It’s odd what triggers memories. Most of what i’m keeping from mum is stuff l bought her and a few bits i made for her. Realised the other day alcove in my house is kind of a shrine to mum. paintings i bought on holiday with her, a clock, a sculpture and china figure she gave me. The newest of items has been there at least 10 yrs- only just made the connection.
Ha Deborah, your mum and the handbag. That’s funny. Your mum was so blessed to have you. You had lots of fun together didn’t you? I read somewhere ‘you didn’t get to spend the rest of your life with them, but they got to spend the threat of theirs with you’ I find that quite comforting knowing they had us right to the end.
Actually a funny one of dad when him and mum toured America. They had got off the coach at some diner and dad went to the loo. Dad wore Hawaiian shirts and jeans in summer so kind of looked American. When he was in the toilet a very American local, assuming my dad was American, stood next to him and said ‘Don’t you just hate when all the tourists arrive here?!’ My dad felt really awkward and in a split second decision decided to go with his best American accent ‘Aww gee, yeah, they sure are a pain aren’t they?!’ A bit later when dad was in the queue to get back on the coach with the other tourists, he saw the same guy walk past and gave dad a funny look!! 
Oh, they were such fun, my parents. I was very lucky to have them.
Anyway, some news about the house. We’ve accepted an offer! I feel a bit wobbly about it but take inspiration from you and Kate who felt better when it was gone
Lots of love Hxxx
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Hi Sarah, it’s nice to have a little area with a few bits. An alcove is perfect. I have a windowsill in my hall with a picture, a couple of bits and a candle that I used to light every single night. I’m lighting the candle less now as I think it probably locks me in grief a bit more. I’m lighting it maybe once a week and if it’s birthdays anniversaries etc.
I still have mum and dad’s ashes at my house. I’m hoping my siblings will agree to scatter them somewhere this year. Things like this are not good for me. I have a room full of their things and need to vastly reduce this. I’m determined this will be a year where I ‘let go’ more and focus on the future
Lots of love Helen xxx
Aww Sarah that is so lovely. I have things of mums things all over my house but for the first year I also had an area in my lounge that was sort of mums special place. Mugs and plates of hers in my kitchen, candles of hers in my hallway, her sofa and dresser in my lounge and her lovely artificial flowers upstairs with her figures. They really do bring so much comfort.
Thanks for sharing.
How are you doing ?
Deb x
Hiya Helen
OMG that was so funny about your dad. I had a good laugh.
Yes mum and I had so much fun and I shall be forever grateful that we had that last lovely holiday together just 2 weeks before she started being ill. We stayed at a posh hotel in a castle and were treated like VIPs. We toured North Wales and I am so glad she got to do that. It was a real quality perfect time for us and for me now I can look back and think thank goodness we went. There was no sign at all of anything that was to come.
She did say however a couple of strange things. She said when we were randomly driving through Bangor that she wouldn’t be here when Glyn gets married. I said dont be daft mum and anyway he has no plans to get married for ages. another evening just before going for dinner she said it would be the last holiday she would go on. Again I told her dont be daft mum we have loads more places to explore. The comment was something she would never say in a million years. Even on teh journey up to North Wales I happened to say to her was she ok because it was a long way even though we broke the journey and stayed in a hotel in Mid Wales. She replied laughing saying no way its not to much at all. She said she would only be sitting in the house doing nothing which is the same as sitting in the car doing nothing. I remember handing her the map and saying ok from now on then you wont do nothing as you are now in charge of the route lol. Something she hated lol.
But oh my goodness I loved every second of her being with me.
Great about teh house but I understand its very emotional . I think when i had an offer on mums house it felt like I had been stabbed in teh heart and started to hope they would pull out. My mums house sold the same day as it was advertised so it was a mega shock. If I have any advice let the estate agent and the solicitors do everything. I got too involved and wanted to view every person. It fell through the first time over not knowing what one of the ceilings were made from and that caused me a lot of stress. When it went on the market again I did all the viewings and i must say it was awful as i couldn’t get past someone else living in mums house. Also at that time her furniture was still there as the estate agent thought it would sell quicker with furniture. It all didnt seem right to me that viewers went into her house with her things still there so that was another reason I was always there with viewers. Even after all that and choosing what I thought would be teh best buyers it turned out differently .The people who bought the house were in their 80’s and had said they would live there but oh no they let it. And the tenants are nothing but trouble so goodness knows what the house is like now. I try not to ask neighbours too much as its too upsetting.
