Hi Girls
Hope you are ok. Deborah hope your test results were through and fine. I’ve been thinking of you. Waiting on test results is always so stressful.
I’ve been super busy today again… so many lists, people to call about everything going on apart from the endless sorting. 
My mum’s name is Patricia. Pat to everyone.
We had her celebration of life yesterday. It was lovely but the weather was a bit disappointing as there were brief downfalls between the sunshine.
Everyone complemented me and said mum would have been very proud of me.
Valerio did the lovely video collage to the music mum requested and Alex wrote a sweet letter to Mum which I read out. I also used your poem Deborah and a verse by Helen Steiner Rice.
We then released white balloons and toasted mum with her favourite Italian drink and the sun came out for that.
Then we had a nice cream tea buffet.
It was emotional but happy at the same time.
I had a terrible headache once everyone left I think it was the release of the stress and tension. I wake up here around 6am every day and then can’t sleep, I guess it’s because my brain is thinking about all that needs to be done. The house is getting more and more empty but that’s inevitable I suppose.
Anyway just a short message to check in on you all.
Much love
K xxxx
.
Just saw your message Deborah. How bloody annoying re the test…as if you hadn’t
waited enough!! Keep positive love and hang in on there.
I got this for yesterday… thought it was lovely.
Xxxx
Aww Kate how true. Beautiful words.
I can feel mum by my side willing me to go on always.
I am ok after today. Just annoying. These things happen I guess. I will wait for the blood test card to arrive in the post then phone the hosp straight away to book a blood test . They are usually very good and quick and once done I will phone the oncology dept to say it’s been done so they can follow it up and phone me asap.
Hope you are getting on ok with the house. What a task it is . I am going tom to my mums to do some more.
See you next week
Deborah x
Hi i lost my beautiful mam last October and it completely broke me she was my best friend,my hero, my everything and i miss her every second of every day ,i never got to say goodbye or tell her how much i loved her and that destroys me every single day,its12 years for my dad today and my mams birthday on the 23rd and im struggling so much its unbearable sometimes i just don’t know how to cope with this pain ,my heart hurts so much
1 Like
Hi Shellbell, so very sorry for your loss. It’s a massive, life changing event and somehow we have to try and navigate our way through. We have to accept this terrible loss and try and forge a new path ahead. Everyone is different and there is no timeframe. People will have expectations ‘you should be this by now and that by now’ That’s their issue. She was YOUR mum not theirs. It’s still early days and the pain you are feeling shows how much you loved and still do and always will love her.
I lost my beautiful mum in January, 8 days after she was diagnosed with lung cancer. She was really well until Christmas. Absolutely no indication that this was growing inside her. I feel robbed for me and her. I’m still trying to process that this has happened. The only way I can cope is believing I’ll see her again. I have to. When I write things like this I still think ‘has that really happened? My mum died? MY mum?’
You are with friends on here who can understand your feelings. No one will judge you or tell you where your grief should be at. It’s normal to still be so broken just 10 months after you lost your mum. Sending you my love, Helenxxx
3 Likes
Well said Helen.
Shellbell we are all in this together and posting on here will help you so much. No one will tell you to do this or the other but just read your posts listen and digest them and offer words of comfort. You really will be amazed at the love towards each other on this site. I would never have got through the past 7 mths without this fab site.
Just plan very small targets for each day. In the beg for me it was making a cup of tea or just getting out of bed , getting dressed etc because everything was so difficult when you hit that dark place.
Have you tried making a display table about your mum. Someone mentioned it to me in the beg and I thought I cant do that but its been the best thing for me
Thinking of you and sending big hugs
Helen hope you are okish today. Have been to mums again and tried sorting a few things I brought back a few black bags of things and sorted them here as it was easier. I moved a wicker basket thing that mum had in the kitchen which was where she kept bits and bobs. OMG its set me off because I had always known it to be there. We also managed to bring back her freezer. Just fitted into the car. Ours had broken so we thought we would have mums. Bit of an oversight really as it was the first item of furniture we had removed and it hit me for six. I kept thinking about it last night and couldn’t sleep until 5am this morn so today I have felt wrecked. Goodness knows how Kate feels with all she has to do.
Kate how did the Afternoon Tea go ? I was thinking of you.
Haven’t booked a hotel yet but will do soon.
See you soon girls
Deborah x
Deborah x
1 Like
Hi Shellbell,
I totally understand you. My situation is the same. I lost mum in October too and suddenly, so no time for goodbye I love you etc. It’s so difficult isn’t it? I feel cheated in a way. How can I not have been able to say goodbye to mum my best friend?
