** a good distraction 
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Hiya Helen,
Wow you have been busy. So so glad you have had a chance to visit James. Have a lovely time with him as you both deserve it. You are so lucky to live close to an airport. Our nearest one is 2 and1/2 hr drive away I think. And they dont fly long haul from there so our nearest is Manchester or London and its a heck of a drive before we even get on the plane.
We had letters for our flu and covid jabs also I shall think of you when we have them lol.
Hi to Jules and Helen
Deborah x
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@EmmaLouise You are a strong person.
I’ve just joined the community and your story is touching. Your Mum knows how much she was loved in life and is still loved in spirit.
My Mum was in and out of hospital this last 4-5 weeks, she had several heart attacks and had a large attack in hospital last weekend, sadly it took her from us. My best friend, I feel quite hollow and like you described, just getting by. I hope you’re starting to heal.
Hi Everyone ,
Helen hope you are enjoying lovely Barcelona and seeing James!
Deborah hope you are feeling better now and have enjoyed having Glyn home.
Jules good to hear from you. It seems you’ve had a difficult few weeks but hope your new job is giving you lots of rewarding moments. It’s true, we have to prioritise ourselves in this awful year and grief journey and cut out time to make plans and have enjoyable things on our agendas. Our mums would want that for us definitely.
We’re off to the seaside today as it’s still in high 20s here, probably last beach day of the season. It will be a good distraction.
Love to you all.
Kate xxxx
Hi Universal
So sorry for your loss. I too lost my mum coming up to a year ago from cardiac arrest very suddenly . I understand your pain and the trauma of sudden loss. Your grief will be raw at the moment but it will eventually be more bearable.
We are all here for each other to support and advise so please post as often as you need to. This site is a godsend.
Take care and sending love and strength to you.
Kate xx
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Thank you Kate, I’m sorry you lost your Mum. It’s a terrible loss. right now I just don’t know how to do this but your message gives me hope that coping will come, my Mum will always be my best friend and the gap is so so vast. The only comfort I can take from this right now is that just means she is a brilliant Mum and person, if she wasn’t then the pain wouldn’t be so much.
Hi Kate and girls,
Aww Kate the beach sounds a lovely day out.
Have loved every second of Glyn being home. It’s been wonderful. He leaves again tom so this time will be in North Wales for 2 weeks then back home with us for a week I think as he is working nearby in Tenby.
Helen how did your Barcelona trip go ?
Jules are you ok? Not long before half term.
Have had a downer of a day today. All started when I went to Tesco. Havent been to the actual Tesco I went to today since mum passed and its where i used to take her shopping. When Paul drove into the carpark i just burst into tears and took ages to get out of the car because I could visualise her walking into the shop and so on. It was awful. All day I have been weepy and have cried for the slightest thing. I think the reality of the trip hit home I am not doing that again so am carrying on with online shopping. Too many upsetting things today like seeing a top with All I want for xmas is you on it, all the xmassy things and things with mum on them. Far too much heartache so there’s no chance I am putting myself through all that again.
Keep going girls with whatever you have planned for the week ahead. You are all doing so well and look how far we have all come to even reach this point. I know we have a lot of first ahead of us soon but we will be there for each other. Kate i know its soon for you so am thinking of you even more than ever and wishing i could be there to give you a big hug.
Deborah x
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Hi Universal, reading your message just brought back those raw feelings in those early days. I’m so sorry you have had to join this awful club. Losing your mum is huge. I lost mum In January and I remember feeling like I’d never cope without her. I couldn’t believe she had gone! The loss was too enormous to comprehend. It’s getting towards 9 months now and I still sometimes can’t believe she actually died. I have accepted that I will miss mum for the rest of my life. I am slowly coming to terms with that. I am almost trying to find a new identity as a different person. I haven’t found it yet but the debilitating agony of initial grief has passed. I just have a constant sadness now. I’m slowly rebuilding my life and am managing to find some enjoyment again. It does get easier with time. Thinking of you xx
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Hi girls, Firstly Kate we are thinking of you today on this landmark anniversary. A whole journey around the sun without your mum. If I could give you a great big hug I would. I hope you are finding time to reflect and also to find some joy in the day. Your mum is fine and happy wherever she is. It’s a tough day so you just need to be led by your emotions and whatever you need to do 
Oh Deborah, sorry you’ve taken a dip. We know how it works now don’t we? You start picking yourself up then wham! Hits you like a ton of bricks 
Equally though, we know it doesn’t last too long and you will pick up again soon. It’s so very hard. We keep plodding on and sometimes all we want to do is curl up in the dark and wish for our mums to come back. I haven’t had any obvious signs but that’s okay. They will come again.
