Hi all, wish I could come down to meet you all on the 22nd, it would have been lovely but am looking forward to some nice photos. Manchester was this weekend and it was nice, a big city, but we were kind of on the outskirts. I felt so glad to be home, I seem to find going anywhere a massive undertaking now, unless it’s to go home and see dad. I don’t know why this has happened, my mum was a bit like this too, but later in life. I miss her a lot this week. It’s good to hear that am not alone with this, I find spring quite triggering too. All the colours starting to peep through in gardens, it was mum’s favourite time of year. She was so good at getting out into the garden and planting pots of pansies and geraniums for a dash of colour. I miss seeing this as dad is more inclined to just keep things tidy outside. I was in a shop (the Range), which I love yesterday but my hear broke a bit to see the mother’s day things and wished so much I could make a card or send her something nice. I will try aim to visit her that weekend anyway and bring some nice spring blooms. It is too hard some days being without them. Gill xxx
Hi Gill and everyone,
Apologies for not posting much. Am worrying about something at the moment and it’s taken the wind out of my sails so to speak. Just haven’t felt like doing anything and haven’t been on this site much.
Gill I know exactly how you feel about seeing Mother’s Day things in the shops. I saw something the other day and I could feel my heart tugging as I read the verse.
My mum was the same as your mum with her spring flowers in her garden. I have been out in my garden this week and thought where are my daffodils and spring flowers. Then it dawned on me since mum passed I haven’t planted any. It was always her and me shopping for bulbs and I just haven’t been able to buy any without her.
I am going to get mum a card and put it on display. Some people will think it’s strange but so what. If it helps me then it’s fine and she’s still my lovely mum but in a different dimension. Still very much here with me in so many ways.
Please don’t worry about not meeting up with us. We shall miss you of course but we understand. We will plan another trip before the end of the year so hopefully you can make it then. I feel the same as you. It’s a huge effort to go out and I only wish I could get my confidence back.
Helen, Kate and Lucy I can’t wait to meet up with you and Jules if you can make it. If anyone has booked a hotel can you let me know which one.
See you all soon.
Love Deb x
Hi Jules,
It’s the hardest thing in the world clearing,sorting and finally removing lifelong items from your parents house. I found so many things too that mum had kept like a tiny ornament that I bought her when I went on a school ski ing trip. And she had also kept my Mary Quant make up box. That’s going back years. I am still finding things and only this week I found little hair slides of mine when I was a child, my prefect badge and my christening gown. I only wish I had found them when mum was here so we could have reminisced together. There have been so many times I have wanted to ask her things about the past.
Keep going slowly Jules. That’s all you can do. You will find the strength from somewhere
Sending love.
Deb x
Hi Kate,
I am feeling very flat too.
And also dreading March as I always do. But at least mother’s day this year isn’t on my birthday. The first year just a month after mums funeral mothers day and my birthday were the same day. Omg looking back it was horrendous.
Great you have booked your flight. It will be amazing to see you again. Have you booked your hotel yet ?
Sending love.
Deb x
Hi Helen,
I think your mum was very brave to write those letters. It must have been hard reading them. My best friend wrote me a letter before she passed and it was heartbreaking to read. A few weeks before she passed I managed to get her into my car and we went to the beach. In the letter she thanked me because that’s all she wanted to do was to touch the sand and paddle. I remember the day vividly as I drove almost to the waters edge and as the sun was setting the rays of the sun came through the sky and honestly it was like seeing heaven meeting earth. It was such a magical moment and in the letter she mentioned it even though at the time we never discussed it.
Treasure your letter forever.
See you soon
Deb x
Hi Lucy and Sarah,
Lucy I get what you mean when you say you dont feel the same person and how confusing it all is. I feel like that too. I am missing my mum more than ever and even after 2 years I find myself thinking how on earth has this all happened. Mum completely gone for ever and me left feeling totally confused, up and down, overwhelming sadness, disbelief and guilty because I couldn’t save her. Sometimes I don’t even recognise the person I have become. You just have to grab any good moments or days and manage the not so good days as best you can. Keeping busy is something that helps me but getting motivated to be busy is another thing !
Sarah the house is going to be your biggest decision ever. It pulls on your heartstrings. I thought about buying my mum’s house and letting it . Then I thought of all the hassle that comes with that and all the landlord legal responsibilities that have recently come into force. It put me off to be honest. And also my age. I just want to chill now.
But there are estate agents who can handle everything for you so go for it if you can work it all out .
Take your time to decide though.
Hope you are ok and are able to meet us next time.
Looking forward to meeting you Lucy
Deborah x
Hi Deb
Good to hear from you I was getting worried…
Hope you are doing okay. I haven’t booked the hotel yet but will let you know once I have an idea.
