Hi Geoff, I am so sorry for you loss and to hear that you are still struggling. It’s only been 5 months since I unexpectedly lost my mum. It was such a shock as she was so fit and well and living a full and active life. We should have been on a cruise together just a couple of weeks ago.
In the short time I’ve been bereft of my mum, I’ve learnt to forget any ideas and expectations of how and when I should be feeling this or that. I was terrible in those first weeks. I could hardly breathe I was so traumatised. The grief was physically painful. I seemed to improve and have been up and down since. Recently in the last couple of weeks I’ve really dipped again. There is no pattern. You just have to accept the feelings and let them out.
2 years is still not long for such a life changing loss. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t have any expectations with your grief despite what society/ family might expect of us. This is OUR grief. No one else had that relationship with our mum. We had our own personal and unique bond with our mums. It’s so individual. You are allowed to feel sad, for however long. Try and set little goals for yourself each day to find joy here and there. It does help to find some light each day.
This forum has helped us on here so much. Use it to vent even if you feel like your posts are thoroughly miserable. We are all friends on here united by our terrible loss and grief. Take care and sending my love Hxxx
Hi Kate and Deborah, I’ve been awake since about 3am. Thought I’d grab a cuppa and a couple of fig rolls 
and chat on here. I couldn’t sleep because I’m feeling anxious about our trip to Devon! What’s happening to me?! It’s a little 4 night camping trip to Devon for heavens sake?! I need to do this trip to push myself. I will do the trip but have no excitement or enthusiasm for it at all. I think my new normal has been so focussed on dad that I’m wondering if I’m a bit anxious about leaving him (although he’s perfectly fine and capable) and maybe leaving mum in a way too. My nightly ritual of lighting a little tea light for her next to her ashes and saying ‘night-night’ to her. Not being able to do that maybe. Or it could be doing something nice and feeling guilty. I honestly don’t know, but it’s keeping me awake (and the birds are very noisy!) At least I’ll sleep well tonight!
I was thinking about you both, Kate and Deborah, and counting my blessings. I feel truly grateful that I still have my dad and trying to imagine how it is for you girls without either parent. Both your mums were very special ladies to fill that void for you and still bring so much joy to your lives. Kate, you lost your dad at such a young age. It gives me hope that both you and your mum carried on and managed to forge a happy life despite such tragedy. Sorry Deborah, I can’t remember when you said you lost your dad but I seem to have in my mind it was about 15 years ago so still a long time without him. It just makes me think I need to live my life to the full because who knows what is around the corner. I will try and just go with the little holiday and try to enjoy it. We are taking our bikes so we will be keeping pretty busy. Hopefully no time to think about things too much.
Anyway, the morning chorus has hushed a bit now, so I’ll try and grab an hour or two sleep if I can. Take care all of you and I’ll post again when I get home but will still tune in! Bye for now and lots of love Hxxx
Hi Kate,
You sound just like me because I get up at all stupid hours and make a cuppa and have ME time with mums photo.
I also felt guilty the other day when i went approx 60 miles away just for the day and felt I was leaving my mum in my house on her own I had to double back before leaving just to kiss her photo and say Mum look after the house I will be back later. Its so difficult. I kept wondering if she was ok and that is just mad.
My father died approx 33 yrs ago but he honestly wasn’t a decent person. My mum had a horrible life with him so when he passed I made sure her life started and I took her all over the world, threw out all the old furniture in her house and bought all new for her and gradually her life changed into such a wonderful life. I am so grateful she lived so long after he did. It’s a long story but I have buried it in the past now.
I agree we must carry on and live our life because it’s so right we just don’t know what is around the corner. And I have come to realise that is a good thing that we don’t know.
I am going on a 3 night glamping break next week. Am visiting the Gower area in Swansea as there are some lovely places to visit especially beaches. My mum would be saying Go and enjoy don’t worry about me I will be fine . So I shall try to think of her words and carry on even though she will be in my mind all the time.
Try to get a bit stronger so we can meet up soon. Then we can all cry together ! and hopefully laugh x
Keep going Helen . We are all with you
Deborah x
Hi
Sorry meant to send above to Helen in reply to her post.
It wont let me edit it. Hi to all you girls though
Deborah x
Hey girls!
How are you doing?
Deborah, you mentioning the Gower coast took me back to late April 1981 when we went there for a day trip as dad wanted us to see it. We took a picnic and dad his binoculars as he was an avid bird watcher. Mum watched from the car with her flask of coffee lol as it was bitterly cold and that night it actually snowed…snow in late April!!
