@Helen51 I too had mum cremated directly as she died here with me in Italy where I live, so I didn’t have much choice. I too am thinking of a memorial/ celebration of her life later in the summer , also maybe at her house in the garden. I’m hoping that by then some of the heaviness will have subsided and I can focus on celebrating her life in a more joyful way. I’m starting to jot down a few ideas too.x
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Oh that is such a shock. You did amazing to get a heartbeat with your CPR. You gave her the best chance of survival but sadly it wasn’t to be. I am heartbroken. I feel like I will never be happy again. I’m going through the motions of life but no joy in anything. It’s like the colour has gone from my life. My dad is not doing too good. He’s absolutely devastated. They did everything together. I used to do loads with them too. We’d go on holiday, to the cinema, I’d visit 3 or 4 times a week. I’m seeing dad everyday at the moment but it is so hard going to the house and seeing mums spot in the sofa empty, her things everywhere. Mum was a lifelong Manchester City fan and we watched the game on TV on Friday and I just cried all the way through. I kept seeing the seating area that mums season ticket was allocated. Just everything reminds me of mum. I’m helping dad go through the finances as mum did all that, she was so organised. Seeing her handwriting and the way she filed everything is so difficult. My life is changed forever and I don’t like it. How are you doing? Are you finding it easier to cope with? Have you got support? Xx
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Yes, I’m hoping it will give us time to allow some of the pain to ease so we can actually celebrate her wonderful life without the all consuming sense of loss I feel right now. I still struggle to believe it and that she isn’t coming back. Struggling to get my head round that. She was a massive part of my life and although I have a loving husband and 3 grown up kids, I honestly don’t think I will ever be loved again as much as my mum loved me
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Oh Helen i feel the same No one can love you like your mum. xxxxx Big hugs
Deborah x
My thoughts exactly. The house is so empty without her after nearly 4 months. I still can’t find the courage to go into her bedroom where I found her… that traumatic image. I’m having counselling to hopefully make it less traumatic with time, but deep down I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.
Now that she’s gone I just feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness… a gaping hole that can’t be filled and the sadness as I didn’t get to tell her how much I loved her.
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Do you have any friends or family that can support you? I know my dad has been my rock throughout the whole of this i wouldnt of been able to get through the blur of these like 6 months without him. I know it must be very difficult for my dad because he was with my my mum for 43 years they were childhood sweethearts, but he has been there for me and his granddaughter. I am so sorry you are going through this its such a terrible loss i am sending strength and love your way xxx
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Thank you.xxI have my partner and young son, but I miss having a friend to talk about how I’m feeling. Even my closest friends are silent. I think people just don’t know how to react to bereavment. As a society, we aren’t taught how to react to death and there’s a tendency to want to cheer people up and put a plaster over our sadness, but sadness and death are part of life.
It will be 17 weeks tomorrow. The weeks pass by so quickly, but at times I still can’t believe she’s gone. Maybe because it was so sudden… there was no warning…I don’t know. Do you feel too that the time has gone quickly since the loss of your mum?xxx
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It’s just 15 days for me but honestly, it feels like I haven’t seen my mum for months. I miss her so much. Had a terrible day today. We got the date of mums direct cremation as this coming Saturday and it’s just hit me so bad that that’s it! I was also helping dad go through the finances and I saw mums birth certificate, marriage certificate and some letters that she wrote a couple of years ago to each of us children, in the event of her death. Seeing those letters has broken my heart. I don’t know if I will ever be able to read mine. My eyes are so sore from the crying today. I just feel like I will love the rest of my life in pain
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I know how you feel, going through mum’s "file"was heartbreaking. I knew it was there, but never wanted to open it up. I also have a few letters from mum, but can’t bring myself to read them now.
It’s very early days for you, it will get a little easier, day by day, then you may get a bad day and feel so sad.
