Thinking of you Jules. Sending you love H❤️
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Thinking of all of you. X
Hi Ladies,
Jules I’m so sorry about your dad. I can imagine the worry and stress you are under right now. Let’s hope something can be done for his aneurysm; it’s hard but weigh up the pros and cons before making a decision. It never rains but it pours. Try to stay strong for your dad.
It seems the car is definitely a sign Deborah, a gift for your son on your mum’s birthday…like she’s part of it. Birthdays are tough; maybe just take a little time to sit quietly and remember happy birthdays past. It’s hard I know. I made one of mum’s favourite meals and we toasted her on her special day. It was still her special day, even though she isn’t here.
Helen, I did/do read mum’s texts and I have listened to voice recordings on my phone. Listening to her voice did actually bring me comfort, but it seems impossible she’s not just sat in the next room, but maybe that’s where they are…just in the next room. Every time I walk into the house I too just wish mum was sat in her usual place. Oh why did I take her presence for granted?
This is what I find most difficult to deal with.
Leila, Mum did feel comfort after the medium performance she went to, she came back very assured that she would see dad again one day. I think we all need to know this right now. We all feel lost in the woods without our mums, our anchors.
Thinking of you all and sending strength.
With love,
Kxxx
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The André Rieu “club” is also a sign I think. I’d love to think of our lovely mums watching those joyous concerts together up there! 
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Hi Girls,
What can I say except I think I am back to square one. Last night I couldn’t sleep so sat with mums photo downstairs had endless cups of tea and cried. Thought i would be ok today but oh no. I have never cried so much since mum passed. Nothing will console me today. The tears are right there ready to start at any second. It’s one of those days. It is mums 90th today and everything is setting me off. Not getting her a card , no presents or special day. I know I could have sorted those things still but I just couldn’t do anything. I feel totally numb. Nothing my husband or son says helps so I am just keeping to myself today.
My sons car arrived today and even the man who delivered it I should show more enthusiasm. I told him a car is a car and just came back into the house. If only people really knew what another person is going through !!! Looking back I probably said daft things in the past to people and it is only now I am realising it. All this has certainly taught me its best to say nothing than say anything sometimes.
This is by far the worse day I have had for a while. It has also taught me that I can’t be complacent and that my grief is going to creep up from behind at any time and hit me for six.
I think I felt I got through New Years Eve by being totally out of it as mum had passed the day before Then Mothers Day and My birthday was another firsts and I thought I got through that okish so I guessed today her 90th would come and go the same. How wrong I was.
I have known people who have been able to move on after losing loved ones but I don’t understand how they can do it. I don’t think I will ever get through this.
I am so sorry to be so negative today.
Deborah x
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Hi Deborah, Just saying hello and sorry to hear you are back to square one- I can definitely identify with the tea drinking and disrupted sleep. I’m waking up most mornings feeling sick and almost like a hangover is creeping over me. No wine involved unfortunately. Is early days remember. It will be like this for a while yet. I’m still getting tearful over Mum - despite painting on a smile and trying to carry on. Work is a good distraction but sometimes I forget just how demanding people are of your time. I learnt a long time ago though that even if I worked 24/7 I would never be up to date with my work. Getting back to you and your Mum. What is moving on anyway? It sounds like you and your Mum had and have an incredible bond. I’m the same. Mum is everything to me and I know , especially through my work, not everybody has that bond and relationship. Everybody responds differently to grief and we have to grieve our way and in our time. You may not think so but you will have become a little stronger each day - even if not feeling it. I’m not sure when our tears will lessen but one day they will. Nobody will replace our Mums but our families and friends will get us through. We have a second chance to be happy. Some people don’t experience a first. I truly believe I will meet my Mum again. Her voice is vivid and I hear her most days telling me something. I could even smell her lovely scent the other day. People may think I’m nuts/ mad - but I think they’re the mad ones if they don’t experience this. I know nothing is bringing Mum back to me - but one day I will be reunited with her. When I feel down I try and remember this. I’m working with a young person who is just 11 and lost her Mum recently. I’m stretching myself to get through this intervention but in some way we are maybe helping each other. I’m so so grateful Mum was in my life for so long but maybe that’s making it all the harder. Sorry - feel like I’m rambling on now! But take care and I’m thinking of you and all of us in this awful time , Jules x
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Hi everyone
Jules- I am so, so sorry to hear about your dad. I will pray for him that he improves. Do you have support around you?