Little did we know that less than 2 months later dad would be gone. Yesterday it was 42 years…unbelievable. Like you, Deborah I’m so grateful that mum went on to live for another 41+ years and knew happiness again, even though she never remarried. We too will all be happy again one day I’m sure.
I’ve been really busy at work this week as we had an American technician over for training and my boss and I had to take him out in the evenings too. Poor guy was force fed all the regional delicacies and there are lots to try lol.
We are off to the seaside tomorrow for a couple of days as it’s so hot here…today 37!!
Ladies, our mums are happy that we are gradually moving forward and want us to live our lives to the full, even though it’s hard work at times.
We always take James the bear with us wherever we go and it’s like we’re taking mum. It really helps, strange as it seems.
Hope you are enjoying Devon Helen.
Love to you all.
Kxxx
Hi Girls,
Kate enjoy your trip away. The Gower brings back lovely memories for me also when I went to Swansea Teachers Training College. Mind you in those days we couldn’t afford to do much sightseeing so didn’t venture far except to Swansea beach itself which was and still is lovely. I loved and still love going to The Mumbles.It hasn’t changed a bit. Still has the old world charm of little shops. Do you remember the apple shaped shop at the top of Mumbles Kate. It has been there since I was a child and of course Joe’s ice cream.
I went to mums house yesterday and just sat and cried. It was so spick and span with everything untouched. Just like she was in the other room. I was too upset to stay long to be honest but need to decide what is happening soon. A letter really upset me stating I couldn’t use the water there anymore as the house is empty. It was hard reading it.I shall phone them on Mon and explain. I don’t mind paying for it but I get so upset explaining on the phone. I also had a letter from the Council Tax people and when i phoned them the person asked me all sorts of questions eg what was the date the deceased died. Deceased !!! It was my mum for goodness sake !!! Another was when did I have probate for the deceased. I actually started stuttering which is something I have never done before and said I would have to phone back. The man at that point actually became human and apologised saying for me to take my time and no rush. Anyway I have 6mths after probate for free Council Tax so that takes me to roughly Oct time. I hope to be stronger by then to put it up for sale. It is so hard though as I just want to keep it but it’s not an option realistically.
I am going away tomorrow for 2 nights in a hotel in Cardiff. Just some time out and a change of scenery. I would like to look for some garden furniture so will stop off at garden centres on route. Back next Mon then on Tues am going camping to the Gower for 3 nights. We used to have a caravan when we first got married so we are going to revisit some beaches and places that we went to years ago ( 34yrs ago to be exact lol) I just want to escape from the house for a while as I am starting to lose my confidence in going out. It’s so strange bec I was never like this.
Helen how are things with you?
Did you go to Devon ?
We went years ago to the Bideford area and it was lovely.
Jules you are quiet. Is all okish with you?
Keep going girls.
Deborah x
Hello all, I’m reading all your messages but have been a bit quiet… Work has been so busy. I have worked the last 15 days without much of a break getting everything Ofsted ready etc . They have now left so things have slowed down at work. I now feel numb to be honest and am feeling numb to life. I think we have all mentioned losing part of ourselves and I feel like I will never be the same Jules as before. Dad is also very ill at the moment and he is talking about wanting to die and be with Mum. I’m not sure how he thinks that is making me feel but I do understand he misses Mum a lot. They were together 60 years!! Mum really did deserve a medal tbh as he can be a miserable person most of the time . Mum was so lovely; kind, intelligent and a voice just made for The Archers but I don’t think she knew how special she was- always there for other people and putting herself second. Hearing about the Gower ladies makes me smile. I lived in Swansea for three years while at Uni back in the day. Haven’t been back for a while now - but I can imagine it hasn’t changed much! Kate, how are things in Italy? I hope has settled down now. Deborah, I relate to the conversations you are having. I had to phone the bank as Mums name still shows up online etc and I keep getting letters asking for her email address so she can go paperfree! I phoned and they asked me the deceased’s name before I could explain. I put the phone down…. I’m sure between the four of us in our jobs; we have seen the very best and the very worst in people. Work are offering voluntary redundancies and I have expressed an interest. I need a break from social work I think to clear my head. I have seen a pastoral/ DSL role in my local secondary school that looks really interesting. A huge pay cut but it may be just what I need. Will be lovely to meet you all at some point if that is possible! Take care for now, Jules x
Aww Jules
So lovely to hear from you.
I bet you knew Mumbles well and Joe’s ice creams lol.