Jules good to hear from you too.
It’s hard when the neighbours pass away. In the street where I grew up it was like one big neighbourhood family. Then one by one they started to pass away. Mum was one of the last. Looking back those carefree days were so precious.
Thinking of you with the house sale and all that it involves.
I think we are all trying to navigate this life without our mums (and dads). Nothing is the same anymore, everything just feels flat.
My mum was such a big part of my life.
Now we have to try and look towards the future. I’ve no reason to go back and life feels so empty because it made up a lot of our holidays each year. Alex loved going back too.
I’m just so thankful we all have each other and this space to talk openly about our grief.
Love to everyone.
K xxx
Hi everyone, I too am in a dip at the moment although I feel the dark clouds lifting so hoping it will pass soon 
It’s the first of march today so only 22 days until we meet! I know March is difficult for some of us especially Kate and Deborah, but by the time we meet it will be on its way out. It’s my birthday next week and out of all the anniversaries I find my birthday the hardest. It just makes me sad that mum and dad aren’t with me. We usually went out for a pub lunch. I always think of mum as a young woman all excited with her new baby girl. I’m crying just typing this.
I’ve had a really busy week. I’ve been sorting out solicitors and feeling quite anxious about the house sale. I was so disappointed to have to let their house go but now I feel it is right for my grief. I think keeping their house would hold me back a bit and I want to keep pushing forward.
Anyway, we’re off to climb Kinder Scout today so off to get a good breakfast first. Hope you have a good weekend. Happy st David’s day Deb! 
🌼 lots of love Hxx
Hi Kate, same! I’ve felt so flat. I’ve had that feeling where I just need a good cry but struggling to let it out for some reason. Because our parents were such a huge part of our lives, it really has been life changing. So many losses come with this including myself to an extent. It sounds really cliche to say but I have had to build a new life. My life is so different to how it was 2 years ago. I’ve really invested in friendships and that has been a blessing but I suppose subconsciously I’m filling the gaps in my life. I’m slowly accepting my life is in two distinct halves; one with my parents and one without and they are both very different.
I’m so grateful for my ‘Sue Ryder’ friends. That’s what I say to Tom, ‘I’m just messaging my Sue Ryder friends’ 
I don’t know how I’d have coped without you. Honestly, I really don’t. Can’t wait for our meet up. Btw another friend has recommended King street townhouse. I’m thinking of staying at the hotel with you so I’m not having to rush off for the last train. Speak soon 
Deborah you should be so proud of yourself for making your friend’s wish come true. You got her to the beach despite how poorly she was and the difficulties that must have created. What a wonderful thing to do. A memory for you forever and a moment of joy for her. Just lovely.
I’ve not been able to read the letter again. She wrote the most lovely things. Things that she always find me anyway but I have it in her handwriting now forever. It’s funny though how the slightest thing can affect you. At the end she wrote ‘I hope we will meet again’ That really upset me as I was adamant we WILL meet again. It keeps me going. I wish she hadn’t put ‘hope’ as it suggests it might not happen and I really cannot cope with that. It’s really special to have letters though and I will cherish it forever. Wishing you and everyone else a good weekend. Lots of love Hxxx
Aww Helen that’s what I call you all too : my Sue Ryder friends!! 
Sorry for late reply but I’ve had a debilitating cough this past week and have had zero energy!!
Today I’m feeling a bit better and it’s starting to break up so fingers crossed I’m on the mend!
I’ve really missed mum as she would have been fussing over me saying take some paracetamol Kate, rub some Vicks on yr chest etc and it really dawned on me that nobody really cares for me now like she did. I had a mega meltdown on Monday evening both with Valerio and Alex (pre-teen attitude problems) and I just lost it! I was feeling like 
and I just couldn’t take any more. I said do you realise I’m still grieving every single day and always will be and I feel like I’m going through life without a limb now mum’s gone?! Little Skye never left my side that evening. Dogs are amazing, they just sense and understand everything.
Anyhow I felt awful afterwards as Alex was crying and I know mum wouldn’t have approved of my outburst, but I just felt so poorly, fed up and low.
I felt nobody cared if I was around or not and mum’s fussing over me when poorly, her steadfast presence in my life was so missed. 
Girls I’m definitely looking at hotels this weekend!!! Helen the one you said is available I think, quite pricey but looks lovely.
Are you thinking of staying over on the Saturday? I’ve had a quick look but definitely want one in very centre. It would be great if we could all be in same one! Lucy are you staying overnight too?
Anyhow will get looking seriously this weekend and report back.
Love to you all.