My only comfort is that I hope she didn’t suffer.
Use this forum to vent and express your feelings. We understand you and we are all here for each other.
Sending love and strength.
Kate xxx
1 Like
Hi ladies,
Deborah, in reply to your question basically I’m on autopilot doing what needs to be done. I’m not letting myself get attached to objects (furniture, other household items) because that’s what they are and the house is just bricks and mortar now mum isn’t physically here. The memories are in my heart.
It’s the only mindset possible for me to go forward and get the job done. If I got too attached to every single object I’d be crying constantly and get nowhere. Mum’s armchair is going on Saturday, but to a lady who needs it for her husband who has just had major surgery. So although it will be hard to see it go, Mum’s chair is helping someone else. He needs it more than I do now.
The majority of Mum’s things are being donated to Sue Ryder or the British Heart Foundation, again helping others.
I’ve come across so much during my sorting, I will be taking back some smaller items of sentimental value, the rest can’t come back with me and that’s ok. On top of the sorting there’s so much administrative work to be done which is exhausting too. Tomorrow the Estate Agent is coming to take photos. I’m not sleeping brilliantly I guess because my mind is so active.
My step brother came over for dinner this evening and we had a good chat about dad as I’ve found quite a few of his things too which will come back with me.
The afternoon tea for mum went very well. I’ll tell you about it when we meet. I really feel Mum behind me giving me the strength to do everything here and urging me to get the job done as she would have in life. That’s what keeps me focused.
I’ll sign off here as tomorrow will be another very busy day. I’m really hoping to relax once in Manchester!
Night night and love to you all.
K xxxx
1 Like
So sorry to hear about your mum it’s hard isn’t it’s i stills have days when it just hits again that she’s really gone ,thank you for your kind words sensing huge to you xx
Thank you all for your kind words ,kate i have just finished dealing with estate agents and people viewing my mams house that was really hard but a good thing is that my brother gets to stay there as a Tennant after the sale ,( he was living there with mam ) the administration work is crazy I’ve never made so many fone calls,filled out forms and wrote letters so much in my entire life.i am managing to cope during the day as my kids need me my struggle is when the kids ate in bed on a night time and I’m on my own my brain starts working overtime , srnding hugs and love to you all xxx
Aww Kate bless you You are doing so well. I wish I could say the same but can’t I am up the creek without a paddle every time I visit mums house. I suppose it’s because I have more time to do it and keep putting it off so I don’t actually have to do it. It’s so strange how the mind works. I have been at mums twice this week and sorted loads. Some have gone to a local charity , some I have brought back here and some have been given away to friends. There are a few neighbours who loved mum and knew her for years so I am going to choose something from the house for them to keep. I visited one elderly lady just after mum passed and it was her 80th birthday. She had a huge bouquet of flowers but didnt have a big enough vase so I know just the thing to give her. Mum had lots of soft toys especially puppies so I shall give some to the little girl next door and pieces of china to her friends.
You ae so right as its just a house now. Without mum there it is an empty shell with no warmth there and not a home any longer. I always think of your words when I am there and it drives me on.
Tom we are back there again and I shall plod on.
Helen and Jules are you ok ?
Deborahx
Hi Girls,
How are you all doing.
Another strange thing happened to me last night.
I was at mums clearing and sorting and feeling very emotional and had many tears reading things and finding things like the deeds of the house etc. Paul and I read old documents she had kept and I said to him of all the times we had when mum was alive we had never discussed when they bought the house etc and I told him I wish mum was still here so I could tell her how proud I was of her as buying a house in those days was quite something.
Anyway about ten mins later I went downstairs to get a drink. All lights were off and as i walked through into the dining room from her lounge I noticed the garden lights on and said something like Aww your lights are still coming on. Looked out of the kitchen window and saw just 2 lights on so said there’s only 2 on mum. As I was walking through her lounge to go back upstairs i noticed something in the corner of the room that was bright I thought Paul was charging something as it was near the socket. When I went over to it mum had a tall vase of blue artificial hydrangers in it and I had put a cheap sort of ornament in between the flowers that had 3 dragonflies on them that lit up. We had never put them on as they had been in a plant in the other room and I took the plant home when mum passed as I couldn’t bear to see her lovely plants die. I couldn’t believe it. They were not on earlier as we had sat in the room. It was like she was telling me she was with me. There is just no explanation for it.
It’s always been signs connected to lights and bulbs. I honestly don’t think there is anything else she can do.