Yes go for the redundancy and go for the job in the school Yes maybe the pay will not be so good but school life is amazing and will be worth the pay cut You will love it and the buzz of being with the children. I would go back to my job in a heart beat.
I am done with phone calls for a while Need to phone the Gas people but will do it next week. They are heartless on the other end of the phone sometimes.
Yes yes yes we must meet up when Kate is over. We just have to.
Once Helen is feeling a little stronger we will arrange something
Deborah x
Hi Girls,
Deborah I agree, it is so upsetting re the utiity people. The electricity people have been great but the Gas people are the worst. I keep putting off calling them. Severn Trent have been great and told me back in December that there was no need to pay as the house was empty but they would keep the water on as I may need it for a short time when I’m back.
I also don’t have to pay council tax until September which is 6 months after probate. I too hope to sell the house, part of me doesn’t want to as I am more attached to the house than mum was, but realistically it’s just a house, a shell without mum there. It will be so so tough though.
I’ve never been to the Mumbles even though I studied in Cardiff. It sounds charming.
Jules good to hear from you. Things are getting back to normal here now, though there was so much damage to many towns and livelihoods due to the flooding. Reconstruction work is underway and the government have multi million bill to fit.
I can understand how hard it must be seeing your dad like that. Maybe a complete career change is what you need right now? Try and think about what your mum would advise you to do. I often do that and I feel I hear her wise words.
Yes we must definitely up when I’m over. I think I will need you girls for emotional support for sure.
Night to you all.
Kxxxx
Hi Kate,
Dealing with the utility people is so emotionally draining.
Thank you for saying it’s just a house because I couldn’t sleep and last night I went downstairs and sat with mum’s photo and asked her what should I do with the house Should I keep it and pay my brother and sister off and keep the house for weekends etc.I asked her to give me a sign of some kind. I honestly think that what you just wrote is the sign.Its just a house.
I took mum to Barbados years ago and I joked that one day I would buy a place there and she loved the idea.Every time we visited a certain favourite beach shf used to say Deb that house would be lovely and so on. I know mum is saying to me to sell the house and enjoy the money and get something for me rather than worry about a house for sentimental reasons. Kate your words are just what I needed.
I also spent a lot of time in Cardiff when I was a student as my bestie went to the Heath Dental School and I spent weeks with her moving around the Cardiff area We used to go rowing on the lake at Roath Park and go on the train to Barry Island. I also spent a lot of time when my son was younger visiting the Ice Skating Rink as it was the nearest to us.I still never managed to master it
Cardiff has changed so much.The Splott area is now completely changed and is now called Cardiff Bay .It has everything you could possibly think of there,shops,restaurants,coffee shops right on the marina,boat trips round the Bay. And the actual shopping centre in Cardiff is wonderful.
Hope Helen is okish.Helen I hope you are reading the messages and gain some comfort from them We are thinking of you. Keep strong and get stronger so we can all meet up when Kate is over. I am making it my summer target to reach.It wil be a huge thing for us to do girls and I hope and pray we will all be able to be strong enough to meet.Maybe we could then go on to meet yearly or even more often and Kate look out we could even pop over on our magic carpets to Italy.
Jules are you ok today?
Deborah x
Hello my dear friends! I have been reading your messages but not had chance to reply. Until now. Just got back from our trip to Devon. Unpacked, Pj’s on and sat with a brew ready to write to you all.
It’s been a really nice few days. I’ve been feeling better. I had a little weep when I was sat on the beach. Tom had gone for a swim and I was watching all the families playing and laughing. It just set me off a bit. Not sure why? Maybe it reminded me that I was so happy and carefree once. I know I will be again but I miss the old me. Luckily I had my sunglasses on so just wiped the tears away discreetly.
The areas in Cardiff you all talk about sound well worth a visit. It’s an area of Wales I haven’t been to. We go to north wales a lot and I’ve been as far down as Cardigan Bay. Stunning coast line along there. We love Barmouth. On the way home today we took a slight detour through the Cotswolds. We stopped at Bourton-on-the-water. What a beautiful place! It was a bit too busy today and when I looked at the best times to visit after we left , it said ‘avoid sunny weekend days between 12 and 5pm’ We were there on this sunny Saturday at 3pm so we’ve learnt something new today ! Lol
Kate, I laughed when you said the American technician was force fed the local delicacies!! I’m sure that was torture for him! All that delicious authentic, Italian food?! Poor guy, indeed! 
Hope you enjoyed the seaside too Kate. It’s been hot here too but not as hot as where you are.