Kate- what a lovely thought! Maybe they are enjoying Andre out there and collectively willing us to feel at peace with their passing and know we will see them again. I am glad to hear that your mum was convinced after seeing the medium. It gives me hope.
It sounds like we are all struggling a great deal at the moment. I have taken my mum’s case of lack of care and negligence to a solicitor. It took me many weeks of hard work to collate all the evidence I had and write states, timelines, etc. An expert has assessed but seems to only be based on hospital records, not my evidence. I felt devastated yesterday, honestly the thought of suicide crossed my mind as I read all their lies. My daughter and my husband (and my beloved cat) are all that keep me going. My mother deserves better.
Love, prayers and strength to you all xxxx
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Hello Leila,
Thanks for your message. Is a sad time but doing my best to keep going. I have a good support network around me: a loving partner, one 11 yr old daughter and an older son , and friends/ family etc but I’m often alone in my thoughts. Feel like shutting myself away a lot of the time; when I’m not working, but I know that isnt healthy long term. So sorry to hear about your Mum. I can’t believe they are only using the hospital notes and not yours - that isn’t ethical or fair surely. How stressful on top of everything. I’ve struggled with hospital staff in the past for Dad. I challenged a consultant over something and he didn’t like it. I hope you get justice and peace of mind. X Oh I also have a beloved 
. A rescue cat. He is also a massive part of my support network!
Hi Ladies
Jules, I agree with you it is important to try and find something to be grateful about. I read a really interesting article about this online just today. We have to try and search for the positives, even in the face of grief and loss. I too look back and am grateful mum was in my life for nearly 51 years and that I got to spend so much time with her and I am grateful for many other things which happened in the last year, even though 2022 was the worst year of my life. Then I try to think realistically that one day was the worst day of my life, the rest of the year was also full of happy moments to treasure.
Deborah, it’s normal to feel the way you are. Birthdays are so bloody hard. Grief is not linear as we all know. It’s still very early days so don’t put pressure on yourself. Take each day as it comes, it’s not a cliché.
Leila , I’m sorry that you have to go through taking your mum’s care case to a solicitor, but it’s very courageous of you to do so. Of course you want justice for your dear mum. I would be 100% the same, good luck with that.
Sometimes I still feel as if I’m just drifting along and it will be 7 months tomorrow. I try to find something, however small or trivial to look forward to to get me through the day.
The future still seems scary and bleak without mum, but I’m making an effort to keep plodding on. I know she’s willing me to do so and all our dear mums are behind us guiding us on this difficult journey.
Love and hugs to you all.
K xxxx
Hi Girls,
Aww thank you all for your lovely kind words and support. It has really meant a lot tonight to me. I have felt like sh… today so went to bed for a few hours and woke up feeling a bit better. It was what I needed as was awake all night and just wanted to be left alone. It worked.
I agree with everything you have all said It is indeed early days and look how far we have all come. We have to be grateful for the smallest of things and learn to walk baby baby steps.
Leila I can’t believe they are based on hospital records only. What a farce!!!.
I asked fr all my mums records when she was admitted and they arrived yesterday . Haven’t looked at the disc yet. Too painful. You have done so well so far so keep going with your case.
Jules I also feel I will be reunited with Mum. People also think I am mad especially when I say certain things like signs. Mum believed in signs so I know some of the signs are from her.
