Hi Girls,
Just a quick message as I’m getting ready to fly over tomorrow. It’s so true, our grief is ours alone and there is absolutely no time frame involved. People who talk about " moving on" have most probably never experienced loss.
We take it one step at a time in our time.
Valerio has prepared the most beautiful tribute to mum for her memorial tea. A video collage of some lovely photos of the past few years to a background of 2 of her favourite songs ,“Guide me home” by Freddie Mercury and “Time to say goodbye” by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman, both of which she wanted played at her funeral. I’ve been in tears watching it on the Tv, but I’ve realised just how many memories I carry in my heart of all the wonderful things we did together and places we visited.
Helen your plan for 16th sounds perfect. I can’t wait to meet up at last!!!
I’ll sign off now but will message again soon from Gloucester.
Lots of love to you all.
K xxxx
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Okay Kate. Have a good journey. The video collage sounds beautiful. What a lovely tribute. Speak soon xxx
Hi Deborah, glad you’re feeling a bit better. I think because we are so emotionally vulnerable it doesn’t take much to drag your mood right then again. I talk to mums picture too and her box of ashes. I was sat in the lounge today writing to her. Then I read the letter out loud. I told her I’m meeting my Sue Ryder friends soon and we will be lighting candle for our mums in the cathedral. Of course I was crying as I read.
I’ve been offered a job doing my old role. I have an option to change hours at my current post so I’m weighing up my options. I’m pondering right now. 
Hope you can keep feeling brighter over the weekend. We all deserve it don’t we?
Bye for now and lots of love Hxxx
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Hiya girls,
Aww Kate we played Andre Bocellis song at my mum’s funeral.It was the one he sang with his son Mateo and his daughter.The song was called The Greatest Gift and it was all about Love. If you get a chance to listen to it you will understand why we chose it. We both loved listening to his songs.The song starts with the words look above and see the stars so bright.When mum was very il I used to sit in the armchair well balance on the actual arm and put my head next to hers as she was in the bed next to the chair downstairs. We would look up to see the stars every night. Gosh I am in tears just writing this. It’s so hard isn’t it. And we both loved Freddie Mercury.I took mum to see We will Rock You in London and she loved the music.I will listen to the song you mentioned tom. Have a safe journey lovely and we will see each other soon.The Afternoon Tea will be amazing and so fitting for your lovely mum.
Helen it comforts me knowing you also talk to your mum’s photo. We will all be having tears on the day for sure. It is just wonderful that we have arranged it after all we have been through but I am so sad Jules can’t be with us.
Jules half term is in October and there’s two weeks at Xmas if we can sort something.I know that Dec is going to be very difficult with me as mum passed on Dec 30th but maybe we can still sort something or even Feb half term. You will have to get used to all the lovely school hols !
We will light a candles Jules for your lovely mum X
Helen if I were talking to my younger self I would do whatever makes you the happiest. At the moment if you need more time on your own to deal with the grief then choose the job that gives you that. Choose the easiest one for now.The one with less stress so you can devote time for yourself and spend time healing.
Another funny thing happened here last night.Our shower pump wouldn’t stop after the shower finished. We tried it several times and in the end phoned a plumber to look at it this morning.Anyway this morn it was working fine and when the plumber looked at he said there was noth wrong with it.Again it was something electrical that stopped working .Told my son I thought it was mum but he thinks I am losing the plot.My husband thought it was strange and didn’t rule anything out.Sometimes I think I am going nuts in thinking like this.
Anyway keep going girls. Will book a hotel soon x
Deborah xxxx
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Hi Girls,
How are we all?
Kate I am thinking of you being at your mums house and sorting things. It’s the worst job I have ever done. Juts want you to know I am willing you on and my heart is with you.
I have had to stop doing my mums house at the moment. It is just too much for me. I know mum would say just get on with it Deb but I can’t. I plan to go there after we all meet and clear every draw cupboard and wardrobe so then there will be a huge chunk done. Then in September I will focus on selling it or at least putting it on the market.