Yes, I’ve been so busy recently. I’ve wanted to respond but have been dog tired by the time I’ve sat down in the evening. It was lovely seeing James and his girlfriend but not sure how long their relationship will last. It’s quite rocky. Anyway, we stayed in Barcelona the first night then moved down the coast to a lovely town called Terragona. We wandered around and went into a beautiful church. It was so peaceful, like a sanctuary from the hot and busy outside world. I lit candles for our mums. (Picture to follow) I get comfort from doing this. I’m feeling okay at the moment. I think I’ve had a lot of distractions to stop me wallowing. We even went to a theme park and I went on the scary rides. One was so fast 0-125km/hr in 3 seconds!! I tell you, I was nearly joining mum! I did miss dad as I’ve got used to seeing him so much now. I was only away 3 days! I cannot even think about going away any longer at the moment. I missed mum too in a strange way. Because her ashes are at my house I feel she’s with me here so when I’m away I feel like I’m away from her. If that makes sense. I’m meeting a friend today for coffee and then church tonight. I have a job application from to fill in too so that’s a bind. I find being so busy has really helped me.
Kate we are all sending you our love and thoughts. Lots of love my dear friends Hxxx
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Hi girls,
Kate I am thinking of you today. It’s going to be a tough day for sure. Haven’t a clue what to say for you to get through it except am sending so much love to you. The first are so hard. I am dreading mine.
Your mum will help you get through it.
Helen you have a lot on your plate.Glad you managed to get away for a few days and you are braver than me going on that ride
Thank you for lighting the candles for our mum’s.In time we will light them all over the world for them. It gives me great comfort too. Something very special about the significance of lighting a candle.
Hope your son and his partner will be ok.My sons ex girlfriend is playing a cat and mouse game with my son and screwing up his head and I feel so cross about it.Nothing we can do though except watch from a distance.
Great that you have tried for another job.
Jules any news with you?
As for me I am plodding on.At my chalet at the moment as Paul has started the renovations after the leak we had last year. It’s going to take months to get all the work done and most probably we will have to wait ages for tradesmen to come her.In the meantime Paul is doing the prep work
Feel better after my glands problem but get easily tired so just pacing myself every day.
Staying at mum’s house tonight so hope it won’t be too upsetting.
Thinking of everyone especially you Kate.
Deborah x
Hi Kate,
I know you are not ok Just want to say I am thinking of you and hope you are getting through this.
Love Deborah x
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Hi Girls
Thank you so much for your messages of love, support and checking in on me… it’s so much appreciated.
Well here I am into year 2….
Yesterday was hard I can’t lie, especially the morning with the inevitable flashbacks to that morning. I forced myself to the gym so I wouldn’t have to see my bedroom clock showing 9:05 which is when I found mum and my heart nearly stopped beating too.
Valerio and I then went to the local market for a wander around and I bought some roses for mum. I also treated myself to a few bits as I thought if mum was with me she’d say “let me get you this or that” every time I picked something up to look at. She always did that… so very generous.
We had lunch (no work as 4th October is the local saint’s day so a bank holiday), then I went and got my highlights done… again I felt mum would approve.
I had a good chat to my hairdresser who lost her mum in June aged just 64. For her it’s just starting to sink in now. I told her it will get more bearable even if that ache will always be there.
I had a read of mum’s letter with her advice about getting through grief and had a good cry especially at the part where she wrote that we’d never be apart and that she’d always be looking down on me.
I lit a candle and just let myself feel sad. I went to bed quite early as I was really exhausted, probably the adrenaline release.
I’m relieved it’s over tbh… the last 2 months I’ve been living my life in playback to last year. I have to start looking forward instead of back because nothing will bring mum back and she wants me to live my life as fully as possible as she wrote in the letter. I must try… we all must girls.
