Also, I wanted to thank you all so much for being on this grief journey with me. Out of all the things I have used to help me in my grief over the past nearly 2 years, you lovely lot on this group has been one of my top support networks. Your honest and heartfelt posts and your supportive responses to myself and each other has saved me from going under several times. Finding this forum was one of the best things I’ve done. You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know and I am truly grateful for each and every one of you. You’re all a blessing to me. ‘THANKYOU!!’ Love Helen xxx
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Hi Helen,
Aww yesterday was a shite day. Lots of things went wrong on top of it being the day mum passed. And mixed together it sent me emotionally over the top.
But today is another day. And I feel more positive.
Apologies for my last post not making sense. I left my glasses in the flat in Cardiff and had a few glasses of wine so its a wonder any of it made any sense lol.
Thanks for your kind words too.
I like your idea of doing monthly challenges. I think its a brilliant idea and i may do the same. I need to go out more so may focus the challenges around that. For January I am going to go out for a short walk every day. Even if its just for 10 minutes.
Am back at Glyns flat now doing more decorating so I think its going to help me. Its a place where there are no memories and its the first place I have been to in a long time that is a bare canvas .
What was your strange experience Helen? Cant wait to hear about it.
Hope everyone else is doing ok
Love Deb x
We all feel like that at some point, I saw the womble on Tik Tok it took me back to my childhood and mum bought me a womble when I was a child. I took ill with measles and was admitted into hospital. That womble was my guardian angel and I felt safe when the womble was with me. The womble was a extension of my mum’s love and protection. I’m not protected no more and the world is hideous and ugly.
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Hi Keith68, I get that. It’s funny how certain objects bring up the most vivid memories and emotions. When we were sitting mum and dad’s house we found a few objects mum had kept from her mum. One was a glass with a transfer of a blue bird on it. I hadn’t seen it for years but when I held it I was transported right back to my Nana’s garden in a warm summers day drinking orange juice from that glass. The feelings of safety and love were so strong from that simple object. It isn’t the object but the link to our loved ones and those feelings.
I hope you’re doing okay. I know the world can seem a harsh place but there is a lot of good in it that I try and focus on. I don’t watch the news at all now and don’t buy newspapers. It’s been much better for my mental health not knowing and just focusing on my own little bubble.
Take care, Helen xx
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Hi Everyone,
Hope you are all doing as okish as can be. Helen I have lots of small objects that have wonderful memories. I have all the gifts I gave mum when I went on school trips. Found them when I was clearing. I can remember vividly giving them to her on my return.
Keith I know exactly what you mean about your precious womble. I am the same either my Paddington Bear my mum had made for me.
And did anyone watch the celebrations and fireworks in London last night. Did you see Paddington at the end. Wasn’t it just wonderful. I felt my mum had sent me a sign as I had been quite tearful last night.
Helen I don’t watch the news either. I watch bits online but not a lot. I feel worse listening to all the cruelty in the world and being unable to do anything about it I find it really affects me. No newspapers either and I hardly watch TV. Just the holiday programmes like A place in the Sun , Escape to the Chateau, The Chase and wildlife and gardening programmes. Oh and anything Glyn has filmed. It’s been great for protecting my mental health.
How’s everyone doing?
It’s a strange feeling starting a new year. Want to make plans but I also don’t want to. Sometimes it’s easier to do nothing but that’s not fair to every person in my life.
I need to be more positive in 2025, more organised and get myself out of the house more.
Has anyone else got any small plans?
Did your mum’s and dad’s have certain things they did before the year ended?
My mum always insisted on paying all her bills before starting the New Year and guess what I am now the same. Isn’t it funny how we become versions of them.
Keep going everyone. 2025 is a new year for us all and together we will support each other come what may.
Our little group has grown in numbers and strength and it’s a real privilege being part of a group that is so supportive x
I have gained so much from you all. I have never felt lonely since joining and you are the only people in my life who truly understand so thank you from the bottom of my heart xx
I am looking forward to meeting as many of you as possible in March. Keith 68 please feel free to join us too as you will be very welcome. It’s next March in Manchester. More details nearer the time.
Goodnight everyone. Am off to bed.
Love Deborah x
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Hi Sarah,
Are you okish?
Deb
Hi @Seychelles Deb was just about to post and ask if everyone is ok. Thank’s so much for asking. Xmas itself was ok it was better than expected. My sister was supposed to come down just before but couldn’t- which turned out to fortunate as they all had flu over xmas and if she came down i would have probably got it too! She said it was really bad so get your jabs if you can!! As a family we never really bothered with new years.
Hiya Sarah.
Lovely to hear from you. I was in Cardiff last night and still am. Oh my gosh the fireworks were amazing. I stood on the balcony of the flat like a lord lol and watched them. It was different anyway. Had a Bailey’s coffee and that was it.
Today have been painting the flat so busy. Horrible weather so didn’t venture out. I love it here so we will meet up soon in Cardiff as I will be up here a lot.
My husband and son are ill with flu and chest infections. I am hoping to god I don’t get it
It’s strange isn’t it when we plan things and then something happens and the plans go out of the window.
