Hi girls,
Juniper that deer was a sign and they appear when you least expect them. I have had many signs so don’t know what else my mum can do or send me but I am sure she will.
Helen I bet your house is pretty hectic with everyone. I would love to have little children around but I have two adult children with Paul and Glyn lol so never a dull moment. Great news about the job You see you made the right choice to go for the job and imagine having those weekends free from now on . Kate have you settled back home after your trip?
I turned down the two offers. The first was a cash buyer who was an investor so goodness knows who they would have rented to and as it’s attached to two other houses I have too much respect for the neighbours. Mum lived in the house for 55 yrs and one of her neighbours has been there 40 yes the other 5 yes but the neighbours gran moved in the same day as my mum to hers so she bought the house after her gran passed. My mum remembered her being born and both neighbours looked after my mum for years making her cooked dinners every week and the best thing if all kept her safe and looked out for her during COVID when I lived so far away and couldn’t travel.I have di much respect for them so I am putting that before financial gain of a cash offer. I know people will think I am mad and I am pretty sure the estate agent does but I feel i am doing the right thing. The second person has to sell her house first so could take years. I want the right person to buy mum’s house and it’s more important than financial gain. I have another viewing on Friday so will see how things go.
I am not sure whether to keep the house up for sale as this week I have felt totally exhausted with it all and I actually feel ill with it. it has completely broken me this week as it’s been full on and in the New Year I may work out a way of buying it myself and a way of how I can afford to keep it I am clearly not ready to sell and it’s affected me terribly this week. I just feel I am not strong enough to cope with it.
Message you later.
Deborah x
Speaking of signs, am at my folks house on my own while Dad’s in hospital. Was sure i heard the back door open and close today. Honestly thot someone had come in the house. But there was no one. Am so missing her here, especially without Dad. Keep feeling her here in my heart, like she will walk in the room or be in the kitchen doing something. It is so quiet and still without her here now it breaks my heart. G xx
Hiya Girls,
I know Juniper it’s so heartbreaking when the house is empty. I went back to my mum’s house over the summer to clear it and it was just heartbreaking. Seeing her empty chair, bed, her place at the table. Walking into that empty house for the first time was honestly one of the hardest moments of this past year.
Deborah you are right to take time to think over what you want to do with the house and what feels right for you personally.
Don’t feel rushed into any decision.
Thinking of you all girls.
K xxxx
Same here Juniper.You can feel them so close you can almost touch them but there is no one there to touch if you know what I mean. That back door was your mum believe me.Strange things that can’t be explained will happen and when they happen again and again you just have to believe they are signs bec what else can they be?
My mum’s house still has her fury so I can still sense her there. I used to pretend she was upstairs in the beginning just so I could cope while being there. I also sit in her chair so I don’t see it empty.
I have crashed at the moment big time with all this house sale stuff. Just got to me and I have worried and neglected myself and made myself weak again so have swollen glands flu and chest infection. Have been in bed most of the day.
Will post tom girls when I am feeling a bit better.
Keep going everyone.Am so proud of you all. Small steps on in the build up to Christmas Day so pace yourselves and protect yourselves from all the fuss of everything as best you can. I am going into hibernation mode.
Love to you all
Deborah x
Aww sorry Kate just noticed your reply. Agree it’s definitely one of the hardest things I gave ever done.Its up there with my cancer op the same time as mum’s cancer op, and caring for her in the end I honestly don’t know which are worse as they are all things that totally explode your life and you can never put your life back again. Same with the house I can never put it all back and it will be the same. I know I am in a bad way at the moment.Am not feeling well and got the dreaded swollen glands chest infection thing that’s going round so I am more fragile than I like to admit.
Am going to do all the viewings myself from now on. I feel more in control now.
Tom is my first one so hopefully it will go ok.
If the person turns out to be a investor then I will have to see how it all pans out as I may have to go down that route. The capital gains tax is a pain bec as from next April it reduces to £3k exemption from £6k. Just beyond a joke. Last year it was £12k so it has changed drastically.
On top of that I have to pay a 50 % premium on her council tax. It seems so unfair when she has passed away and no one is living in the house.
Anyway i have been in this state before and like we always say it will pass. It’s just the realisation of the house has to sell and my link with mum there will be gone forever. At least now I can walk in there and visualise her there or pretend she’s upstairs.
Anyway I promise not to write any more depressing posts.
Deborah x
Hi girls,
How’s everyone doing ?
I expect you are all busy with families,and Christmas preps.