Will you be present for the cremation? I had a similar thing as mum wasn’t in Uk so couldn’t have a funeral as we know. I then had mum’s ashes back 2 days later. The ashes were put in a special photo frame (actually a type of urn) with a photo of us taken on Mother’s Day 2 years ago. I will try to attach a pic. It brings me comfort to know she’s back with us and I often talk to her. You will probably feel better in a way once you’ve had the cremation. I feel closer to mum now.xx
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Oh how lovely. What a beautiful photo and your mum looks lovely and so happy and proud. Are the ashes at the back of the picture? No we can’t attend the cremation but just know it will be Saturday morning. I’m thinking I might just go up in the hills and reflect that day. We will have her ashes back hopefully next week. I think I will feel better once we get those back. We are going to plan a beautiful ceremony to celebrate mums life in the summer. My mum was called Marjorie which means ‘pearl’ and her birth month was September with the birthstone sapphire. Ive been looking at pearl and sapphire necklaces as I need something to touch when I’m feeling anxious or sad that helps me feel my mum is near and this seems right.
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I’m also going to redo some of the garden with mums favourite flowers etc and things to make me think of mum. An area dedicated to her that I can sit in xx
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Oh that necklace is beautiful… what a lovely idea! I too plan to have a celebration of mum’s life when I can get back to Uk hopefully in June, probably in mum’s garden which was a place full of happy memories for us over the years.
Here in my little garden (which mum adored), I’m also thinking of planting some of mum’s favourite flowers and dedicating a little corner to her. She loved sitting out in the Spring and Summer.
The photo frame opens at the back and the box with mum’s ashes fits in perfectly. I instantly knew that she would approve of that and it really does bring me a lot of comfort having her home.
Also a lovely idea to go to the hills to reflect on Saturday. Where do you live? I really miss the English countryside, I’m from Gloucester and the Cotswolds are nearby. We always went there when we were home for a drive and a cream tea, mum loved that. In fact I’m thinking of having an afternoon tea as part of her memorial.xx
I’ll look into that photo frame/ashes container. I love that. I live on the edge of the Peak District, just outside greater Manchester so a little train trip to the hills, maybe go up Kinder scout as that’s where my dad proposed to my mum and where they used to take us a lot when we were kids. I love the Cotswolds, it’s so beautiful there. I too was thinking of an afternoon tea at mums ceremony. I was also thinking of buying rose plants of mums name to give to people to plant in their gardens. I am also going to make memory bears from mums clothes to give to the children. We will read some poems, tell stories, play music and have everyone toast mum with her favourite tipple of quantro and lemonade. Ooh, it seems I have given this a lot more thought than I realised. Maybe it is something positive to focus on in these dark days. Our beautiful mums deserve a very special ceremony 
They certainly do deserve a beautiful memorial day!
You’ve given me some lovely ideas too… I especially like the idea of the roses and the bear. A little memorial gift to take away. That’s one good aspect of waiting for the memorial, we have plenty of time to jot down and think about our ideas. It’s all part of the grieving process, but it gives us something positive to focus on as you say.
I’ve never been to the Peak District, I’ve been to Manchester a couple of times in the past 3 years … only to the stadium though, as my son is an avid Manchester 
fan! 
It’s so nice to chat Helen, I’m sure we can support each other in these difficult times.xx
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Yes, it’s really good to chat with someone who can understand. Direct cremation gives a chance for the sense of trauma to settle and gives time to gather ideas and make it extra special and personal. My mum was a lifelong Manchester City fan. She has a season ticket which I will use to go with dad when we feel up to it. She’d been going for almost 70 years since she was 9. She was such a character and the kindest most loving mother I could have been blessed with. Apart from being the loudest popcorn cruncher ever. That used to drive me mad!! 