See you soon
Deborah x
2 Likes
Hi girls, wow Deborah, you’ve been getting some really strong signs with lights haven’t you? It sound like you and Kate are doing so well with all the sorting. What a task. Just the practicalities of it all let alone the emotional side of it. You must get so exhausted with it all. You have some lovely ideas Deborah on who to give certain items to. That’s a lovely idea. Your lovely mum would certainly approve
I’m fine, much less weepy at the moment. I’ve been so busy this week. My son James and his girlfriend came over on Saturday and the early hours of Sunday morning we awoke with James telling us his girlfriend had abdominal pain. I checked her temp, blood pressure etc and all okay. I got her some pain killers and told her to try and get some sleep. She tried but couldn’t cope with the pain. Anyway, ended up in A&E and turned out she had acute appendicitis. She was in for 3 days on fluid and IV antibiotics. She needed her appendix out but wants to wait till she’s back in Spain. I really don’t know why. Anyway yesterday was the only day we could go anything as they’ve gone back today. It’s all been a bit crazy
I am also speaking with someone who has a 1 year old cocker spaniel who needs rehoming so a busy week! I’ve been in contact with Manchester City to try and get an obituary in the programme for mum. Really disappointed that I could only have 50 words. I had to reduce it drastically so just doesn’t have the same sentiment now. Anyway, mum was such a humble sweet lady who always saw the good in everything, I’m not going to make a fuss, in her honour
Kate, I hope you’ve had some decent days weather wise. It hasn’t been great has it? It’s been wet and quite cold some days. How lovely that you’ve been able to meet up with your step brother and chat about your dad. These are difficult times but also special too. It’s so nice to have that connection. Your dad would be so happy that you have a good relationship
Looking forward to seeing you next week. Lots of love H
Deborah, that is so frustrating about your results love. Just when you’d got yourself psyched up too. Let’s hope you get them next week. Lots of love H xxx
Hi Helen,
I know and still haven’t received the blood test form.
Just booked the hotel for next week Yippeee lol
Deborah x
Hi Helen and Kate,
Staying here so not far from the Cathedral. The Castlefield Hotel, Manchester. It’s got parking so I am happy now.
Can’t believe this is for real. We are actually going to meet.
Been at mums all day today. Just been putting things into piles ready for next week when I shall distribute things. Photographs are something I hate throwing away so I shall keep what I want and give to the relatives of people in the photos. I shall also see if there is anything suitable for Llanstephan History Society eg of things going on in the village when mum was young. I felt you Kate behind me saying it’s just a house so that gave me the drive to carry on.
Am aiming to get an estate agent there to value it and put it on the market by Dec. That way I can at least spend Xmas in the house and have our last xmas there.
Don’t forget I shall be draped in a welsh flag carrying an enormous leek and wearing a daffodil hat lol. When I see you running a mile I know you will have spotted me lol. Jules see what you are missing ha ha
Am travelling up on Tuesday so will be in touch about times on Mon sometime
Love Deborah x
1 Like
Ok Deborah so I’ll be the one draped in the Italian tricolore carrying the mandolin in the pizza hat!! 
It’s getting real!!!
It sounds as you have both been busy too! Helen hope James’s girlfriend is ok now… poor girl. Deborah…that’s the right spirit it’s just a house!! Today it’s about getting everything in my 3 cases and last minute stuff. I’m leaving a box with my cousin of sentimental stuff which I can’t get back this time but don’t want to dump and there are a loads of photos, stuff I found of my dad’s etc.
I took a few hours off yesterday and actually went into Gloucester and lit a candle for our mums at the cathedral. Pics attached.
Anyhow a hectic day again so will message again tomorrow from the train.
Love to all.
K xxxx
Kate the photos are wonderful. Cathedrals will take on a whole new meaning for us from now on.
You have done so well with sorting everything.I am so proud of you.
Am just chilling here today waiting for my son to come home. Also getting ready for our trip on Tuesday. We have to come back on Thursday as I have an appointment on Friday so won’t get a chance to explore Manchester but the whole point is to meet up so that’s fine.We are aiming to set off early on Tuesday so after checking into the hotel there may be time to look around the area where the hotel is. Can’t wait to meet you and Helen.Just wish Jules was there also. Jules if you are reading this start thinking of when and where we can meet you. Also I hope you enjoyed your holiday.
Helen it’s just you to sort your outfit out lol.
Keep going girls. We have all come through so much well still coming
through so much I should say.
Can’t wait to meet you next week.Seems unreal writing that.Exciting because I really believe our mum’s have brought us together.They must have.
Deborah x
