Hiya,
Thanks for letting me know Kate. I have had a few people saying they are interested in buying mum’s house so I thought I would get the energy assessment done so it’s ready. I may not go through an estate agent at all but will arrange for them to value it so I know how much to ask.
I was quoted £69 so that’s about the same as you. That’s what I thought about an estate agent charging more.
Hoping to get lots done this week so am putting my brave hat on
Deborah x
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Aww Deborah I know how you feel.
I had a good cry today too. Sometimes I still can’t believe that mum’s gone. In my case it was literally one day she was here and the next she was gone. I still have problems processing the suddenness of it and my mind keeps going back to that last day… if only I knew it would have been the last. I would have said and done so much for her. That would make me feel more at peace and give me some closure I’m sure.
No goodbye is brutal. 
My friend slept in mum’s room and said she felt mum’s presence in a nice way.
I bagged up some of her clothes for charity but have the shoes to do still. I can’t keep those as mum had a different size to me.
Hope you managed to have a break at the chalet. I hear it’s cold in Uk?
November is not a month I like. It will be my birthday at the end of the month, my second without mum. It still seems surreal.
I guess we all have to plod on for our mums… to honour their memory. Keep going girls.
Love and hugs,
K xxxx
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Hiya Girls,
How are you all getting along?
I know Kate it’s really hard. Luckily I had 5 weeks after being told mum didn’t have long so I will always be forever grateful for that.
I also gave mum’s shoes away as didn’t fit me.Mistvof her clothes I have kept for myself. Her tops and jumpers were lovely and fit me perfectly. She had a few Xmas ones so I shall wear them this year. I never bought Xmas jumpers but mum loved them so bless her I shall think of her when I wear them. She had beautiful M and S coats that many still had labels on as she bought them in the sale the year before and never got round to wearing them. All fit me so I will wear them and feel mum is still with me.
This week I have stayed at mums and several times moved the ornament that played on its own but nothing. So it reinforces that when it started playing on its own it couldn’t have been bec I had moved it. All bizarre. Nothing else has happened though.
I had the energy assessment done and I plucked up the courage to make an appointment with an estate agent for Nov 22nd just to give me a verbal evaluation. It was a massive step for me to take and I know you will all appreciate how hard it was for me to make the phone call. Done now though so will worry about the actual day when it comes.
Helen have you started your new job yet? What does it involve?
How is Mary behaving ?
Jules what’s news with you. Bet school is manic this term.Always used to be my favourite term .
Love to you all girls
Deborah x
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Hi girls, I’ve been reading your messages but just haven’t had chance to respond and by evening time just been so tired. Just letting you know, I’m still here with you even when I don’t respond.
Kate, I’m glad you had a good time with your friend. We all need a good laugh don’t we? The rainbow in the picture is your mum. I’ve noticed rainbows come at significant times. When I was on the way to my interview and a rainbow appeared. Also forgot to mention, when I got back in the car after the interview I put the radio on and it was playing ‘electric dreams’ by Phil Oakey and Giorgio someone or other. If ever that came on the radio when I was with mum she always said ‘oh I love this’ and then sang along cheerfully, bless her. Then the Robin on the patio when I got home! All mum, I know it was 
when is your birthday Kate? It must have been terrible last year so soon after losing your mum. Mine was about 6 weeks after and I didn’t do anything. It was just another day trying to survive those early days of grief
Deborah, it’s lovely that you have the chalet to escape to. I feel for you and Kate having to deal with all the stuff to do with the house. So cold and final. It’s amazing how all your signs are to do with lights or mechanical things. Our mums are never far away. My belief that I’ll see mum again is so strong now that it gives me so much comfort.
My new job is in a clinic and it’s patients coming to me for, predominantly woundcare, but other things like catheters, chemotherapy line flushes, feeding tube care, ear syringes etc. I know the job so well so it doesn’t involve any training. I can just go to work, do my job then go home. Just what I need now. It was quite sad handing my notice in as my boss is such a decent guy. He was quite upset but understood my reasons. I finish on 30th november and start my new job on 13th December so a little break between.
My daughter has booked the flights to come home fir 6 weeks over Christmas. I won’t bore with that now as I’ve written enough but I’m so happy about that!!!
Lots of love to you my dear friends. Hxxxx
Aww Helen I am so happy for you with your new job. I think you have made the right decision. Well done for having the strength to go through the interview and everything involved with it.
