I agree, both mum and I absolutely loathed January and February. After the run up, preparations and joy of Christmas and being together, I’d have to go back to Italy and leave her. We’d then look forward to Spring. In March she’d come out to us and celebrate her birthday and Easter. I found a message on my phone yesterday where mum wrote “March comes in like a lion and out like a lamb”. She always said that about the weather. I can hear her saying it.
Springwill be here before you know it. We just have to muddle through January and February the best we can. I like wrapping up and going for walks with little Skye. Getting out really helps my mood.
Have a good weekend!
Love K xxx
I just put this up as a seperate post so it doesn’t get lost amongst the messages and it’s easy to find if scrolling. I’m happy to travel anywhere but I think it was agreed Manchester is the most central for everyone. I’m not great on hotel advice as never stayed in Manchester as I live here but I know The Midland or The Hilton are nice and you can find some good deals. I can ask some friends for recommendations and will check some out. Cannot wait to meet up xxx
Hi all ,just thought i would let you know some news i recieved yesterday,when i my landlord told me he was selling up and i had to move I’d never needed my mam more and when i was forced by council to take the house im now in i kept saying my mam would have sorted this,she always new how to solve problems (and she always got the best outcome) anyway i got a call from the council to say they are reviewing my case as i was treated badly by the housing dept and he is working to get me back on the housing list to apply for better housing that is more suitable for my boys ,in my heart i think my mam has been fighting my height from her new home.the problem with where i am is both my boys are autistic and adhd and its so small here they literally have a single bed in their bedrooms and nothing else,couldnt even bring all my youngest’s toys as theres no where to put them luckily all my furniture and boys stuff is in storage so hopefully i can find a home where they can play and have space to move(sorry for the long post, just seems like forever since i had any good news ) xx
Hi Shellbell!! Great to hear from you and wonderful news re the house!!
It does seem like your mum has been looking over you and protecting you and your boys!!
I like to think mum is doing the same… all our mums are!
I’m so glad this new year has got off to a good start for you!!
Love K xxx
Good idea Helen! I’m going to book my flight soon and start looking for a hotel in the city centre so it’s easy to pop out for retail therapy on the Sunday!!
I’m running out of decent teabags and marmite!!!
K xxx
Hi Shellbell1,
It’s definitely your mum helping from above.
Over the past few two years I have had signs and strange things happen especially when I am at my lowest. It’s like they know we need help and have no one to turn to. That’s what I think anyway.
It will work out eventually for you so hang on in there.
I appreciate it must be hard though and am thinking of you
Deb x
Hello everyone, been having a bit of a hard time hence the silence. I’ve felt so low but can’t seem to cry at the moment which feels strange. Will write a little more tomorrow or Friday but also wanted to say I’ve been thinking of you today @Helen51 - hope the day hasn’t been as tough as it might be if you know what I mean. Sending everyone love and strength. Just want the weekend to come so I can stop pushing all the emotions aside to function at work! Lxx
Hi LucyMC, sorry you’re having a hard time right now. There’s a constant underlying sadness that just comes to the surface every now and then and sends our mood back down again. The worst one for me lasted about 2 months but now sometimes just a day or two. Just do whatever you need to do or not do to ride the storm. It does pass.
I’ve been okay today Thankyou. It’s been on my mind that it’s mums anniversary of her passing but I’m trying not to put too much weight on this day. I’ve kept busy and tried to change my focus. I don’t want to have this day as anything big. My aim in the future is to acknowledge it and then move on. I actually feel more sad on my birthday now. I’ve had 2 without mum and my third approaching in March. I think of my lovely mum all young and excited for the future with her new baby. My birthdays have become the hardest days for me. Plus she always came round with her present for me, excited to watch me open it. We’d have some cake and a cuppa and plan a little birthday lunch. The day is so flat now, I wouldn’t even bother if it wasn’t for my family.
Anyway, hope everyone is doing okay. Night-night and God bless Hxxx
Aww Helen I have just realised it was your mum’s anniversary. I hope you got through it ok.
It’s always going to be tough.
I am the same as you. Miss my mum so much on my birthday. She always made such an effort and I miss all the little touches she made to make my day special.