It must be so hard working with the little 11 yr old. I remember a few years ago having a little girl in Year 6 so she would have been about 10 yrs who lost her brother. She used to put her hand up in class and ask if she could see me and the class teacher knew she needed to talk. She used to come down to see me and knock on my door and sometimes she would say to me Shall we have a cup of tea Miss ? She used to keep a special box of photos and things in my room and she would get them out and we would chat about them. We had fundraised for a bench for her brother and it was in the forest area of the school grounds so we would go and sit there for our cup of tea chats. When she left the school to move to the Comp she wrote me the most beautiful letter and made a heart shaped hanging ornament she had gathered from the forest area where we used to sit. She would be about 28yrs old herself now and I often think about her. There was no training in those days on how to handle grief but the common sense way of listening and giving one’s time was all that was needed to make that little girl feel someone cared and she could carry on believing in herself.
Kate where has the 7 mths gone for you ? It is just 4 mths for me and that is mad because I don’t know where the months have gone to. I am just plodding on too. Aimlessly plodding on with no purpose. I agree with you about our mums being behind us pushing us through all this.
Well I have never been so glad to see the end of a day as today. I promise to be better tom and be there for you girls when you fall. Thank you all for today. Coming onto the site tonight has given me a purpose and I knew you would all understand how I have been feeling
Helen are you okish lovely?
Will be back tom to check on you all
Love Deborah x
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Hi Deborah and other friends, I felt like I’d taken a big step back last week but have somehow picked myself up again. It’s just so hard isn’t it? I felt so sad for you when I read how bad you’d been feeling. My strategy is just let it out. It’s like a steam kettle, it builds and builds and the tears are the release valve. I think you just have to ride the storm and let it pass.
That’s a lovely heartwarming story about that little girl. I bet even now she tells people about her lovely headteacher who gave her so much time and comfort. What a kind person you are.
I’ve been keeping myself busy. I find when I’m home alone I start overthinking and end up feeling very low. Once I’m on a downer it’s hard to pick myself up for a bit and can last a few days. Feeling better at the moment so am going with it.
Lots of love to everyone Hxxx
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Hiya Helen
I thought you were having a downer as you were quiet on here. You are so right about it being like a steam kettle. I still don’t feel well after mums birthday It affected me terribly.
I have tried to keep busy today as yesterday was another awful day. Just cleaned my car and done some washing just to keep going.
Tomorrow I am going to see friend who is making an afternoon tea for her family and the Coronation. When she heard I wasn’t doing anything she insisted I called at her house even just for an hour so I said I would. She is making it a bit of fun and we have to wear a tiara or crown. She knew I was going to do an afternoon tea with mum here so she asked me to make something that I usually make. I decided to make jellies in china cups like like Angel does in Escape to the Chateau and use mums china cups. We used to watch that programme together and mum loved it. After they set I will put a chocolate heart on top of each one. So easy and I feel I am contributing even when i feel I haven’t any enthusiasm.
How are you all girls?
Are you doing anything for the Coronation ?
Thinking of you all
Deborah x
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Hi Deborah, I’m so glad you’re going to your friends. The jelly cups sound wonderful. Escape to the chateau is a lovely programme. I’m still doing okay. For me after a bit I start to feel it like an anxiety but once I have a good cry it eases.
I’m having my dad and sisters to watch the coronation. I’m doing a brunch as it’s in the morning. I’m making paninis. My favourite filling is bacon (veggie for me) sundried tomatoes and cheese with bbq sauce. It’s delicious when all melted together. Later in we’ll have jam and scones. I bought a lovey old China teapot from a vintage place a couple of years back so that will be making an appearance. I made some bunting for VE Day so I’ll put that up. Our local village are hosting a street party on Sunday so might have a walk there.
I’ve been a bit more ‘accepting’ these last few days. When I start thinking ‘mum would enjoy all this’ a voice comes and tells me ‘well, mum isn’t here is she but you are so you’ll just have to crack on and enjoy won’t you? ‘ it’s quite a bossy voice but I need it right now. It’s like it tells me off!