Deborah, I hope your diy is going ok and great news that your gland problem is better.
Helen, thank you so much for lighting the candles for our mums in Spain, how thoughtful of you.
I’m still dreaming of mum quite a lot and a few nights ago I dreamt she was saying Kate you haven’t been looking after yourself lately … it was almost as if she was here…
Yesterday I also found a white feather on her spot on the sofa. 🪽🤍
It’s been hard, but I am so grateful for your constant support girls. We can get through this with each others support.
Lots of love as always my friends,
K xxxx
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Wow Kate a white feather on the sofa yesterday of all days.It was a sign for sure How wonderful. That would have been your mum
Love Deborah x
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Hi girls, hope you’re all okay. Kate, that was definitely your mum sending the white feather. She does want you to live a happy life. All our mums want this for us all. We have to try. I’m so glad you have done with this awful anniversary. I really don’t know how I will be? Thoroughly miserable I expect. Deborah, you are a couple of weeks ahead of me on that one
I’ve been feeling anxious again today. I feel like I need a good cry maybe? I haven’t had one of those real sobbing cries for a bit. We picked up our new dog yesterday and she’s really beautiful. She’s a little sweetheart but is very different to Stella with quite a few training needs. It’s just made me miss Stella. Even though I really need a dog in my life and I was so ready, I feel a bit weird about it. Anxiety has been how my grief manifests itself sometimes and I hate the feeling. It makes me feel insecure. I know it will ease but the sooner the better!
I have 2 days at work this week then I’m off for 2 whole weeks. Can’t wait! I’ve sent an application form in for a new job. The closing date is 23rd October so I don’t expect to hear before then.
Anyway my friends, keep going. We’ve all come so far. Lots of love Hxxx
Hi Girls,
Had a bad day yesterday as my next door neighbour who i haven’t seen for approx 2 years was talking to Paul outside as he was cutting the hedge so I went out to say hello. Big mistake. I told her mum had passed and guess what she said. She said death is just going back to nature. it just stunned me. the comment was so hurtful for a person who is in her 80’s to say something so horrible to me . It has reinforced the fact that I just dont want to be around people.
I am so glad about your little dog Helen. You will get used to her in no time. Good luck for the job and wonderful about having some time off work.
Kate I am glad the first is all over for you and I am dreading mine. Christmas will never be the same for me . Never in a million years.
I am back at mums tom sorting again so wish me luck !
Jules hows things with you?
I am just carrying on girls existing each day and only a bit better in myself. This time last year mum started being ill so all the memories are flooding back. I cant believe a year has gone past Where did it go? Was a blur most of the time. If only we could turn back time.
Keep going girls and thank god we have had each other to help us this past year
Deborah x
Hi Girls
How are you ? I’m not too bad, trying to keep busy and positive. It’s true, I’m glad the cycle of firsts are over but I still feel pretty low at times.
Deborah, people can be really insensitive at times and I’m pretty sure that many say nothing because they don’t actually know what to say to a grieving person. It’s so true that unless you go through it yourself it’s impossible to understand. Hope you are feeling better now.
Helen, I saw the pics of your pooch Mary on Fb. She’s so cute, I guess it’s not so long since you lost Stella so it will feel a bit strange. I bet she’s content to have found a loving family. You will probably find that she will definitely help you through your grief journey given time. I phoned the breeder today and the Westie is probably pregnant but has her scan in a couple of weeks. If we are lucky, we may get a puppy in January. I can’t wait… fingers crossed.
I know what you mean about anxiety… I too have been feeling anxious and my mind wanders to worst case scenarios about everything. I do have the tendency to be a worrier, but the grief has made me worse. Mum was the opposite… pragmatic and level headed. It’s amazing how I can really see all her strong points now that she’s not here. I strive to be more like her, but the worry tendency was inherited from my dad. Mum always said that.
I started my English lessons again today with my student after working from home so I’ve been really busy. I also make myself go for a short walk in the park every day as it helps to keep me grounded.
Now the ironing and testing Alex with his French homework. 
Keeping busy is helpful for me. Hope you have had a good start to the week girls.
Love to you all.