I have made some headway in a few things. Firstly my sister has responded to my texts after 10 mths and texted away like she had been in constant touch. Said she couldn’t help with sorting the house as lives so far away and works but that’s fine. I would rather do It on my own anyway. She said she agrees with all my decisions so that was a relief. Then the same night I had a long email from my brother saying he agrees all my decisions also. I am sure it’s mum sorting them out as she always said any unfinished business had to be sorted before the end of the year. I am glad because it’s not a nice feeling when there are problems and people don’t reply etc.
I have also arranged to do all the viewings myself from now on although I know I may regret it at some point if there are many in a week.
I am also not putting up a tree,sending cards or making Christmas dinner. How wonderful is that. I found myself turning into a horrible person just thinking about it so it’s just going to be a buffet. I appreciate you all have little ones so have to and my heart goes out to you.
Hope everyone is doing ok
Deborah x
Hi Girls
Glad your siblings are in agreement with what you are doing re the house Deborah. It’s the least they could do considering all your hard work. Let us know how the viewings go.
I understand re Christmas. The buffet sounds like a great idea! I’m just going through the motions as I have a child in the house tbh, my heart’s not really in it. It seems like the colour has been drained from this season now. I realise that mum made Christmas.
Most of us on this site are dreading it and I guess we just have to find a way to get through it as best we can.
I’m feeling a bit groggy today like I’m about to go down with something. I guess it’s all the running around, stress etc.
Hope you are having fun with the little ones Helen. I bet they are keeping you busy.
Keep on going everyone… we can get through this!
Much love
K xxxx
Hi all, it’s good to hear how everyone is coping with the Christmas season, it is an insight for me and feel less alone with it. I can see dealing with house sales and legal stuff in my future if my brother stays in Aus. I need to remember it’s my Dad’s first Christmas without Mum too. So, have been staying here with him and we’re just muddling through! Will need to help him with practical stuff like writing to some of Mum’s old friends from afar who don’t know yet she died (we are still getting cards addressed to both mum and dad). He hasn’t great handwriting (was forced to write with his right hand as a child but is left handed) so he kind of just aims at the page and scribbles lol. We’ll maybe just aim for New Year cards as am expecting they’ll guess something is wrong if they don’t hear from her before the 25th. It’s hard reading things meant for her. Speaking of signs again, I keep seeing red balloons, they were popping up everywhere yesterday and was having a particularly off day, so am thinking she’s here for sure, trying to keep us all going in a way. Best wishes to you all, take care and wishing you a good week xxx
Hiya Girls
Please excuse the mood I was in yesterday. It was my worst shite day of all shite days if you know what I mean.
Poor Paul had a hell of a day with me yesterday and he couldn’t do anything right and I was just so horrible all day. Nothing could get me out of it and it was quite frightening really as I am not like that at all. In fact the opposite and take everything bin my stride. I have been ill in bed for days and everything got in top of me. The house needed cleaning,bed changed,food shopping and all sorts and I felt overwhelmed with it all. So my idea of cancer Xmas was all I could see. Then the horrible me wanted Paul to disagree with me but he didn’t so I was worse. OMG I am ashamed of myself.
I have apologised now to him and Glyn and I have dragged myself out of my dark put and got my act tog. We are putting the tree up tonight and I have to think of other people besides myself and also mum would be mad absolutely mad if I did nothing
So I am so sorry girls if I came across as being so heartless esp when you are all trying so hard
Did the viewing this morn and went well. Can’t really tell what they truly felt as it was difficult to judge.
Yes at long last I am having some support from my brother and sister but I let verbal and very typical now I have had two offers. But mum wouldn’t want us to fall out so I am being very careful what and how I say because arguments can easily start. I would never forgive myself if we fell out.
I hope you are all doing ok. I know it’s a busy time for everyone and just hope you manage some time for yourselves.
I think Christmas is such a magical time for children and am so proud of you all for doing everything you can this year to get through it for them. You are really inspirational.
Anyway it may only be an optic tree but girls it’s going up tonight and the wine is being opened as I am back to my nice self again
Hugs
Deborah xxxxx
Hi Juniper,
Sorry just read your post after I just posted. Yes when we went to mum’s this morning there was a Christmas card for her from someone I didn’t even know. It was difficult to read but worse that I couldn’t reply with a note to let the person know. Mum had friends in OAP homes quite far from her hometown so my guess it’s one of them.