Not long now before we shall meet. Haven’t booked anywhere yet but am on the case.
Helen and Kate I shall be draped in a Welsh flag so you wont miss me lol. Only joking !!!
Jules is everything okish with you?
Deborah x
Hi Girls
Hope you are all ok. Well I’m here in Gloucester going through my to do lists.
It was so tough walking in without mum eagerly awaiting us. It’s both sad and comforting at the same time. Going through drawers I’ve found old diaries and note pads with some lovely comforting messages from mum. I’m catching up with aunts, cousins etc and a good friend of mine and my step brother on Friday. It’s good to see my family. I had a long chat with my aunt yesterday who lost her husband, Mum’s brother, during Covid in 2020. She said only recently has she really accepted that he’s gone. She totally got how I’m feeling of course.
Mum’s absence is so apparent. We are doing what we always do here every summer… but a huge presence is missing in this house and the memories flood back constantly.
Deborah, I’m trying to stay focused and my mindset is “I’ve got a job to do in this house”…it’s just bricks and mortar now, but it’s bloody tough isn’t it?
I’ve got 2 more appointments with Estate agents in the next few days then I will put it on the market. I would love to let it but being a turn of the century Victorian semi, I’m worried it will be too much hassle as it’s not a modern house.
I’m really looking forward to meeting you ladies… something to aim for! I shall probably be very emotional after leaving Gloucester.
Deborah I’ll look out for the red dragon then 
!!
Have a great holiday Jules and lots of love to you all.
K xxxx
Hi Kate,
Hell it’s tough !!!Nothing in the world has compared or prepared me in dealing with sorting mums house. I truly understand what you are going through. It is a different kind of feeling when faced with the reality of getting rid of things even when you find lovely homes for things. I have given a few things away to certain people because I know they will value them but I still want to keep almost everything which of course is impossible.
I am really thinking of you.
Hey if I turned up draped in a Welsh flag you girls would run a mile and disown me lol.
I shall look for a hotel near to the Cathedral if possible. That is my task for tom.
Hope the. Afternoon tea goes well.
I was thinking how about if we bring a photo of our mums so we can share with each other. How do you and Helen feel about that?
I would love to see photos of your mums.
See you soon
Deborah x
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Hi,
Isn’t this so lovely.
Deborah x
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Thankyou Deborah, that’s just how I feel. It would be lovely to see pictures of your mums. I feel like I know them! I love that we can just talk about our mums on here as much as we like and about how we feel. I’ve been doing much better. I’ve been so busy. I had a little weep today when I had stopped for a while. I miss mum so much. Dad is still getting things through in her name. Just adverts for cruises, clothes etc. I’ve told him to give them to me and I’ll contact the companies. I did this once I’d got home today. The house was quiet while I was on the phone, then when I’d finished the call I just looked at mum’s name and cried. I feel okayish now.
Kate, I’ve been thinking about you. Hope you are bearing up with that difficult task of sorting your mum’s stuff and the house. I’m sure you are glad to be getting on with it as I know you’ve been dreading it for so long. Maybe a relief to be getting it sorted finally?
Jules, I hope you’re okay and looking forward to your holiday. Then preparing for your exciting new job.
Anyway girls, look forward to seeing you all soon. Lots of love H xxx
It is lovely Deborah and I will use that for mum’s remembrance tea on Sunday. It sums up exactly how I feel.
Am up to my eyes in sorting, packing, making appointments, estate agents,solicitors and trying to work 6 each hours each day!!! Valerio has been a tremendous help and my 3 aunts too. My aunt and I went through mum’s clothes, shoes and bags today and we emptied her bedroom. Most things will go to Sue Ryder apart from some items which some of us the family have kept: her sister, niece and I.
I have the first Sue Ryder collection tomorrow including some furniture, books games toys,clothes, household and garden things and another is scheduled for next week when more furniture will be donated. It’s a fantastic service Deborah and they are so nice.