I am focusing on helping my son with the flat for the whole of Jan…Theres a fair bit to do that will keep me busy. It will help me with my grief also.I love looking around the shops mainly Dunelm for things and making it look nice although I have Bern banned from buying girly things. Everything has to be black. But black is actually growing on me and I really like it with white and grey.
I love the flat. It’s in Canton . Do you know the area?. I haven’t ventured out and about yet so gave no idea what’s around here. I can see Llandaff Cathedral from the window though so Llandaff isn’t far.
Were you ok over Xmas and New year?
I had good and bad times, drowned my sorrows with a few wines , cried a lot , had lots of triggers and flashbacks of memories, avoided people and places and somehow got through it all and the anniversary of mum’s passing on Dec 30 th. It was all so emotional on top of having the keys to this flat and being up here. At the mo I think I feel battered and badly bruised emotionally but I will de-stress and rest and get back to some normality soon.
Hope you are ok. Keep posting as we love hearing from you.
Hey what are you all going to do in Barry without Nessa and Smithy lol. What an ending to a fabulous programme. They did Wales proud didn’t they . Cracking lol.
Keep going lovely. You are doing so well and you should be proud of yourself like everyone else on here. It’s hard going and I know what you are going through.
This site and our small group is a lifeline from Heaven and we were guided to it by our mum’s . So post whenever you feel like it .
Love Deb x
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Hi Everyone
Hope you are all ok and have survived the difficult festive season. I worked today and we have taken down all the decorations so for me that’s it (thank goodness). With us being ill over Christmas it hasn’t been the best to say the least.
I’ve been thinking of mum so much and just processing that Christmas and New Year will never be the same without her. That magic has gone.
We are all pushing forward however we can aren’t we?
I don’t want to make any drastic New Year’s resolutions, maybe just to focus on getting fitter as I’ve let myself go a bit this past year.
I just want to focus on the here and now and try to be a bit kinder and less demanding to myself too.
Anyhow my friends, wishing you all a happy, healthy and peaceful new year and hope it’s filled with joyful and rewarding moments.
Thank you all so much for being there and for understanding.
Lots of love, K xxxx
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Hello Kate and all, I feel exactly the same. Christmas has lost its magic for me but I hope it can be rekindled. I really want to pull myself out of this slough of despond and create new memories but is tough. Jame’s worked over Christmas and son had flu so he didn’t drive from Chelmsford to see us. He’s back at work now. Losing Dad in October and Mum passing on the 27th Dec 2022 has really made me hate this time of year. I need to move forward but the grief is a constant companion. I’m working full - time, gymming it 3 times a week and started tap dancing but still feel sad. We have Dad’s interment in a few weeks. Mums headstone was in process when Dad passed so everything on hold. Dad is at my sister’s at the moment until he can join Mum. Congrats everybody on making it through another Christmas xxx
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Great to hear from you Kate and Jules.
Yes I agree it’s so hard to process.
Hope you are feeling better Kate. Being ill on top of grieving must have dragged you down.
Jules the gym and tap dancing are fab. Well done
On top of work both will keep you distracted and busy.
Keep going girls
Love Deb x
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Today has been hard. No idea why. Sorry to been a downer but so great full for you support!
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Hi Sarah. Sorry to hear that. It’s such early days for you love.
It’s the first new year without your mum and it’s tough. January feels barren, cold and grey at the best of times without adding grief into the mix.
I woke up this morning and just missed mum so much… I felt I wanted to make her a cup of tea and have a good chat. I wish heaven had visiting times!
She’s protecting you and your family. She’s with you always.
Sending love. K xxx
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Hi Sarah, I’ve also been on a bit of a downer. It’s ok to feel this way and sometimes we won’t always know why! One day at a time. I’m finding the 2 year anniversary really tough but also lost Dad in October. Don’t apologise for feeling this way. I have apologised in the past on this forum but everybody best knows exactly how you are feeling. One day we are up and the next. - well who knows. We do the best we can. I’m off to Southsea pier for a walk with friends later today - after shopping and lunch at Gunwharf. I lay in bed today thinking how to get out of it as didn’t really feel like it. Then I thought of Mum. She loved shopping and going out for the day. I’m up, had my breakfast and maybe a sea walk ( and shopping!!) is just what I need . X
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Hi all, hope you all got through the New Year ok. Deb, being able to watch the fireworks in Cardiff from an ideal spot sounds lovely, you will be very busy with Glyn’s flat! Good to keep occupied. I am trying to be busy myself but get distracted with short videos of animals on my phone! Kate, I know what you mean about the memories phones send. I keep getting one about a trip I took with Mum in December 2022 to Glasgow for a hospital test. How much do I wish this could be not just in memories, but that it was possible to make more. She passed in the May 2023 and I have finally taken down some old Christmas cards wishing her and my dad a good year.
Anyway, something cheerier. I can see a tree full of birds from my old window at Mum and dads and dad and I have been keeping each other company, getting through this last couple of weeks. I will post a couple of photos of some walks and cycles. It’s been bitingly cold since yesterday, but up until then, pretty mild so I got out a bit. It takes my mind off feeling too sad.