Missing her terribly 
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Aww that’s a beautiful photo…what a lovely smile! There’s a real feel for football in Manchester for all ages and for both teams isn’t there? I loved the atmosphere there. In fact in the future, I think we will fly directly to Manchester so my son can see a match now and then. I don’t know how often I’ll be going back to Gloucester now that mum’s gone (apart from in June), although I love my home town. I put my probate application in last week. I’ve been putting it off since October, just didn’t have the energy. Selling mum’s house will break my heart… so many memories there since 1976. In fact It’ll be awful going back there without her, that’s why I want to wait until I’m feeling a bit stronger. Direct cremation is such a good idea, it gives you time to process the loss without having to organise funeral arrangements immediately at a terrible time. How’s your dad coping? Do you have siblings? I’m an only child so I’m finding it really lonely in that respect. It was 17 weeks ago today. 
Every Tuesday at 9.05 am I relive that horrendous moment. It’s so hard. xx
Hi,
My mum died suddenly on sunday night. I lost my dad 3.5 years ago but with both of them being gone I’m getting really anxious at night.
I am really lucky to have an amazing partner but just wondering if its normal to be so anxious.
Oh I’m so sad for you having to sell your mums house. I was a wreck when my parents moved from my childhood home 20 years ago and that was just a housemove. I’m sure in time you will find the strength to do this. It will never be a right time as something you never wanted to face having to do. We just wanted our mums to live forever. I am lucky to have 2 sisters and a brother. Me and my elder sister have been the main ones looking after dad and working out his finances. We realise how much mum did as he’s clueless on the finance side. I think he was just happy to let mum get on with it as she was so good at all that stuff. It’s heartbreaking to see dad so sad. His spark has gone. Dad was always the fun loving joker and my mum adored him. He’s broken right now and has a constant pained look on his face. My sister is worried he may die of a broken heart in the coming months as he isn’t eating properly etc. mums stuff is all over the house. Even her trainers are still lying around. We are going to see if dad is ready for us to help move it into the front bedroom for now just so he can close the door and he doesn’t have to see it. I felt so sad yesterday as when I went round there, I went to the bathroom and saw that he’d moved mums dressing gown from the back of the door where it was always hung. Little things like that seem huge and I was having to pull myself together before I could come out. You said you’re an only child but do you have support? Friends, partner etc. Tbh I am finding grief a very lonely process even with my sisters. It’s my grief that is personal to me. Sorry to hear the trauma being relived on Tuesday mornings. It must have been a terrible experience. Maybe in time you can start doing something nice on a Tuesday morning to change your mindset a little but it’s very early days. You are probably suffering from Post traumatic stress after what you went through. Have you gone back to work? Are they okay? Xx
Oh I’m so very sorry for the loss of your mum. It’s going to take a while to process and accept what has happened. It’s 2 and half weeks since I lost my beautiful mum and I am still trying to accept she has gone. I can’t believe it. I was extremely anxious initially but this has passed mostly. I do still get it but not as severe. It leaves you feeling so vulnerable. My mum died just 8 days after her cancer diagnosis which seemed to come from nowhere as she was fit and well. I am now really paranoid about everyone I love getting cancer and dying. It’s irrational but I can’t help it. Grief changes the way you look at the world. It’s like everything has been thrown in the air and it lands all over the place. Eventually you put all the pieces in some kind of order and move forward. That will be a long time for me as I am devastated. Take care of yourself and let people be there for you. Sending you much love from one heartbroken daughter to another 
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Work have been fine. I went back a week after to try and keep busy as I find it helps. I work from home twice a week and thats when I struggle as mum was always here with me watching her programmes while I worked.
My partner is always here to listen and friends are there but tend not to want to bring "it"up. Almost as if I should be over it by now. This is when it’s not great to not have siblings, although not always are they united I know.
It is the little things that get to me, like seeing mum’s chocolate biscuits in the cupboard or finding her hairbrush in the bathroom.
I’m having therapy because of the traumatic aspect of finding mum. It is a type of ptsd as you say. I just don’t want to go into her bedroom because I see her lying there. The door is always closed. My therapist says that eventually that image will not disturb me… but right now I’m thinking that’s impossible. How are you feeling today?xx