I still say I felt better when it had gone and mum told me to sell it anyway.
The relief when gone was enormous. Its just one less thing to think about and financially it was costing a lot as there was only so much time allowed to be exempt from council tax etc.
You will be wobbly for a while and just before and on completion day I felt terrible. It was the end of an era and of course my childhood home.
But I know you will say the same as Kate and I did.
Am having a huge clear out here. Being ruthless and already since this morning got 3 bags for the charity shop. The stuff I have accumulated is beyond a joke. Going to spend the rest of January sorting and clearing every room in my house. It is a brilliant distraction and I am actually feeling more positive. Weather has improved also so that has helped.
Am thinking of you all x
Deb x
Hi All,
I’ve been chuckling reading your funny stories about your mums and dads and it’s good that you can laugh as well as feel the grief. That is good progress. That’s what they would want.
I had a really disturbing dream about mum a few nights ago where she was with me and we were happy then she died in the dream and it was an awful feeling all over again. It’s made me feel down these past days. I can’t seem to get into a positive mindset.
I too need to start getting rid of some of mums things like clothes and shoes, I really hope to do it soon but am not putting too much pressure on myself either. It could be true about not holding on to certain items to not prolong our grief.
Mum was pragmatic and I’m sure she’d want me to hold on to just a few of her things.
I can honestly say that although it was heartbreaking when the house went, it was also a relief to have it off my hands. As Deborah says, it was just a worry having it empty and it was also becoming an expense. I knew mum wanted us to sell it as she said so the day before she died.
I still struggle quite a lot with the loss around the house and of course my town, but that’s probably amplified by the distance involved and the fact I can’t just pop back easily.
Hope everyone is coping in this never ending January….
Love K xxx
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Just realised the cabinet that has stuff mum either gave me or i bought on holidays with her are on, was a xmas present from her. I don’t have many places to display stuff so it’s all ended up stuff on this one cabinet. All a coincidence just happen to be some of my favourite things
Hiya Kate,
Your dream reminded me of a dream or dreams I have had lately. In the please don’t laugh but I seem to lose my shoes. I have had these dreams for months and in my dream I am frantically looking for my shoes. Seems I am at various places each time but got come reason I am running around looking for my shoes. Anyway it really bugged me today and I had one lady night again so I googled it to go f out the meaning.
It’s all go do with being anxious after something that had happy to me and not knowing what direction my life is going in. Shoes apparently get you from a to b and looking for them means I don’t know what direction to go in, am unsure about the future and so on. Makes sense for me really. But it’s quite funny.
Isn’t it strange how your mum told you to sell the house the day before.
Another very strange thing that happened was this
About 2 weeks before mum passed I was sitting by her bedside when all of a sudden she woke up and was terribly agitated saying she had died. I kept calm even though I was upset and reassured her she hadn’t. I put on the lights and TV to show her she was on her home and I sat her up and calmed her.She said she had died because she saw her gravestone and that she died on the 29th. It was approx the 25th of Dec at this point in time. She said she saw 3 gravestones which were hers Mary’s and Pats. Mum had a very close friend who died quite young and we used to put flowers on her grave so I asked her if she mean her but she said no. Mum also had an Aunty Mary who was like her sister to her and her own mum died on childbirth so I assumed she meant her as again we used to put flowers on her grave. But she said no. At this point I didn’t talk anymore about it but I honestly thought mum would pass on the 29 th Dec. She passed on 30 th and I am sure she would have passed on the 29th if I hadn’t got up every hour during the night to give her a small amount of water. But this happened two weeks ago. My cousin’s daughter passed away suddenly aged 43 and her name was Mary. Can you honestly believe it!?? Not sure if this is something I reading into you much. I have a cousin called Pat so time will tell I guess.
It’s all so strange.