Hope everyone is bearing up. Lots of love to you all. Hxxx
Hi Helen,
Lol I love the bossy voice. Reminds me of me.
The Coronation celebrations sound fun. Well done on doing something.
I am going to try the paninis as they sound fab.
Deborah x
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Hi Everyone,
Hope you all enjoyed the Coronation celebrations. I managed to see most of the ceremony on BBC World. It was lovely.
I haven’t been too good these past days, just feel very low and teary constantly. Going over mum’s last days in my head and feeling lost. Thinking about this time last year etc etc
Talking to mum (when I’m alone), and saying how sorry I am and how much I love and miss her.
Hopefully I will pick myself up again soon.
Hope you are all doing ok.
Take care.
Love K xxx
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Hi Kate and everybody! I’ve also been the same Kate. We watched The Coronation on our TV - it was wonderful to see and the accompanying classical music was perfect… I’ve also felt very sad. I was up with the larks this morning thinking of Mum while on the sofa drinking my tea. Tears were shed. Popped into Romsey Oxfam with my daughter this morning and I saw a wooden Mum arrangement which read “ the perfect Mum was grown when they made you “ .Well that was it for me - I had to move away from it. I hope you are feeling a bit happier today. This journey is rough. One day I’m riding the wave and the next I’m sinking to the bottom of the ocean. But, I’m confident life will get good again. In time xxxx
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Hi girls, sorry to hear you’ve been low Kate and Jules. It’s really hard. We pick ourselves up but it’s a daily battle to keep plodding on. It’s like a constant fight not to feel sad all the time. I think it just gets too hard to keep fighting sometimes and we just have to let it go.
I had my dad and sisters round to watch the coronation. We tried to keep cheerful but mums absence was huge. My sisters and I were laughing about something but poor dad just looked lost. He didn’t engage much. It’s so hard seeing him so sad. I wish I could take his pain away.
I have been a bit brighter the last few days. I was a bit snappy and moody with Tom last night but not sure if that’s the grief or hormones?! (52 year old here 
) I went and sat out in the garden with my cup of tea and just listened to the birds with my sad thoughts I woke up okay again this morning. It’s raining here so we went for a Wetherspoons breakfast and the pictures. We didn’t know what film to see so watched ‘The unlikely pilgrimage of Harold Fry’ It was good but a bit depressing. Home now ready for sausage and mash.
Keep going girls. Our mums are proud of us. Lots of love Hxxx
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He he know what you mean about the hormones Helen. I’m 51 now and I have a pre-teen daughter. Put grief, hormones, pre- teen daughter into a bag and take your pick! Sounds like you had a good couple of days despite the absence of your Mum. My Dad is also so so lonely. He is now at the bargaining stage of grief. He is also physically unwell. Part of me wishes him a recovery . The other his wish of seeing his beloved wife very soon. My Mum and Dad were great dancers ( they met at a jive competition) back in 1963. I inherited my parents love of dance and feel like I should embrace it again. I’m waiting for a Strictly Come Dancing public sector series! Is sad seeing someone you love in pain. X
Found this girls and it sums up how I feel.
We also watched the Coronation but was so sad mum wasn’t there. She loved the Royal Family and would have been in here element watching it.
Love Deborah x
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Hi Girls,
Oh I know Deborah, mum would have loved the Coronation. All that pomp and ceremony. I remember her saying what a wonderful state funeral for our Queen and that she deserved every minute of it. Little did I know whilst we sat watching it together that I would lose mum just a couple of weeks later…
I’ve been feeling a bit better today and for having gone into work. The last few days I was so weepy, so low, just missing mum so much. Last night I was exhausted and slept from 9 through til 7!! That was a first for me.
Helen and Jules I know what you mean about hormones… I too have awful mood swings and am so stroppy with everyone at times. Grief + hormones is a terrible mix!!
Hope you are all doing okish and enjoyed your bank holiday weekend.
Love and hugs to all.
Kxxx
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