Oh Deborah. I really feel for you having to sort all the stuff out to do with your mums house. People can be so cold. I hate the word ‘deceased’. It’s so blunt isn’t it? Most people I’ve dealt with have said ‘passed’ or ‘passed away’ To be honest, I’ve been lucky with that, as generally the first thing they say is how sorry they are for our sad loss. You are best thinking of it as just a house. It stopped being a home once your mum had passed away. All the memories and precious possessions will stay with you. That’s not to understate how tough it must be. My heart goes out to you and Kate. Maybe you could buy a lovely bench to put in one of your mums favourite places with the house sale money. You’d still have somewhere to go to reflect.
Jules, I’m so sorry to hear that your dad is not well, physically and emotionally. It must be terrible hearing him talk like that. That must have a huge impact on your own mental health. I hope you apply for that other job. I’m working on getting another job too. We’ve certainly learnt how life can change so quickly. We don’t know what’s round the corner so we have to be as happy as we can. My mum said ‘do what makes you most happy!’ That’s going to be my mantra for the rest of my life.
I’d love to meet up with you girls. I don’t mind travelling. Wednesdays Fridays Saturday or Sunday are my free days and I don’t have any more annual leave from work until September so can only do those days. Kate, let us know when you have the dates and when you are free to meet and we can work something out.
Bye for now and lots of love to you all. Hxxx
Hi girls,
Aww Helen it’s so lovely to hear from you.I visited Burton on the water approx 27 yes ago so should really revisit again soon.My son Glyn was in a pushchair so it must have been that long ago.I remember visiting lots of places around there and walking along the canal and seeing all the pretty colourful barges.
Yes I am going to do something like buying a bench maybe for the churchyard where mum will eventually be buried.
Yes people have been very blunt when dealing with mum’s affairs.I have to pluck up the courage to make the phone calls then prepare myself for what is to come.
Jules how is your dad? My heart goes out to yo going through caring for your dad as well as grieving for your mum.Be strong lovely and know we are here for you
I can meet up anytime so will fall in with whatever you all decide. It will be just wonderful to meet you all. I bet we won’t stop chatting. I have a feeling our mum’s will be with us and smiling down on our friendships.
Helen my mum used to say Don’t worry about people who don’t worry about you.I always think of her words and that’s going to be my mantra in life.
Did you apply for the job Kate?
Keep strong girls.We have got through so many months even though it all seems like yesterday. Keep as positive as you can and if anyone is feeling down just post and we will all help each other.Dont struggle on your own even if you are feeling a teeny bit down.
Will check on you all tom night
Deborah x
Good morning Deborah,
Yes is difficult with Dad at the moment but we will get through it. My relationship with my Dad is not the same as the one I had with Mum. Has always been strained but he’s my Dad and Mum would want me to ensure he is ok and look after him. Just so difficult with everything else going on - but I’m learning that life is sent to test us; as well as delight us. I was kept awake last night thinking of all our lovely childhood memories with Mum and Dad and our holidays to Cornwall. Fab memories… I love those wise words from your Mum “Don’t worry about those who don’t worry about you “. What a wise woman. X
Hi girls, Thankyou all for listening. Just come on here to vent a bit. I was doing much better but have had a terrible day. I realise how fragile I still am and how the simplest thing can make my mood plummet. It started this morning. Woke up feeling okay then went on my phone to see any messages etc from my kids. There I saw a picture of my granddaughter’s all cuddling and kissing their other grandma in America. My daughter had put a great big heart around it. I honestly have no issues at all with them having their other grandma and want them to be happy and have close bonds with all their relatives. It just hit me like a punch in the stomach, how much I’m missing out on. I feel so vulnerable and insecure as if my family is disintegrating. I think I’d have felt better after losing mum, if I was surrounded by my kids, like a comfort blanket. I realise that’s not my kids job but I’m really struggling with this at the moment.
Jules, I feel for you trying to deal with your dad being so sad. You just want to take their pain away don’t you? I’m lucky to have a very good relationship with my dad but I’m losing patience with him. Although, he’d never know. I really wanted to do a ‘celebration of mums life’ as she didn’t have a funeral. Before she died, mum told me there was some money in an account to have a party. I told her we’d struggle to have a ‘party’ but said we’d do something beautiful for her in the summer. She smiled at me so obviously approved. If I even mention it, dad changes the subject. Even my sisters brush over it. I just feel like I’m letting mum down and her relatives who didn’t get chance to say goodbye. I still have mums ashes here as dad can’t cope with them at his house. I feel sad that mum never got to go home as she loved her house.
