A few pics of festive Manchester xx
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Hi there am not sure if this is an open conversation or not but i find it helpful to read about your lives dealing with your Mum’s passing away. My Mum died in May this year and it’s my first Christmas without her. My Dad is a sweetheart and is still in their house, thankfully, it just is a long way from me, rural west coast Scotland (I live in the city). Its 4 hours driving and i try and go there often (always did)… but have spent more time there recently. I find it hard, he doesnt ask for support but at the same time needs it, especially did at the start. He had no idea how to do anything. But we got through. I resent my brother and his lack of interest, but he still expects our undivided attention. He lives abroad and has now started having babies late in life. I feel I never got to have my own life and now never will. I hate feeling this way as i love my Dad and miss my Mum terrribly. Sorry for this butting in on your covos. X
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Hi Juniper,
Don’t apologise because its fine. Am so glad our posts are helping you. I used to and still do read other peoples posts and get great comfort from them. We are all grieving for our mums and we try to keep each other going by posting and chatting together and talking about our mums. So many people stop talking about them after a while so its been wonderful sharing stories about them with each other on here. We also know when one of us is feeling down so can jump in so to speak and try to lift them out of it. Its surprising what a few kind caring words can do.
This is my first Christmas without my mum too. So its a bit of the unknown as I spent the past 35 yrs with her on Christmas Day. The run up to Christmas is heart breaking in every sense of the word but we all deal with it differently. For me I am in protection mode at the moment and dont want to venture out far. Hearing people being excited about Christmas and hearing Christmas music is not something I can stomach at the moment. So I have done on line shopping and Christmas is going to come and go quietly in my house.
As everyone says we have to start a new life now without our mums but is going to be hard. I dont like to look to far into the future as the way I have dealt with all the grief is to take a day at a time or even a morning then an afternoon. Small steps each day have helped me get through each day.
It is almost a year since mum passed and it feels like yesterday. I still feel weak with the whole journey and there are days when i just sob. Anything can trigger it.
Thats why this site is a godsend. I know i can post something 24/7 and be myself. It is such a life line when you feel the pain of grief so much and feel so alone.
Dont suffer on your own. Post whenever you want and i hope you share stories about your mum with us
Deborah x
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Fab photos Kate.
Oooh i shall have a look at all the places tom
Thanks for replying Deborah, I know what you mean about Christmas music and finding it hard to feel joy in things. My Mum and I always watched Strictly and had a kind of watch party each weekend. Have found it almost impossible to watch this year, but have had it on the last two weeks, imagining that maybe Mum can’t see it unless i have it on. She’d have loved it this year as much as ever. Thanks again for your kind reply. Xx
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Hi Juniper
Welcome to our thread and sorry for your loss. As Deborah said, this is an open chat and we are all here for each other on this awful journey. Post here freely about your mum, it will help you, Where are you from?
This site has been a god send to me since I lost my mum in October last year and I’ve made some lovely friends. Christmas is brutal for us all grieving isn’t it? I have no interest in it now tbh.
My mum also loved Strictly come dancing, but I can’t bring myself to watch any of her programmes yet, that hurts too much.
Anyhow post whenever you need to, you’re not alone.
Love and strength. Kate xx
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Hi Girls,
OMG just had what I think is a panic attack. I had planned for mum’s house to go on sale in Jan but the estate agent emailed me to say it went on sale this morning. I couldn’t stop crying and could hardly breathe when I saw the photos. It was awful just seeing her lovely home without her.
I honestly couldn’t function and Paul had loaded the car ready for us to go on our mini break . I couldn’t find something and got myself in such a state bec I couldn’t find something that I made him empty the car .He was do patient with me while I was a crying mess.
Am ok nowxad in the car on our way to Swansea where we are staying .Thank god we are going away as god knows what I would be like at home. Kate how the hell did you manage to survive all this.
Will post later but just wanted to post to you all
Deborah x
Aww girls I feel sick I have two viewings tom for mums house. I don’t want to let go of it All this is too quick It only went on sale this morning I feel so emotional. Am in a shop Have to get out quick.
Kate did you feel the same?
I didn’t want it to go this quick.
Deborahx
Hi Deborah
I understand how you are feeling.
2 viewings is very good on the first day. Don’t forget that even if they make an offer you don’t have to accept it, just take as long as you need to process everything. There’s no rush and no onward chain so just think things over and take your time.
Enjoy your time in Swansea… your mum will be proud of what you’ve achieved in this past year all by yourself!!
Helen I expect you are busy with last minute preparations for the family’s arrival tomorrow… I bet you are sooo excited!!
Enjoy every minute and make loads of memories!
Lots of love
K xxxx
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Hi girls, hi Juniper, you are very welcome to join our chats. We are all here for each other as we trawl through this terrible journey supporting each other. My mum died 15th January so approaching the 1st anniversary. I still sometimes struggle to comprehend my mum has gone. She was very fit and well with no health problems at all. Basically she’d had a cough for couple of months then got very short of breath on boxing day. She got diagnosed with lung cancer and died just 8 days later. Just like that! So shocking. I still have my dad who is lovely but his health is deteriorating. He is struggling without mum. It’s the toughest time of all our lives so please post whenever you want to. We are all in this together
Kate, I love those pics. Shame the weather was so crap as I’d have got a couple of us in front of the big Santa! Anyway, you got lots done and Alex went to another game albeit not the result he wanted.
