hands had created every stitch. Also, it’s been really cold here so James has been wearing one if dads thick coats. He said it’s like grandad is giving him a hug! Oh if only 
xxx
Oh Deborah I’m so sorry to hear that the tenants have no respect for the house. What’s wrong with people? Mum and dad’s house is quite small with just 2 bedrooms and there’s a chance it will be rented out. Like you say it’s not our problem. It’s a shame but it’s not your mums house now. I feel like going to mum and dads for the night and just sleeping there and having a good cry but there’s no bed! I do need to have a good cry I can feel it beneath the surface. I know if I went to their house I’d just burst into tears walking through the door. Missing them so much. Maybe it’s because after Christmas we get back to normal life and it’s just not the same anymore. Anyway, take care of yourselves everyone. Lots of love H xxx
Hi all av not been on fo a while cos ive really struggled with losing my mam and being homeless with my kid’s ,im still grieving but we have a home now ,not the best areat or the best house but ive got a home for me and my boys.sorry ive not been on here but my grief amd struggle has took over me completely …before xmas i didnt know if I wanted to be here but i fought through and im still here fighting the fight of heartbreak 
xx
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Aww Helen James saying that is so sweet x
Deb
Helen I went to my mum’s house for a few days on my own. It felt very strange being there on my own. I luckily had a bed there but I kept getting up and walking to mums room and checking if she was ok from the crack in the door as she never wanted it fully shut.
I broke down on her bed once absolutely sobbing my heart out clutching her pillow. It was gut wrenching crying and I thought I was going to have an asthma attack.
I stayed there on the first anniversary of her death and the next night new year’s eve the first year. I think I expected a sign of some kind but there wasn’t until new year’s day when I lost the ring and it turned up under the ornament. I wonder if it was a sign and what did she mean by it if it was.
I remember coming home to look for it and asking her saying Please mum if you can help me guide me to it. Maybe she was telling me she was with me all along.
It was a time for me to be in her house once again just me and her in spirit but it was extremely painful. Far more painful than I ever imagined.
You are so right when you say we have all come so far. Our mum’s would be so proud of us. I read a few of my very first posts and cried just reading them. Couldn’t carry on reading them. They really showed how devastating it was for us and I am conscious there are new people in our group going through that just that now and people like yourself and Jules going through it twice.
We are all at different stages through our different experiences. Yet united in grief and friendship x
Aww it’s so hard isn’t it ?
Love Deb x
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Aww Shellbell1,
Welcome back x It’s so good to hear from you again. I wondered what had happened to you . Sometimes people join our small group then find other groups so we don’t hear from them again and this is what I thought had happened to you
You have obviously been through a tough time.
I am so glad you now have a house. Don’t worry about what the house is like because you can make it into a home for yourself and the children. Children just want a home full of love and that’s what their memories will be of not what sort of house they lived in.
It must have been do stressful for you. Be proud of yourself for getting through it all. Christmas is a time of great stress for lots of families so on top of moving and your grief you have had a very tough time. You have done your boys proud.
Once school starts you will have some time for yourself so rest when you can.
Post whenever you want to. We are all still here and a few new people like Sarah( Milliemobs) and Lucy and Keith. I think you were posting when Gill and Jules, Helen Kate and I were the only ones in the group.
Don’t go through this on your own. There’s very little help out there for grief so our group is vital to gain love and support.
If you are happy to share anything or as much as you want to then please do so. No pressure though. Rant, be upset if you are, ask anything and we will all try to support and help you.
We are here for you ok
Sending love
Deb x
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Hello there, nice to hear from you Shellbell - I do remember you from when I first started posting. Glad you now have somewhere you can now call home. I can’t imagine having that stress on top of everything else. You are doing brilliantly - keep going! Is still so tough though isn’t it. I’ve also now lost my Dad ( October). Just when I thought I was moving forward but life has a habit of reminding you we have no control over certain things. Just trying to move forward and at some point I hope I can become more of the old me - but I know I will be forever changed. Glad you are in touch again. Also, has anybody heard the Sue Ryder radio advert with a voice recording of somebody’s Mum telling them how much they are loved? They listen to it even though their Mum has long since passed. It floored me as I thought of our little group on here …. Jules x
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I went back to work quite quickly after mum’s death. At 1st found work helpful but later work pressures pushed me over the edge. went to several big gigs - Pink, Billy Joel, foo fighters (booked before she died), rugby etc. She would be thrilled. for some reason she thought i didn’t get out enough as i was scared of covid!! No idea why! I had a health issue that did make me nervous of going out and about.
Hi ,
No Jules I haven’t heard the Sue Ryder advert yet. I will prepare myself for it. I don’t watch TV much lately. It upsets me too much with all sorts of things triggering me. Thank goodness we have Sue Ryder though because honestly
I don’t think I would have coped without this site.
You have done so well Sarah. Going back to work is huge and I admire and am so proud of you all that have gone back. Whatever job a person goes back to it takes so much courage to just face everything.
I have lost my confidence since mum has passed and over the past two years it’s got worse and worse.
I stay home such a lot. Only driven my car about three times last year and never go out socialising. It’s really affected my whole life.
I am ashamed to admit it really but grief has definitely left it’s mark.
I can’t believe I have even allowed myself to get to this state.
So I know this will sound weird to you girls but I am going on the train on my own to Cardiff on Wed. Paul and Glyn are already there so I am travelling there on my own. I have to otherwise I will become a recluse.
I have found I start shaking if I go out and I try to avoid people so I don’t have to talk to them. It’s probably because in the beginning I didn’t want anyone to ask me about mum in case I burst into tears. So Wed is going to be massive for me and I have a few other things lined up too.
It’s scarey how your brain can change and how your life changes. I was never like this. Was always the organiser, held a very responsible job with lots of staff and responsible for so many children, made quick decisions and was so accountable to lots of people. Now I can’t even manage to go out. It’s so sad what grief has done to me. I can feel the tears starting now as I find it all upsetting.
Love to you all x
Deb x
Im getting there ,it was my mams anniversary in october so it was just a downward spiral this xmas has been the hardest for some reason,i completely broke on xmas eve and talked to my mam a lot and actually woke up xmas morning feeling like a weight had been lifted,i know mam was with me and im getting there with the house slowly turning it into a home ,i know there will still be bad days like all of us but 1 day at a time ,heres hoping we all have a better 2025 xxx
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Aww im so sorry to hear about your dad, life is so cruel,my heart hurts for you, it doesnt seem fair to have to grieve on top of grieving ,they say god only gives us what we can deal with well i think he needs to take a day off or better still a long holiday and give us a break, sending you love and hugs xx
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Hi Shellbell1,
Christmas time is a terribly sad time for grieving so it understandable you felt like you did. But the main thing is you got through it for your boys.
Whereabouts do you live because we are arranging a meet up in Manchester in March if you would like to join us. You will be most welcome.
Love Deborah x