Anyhow just a short message girls as I am so tired come evenings. Hope you are all ok?
Deborah yes we will definitely show our pics of our mums when we meet.
Bye for now and lots of love to all of you.
K xxxxx
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Hi girls,
Aww Kate that would be lovely to use the post I sent. I also had a beautiful poem that was read at mums funeral Will post here later when I find it
I can’t bear to even think about moving mums furniture. Kate you are doing so well. I want to keep everything but realise I can’t. But will have a hell of a good try. Have worn so many of mums clothes already.
Helen I know what its like having letters in my mums name. It’s the ones you don’t expect like the Tesco Vouchers or Matalan or Boots vouchers. My mum loved her vouchers and cut them out and always kept them in her purse when we went shopping. I actually think it gave her something to do. Her TV licence was due and there wasn’t a box to renew after a bereavement and as I am not living in the house I cannot renew it Just silly little things like that that get to me.
Yes we can share our photos of our mums. That would be so nice.
I have been going for loads of tests as part of my oncology follow up. Had a scan today and blood test tom then results next Monday so cross everything you have for me.
Will go and look for that poem now and post
Keep going girls and we will see each other soon
Oh and Jules hope you are ok.
Deborah x
Here it is Kate.
It Takes A Mother – Helen Steiner-Rice
It takes a mothers love to make a House a home,
A place to remember no matter where we roam.
It takes a mother’s patience to bring a child up right,
and courage and cheerfulness to make a dark day bright.
It takes a mother’s kindness to forgive us when we err,
to sympathise in trouble and bow our head in prayer.
It takes a mother’s wisdom to recognise our needs,
and to give us reassurance by her loving words and deeds.
It takes a mother’s endless faith, her confidence and trust,
to guide us through the pitfalls of selfishness and lust.
And that is why in all this world there could not be another,
who could fulfil gods purpose as completely as a mother.
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Hi girls, I went to Liverpool cathedral today and lit candles for our mums. It felt better with the candles together rather than just one for my mum. Just makes me feel like she’s not alone. Hope you’re all doing okay Hxxx
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Hi Girls,
Aww Helen that’s so touching thank you.
When I can finally get out I will light a candle for our mums at Gloucester cathedral and send pics. It’s a beautiful place.
Deborah, my mum loved Helen Steiner Rice too. That’s so lovely.
How are you all?
I’ve had such a hectic week girls…totally exhausting. I’ve not ventured out apart from the supermarket to get food and to the bank. Hopefully next week will be a little less hectic as I won’t be working and I will have more time to concentrate on the clearing. I managed so far to do quite a lot and mum’s stairlift is being sold and taken away tomorrow. I’ve decided on selling the house as letting is just too much hassle. I’ve seen 4 different estate agents and have chosen the one and also the solicitor for the conveyancing. I also spent an evening out with my oldest friend. It was lovely to catch up. She lost her mum 15 years ago and her dad in 2021. She totally got what I’m feeling.
Tomorrow I’m having the afternoon remembrance tea for mum. I’m just hoping the weather bears up as I want to have it in the garden. I feel quite emotional, but hope I can hold it together. 
I’ll let you know how it goes.
I saw my step brother yesterday after 6 years and we talked a lot about dad and went through some old photos and documents of his which I found clearing. It was great to see him.
Have been thinking about you all and am looking forward to our meeting ladies.
Hope your tests went ok Deborah… keeping my fingers crossed! Hopefully we can all let off a bit of steam when we meet up with a glass of vino or 2 lol !!!
Jules, you should have better weather this coming week for your break.
Anyhow speak soon and love to you all.
K xxxx
Aww Helen I am crying reading this. Am feeling very emotional today and then saw your lovely candles Thank you so so much for doing that for my mum and the other mums.
There is nothing that comes near to lighting a candle at any place of worship and at a Cathedral well it’s breath taking. Some day when you all come to Wales I shall take you to the smallest city in Wales called St David’s which is near to where I live. It is just stunning.