K xxxx
Hi Kate, don’t feel bad about your outburst. I think it’s good for kids to see the raw emotions that life creates. He has a very stable life and loving parents. Life isn’t always perfect and he will learn this from your grief. I’ve done this many times. Like you I just have a sense that I will never be loved that much again. I feel mum genuinely adored me. She used to tell me I was wonderful and when I moaned about another wrinkle etc. she’d say ‘oh Helen, you just get even more beautiful with age’ It’s not true btw but mum felt that. Our relationship wasn’t perfect. She could get on my nerves sometimes and I’m sure I did her, but the love was always there. I miss that so much. I sometimes feel so lonely without mum and dad. Even though I have Tom, my sisters, friends and my kids (kind of) I still feel like the world is empty. Totally get where you’re coming from Kate.
I’m just in Barcelona until Monday visiting James so I will look at hotels then. A friend has recommended King street townhouse so I’ll have a look. Yes, I’m going to stay on Saturday night. I can pick you up from the airport Kate. We can finalise everything next week.
Hope everyone else is okay. Lots of love to you all Hxxx
Thank you Helen. . It’s true, our mums were our nr. 1 fans and support network. I too sometimes didn’t always see eye to eye with mum, but now I just miss her constant presence in my life, like we all do. I feel I took her for granted and now the void is immense. Sometimes this very different life feels scary.
The relationship you have with your sisters is precious and you are so lucky to have each other for support.
Have a great weekend in Barcelona seeing James. 
Hope everyone else is managing ok?
Lots of love.
K xxx
Hi Kate,
Just want to say I could have written exactly what you posted. Are you my twin or something.
I feel that I will never ever again have that connection with anyone that I had with mum. I miss her presence in every aspect of my life. I miss the dimple things like just having her sitting in the passenger seat when I am driving, looking for her when I go shopping as I always checked in her, telling her a bit of gossip I had heard and do on.
I miss her calmness and reassuring replies. I miss helping her with everything from housework to helping her shower and taking her for appointments , days out and just every where she wanted to go.
I too have had times when it feels so overpowering sad and the feeling of being alone to manoeuvre this world without has brought that guy wrenching feeling back that I had in the beginning.
I often go back over everything that happened and it’s so hard to realise it’s actually all happened.
I too have said things to Paul like I am still grieving and I don’t want to go wherever he suggests or whatever he wants to do. That’s the loneliest time because it hits home now one understands this horrible feeling we are living with.
I do try to put a brave face on but there’s times when it’s just too much.
I have tried distracting myself and since Xmas I have put plans in place to do lots of things for each month but it’s just masking everything. Still going to continue though to set monthly goals as that’s all I can do.
Mum would definitely tell me to live my life to the full. She wouldn’t want me being like this. Not one bit. But without her here everything seems pointless.
Maybe girls this is how we are supposed to feel girls. We are still grieving and it’s only been just over 2 years. It’s reassuring that you and Helen feel like this because I honestly thought I was probably going to have to see a doc for depression or something.
Anyway I have looked at train times. I will need to travel on the Fri by the looks of things as otherwise I won’t get there until late afternoon on Saturday. But that’s ok.
Let me know where you are staying.
Deb x
Hi Deb,
All those things you list like mum being in the passenger seat, telling her some news or gossip and doing things for her just resonated with me. I feel redundant not having to think about her care or worry about her. She was such a major part of my life and now there’s this massive void. I guess we have to build our lives around the void. I too know for sure mum wouldn’t want this one bit, but what can we do?
She said always be happy… I’m trying to for her but some days are so tough. In a way it’s harder with the passing of time… I don’t know. Also the fact nobody ever mentions her.
Thank heavens we all have each other who understand 100%.
Don’t worry about the travelling, we’ll get that and the hotel sorted when Helen gets back.
Lots of love
K xxx
Hi Kate,
There’s nothing we can do that’s the problem. I have always been mums problem solver and when she was in end of life I felt completely helpless. Helpless and totally alone and that’s the sort of feelings I have felt lately. I agree that no one mentions her except when I say something about her and they usually say a word or two then quickly change the subject. It gets hurtful then. I get the impression they think I should be over her and in return I just want to scream at them and say please just talk about her because it will help me. But unless you have gone through this you just don’t understand and I suppose looking back I have probably been the same to people. Grief has been such a learning curve for me . It’s made me a better person I think. I certainly think more before I speak now not just to grieving people but to everyone.
I think in the beginning I had lots of signs. Well I thought they were signs anyway. But now they have stopped. Nothing for months. No feathers or things happening with lights. I often wonder is that it ? I hope not.
I managed to sort a few more things of mum’s the other day and was able to part with things that she would have certainly said to throw out. Took them to the charity shop.
It was a little easier to do after 2 years.