Going to stop now as I can feel the tears coming
Deb x
Hi Sarah,
That’s lovely you have a memory area with your mum’s things. It’s a go to place or a place just to look at. I can imagine it bringing you do much comfort.
I used to get up at night and be so upsets just sit near my memory area and I would always feel so close to mum. I even woke one night to find my son sitting on the floor looking at the photos on the table . It’s not just a place for us but the whole family.
I think it’s really lovely what you have done.
How are you managing in yourself. Are the boys back at school? What is your housing situation like now? Did you say you were moving again
How is the weather today in Barry?. It is awful here in Pembrokeshire. We are in the middle of a really bad storm. Lashing it down with rain. Can hear the roof tiles lifting so praying there’s no damage.
Keep going and hope we can possibly meet for a coffee in Cardiff sometime
Deb x
@seychelles pure chance. I moved into this house just over 20 yrs ago, she’d bought me the cabinet before that, the clock and china figure in 80s, the paintings circa 2014 and 1990s. The cabinet is the only place i can display things.
That’s really uncanny about your mum’s dream Deb. Those names! It is so strange that mum said about selling the house the day before she died. I keep thinking about things mum said in those last days/weeks. She said “ I won’t be here for much longer” just a few days before. I dismissed it saying “don’t say things like that Mum, “but I believe she could feel the end was near. I still regret not giving more weight to those words. If only I had known…
3 strange eerie things happened in the week before mum died.
6 days before Mum passed a guy was supposed to be visiting us to take a possible order and measurements for a stairlift to be fitted as mum was finding the stairs too much.
Well on the evening of the appointment he just didn’t turn up! No message, phone call or anything. Almost as if he knew it wouldn’t be needed…
Strangely a few months ago the company called me asking if I was still interested in a home visit and I had to say it was too late.
Then 4 days before mum died we had to go and get her healthcare card sorted (finally) as part of her residency application. We didn’t know exactly where the residency offices were so Valerio put the address on Google maps in the car. Then he followed the indications and it lead us straight to a cemetery!! I remember feeling a chill down my spine. 4 days later she was gone.
The afternoon before mum died I went to the hospital with mum’s new healthcare card to choose her a doctor. This meant mum was officially a resident at last!! I parked in the hospital carpark and right opposite was a funeral director’s. I looked at it and again I felt a strange chill.
Approximately 18 hours later I had to go there to choose a coffin for mum….!
I’ve often thought about these 3 episodes/coincidences since and I still can’t explain them. It was like a sixth sense. Very very strange.
Well I’m off to bed… hopefully I won’t have any bad dreams tonight.
Love to everyone.
K xxx
Hi Kate,
Omg those were strange things. I can’t get over them. How on earth do you explain all of that. It’s fascinating really and it’s only now we can appreciate them.
It’s like they were meant to be signs of some kind.
Sarah I think I may have got you mixed up with one of the other girls and an so sorry. Do you have sons? And you probably are not the person who has moved house lately? Apologies if not.
How’s evry else doing?
Deb x
Hi Girls,
Hope you are all ok
Four days and no posts. That’s a long time for us.
Is everyone ok? Okish I mean.
End of Jan girls. How did that go so quick?
I am plodding on. Feel miserable one day then okish the next. Very up and down. But that’s how it’s going to be like now.
Thinking of you all.
Deb x
@seychelles hi Deb this week hasn’t been great. Been dealing with mum’s house and if i can afford to buy it - my father’s s*** owns a1/3. My sis and boyf keep flip flopping on what to do so I’m unclear what they’re thinking. My sis has a lot going on with her business so her circumstances have changed. So I’ve gone from thinking about going back to work to my brain is fried!
Hiya Sarah,
Lovely to hear from you
What are you thinking of doing?
Buying it and buying the other person out ?
If you can afford to that would be great.
It’s all hassle though.
Selling the house will be hassle and dealing with mortgage people and everyone involved in buying is also hassle. Just found that out with my son buying his flat and from the offer accepted to completion it took over 7 months. Everyone is doing slow these days doing anything. Everything is passed to someone else and no one seems to speak to one another. All done via emails and portals. Just me getting old I think lol
Good luck anyway and I am sure you will do what’s best for you.