It’s my happy place and the place where I always go to when I am scared of anything or worried. I love Cathedrals. You will have to drag me away from Manchester’s one.
A lovely old lady who has been a family friend of mine for the past 40 years passed away last Sunday and she was 99yrs old. She looked far younger and walked daily and was so active bless her. It has knocked me for six to be honest and I just keep thinking about her daughter who is probably about 75 but now all alone as she and her mum were always together. I have to go to her funeral and am dreading it as it will be the first since mum passed. It has had me reflecting back to when mum passed and feel so upset her daughter is going through all this. It’s a feeling I wouldn’t want anyone to go through whatever age the person is.
Also got my results on Monday and am dreading it. If I could run away at the moment I would. The fact I haven’t got my mum here is a thousand times worse than ever. She faced all sorts of difficult times with great faith and calmness.
I realised the other day we have never shared our mums names. My mum was called Mair which is a Welsh name for Mary. Her mum died on childbirth and her name was Mia so her grandparents were so clever in just adding an r onto her mums name for Mair. So so lovely. I shall bring a few photos of her to show you when we meet.
Kate how are you getting on ? It is such a difficult job. I really have to make a move on doing more at my mums house. I just keep putting if off. Will be thinking about your Afternoon Tea. Yes it will be emotional but what a lovely thing to do for your mum. Mum and I used to love our afternoon teas and went to many places trying different ones. She used to say in her younger days they were called High Teas lol.
Glad you liked the poem. When I found it I knew it was exactly what I wanted for mums funeral. Not too long or short Just right and said everything I felt.
Jules how did your holiday go? Hope the weather is ok for you because it’s been terrible here in Wales.
Me too I am so looking forward to seeing you and yes to the wine Kate ! I haven’t booked anywhere yet but will do once tom is over with.
Thinking of everyone and so glad I have you all as amazing friends
Love
Deborah x
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Oh Deborah, what a tough time you are going through right now. As we are still very fragile emotionally, I think anything and everything gets to us. I bought a new coat at Christmas and mum hadn’t seen it until I took her to A&E on Boxing day. I wore it a lot during that time mum was ill. As it’s a winter coat, it’s been in the cupboard. I saw it the other day and it just set me off. It brought everything back. All those raw emotions. I think I’ll give it away. It just reminds me how much the grief is still there.
I really feel for you Deborah, having to have all your tests and checks without your mum. Her absence must feel huge, even more so now. They went through everything with us didn’t they? The good, the bad and everything in between.
You are all from lovely parts of the country. Pembrokeshire, Gloucestershire and Hampshire are all beautiful counties. I live about 10 miles outside Manchester not far from the Derbyshire border so I have the benefit of being close to a major city and close to the hills. If it was just up to me though, I’d move more rural into Derbyshire but Tom needs good access to the motorways for work so he’s always been reluctant to move.
Kate, it sounds like you are making good progress on the house. I hope it hasn’t been as daunting as you thought. It sounds like you are just facing it head on. Well done love. Oh I do hope the weather holds out for you so you can enjoy the afternoon tea in the garden. It will be a lovely gathering I’m sure. How wonderful to honour your mum like this. Today is just about your mum and I’m sure it will be perfect.
My mum is called Marjorie which means ‘pearl’ me and my sisters all got a little pearl ring to twiddle with for comfort. Mair is beautiful and with such meaning behind the name. Your poor mum Deborah, never knowing her. I do try and comfort myself with having my mum for nearly 52 years. I try to be grateful for that but still feel ripped off. I’m sure that will take time to change my mindset on that but I will
Hope you’re okay Jules. Enjoy your holiday in Cornwall love
Look forward to seeing you all soon Lots of love Hxxx
Just tried to edit my previous post but it wouldn’t let me so just to add; meant to say how lovely to meet your step brother Kate. I’m sure you had lots to talk about. I suppose you will also be seeing things from your dad that your mum kept over the years. So it will be both parents things to sort through. So much to get through and so many emotions.