I was gardening today and noticed some poppies and forget me knots growing in mum’s pots. I just wanted to show her because she loved them. She used to say they were Welsh poppies but I honestly think she made that up. I will have to Google to see if there are such poppies lol.
I have noticed I have a few mannerisms like mum. Sounds daft but I was eating something the other day and I instantly thought mum used to eat like that. And I was blow drying my hair today and looking in the mirror I could see mum because she used to flick her fringe back just like I was doing. It stopped me in my tracks. It’s all the little things that creep up when you least expect them.
I also sorted my wardrobe out and came across a top I wore when mum was in hosp and I wore it a lot when she came home. I didn’t have many clothes with me and didn’t want to go home to get any in case something happi to mum. Anyway I tried it on and just sobbed. I was going to throw it away but something stopped me. I think I should. Oh I could go on and on. There are endless things that are so rewarding and triggering.
Mum was the same Kate. She used to say that life is too short to be miserable and if I was ever miserable she would get up and say she was going to make a cuppa and when she comes back no more being miserable as it was depressing. She would come back into the room struggling with the cup of tea and say “You are not still miserable are you?” And then she would somehow make you feel it was all so trivial. That’s what I miss so much. Its the way she was always right and made me feel so much better.
I am just so grateful I had her in my life for so long. And that we had that lovely holiday just her and me a few weeks before she passed. I go over and over the lovely times we had on that roadtrip of a holiday and realise how extra special it was.
Will wait to hear from you about hotels. I have looked and there are a few that are very central. The Midland , Parc Plaza, Marriott. There’s loads.
Looking forward to seeing you Helen and Lucy.
And to everyone else next time
Deb x
Much as i want to buy mums house not sure i can afford to. @Helen11 i like the term sue ryder friends. My boyf doesn’t know about sue ryder so i just say im texting friends. Iike u mum and i didnt always get on. Mum would do anything for anyone but she was also known as the family rottweiler. Need something done call Shirley or prehaps not cos she’d run with it and you’d be swept along. when i needed a new freezer she ordered 1 without asking me and got upset when it didn’t fit my space - i kept it (it’s caused no end of problems and i paid for it). Last
time we fell out was cos when
helping her i wasn’t smiley enough. She
worked as a school secretary and
naughty kids were sent to her
not the head. Sorry for the long post that veered of topic. Mum’s
aren’t always cuddly, she was with other people’s kid and my nephew. typing this think i’ve inherited more from her than i like to admit. I worked asau pair thought i was quite strict but kids love me to the point i always got put on the kids table at family events, Parents felt it’s ok sarah will look after them.
my other half said if we have to sell mum’s house he’s taking her tree - a japanese acer she loved. It’s where we wanted to scatter her ashes. Chris has a friend who’s a tree surgeon who can help. Its about 25yrs old and 1 of the reasons i find it hard to sell the house she loved it so much! Sis said if we dig it up the dip in ground will create a pond. Don’t care if we’re selling it’ll b someone else’s problem - thou i like a pond. if we move in then it stays. It’s weird what you attach emotions to, my childhood
bedroom, the fireplace and that tree. Again
sorry for the rambling.
Aww Deb we do feel redundant for want of a better word now that we don’t have our mums to care for any more.
You were the perfect daughter and did so much for your mum and she knew that. You had that last holiday which you can treasure forever.
I’m so grateful mum was with us for those last 6 months, I just wish that I would have known they were to be the last months and I would have done anything and everything I could have to have made them as perfect as possible for mum. I didn’t expect such a sudden and abrupt end to her life.
Our mums do sound very similar in their outlook on life. Mum was very stoic and pragmatic in her attitude towards life and its problems. I do wish I could be more like her. She always said I was the born worrier just like my dad. She was right.
I’m trying to live in the present more, and enjoy the little things, it just feels scary thinking about the future at times.
I still have mum’s things to clear in the bedroom. I’ll do it when I feel physically and mentally stronger as this cough has taken it out of me and I’ve had no energy these past weeks.
Welsh poppies… that sounds unique lol.
Here there are hardly any daffodils around, not like in the Uk which is such a wonderful sign of Spring. I planted some last year and they should be sprouting soon, but we have a week of rain forecast I think.
Hope you have a lovely Sunday.
I’ll be doing the football mum rounds again later.
K xxx
Hi Sarah,
Where were you an au pair? That sounds interesting. Whatever differences, arguments or words we had with our mums is normal in mother and daughter relationships, but the love we all shared with our mums comes through on all our posts. That’s why we are all here.
I can understand your feelings about your mum’s house. I was so attached to the house, especially the garden.
It’s nearly a year since I sold the house, and I still miss it so much. I dream about jumping on a plane and travelling back to find the house just as it was with mum sitting in her armchair and surprising her. If only…
Sending love.
K xxx