We had a leak at the chalet just before mum started being ill and we lost everything. The insurance claim took months and we had to put it on hold while mum was ill and then I just couldn’t face all the meetings with loss adjustors so it was all pushed back. We are only now trying to sort it out and if you saw photos of what it’s like inside you would be shocked.We have had to gut the whole place and start from scratch. Paul is doing a lot of the work that’s why we are there so often. It is an absolute mess at the moment. Everything was ruined eg floors doors furniture and the kitchen and bathroom had to be ripped out. I hadn’t actually seen it until a few weeks ago as it upset me too much on top of the grieving. So I have had to be strong and face it over the past month and just make a start on it. It’s going to take months but there’s no rush.
It’s situated in a woodland setting with 100 other chalets so it helps with my wellbeing. Being amongst nature always helps me.
Am feeling so down at the moment remembering this time last year when mum was in and out of hospital.
Sorting her house out is one of the worst things in life I have done. It’s a one off thing that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. I feel emotionally up the creek after finding all sorts of things that mum kept. Things I have found that I wish I had asked her about the story behind them or who gave them to her or who were some of the people in photos.Questions I will never have answers to. Just makes me so sad.
Hope you are all plodding on girls. You are all doing so well and I am so proud of you all. It’s almost a year that we have been posting .Can you honestly believe it.
Love Deborah x
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Hi girl, yes Deborah, nearly a year but I feel like you are all old friends that I’ve known a lifetime. Where would I be without you all? Probably a lot lonelier in my grieving process to be honest. You all mean so much to me. I had a real low point last month and looking back it probably lasted a month.
Hopefully the chalet will get sorted and will be even better than before. I think we take it for granted when we have our mums that we can just ask questions about objects, photos etc. it doesn’t really occur to us that mum will we’ve gone one day and not there to ask. Hope you feel better soon love
I’m feeling okay. I went to choir which was hard at first but all the rehearsals for the Carol service has desensitised me to Christmas a bit. With girls coming over I have no choice but to make it a good Christmas as it’s so important they have magical memories of nannies house it’s doing me good actually to force myself. As I’ve said before, my first choice would have been to hide away in a cottage somewhere but I have no choice. It will be full on with all the kids home!!
Nature is so healing. We are getting the train into the Derbyshire hills today to do some walking with Mary. She’s a sweetheart btw. Then I’m out in Manchester tonight for a work friends leaving do. I’m only staying for the meal though so it shouldn’t be too late. Not up to painting the town red just yet!! I have the big works Christmas do next month too. Only just starting to live a little. I just need to get through mums first anniversary then I feel I want to start finding some joy again. Mum made me promise her I’d live a happy life. I’ll never be completely happy again but I will find as much joy as I can.
Off to get my hiking boots on now. Have a good weekend and loads of love Hxxx
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Aww Kate I don’t know what I would have done without you all also. Yes agree it seems like we have been friends years and years. As we said when we met we all just clicked.
You have a full on time coming up and you have to turn into a magical actress to get through it. Kate and Jules will have to do the same with their children.
I found mums tree yesterday under the stairs so am going to put it up this year. That is if I can face doing it once I open the box. Not until the last minute though.Something like Xmas eve so very late.Mum always had lots of Santas also so will put them around the house also. For me this year it’s just about getting through the day and then the anniversary. I still don’t know what to do on that day. I can hear mum saying Just go off for the day and to the sales and find a bargain She used to love mooching about in the Jan sales bless her. That’s the last thing I will do but can hear her saying it.
The year before last we shopped til we dropped at the sales.
Anyway girls we will get through Xmas somehow. We can only carry on and realise last year was the worst year.Lets hope our mum sends us signs this year to help us.
Have as good a weekend as you all can. I have got Glyn home tom so can’t wait.
Love Deborah xx
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Hi Girls
Hope you are all fine.
Wow Helen you have been busy! I’m so happy for you that your family are coming over for 6 weeks! It will be lovely and I bet you are so excited to meet the new baby this time! Yes it’s true you must try to make Christmas as magical as possible for the kids, that’s what it’s all about isn’t it?
Those were definitely signs from your mum! We just have to be open to see them when they come. Today while I was watching Alex play football a white feather just drifted from nowhere right in front of me and softly landed near to me on the stand. I just felt it was mum saying hi darling I’m here cheering him on too! 
Deborah, that sounds a good idea re the Christmas decorations. I too am going to put out mum’s Christmas village this year. Last year it was just too soon after mum’s passing, I really struggled to even put the tree up. This year I am going to make an effort because mum would want that. All our mums wouldn’t want us to be sad, they’d want us to enjoy Christmas and our lives as much as we can. That’s how we can honour their memory.