Your ending of your post was exactly what mum used to say to us . Goodnight God Bless. Omg it brought it all back.
Lucy we understand what you are going through. The lows when they hit are devastating and then somehow you come through them. It will ease soon then really enjoy the slightest high while it lasts.
When I had my first low oh my goodness I thought it would never end and it seemed to last forever. As you say try to keep strong for work then crash on the weekend. Don’t hold back the tears. Let them flow. Sometimes a good cry is what’s needed.
I cry for the slightest thing at the moment. I can feel the tears there all the time. I think I have gone through the shock of losing mum but now the reality has kicked in. It feels strange trying to explain it.
For me knowing people feel I should have moved on by now is now my new challenge. So many people have said certain things that I feel like screaming at them. I say nothing in reply because I don’t want to open up a conversation about it but then I feel guilty for not sticking up for myself. It’s so difficult but I tend to think my grief is mine so I don’t have to justify anything to anyone.
I find it rude when people don’t think a bit more before speaking but one day they may experience grief on this level and then they will understand perhaps.
Post when you feel you can Lucy. No pressure ok We will check in on you to see how you are x
Hope everyone else is doing okish.
Love Deb x
Helen, you got through the day and it’s true that the build up is often worse than the day itself. I agree that every special day is now flat. I spent my 3rd birthday back in November without mum. What I missed most was her text first thing wishing me a happy birthday or her wanting to spoil me with a special something.
What you are experiencing is normal Lucy. Honestly, the first 3 months I felt I was in a bad dream. When I wasn’t working I just spent so much time staring into space on my sofa. When I discovered this forum it helped so much.
It’s true Deborah that people think after the first few months that we should somehow be over it. How could that ever be? I feel losing mum was like losing a limb, a part of me has gone with her. Life just isn’t the same. Not only her physical presence, but the way my life has changed with all the secondary losses.
Hope everyone is ok. January is such a tough month isn’t it?
Love to you all.
Kxxx
Hi Kate,
Gosh 3 birthdays,! Where on earth did that time go?
I remember the first birthday I had fell on others Day also. Omg what a day that was and just a month after mums funeral. Last year I coped better but haven’t looked to see if it’s the same day this year. Hope not.
Hope everyone is doing as ok as can be.
Love Deb x
Ps
I watched the Sue Ryder advert and was in bits.
It just got right to my heart
Hi eeryone, I haven’t seen the Sue Ryder advert, but this charity makes me think of my gran, (my Mum’s mum) as she volunteered in a Sue Ryder shop. I never knew what the shop was supporting as I was just a child, but now I realise that my gran probably dealt with grief around losing her son at a young age and her husband too. I had another coumselling session this week and it has made me feel more at peace with how I feel about losing mum. Attimes it is just a kind of disbelief that she has left us, but I believe she isn’t far away. Sorry, am rambling. Still getting through each day.
Life feels a bit easier this week and I have tidied the flat. Work has been good as am busy but some days I just cannot face it. It is pretty isolating and all self motivated tasks, so it is hard to keep goin, I get very demotivated working at home alone but at the same time am grateful as I can’t face people or too much noise.
I will try a parkrun this weekend and also meet up with some friends. I find how they are fair weather friends hard at times, and I believe most don’t remember what others are dealing with. Grief and any personal issue others face lives far from their minds, like an inconvenience getting in the way of a laugh. I can’t explain how it feels. G xxx
There are so many fair weather friends after a loss. Nobody ever asks anymore and are afraid to bring up mum. Yet we grievers want to talk about them!!!
Death is a taboo in our society and this needs to change.
Here in Italy they aren’t showing the advert “death deserves better” so I went to see it online.
The one of the girl playing and replaying her mum’s voicemail resonated with me.
I keep replaying a short audio message of mum’s. I love to hear her voice. I never want to forget it. I have no recordings of my dad who died over 40 years ago so I can’t remember his voice.
If society changed their perception of death and grief it would be so much easier for we who are grieving!
Well done Sue Ryder for raising awareness of this deficit in our society!
Aww Gill I understand how you feel.
My friends are the same also. No one wants to really talk about my mum and if I do they seem to quickly change the subject and I feel rejected.