These probably all sound so petty but I’ve had enough of trying to be strong all the time and keeping upbeat.
Anyway I’ve been an absolute cow all day to Tom and have been thoroughly miserable. I’ve been dredging up things from the past and blaming him for us having no children here. Honesty, I’m ashamed of myself tbh. I’ve been horrible all day. I’ve made my eyes sore from crying. I’m going to write a letter to mum before bed. I actually feel a bit better for it. I think I needed to release the pressure valve. Thought I’d vent a bit on here. Catching up with the Manic Street Preachers on Glastonbury too has lightened my mood. I stopped crying about an hour ago so hopefully, that’s it for today.
Sorry to be all melancholic but I thought this was the best place to get it off my chest. Hope you have all had a better day than me. Here’s to a better week ahead. Lots of love to you all. Hxxx
Hi Ladies
We are stuck in traffic coming back from seaside (as usual) and am reading yr messages.
Helen sorry you are having a shi**y day love.
You are right to feel that way. I remember you saying right at the beginning about the celebration of life for your mum. I can totally get how frustrated you are feeling if your other family members are not 100 pc with you. Also I understand about how you feel about not having your kids and grandchildren near. I would be a mess if it wasn’t for Alex. He gives me the strength to carry on.
Maybe try and have a frank conversation with your family about how you are feeling. You are doing so well and it’s hard being alone without your close family in this awful situation.
I too want to have a little get together for mum as you know, but the nearer I get the more I’m feeling overwhelmed at the thought. I suppose the good thing is that its just me so I don’t have to worry about conflicting opinions. Mum kept asking her sister in law when she was going to have the remembrance /celebration of life for my uncle who died during covid so I know she’d approve. My aunt still hasn’t done anything over 3 years later. It is hard no doubt.
Helen Bourton on the Water was our place to go with mum. We used to go every summer for a cream tea or an ice cream by the river Windrush. It makes me so sad thinking of those precious times now. It’s a beautiful place, known as the Venice of the Cotswolds.
Hope you are ok Deborah and Jules. We will definitely meet up when I’m over and it would be lovely to have another meeting here in the future too!
Keep going lovelies.
Bye for now.
K xxxx
Hi Kate, yes it is frustrating them not coming forward about the celebration of mums life. I feel a bit better today about it all. I will speak to my sisters again. I’ve been out in the garden and the rose I bought in mums name, Marjorie, has its first flower just today. There it was, a little bright pink flower, mum’s favourite colour. I looked at it and it made me smile. I just thought, ‘okay mum, I’ll calm down’ I took it as a sign from her as I’ve been feeling so bad the last couple of days. Our mums are with us.
I can’t imagine how it will be for you at the house Kate. Hard in so many ways but maybe a sense of feeling close to your mum. I can’t imagine you will get everything sorted in the one trip. It will be a slow process when you start going through everything. Don’t put pressure on yourself to get it all done this time. I know it’s a bit more complicated living abroad, but you can come over again if needed. The Cotswolds is so lovely. The villages remind me of jigsaws that me and dad do together. My life is so rock n roll!! Haha!
Looking forward to meeting up when you’re over. And the others too. Hope you are doing okay too Deborah and Jules. Off to sleep now so night-night. Speak soon. Lots of love Hxxx
Hi Jules,
She was very very wise and somehow always knew the right thing to say or do. Her eyes would say it all and a roll of them told you that whatever was niggling me was not worth it and instantly I would pull myself together. Gosh I wish I could be liek her.
Deborah x
Hi Helen and girls,
Right first of all i am glad you had a mini rant because I wanted to say a few of those things on here but felt you would all think I was a cow also.
I still have mums ashes because I have asked my brother and sister to let me know when they are available so I can sort placing mums ashes in the family grave. Both of them haven’t replied so I have texted them both a few times asking but to no avail. I cannot believe them.
I know what you mean about your children. When my son is home he is always out with his friends and that sometimes gets to me. I know he has to have his own life and i am glad he has friends . Its just me having to let go and realising I am redundant in many ways. That’s the price I am paying for having just one child.
I think at the moment we are so vulnerable that we pick up on all sorts of things and everything is magnified. I know that the slightest things starts me feeling weepy.
As for your mums ashes take them back to her house when you visit next That’s what I do when I go to her house. She comes with me. Not every time I go there but just when I am feeling very low.