I do get that it will be difficult for you girls as Christmas / New Year coincides with your mums’ anniversary and I do feel for you.
Jules hope you are ok?
I too am so grateful that we all have this special friendship, We were bought together by our lovely mums and I’d be lost without your support! You really have helped me so much on this grief journey. 
Lots of love to you and night for now.
K xxxx
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Aww Kate I feel the same bec I would be completely lost without you all.I actually don’t know where I would be or what I would have done to have got through it. We must have written hundreds of posts over the past year recalling ever so much. We have been there listening to us all going through all the horrible and good memories we have of our mum’s. I have really good friends that I have been friends with for Years and years but our bond is something else.Its so so special and our mum’s definitely played a part in bringing us together. Let’s hope they are having an afternoon tea together up there and keeping an eye on us. I know my mum would be going on and on to them about me .
I hope we will be able to meet up sometime next year and Jules you will be able to join us too.
After Xmas we need to get planning girls.
Been sorting out a huge back of photos I had from mum’s so as you can imagine it was heartbreaking and I ended up having a glass of wine. It was so emotional seeing all the things we did over the years and the places we went to.
Anyway I haven’t had a glass of wine for weeks so hopefully I will sleep tonight. It will make a change as I am back not sleeping .
Keep going girls and thank you for being wonderful friends.
Deborah x
Hi Everyone
Just checking in on you. Hope you are all ok? You are probably keeping busy. I have been busy too this past week with work and various things. The new girl in our office lost her dad in May so it’s been good to talk to her. She’s only 33 and was very close to her dad and its still early days for her.
Still feeling up and down, like we all know so well some days are better than others. It’s still so hard some days isn’t it?
On a positive note, I’ve accepted an offer for mum’s house from Gloucester Council for a development project. Hopefully it will go through so fingers crossed!
Anyhow just off for a bit of fresh air as have a real headache this morning! Like you Deborah I had a few glasses of wine last night… probably the culprit lol!!
Take care girls and keep going!
Always here for chats.
Love and hugs,
K xxxx
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Hi Kate,
Wonderful news about the house. Well done . I have an estate agent coming to mums on Monday to value it. I have to move forward with it because I am worrying it is empty. It’s such a huge wrench to sell it but it has to go sometime. I have had the energy assessment done Is there anything else I need to get done before selling it. I thought I would get a valuation done and then inform the 2 people who are interested and give them a week or two then put it on the market. It’s a lump it or leave it situation as I know the 2 will want it for peanuts.
Poor girl at 33 bless her.
Helen and Jules how are you both?
I made some money at a Christmas Fayre the other day and the money is being donated to the project in mums name in the village where she grew up. I made £206 selling handmade soaps and bath bombs. It kept me busy making them and it was lovely to get out for a change.
Love Deborah x
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Hi Kate, I was wondering how you are all doing too? Oh that’s great news about the house. I admire your stoicism on that Kate but it is just bricks and mortar. As your mum had made a home with you in Italy , it wasn’t even your mums home anymore. Oh that poor girl at work! So young to lose a parent. 
Are you still coming to Manchester, Kate?
Me and dad had an afternoon in Manchester yesterday. We had some gluhwein at the Christmas markets and then went to the cathedral. I lit some candles for our mums again. I’ll post the pics.
The girls arrive on 12th December so I am being forced to have Christmas. As you know, I wasn’t going to bother, but it’s important the girls have happy memories of Nannies house so Christmas is on! I have booked a couple of nice things; a light parade at a stately home and the ‘elf express’ which is a trip on a steam train all magical and Christmassy! Oh it’s fabulous. It’s in Haworth, Yorkshire where the Brontë sisters lived. (Google it) It’s one of my favourite places and only an hour from here. I’ll book a pantomime too. It’s costing me a bloody fortune!! 
. I’m also probably going ahead with my annual family Christmas party. I have it the Saturday before Christmas and all the children are so excited. We play party games and usually a game of bingo etc. It’s important that the girls enjoy time with their cousins who they never see. As you can see, no escape from Christmas in the Ferns’ house! It will be really hard as mum loved those parties and always found my bingo calling hilarious! She was always first to arrive with an armful of food and goodies. I can’t think about it too much tbh. I’m getting upset at the thought of it. Hard to believe she was enjoying the party with her headband antlers on and : weeks later she was gone! Still can’t get my head around it. She wIll be a massive absence. At least I can just see it through the girls’ eyes. That’s what I’ll focus on. Making it magical for them. It will be all about the girl this year.