I have got nowhere with clearing mum’s things but finally took her wee jackets down from the porch and have put them somewhere else… I will also try and go through a drawer in her room that dad wants me to look at. It’s just quite hard as I end up just sitting starting into space.
Love to you all
Gill xx
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These are mostly of the area of Southend, the last one has a seal sitting, there were lots out yesterday.
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Wishing everyone a better, healthy 2025 where we can all find a few more moments of happiness and joy in memories rather than just the sadness.
Thank you all so much, this forum has been a lifeline these last couple of months, some of the hardest of my life.
Deb, so well done for being strong and getting through. I think we all know that gut wrenching missing of them. It’s so hard. I can tell how much you wish she was still here to share even the smallest things with you. I wish we could all meet our mums and have them meet each other (maybe they’re all together somewhere worrying about how sad we are but pleased we have this space for sharing). It’s clear how very much you loved her and she you.
Like Helen says, I think about my mum and dad all the time. It makes it so hard often but I wouldn’t and couldn’t have it another way! I love your 12 days from Christmas idea for joy. I’m going to see if I can do that too. As much as the grief somehow keeps it all present I’m SO tired of it. I feel at such a low ebb physically as well as mentally (not helped by being ill). I’m sick of feeling sad and worried, scared of the next disaster, all the time. It’s like being in thick fog with a constant fear in the pit of your stomach.
Keith, those objects and memories are so precious. As sad as they are they’re also wonderful and testament to that amazing relationship you had, and still have, carrying it with you even in the worst of times.
Kate, I’m with you on getting a bit fitter - I’ve let it all slide!! Even exercise seems hard without that magic, as you say.
Jules, that’s very impressive - gym and dance. What a hard time for you too these past days and weeks. Gosh, it’s so awful and unfair all of it for all of us. Keep being strong and sharing on here.
Sarah, I’ve found the last couple of days so tough too. Maybe the new year? I woke up at 4:45 this morning and just cried quietly in bed. Feel exhausted now as couldn’t get back to sleep with thoughts of my lovely, strong mum and then those last few weeks. Looking back wondering if small things meant anything before she got ill. I hate it when those thoughts spiral but I also don’t want to stop them.
Gill, the tree of birds sounds like such a nice, calming thing to look at. And those photos are beautiful.
I had a couple of strange things happen - on my mums birthday we were heading to a little pub to raise a glass to her and I got distracted wanting to find my dad’s watch before we left. I was going through my mums drawers (something I find very hard still) and, in a drawer of note books and things, I found a small jewellery bag underneath everything. It felt like it was empty but I looked in and right there was a little bracelet Adam bought for me on holiday in 2019 and which I thought I’d lost about three years ago. I’d looked everywhere at the time. My mum didn’t even remember it when I was looking because it wasn’t her kind of thing. And on her birthday there it was. Adam was with me and couldn’t believe it either.
Then on New Year’s Eve we popped to Brent Cross shopping centre to look at the sale, something I’d always do with my mum and we’d get a few bits. I saw a jumper I liked and was carrying it around thinking “should I get it?” and feeling sad knowing my mum would’ve said “yes, Loui, get it! It suits you” and wishing we could be together when the song we played at her funeral came on. It’s a strange song you wouldn’t usually expect to be played in fenwick because of what it’s about but my mum loved it which is why we had it at the funeral. I love it too and she introduced me to it when I was about 13. It felt like a sign.
Has anyone else had anything like that recently? I love to hear when you have!
Sending love to you all, Lxx
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I think seeing wildlife helps, it gets you thinking about life and how life has to continue. Animals are the innocent ones, I love seals so cute to look at with those whiskers.
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Hi Deborah, that’s actually a really sensible thing to do, to pay all your bills. Definitely helps get you a fresh start for the new year. Your mum was very wise. How lovely that she kept all the little gifts from your school trips. I found my old school books including from primary school. It was so good to look through and read what my 8 year old self was up to. I mention my friend Amanda in my ‘news book’. Which is really sweet as she’s still my friend 40 odd years later! The things we find that they kept makes us smile and cry in equal measure. We smile at the item but cry that our beloved mums valued them enough to keep all these years.
I’m actually starting with a low again. I’ve felt okay over Christmas but I can feel a sadness washing over me again. I’m due for a bloody good cry so will do that when James goes back on Sunday. It would upset him a lot to see me crying so I’ll hold back and go for it once he’s back. That should do me.
Kate, have you all recovered? My sister has been bad with her chest. Coughing up blood like Tom was. How bad is that?! She’s feeling a bit better now 
I’m like you Lucy, waiting for the next disaster. I realise I can’t go through the rest of my life like this but I do get a bit panicky that someone else is going to die. It’s an awful feeling and not healthy but what can we do? Losing our mums and, in my case, dad too, so suddenly, has left me feeling very vulnerable with a heightened sense of how fragile life is. Hopefully it will ease in time.
We are doing fine and all these feelings are normal. Lots of love Hxxx
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