Did you watch Lewis Capaldi at Glastonbury. It was so sad because he really is unwell and has cancelled all his concerts for the rest of the year. If you watch it again look out for my son He is the cameraman on stage following Lewis as he moves to the front of the stage. I watched Elton John last night and he was amazing.
You are going through a tough time Helen and I am so proud of the way you are trying to get through it. I cry most days as anything triggers me and once I start I cant stop.
I miss my mum with all my heart and can’t believe she has gone. I am desperate to tell her things and phone her saying" Hi it’s only me".
It’s strange because she liked certain styles of clothes eg dresses that had 3/4 sleeves as her arms were short . She loved midi dresses but not too long and lovely cardigans with 3/4 sleeves. Anyhow we used to hunt everywhere for them and she loved M and S so we were always in there but she used to complain they were all too long for her .Well this year low and behold i have seen so many things she would have liked .Its unbelievable. I have found myself going up to the items touching them and tears have rolled down my face. I want to scream in the shop and say how unfair this is. She would have liked them all.
I think what we are facing is the fact that other people have moved on and we haven’t .Well I haven’t for sure. I feel in many ways I am stuck because truthfully I don’t want to move on. How can people move on is beyond me.
I am trying so hard to focus , to get through each day and to put a brave face on but I feel I just masking over everything. I hope you understand what I am trying to explain.
Am off to bed now as going away for a few days tomorrow.
Will have my phone so will check messages
Hugs to everyone
Deborah x
Hi Ladies
Hope you are all ok.
Helen, no I’m not putting too much pressure on myself as far as the house is concerned, but I want to do as much as I can as coming back over is difficult due to annual leave, Alex at school etc. Also I want to disconnect the utilities. I shall have to be quite ruthless in my sorting, but I will bring back personal and sentimental items. We’ll see how it goes.
Wow that rose flowering does sound like a message from your mum Helen. She sounds very wise and I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to get too stressed about things.
I have a mini rant too. My “best friend” got in contact for the first time in over 3 months!! An essay about what’s going on in her family life and “you know that I think about you, love you, am here for you” blah blah… but she’s only texted me a few times in nearly 9 months!!!. I’m very disappointed to say the least. She’s never even phoned me…
She does have a disabled daughter and is busy, but it doesn’t take much to check in on her best friend surely? She even said It’s good that I have the support of you girls…but her??
Maybe I’m being unreasonable, but I’m seriously reevaluating some friendships. Grief is so isolating and makes us really notice the people that count in our lives and those who do not.
Deborah I will also never get over this loss nor move on. It’s a question of living aside our grief not getting over it. I’m not the same person any more. People who expect us to “move on” understand nothing about grief and loss. It’s like we have a hole in our hearts that will very gradually heal, but the scar will always be there as a reminder of our love and loss. Mum would want me to enjoy life and be happy as she often told me, she wouldn’t want me to be morbid or sad for too long, but I know that grief is part of me and will walk beside me for a long time.
Have a good break Deborah.
Take care all of you.
Love Kxxx
Hi Kate, the loss of our mums is life changing. I’ll never be the same person either. I think grief has so many layers don’t you think? The loss of the person but also the loss of yourself in many ways. I feel like I’ve been in a huge car crash and I’m just starting to crawl out of the wreckage with massive injuries that will never fully heal and will change me forever.
I too am reevaluating relationships with people, my work, how I want to live my life etc. sorry to hear your friend has let you down Kate. it’s so disappointing when people you thought you could rely on and who you thought cared have just been absent emotionally. I think we’ve all had people who we thought we could rely on but just haven’t been there for us. I feel this with my own daughter. My son messaged me everyday in those early weeks with a simple little message of love and support, but I probably had 2 messages from my daughter about my mum, her own grandma! I tried making excuses, ‘oh she’s busy with the kids’ or ‘she must be so upset herself’ etc but in the end, there is no excuse for not sending a message. It takes a few seconds these days but means the world. It is another thing to deal with and get your head around.
On the flip side I have a couple of friends who I didn’t see very often but have been so open to meeting up and talking about loss and grief so I have 2 friends (one in particular) that our friendship has become stronger and we are making more effort to meet more regularly. One lost her dad recently so she feels the same about our friendship and how we didn’t realise it was so important. We will learn who to make effort with and who not to.
I must dash now it will be Kate for work!
Deborah, I hope you are enjoying your break and look forward to hearing about it when you’re back on here.
Jules, I’ve been thinking of you love and the difficulties you have with your dad. Hope you are bearing up. Did you apply for that other job?
Anyway, speak soon girls. Lots of love H xxx