Deborah, hope you are feeling a bit better. This build up is creating so many thoughts isn’t it? It’s hard to think of much else other than ‘this time last year’
Thinking of you all and sending you lots of love Hxxx
Our mums candles are the ones at the front. One for your lovely mum too Jules
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Oh Deborah, what lovely home made crafts. I bet they smell divine. I’m glad things are moving forward for you with your mums house. It’s a massive step. I can’t even imagine. Saving to do that as I still have dad. I cannot tell you how grateful I am to still have dad. I do not take a second with him for granted. I think about your and Kate and how hard it must be. You are so sensible Deborah, even though you’re vulnerable right now, I know you’ll get the right price for your mum’s house. You are doing so well. Hope Paul and Glyn are well too. Lots of love Hxxx
Thank you Helen for lighting the candles It means so much to me. And what lovely photos also. Your dad looks so well. Did you take him to that lovely coffee shop we went to.
Things are very tough at the moment and I feel very low. Next week is the week that last year mum started to feel ill so I am reliving everything in my head and it is so painful.
Next time I come up to Manchester we will have a good look around the Cathedral as those photos are amazing.
Deborah x
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Oh Deborah, hang on in there love. Kate felt the same on the lead up and I’m feeling it too. I think Boxing Day will be the worst for me as that’s when I went to A&E with mum and dad. I can still see mum’s little worried face with the oxygen on. Christmas Day was the very last night mum was to ever sleep in her own bed but we had no idea of this at that time. So I know my mind will be full of this on Christmas Day
I think even though it makes us feel so sad, it’s our way of trying to process what happened. I think in that sense it is probably doing you good in the long run but won’t feel like that now. The thoughts are coming in for a reason and I don’t think we should fight them (although I might have to to some extent) It’s probably like a second phase of that initial grieving. It’s all very painful. I’m a great believer in going with it. I am a little concerned that I will have to suppress it while all the family are here. I don’t know. We’ll just have to get through it however feels right for us.
Thinking of you and your lovely mum. Sending you all my love Hxxx
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Hi Girls
Oh Deborah well done on the crafts! It’s so good that you are making the effort to push on despite this difficult time of the year and by raising the money you really are honouring your mum’s memory!
When I had mum’s celebration of life we donated to WaterAid by setting up a much loved page in her memory as that was a charity close to her heart and she made monthly donations, bless her. Well done too re the house!! My advice would be to get at least 2 or 3 valuations, I had several, 5 I think, and the difference was quite vast. The true value lies somewhere in the middle. I had to come down on the price, but tbh like you the thought of Winter coming on, the risks and costs of an empty property really plays on my mind. Plus the housing market is terrible atm as we all know, so I decided to go with the offer which both agents said was good. Don’t accept a low offer from those 2 people you know. It’s a buyer’s market now, but you can always wait rather than underselling it.
In a way I’m relieved that the house and large garden will be used by the council for the community ( homeless project ) and they want to build housing pods in the garden I believe. It won’t look like my family home in the future which is maybe better for me.
Mum would be chuffed I’m sure.
Oh Helen your Christmas plans sound awesome and so familiar! When we came over we used to do all those things with mum. The pantomime in Cheltenham, the Spectacle of light at a local castle gardens, the Santa train ride through the Forest at night, so many lovely memories which Alex will treasure forever and so will your girls! Mum adored all those things too. Christmas became magical again for her when Alex came along and she thoroughly spoilt him. In a letter she wrote, she said that it was worth every penny to see his face light up!! The last time we did those outings was 2019 because in 2020 everything was suspended for COVID and we were stuck here. Then in 2021 again a lot was still closed, but we managed to get back to Gloucester for what would be Mum’s last Christmas. It’s tough especially as your mum went so soon after Christmas love, but by focusing on making the magical memories for the little ones you are honouring your mum too! She’d want that.
Yes we will be in Manchester from 8th to 10th. Would really love to meet for a coffee or a Christmas drink if you have the time.
Thank you so much for the candles, H, it means so much. When I can get into Bologna I will do the same in the cathedral.
Anyhow, I have to dash as Alex has a match.
Keep writing girls. I love to hear your news!
Much love,
K xxxxx
Just read this… yes it’s true Helen the lead up is like a second grief, our minds play back all those memories, the days leading up to it. I feel for all 3 of you as it was around Christmas /New Year for you all and they are difficult times for anyone grieving, but especially for you. I was in a trance last Christmas /New Year and just putting one foot in front of the other, mainly for Alex.
Be kind and patient with yourselves. Do whatever feels right. We will all be here to support each other girls. Xxxx