Signs are so comforting and when something reaccures it makes us question and sometimes there is no explanation. Was there a connection with your mum and red balloons? Everyone has a connection with something.Ny mum lived cats and owls. She had loads of cat ornaments,key rings etc and owl garden ornaments.
I haven’t had any signs connected to either though All my signs have been to do with lights and bulbs flickering,turning in and off and exploding
Hugs.
Deborah x
Hi Deborah, well, not directly, I actually spoke to a Medium in September because I was struggling with things and thought this would help. She had said she kept seeing my Mum with a red balloon, like she was offering it to me. It’s not something I ever thought I would do (contact a medium) but she was helpful in allowing me picture my Mum somewhere spiritual and calm and helped me visualise this. Some things she said were a bit of a way off the mark, but in a way, it helped me to picture my Mum feeling happy and not ill in any way or distressed. This was helpful after seeing her in the hospital at the end of her life which was really traumatic. So I don’t know if anything the Medium said was “right” but I have an open mind to things and like to feel her presence somehow. Hope all well and you’re having a better week with things. Good wishes to you, Gillian
Hi,
Thats wonderful and yes keep an open mind bec we have to. Anything that we can grab to help us we have to do
Deborah x
Hi Girls,
Just want to tell you some sad but good news i guess. I have accepted an offer on mums house. The man who viewed yesterday offered £1500 more than the asking price and as he seemed a really nice person i felt mum would approve. Last night I had lights coming on late at night for no reason and i guessed something would happen today. Anyway the person is a singe man in his 40’s who wasn’t phased by some of the work that needs doing and he had a fussy mum with him so it reminded me of what i would be like if I viewed a house with Glyn lol.
As you can tell the whole thing has screwed my head up terribly and i have ben all over the place with emotions. I have cried a lot today though as it will be the end of another era. I know mum is behind all this as she always got everything sorted before the New Year. Bills paid , jobs in the house etc. There is a pattern here with her getting my sister and brother back in touch and now the hose selling within a week all before New Year. It may be daft of me to think like this but she really was a stickler in sorting everything before the end of Dec and fresh start in the new year etc. She even passed away on Dec 30th so we all said at the time she even sorted herself.
I have just sorted a solicitor but Kate what do I need to do next ? I have given all the details to the solicitor but haven’t met them yet Do you meet solicitors these days or is it all done on line . Havent a clue about theses things.
Put my tree up last night girls. It is just an optic one but looks lovely and there is something so pretty about lights twinkling around the house. Have dragged myself out of my dark pit and am on track again.
Hope you are all okish and getting through the build up to Xmas ok.
Deborah x
Hi Jupiter
That’s uncanny that you are seeing the red balloons. I agree, we have to keep our minds open to the signs. I haven’t had any for a while. I bought a little bird house and some seeds because I would love to see a robin. Mum told my cousin she’d come back as a bird and as dad was a keen bird watcher I just thought it was a nice idea. Haven’t seen any yet… I keep looking out. Mum went to see the famous medium Doris Stokes after my dad passed away in 1981. It’s not something I would rule out.
K xx
Hi girls, I have been reading your posts but just not had chance to reply. It’s hectic at my house. Gone from just me and Tom to 3 kids and 2 extra adults. It’s really lovely having them here. I’m just going to focus on the kids and making Christmas nice for them. For me Christmas is hollow and I have no Christmassy feeling whatsoever. I’ve only just put the tree up. I’m feeling more the religious side this year as I’ve been going to church.
Juniper, I think you just have to find comfort wherever you can as long as it doesn’t cause harm. I’m not very religious but started going to church soon after mum died. I’d say this group and church have been my biggest support/comfort.
Deborah, if it wasn’t for the kids I’d have just escaped the lot of it. Well done for at least putting a tree up of sorts. You made the right decision for you about the gifts/cards etc. There’s just no joy in any of it now. If it’s any consolation I’ve been an absolute bitch to Tom at times. I am ashamed of myself and don’t know how he’s put up with me sometimes. Thinking of you re the house and your siblings. Everything is all at once for you; the house, Christmas, the anniversary. I’m sure it will get easier each year but for us, Christmas will always be overshadowed by our mums anniversary. There’s no escaping that
Aww Kate, hope you’re feeling better love. I was really ill this weekend. I threw up at the work’s Christmas do. So embarrassing!! I’m never sick. I think it was food poisoning as Harriet was ill too and we both had the same food at a local street food event the night before. Feeling better now but still limited appetite. Bonus is I’ve lost 4lb! I can hear Deborah telling me off that I don’t need to lose weight! lol My jeans were getting a bit ‘snug’.