K xxxx
Hi girls, oh Deborah, don’t we hear some silly things?! I think people mean well sometimes without realising how it makes you feel. Sometimes it makes them feel better about death maybe. I hated it in those early days when people said ‘you’ll have your memories’ or ‘she’ll live in your heart’. I know they meant well but those comments just made me feel worse. Who wants their mum to be a ‘memory’?! Now I tend to let these types of comments wash over me. I try and ignore them.
I’ve been thinking about you Kate. I know things went over in your mind from the previous year a couple of months before. Guess what? It’s started with me too already. A memory came up on Facebook of just me and dad at the pictures. Mum must have felt too rough to go so I’m thinking ‘was that the start of the cancer’ we had absolutely no clue where it would end. Just thought mum had a lingering virus. Hindsight can be torturous. ‘If we’d known this time last year could she have been treated?’ Probably not but that’s how this grief works I guess. I have to stop myself thinking like that. ‘If only’s’ are futile.
Mary is lovely but she needs lots of training. Should be a good distraction at least 
I’m excited for you Kate. Let’s hope it’s a positive pregnancy test and your pup will be in your arms early next year. Westie’s are the cutest little pups.
Anyway girls, early night for me. I forgot how tiring having a little baby is! Lots of love to you all Hxxx
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Hi Girls,
I feel I am going backwards.Walked into mum’s house tonight and was emotionally up the creek.On the way here in the car I could feel myself changing emotionally.Ivwentbinto mum’s bedroom and sat on her bed and sobbed clutching one of her soft toys. I have cried over the past few weeks but not like tonight.It was like the very beginning fort of crying and I just sobbed my heart out. I just wish she would send me a sign as so I know she can see me.
I really don’t want to sell her house.I don’t think I can to be honest. It’s where I have been staying for at least 3 or 4 nights every week for the past ten years and mum’s home for 5 yes. I feel so heartbroken.
I have been trying not to think about the first anniversary as it’s too painful .I too have had memories crop up on my phone with photos of mum in hosp. I try not to look at them.
Just feel so sad that she has gone and there are times when I miss her so much I just want to scream and never stop.
I also feel sad that my hometown now has no one left of my family and it’s the first time this has happened to me.All my family have left the town and it hits me for six when we drive through it. I know this sounds strange but I feel I don’t belong anywhere. I know the comment by my neighbour was heartless and I should rise above it but it has certainly triggered other emotions I think which have surfaced tonight.
Anyway changing the subject I am do glad you both have started your doggie journeys. The dogs can take you for walks now lol.
Will post tom when hopefully I feel better
Deborah x
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So sorry you’re going through a tough time Deborah. It’s so painful and we are still in early grief, trying to claw our way through this terrible journey. I suppose our mums were our anchor and our roots. Without them we feel adrift. I suppose not having family close by makes this feeling more profound. There’s no rush to sell your mums house but maybe once it’s sold, even though that is very painful, maybe it will be a leap forward. I think houses are selling slowly anyway. Also, if you put it on the market and you get an offer you don’t have to go through with it. I will have all this to deal with one day but I’m glad for small mercies right now. I feel for you and Kate having such a final stage to deal with. When I go to dads, mum is everywhere. The wallpaper, ornaments all mum. Some of the plates and cutlery is my grandmas; things I’ve seen all my life. I can only imagine how difficult all this is. Just let the tears and heartache out. Focus on the grief for now and put the house stuff on hold.
Sending you lots of love and prayers Hxxx
Hiya Helen,
Hell bells last night was a crying night for sure.Today I got up early and sorted all the draws in the bed bases in three bedrooms and just bagged everything ready to go back to my house. Emptied all the wardrobes in all rooms and I feel I am making progress. I know what you mean once the house has been sold I think I will be able to draw a line even though I will miss going there. It is the most painful thing other than going through mum’s grief that I have ever gone through.Kate you were so so brave.
We are at our chalet now trying to sort out putting new wall boards up after the leak.Paul is insulating the walls first .It’s a massive job. It’s just all getting to me.
The chalet is in a beautiful setting though so I feel chilled being in a woodland setting amongst nature.
This is the view of the park from ours. We have a beach half a mile from here so it’s all so lovely. Just got a chalet that’s a mess lol
Anyway girls I am thinking of you.
Deborah x