Deborah, I can fully understand what you are saying. Even selling a house normally is emotional. This must be off the scale and to suddenly put it on the market must have hit you hard. They tend to do that. I remember them coming to take photos of ours and an hour later a guy came round to put the ‘for sale’ sign up. I hadn’t even told the neighbours. It’s just them doing their job but I think they forget the emotional implications of selling a property.
Still busy this week. Been to the Lake District today to meet my brother who lives in Edinburgh, family arrive tomorrow, new job and social evening Wednesday. Working Thursday and Friday then football and work Christmas do Saturday, church Sunday etc. it’s really helping to distract my thoughts but I know I will hit at some point. Maybe after the girls have gone. I don’t know but it’s on its way. For now I’m going with my positive mindset and keeping busy.
Enjoy your trip Deborah. I’ll have a look at Bologna when I get to bed. How about early May? Before it gets too hot and away from anniversaries? Xx
Bye for now girls and lots of love Hxxx
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Aww thanks girls for being there for me today. Had a bit of a shite day but there you go .it’s as llvdonr now and dunk in so i have to carry on and wear my big pants.
I will only accept the asking price at this stage and will take my time in deciding now that the shock of it all had sunk in. It’s good in a way but aldo upsetting but I am pretty sure mum is behind this as she told me to sell the house and I have dragged my tail for a whole year. She always used to worry about no one being at her house if she stayed at my house even for z few days do she wouldn’t like it being empty.I just know she is behind me having two viewers tom and arranged within 6 hrs for god’s sake. She is behind this .
Just want to say I have read your lovely posts and will respond more tom but right now I just want to say thank you for just being there for me today and replying. I felt very alone today and do emotional and didn’t have anyone to turn to except you all and it was just so lovely to know you understood.
Love you all so much
Deborah xxxx
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Always here for you Deborah and all of you. Maybe the sooner it’s sold now the better? Xx
I thought I’d share this as I know we all love signs. Yesterday we had a family meet up in the Lake District as I mentioned. We all had a lovely meal together and a real good natter/ exchanged gifts etc. before we went home we went outside for a few group photos including dad and us 4 siblings. Just as we finished and were going back inside, there all alone on a Christmas tree was a Robin. I know we see them a lot but this was different. It was just there on a branch singing its little heart out looking at us. It let us get really close and just carried on singing. I’ll put a picture on so you can see it. It was a really sweet moment. I didn’t think at the time but after what Kate’s mum said, now
I’m wondering if it was mum wanting to join us. Anyway, I just thought you’d like that so wanted to share. Lots of love Hxxx
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Sorry, just randomly put the picture in the middle of my last message 
Oh Helen that’s so beautiful… it was definitely your mum joining you!!! Mum always said it was dad when we saw a robin! 
K xxxx
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Yes it was your mum for sure. How lovely to get a sign. You get them when you least expect them.
Had 3 viewings today at mums house and 2 offers of the asking price. Only found out tonight so will phone the estate agents tom and go from there.
I am up the creek again tonight with it all.
I really feel this is mum doing all this as she always wanted everything sorted before the end of the year and it’s like she is saying For goodness sake Deborah get on with it .
I can’t think straight at the moment.
Will let you know how I get on
Deborah x
I agree Kate. It’s the boost Helen needed. Xx
Deborah x
I’ve now travelled home to my Dad on the west coast of Scotland to help him get to a hospital appointment. Being in the house without Mum feels awful sad, quiet and a bit empty. She always filled it with her love. It feels different than it did in the summer. Each season it’s like experiencing loss afresh. On the way, the road was dark and i always drive faster than I should to get thru it. Suddenly spotted a wee deer at the side of the road, it was thinking about crossing. I slowed right down after that, wondered if Mum was there somehow influencing things. Hope you feel better soon about the house sale. I’m seeing all memories of mum in this house, so must be hard at this time of year when your heart is at home even more. Xxx
Wow Deborah that’s fantastic news re the house!! Especially in this economic climate!!
Take your time to think things over before making your decision.
Juniper, yes the season changes get to me too… the first Spring was heartbreaking as it was mum’s favourite season. Also the winter mornings now make me think of her and Autumn will forever be associated with her passing for me. It’s so hard.
Aw It sounds like that deer was a sign from your mum to slow down! We must look for the signs.
Helen hope the family arrived safely and good luck for today!
Love K xxxx
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Hi girls, just a quick hello before work. I started yesterday but it was mainly sorting out passwords, meeting with manager etc. it felt so good to be back and I just felt mum was smiling about it. It was mum that told me ‘do what makes you most happy’ so I’ve done just that. I’m going to be working all day Wednesday and Thursday and Friday morning. How good is that?! Long weekends. 
I couldn’t have wished for better hours.
That’s good about the house Deborah. I know it’s hard but it will be done with soon and then you are further along this towards some kind of recovery. Your mum wouldn’t want her lovely house standing empty. She’d want life and joy back within those walls.
We all need to be doing what we can to find our peace.
The girls finally arrived yesterday so it’s absolute chaos here! Loving it though.
Bye for now and lots of love Hxxx