We will get through this girls. We need to change our expectations. We know it will be different now. I think we have to forget how Christmas has been in the past and try and accept it won’t ever be the same again. We have to find joy again somehow. I’ve set myself a goal next year to do one fun thing every month. In January me and Tom are going for a weekend away (mums anniversary weekend), February I go to London with a friend to watch a show, March a weekend in the Lakes, April booked a helicopter ride over Manchester, May…. In May let’s go and see Kate in Italy?!!
Thankyou girls for always being here. Hard to believe we didn’t know of each other’s existence a year ago.
Lots of love to my dear friends. Hxxx
Oh Deborah, I totally get the mixed emotions about the offer. It really sounds like your mum had a hand in that. Like you say, she wanted everything done and organised by the years end and the lights again. It’s what your mum wants and she was letting you know it’s okay with the lights. Bless her 
Don’t forget, nothing is set in stone until that contract is signed. You still have control right up to that point. Sending you lots of love Hxxx
Hi Deborah
Great news about the house! You certainly did well there. It does seem that your mum is pushing you to get things sorted. I felt the same tbh, mum would have wanted me to get the house sold asap. She told me that the day before she passed.
I organised the solicitor whilst in Gloucester and even signed all the forms then too just to be on the safe side! Normally the Estate Agent can put you in contact with one if you don’t already have one. I think most things are done electronically these days. The Estate Agent emails me periodically to give me updates about the sale process. I just hope it goes through.
As you say there is council tax and bills to pay so the sooner it’s sold the better!
I’ve been home with a temperature today. Feeling pretty groggy and missing mum even more. She always used to fuss over me when I was feeling I’ll. I miss that.
Seeing all the lights is heartbreaking as mum loved the Christmas lights. It’s so tough isn’t it? Well done on putting the tree up. Tbh I felt this voice telling me to put up the tree etc because mum really would want that. She loved the decorations and lights everywhere, so although I don’t feel in the Christmas mood, I know she is egging me on. It’s our way of honouring them and letting them live on. I put a few ornaments on the tree, a photo of us all on our last Christmas Day together and a little angel.
Thinking of you all.
K xxxx
Aww Helen it would be fantastic if you girls could come out in May! May is my favourite month of the year. Spring and nice weather but not too hot! It’s true we have to set ourselves little things to look forward to.
I’m so glad you are enjoying having the girls home and making memories for them. 
Helen it’s true, last December we didn’t even know each other, I was struggling with Christmas so soon after losing mum. I was in a very dark place and only when I discovered this forum after Christmas did I really feel I was not so alone. Thanks to you all for all your invaluable support this year. Lots of love.
Xxx
Hiya Girls,
Aww I can feel the emotion in all your words Everything you have written is spot on and I could have written the same.
It’s only now we can look back and realise how dark a place we were in. Its not over by a long short but god alive how did we get through it. Just to even get to this
place.
Me too! I dont know how I would have come through it without your comforting words all along the way. No one else has shown me the compassion you all have and I know I have had some rough times. When we refer to this site as a life line it really has been.
This time last year mum had another 10 days to live bless her and did I think I would join a site like this and post to strangers Hell no way. Last thing I though of. I still don’t know what guided me to the site but am grateful something did. Friends for life now! You are stuck with me girls lol.
Helen I bet your house is lovely and quiet ! Not !!! Lovely though and just wait for Xmas morning !!! Tons of wrapping paper.
Kate the chest infection I had has lasted ages and seems to be going round. Dose yourself up rest and just look after yourself.
I haven’t had any signs with robins either , Its just bulbs and lights for me. I think we have to be open though to many different signs and if something reoccurs it makes us think doesn’t it.
Thanks for the solicitor advice. Have completed all the forms just now and emailed back to them so now i just have to wait for the next stage.
Jules and Juniper how are you both doing tonight?
Thinking of you all girls and willing us to get through teh next week or so
Deborah x
Like you we took Mum to hospital because she was being sick. She had a bowel obstruction and they said they couldn’t operate. She died a few days later. I still struggle every day with losing her. There’s a huge void in my life. Life seems pointless. Empty. The house is silent and I hate being so alone. I was her carer for over ten years. We shared so much. I feel I have no purpose in life. I have little motivation to get out of bed let alone do housework or cook meals. Everything reminds me of my Mum and now I’m on my own feeling lost. It’s hard for others to understand and I hate bothering people with my feelings of depression and tears.
My heart goes out to you.