Also, Deborah the church looks beautiful. I get a lot of comfort from going to church. I know it’s not for everyone, but it really helps me. Manchester cathedral is surprisingly small for such a major city. It’s beautiful architecture though. There is a cafe so maybe we can go in there first for a chat then into the cathedral itself. We can go and have a drink in the pub nearby afterwards for an hour or two! Oh I can’t wait to meet you my special friends. Bye for now Hxxx
Hiya girls,
Hope you are all okish today. The sun is shinning here after yesterday’s gales and stormy weather.
I feel a bit better today after being a bit down lately. It’s going to be like this I am sure for a long time. Up one minute then down the next. Rollercoaster rides for years to come maybe forever.
I used to have mum to visit and I tried not to show her I was worried about any results and kept busy by taking her out and doing jobs for her. Now I have more time to dwell on things. She was always so calm even when faced with the most terrible news. It is something I shall always remember her for.
Helen like you I have clothes that remind me of mums hospital stay. I had forgotten that I had left clothes in her wardrobe when she was very ill so I only had a limited amount of things to wear and as I stayed in the hosp with her for 3 weeks and had to have easy things to wear like leggings and jumpers as it was chilly at night there . When I opened the wardrobe the other day and saw them all the memories came flooding back. I too am going to throw them away. I had left a coat there also but mum always said she loved that coat so I shall keep that. She was with me when I bought it so it has lots of good memories. I know exactly how you feel seeing your coat though.
It’s strange how my mind switches. Mum loved Estee Lauder perfume and had many bottles and whenever she came in the car I would say Aww mum I don’t really like that perfume but now I can’t stop spraying it around the house so I can sense her near me . I am sure she would roll her eyes like she used to.
Kate I am in awe of you doing the house. It takes my breath away because I realise how much work is involved and the emotional side of doing the clearing and sorting is huge. Well done on everything you have done and keep going. Your mum would be so proud of you and is with you helping you do everything. Try to think of her as being invisible on your shoulder giving you the strength to carry on.
Before I meet you girls I hope to have done more at my mums house. Anything will be a bonus as I haven’t done anything for such a long time.
We have a chalet at Llansteffan which is a lovely quaint village with a beach and castle. Sadly just before mum started being ill we had a leak and the whole place had to be gutted. Bathroom , kitchen and interior walls all ripped out including all floors and doors. You can imagine the stress it has caused me . Everything was put on hold whilst mum was ill as I couldn’t leave her to meet insurance people etc and the whole claim thing was pushed back. Anyhow it has been settled now so we have all that work at the chalet to sort out now. To say I was devastated when I walked in there last week is an understatement. I hadn’t been there since everything had been ripped out as Paul wouldn’t let me see it in such a mess. Well I just sobbed as it was immaculate before. I couldn’t even stay there for more than 5mins it was so awful. Just went back to the car and cried my heart out.
Anyway I realise between mum passing, sorting her house, waiting for results and now sorting everything at the chalet is going to be massive so I need to get my big pants on so to speak and tackle things head on like you are doing Kate. Wish me luck girls as next week I am going into full speed mode lol.
Helen I love your mums name. Looking forward to seeing her photo
Ok I am off here now as going to keep busy all day
Keep going everyone.
Deborah x
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Hi Girls,
No results today as my appointment was cancelled by them. Staff shortages. I was distraught and explained I needed my results as I have been worrying so they said someone would ring me today with them. When the person rang apparently she didnt have them as she was working from home and wasn’t at her screen. I couldn’t believe it and am well cheesed off. I have to have another up to date blood test this week sometime and they will phone me again with the results after that so I am no better off after asking for a phone call back.
Am trying so hard to keep positive and kept busy again all day. Doing all sorts of mundane jobs here at home and in the garden.
Hope everyone is okish. See you soon x
Love
Deborah x