I know what you mean about working from home but feeling isolated. I want to go out more but then I want to also stay home. Strange isn’t it.
I have been doing sorting jobs here at home and having a tidy up. A lot of things have gone to Glyn’s new flat so I am going to rearrange the whole house hopefully before the end of Feb. Am giving myself a target to get the house looking a bit tidier. I have neglected it for 2 years and just survived with mums furniture in my dining room and what an eyesore it has been all piled up and not wanting to move it.
Anyway I am on the case which I guess is a huge improvement.
Are you still coming to our meet up? I hope so because it will be lovely to meet you.
I am hoping to go on teh Friday and come back teh following Monday and like Kate I am going to find a hotel central so I can look around the shops.
Good luck with Parkrun !!!
Deb x
Hi Kate,
I couldn’t agree more. I have just one short recording of mums voice and I keep playing it over and over. I am so glad you said you do also as I thought it was just me going mad.
I finished the bottle of perfume mum bought for me and I had to go straight out to buy another. Its all the tiny things that make such a difference. I even spray her perfume from her collection so I can feel her near me. And her number is still on my phone. The date of the last phone call was heart breaking when I looked at it.
I wish there was more support for people grieving. Theres a huge opportunity for someone to start something in my area as there is nothing. I would love to start something but I don’t feel strong enough.
What we are all doing on her is amazing. How we have connected and supported each other for 2 years. And arranging meet ups also. Truly amazing !
Can’t wait to see you again and to meet all our lovely new friends.
Love Deb x
Deb that’s amazing about the perfume… I did exactly the same!! The last perfume mum bought for me… once I finished it I immediately bought myself the same one!!! I even kept that last bottle. I also have an issue about getting rid of anything mum bought, however small. Some of Alex’s toys or clothes that mum bought him and that he has now grown out of are so difficult to part with. I know I can’t keep them forever but it’s tough.
Hi Kate,
Same here. I think I brought 95%of mum’s furniture and things back here. That’s why my house had been like a store room for two years.
Most of her furniture cwas only 3yrs old so it made sense to keep it but it meant giving up my dining room. Honestly things were packed in there floor to ceiling. But I am clearing it slowly but it’s painful all over again. I need to clear my lounge furniture and swop for her grey furniture and put my oak things in the dining room. It will get done when Paul comes back from decorating at Glyn’s flat. And then I will get back to some sort of normality as far as the house is concerned.
I am just so glad I had room here for all the things as goodness knows how I would have coped. You were so brave and strong clearing your mum’s house bless you x
I can’t even part with her clothes. A lot I love and I can wear but there are some that a little old fashioned and I just know mum wouldn’t want me to hang on to them. Problem is I can visualise her in them and it’s so hard to give them away. I think that’s my challenge for this year. To part with a good few things.
I found her shower cap today
It was in a box that I happened to go into and I must have forgotten to put it back .Omg it stopped me in my tracks. I know I will never use it but just couldn’t throw it out.
It’s going to take us a hell of a long time to part with things we know we will never need or use and do I think that’s ok. We need time to heal and to be ready to part with them. Hold on to everything you have. Things she bought for Alex may be ok for your grandchildren one day . Wouldn’t that be amazing.
Let me know if you find any hotels in Manchester. How long are you planning to stay for?
Deb x
MEET UP SATURDAY 22nd MARCH 
I just put this up as a seperate post so it doesn’t get lost amongst the messages and it’s easy to find if scrolling. I’m happy to travel anywhere but I think it was agreed Manchester is the most central for everyone. I’m not great on hotel advice as never stayed in Manchester as I live here but I know The Midland or The Hilton are nice and you can find some good deals. I can ask some friends for recommendations and will check some out. Cannot wait to meet up xxx
,in my heart i think my mam has been fighting my height from her new home.the problem with where i am is both my boys are autistic and adhd and its so small here they literally have a single bed in their bedrooms and nothing else,couldnt even bring all my youngest’s toys as theres no where to put them luckily all my furniture and boys stuff is in storage so hopefully i can find a home where they can play and have space to move(sorry for the long post, just seems like forever since i had any good news ) xx