Deb x
Well small victories today i cooked a meal not just zapped in microwave or put something in oven. Ok didn’t start cooking till 10pm so will be for tomorrow but other than xmas dinner think it’s the 1st meal i’ve cooked from scratch since mum died. I’ve lived on ready meals which i know is not good for me but it was either that or chips, toast. Had no desire or energy to cook. Like i said small victories!
Hiya Sarah,
That is amazing. Well done honestly. It’s the tin y wins like these that show we are slowly moving forward. I am so proud of you.
I was exactly like you in the first few months.
I just ate what was easy and the bare minimum just to get by.
My mum loved her food and we always said she could eat for Wales lol so she would have been cross with me I know for hardly eating.
Like you say popping them in the microwave was what I did too. Simple and quick fixes. I lacked concentration in the beginning so making food was a no no. Too much effort needed. Aww well done for today.
Try to set a target to do it once a week for Feb then twice in march.
Build up slowly.
I am trying to get back into reading. Couldn’t concentrate on a book for the past two years. Would read a few chapters but didn’t have a clue what I had read. Thought I was losing my marbles. Anyway I stopped reading and it’s only this weekend I have started again and am only reading 2 chapters a night.
Sending lots of love your way
Deb x
I’m still here Deborah love. I’ve been quite busy and by the time I get chance at the end of the day I’m too tired to make any sense typing on here. I’m on here everyday seeing how you all are. The buyer has pulled out of mum and dad’s house. To be honest, I’m not actually too bothered. It’s giving me chance to process that the house is actually going.
Aw Kate, that’s a very upsetting dream about your mum. I have had one dream with mum and dad in it recently but cannot remember the ins and outs of it. It wasn’t upsetting though. My dreams generally have them as a presence. I’ve been feeling brighter recently but just these last few days I’ve been quite weepy. Their death is making its way into almost every conversation. I’m missing them so much it hurts. I’d give anything to nip round to see them, have a cuppa and put the world to rights. The world is a lonely place without them in it.
I’m off to Edinburgh in a week as my February ‘joy’ and I’m currently looking at gites in France for a family holiday which will be paid for from the proceeds of the house sale. Mum would love that. I’ve taken up knitting 
My mum was a wonderful knitter. She could do the most intricate patterns. Mine is very basic. I’ve noticed my facial expressions are the same as mums when I’m knitting and I stick my tongue out slightly when I’m concentrating on a tricky bit. I’ve even noticed that my hands look like hers the way I hold the needles! I’m turning into my mother! 
Anyone else notice similarities/ mannerisms with their mums? It’s quite comforting actually
Lots of love Hxx
Hi Sarah, it can seem a bit overwhelming with all the decisions to make. I have 3 siblings and we are all very agreeable so it makes life much easier. I was going to buy them out and keep mum and dad’s house but it was valued higher than we thought so it was above our limit. I was upset at first but then felt better that the decision was made for me really. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.
Well done on the cooking! Small steps but in the right direction. Love Hxx
Gosh Kate, reading those events before your mums death made me think they were some kind of warning? How would you have known though? The two episodes of the cemetery and undertakers made me go cold. Looking back there were some signs that mum was seriously ill. She didn’t look or act unwell though.
About a month before mum died I went round one day and mum just burst into tears as I walked through the door. When I asked what was the matter she just said ‘I can’t stop thinking about your dad and when he had to register Stephen’s birth and death at the same time’ (Stephen is a baby they lost before I was born. He only lived for 8 hours). I gave her a big cuddle and asked what was making her think like this. She didn’t answer and kind of pulled herself out of it and went and put the kettle on and carried on as normal. When I think back it was around the time she went for a chest xray due to her cough. She must have known it was potentially very serious but didn’t let on. It breaks my heart that she had this on her mind without sharing it with us. She wouldn’t have wanted us worrying.
I’m like you Kate, I go over and over the lead up to her death. I can’t help it. My mind just does it. That’s why I try and keep busy. Wishing for a peaceful week for us all. Lots of love Hxxx