Hi Daydreamer
Sorry for your loss. The loss of a mother is life changing and when you cared for her there is an enormous void in our lives. I too cared for my mum and it’s true that the house seems so empty still after 14 months. My mum died suddenly and I still struggle with that and not having been able to say goodbye. She was here then the next morning she was gone…
When did you lose your mum? It will get more manageable but the grief is always there. I hope you can find comfort here. We are all here for each other. Kate xx
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Thank you Kate. My mum died August last year. It’s changed my view in so many aspects of life so I feel my comfortable foundation is lost. It’s turned my life upside down. Maybe time passing will help but it’s so hard now, to say the least. M x
Hi Daydreamer1,
First of all welcome to our chats. We have all lost our precious mums and have gained comfort from just being there for each other.
My mum died from a bowel obstruction also and its unbelievable that they couldn’t save her. It was such a shock to take her into hospital and be told that. I also cared for my mum and all the emotions you are going through we have been there too and it sounds like us you were very close to your mum.
As Kate said the loss of a mother is life changing so we know the pain you are experiencing. When did your mum pass ?
Would you like to tell us a little about your mum ? Please post about her as it helps to share. My mum was 89 and although a great age it was still a shock to lose her. She was a gentle quiet soul who was so so kind and always very positive in life. She took everything in her stride and was great fun to be with. We shared so many days out together and she always had a wonderful zest for life.
We would love to hear about your mum.
Thinking of you
Deborah x
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Hi Deborah. Thanks for your kind words. Our mums suffered the same condition. My mum was 90. I might share more about her one day but for now it upsets me even looking at her photograph. She feels so far away. It’s a strange perception I have. My life has changed so much I feel at a loss without her in my life. She was my focus. Now I don’t have anyone to look after. It’s like being redundant. I’ll keep reading this site as and when. There’s so much sadness about. Makes you wonder what life’s all about really. M x
Hi Daydreamer,
We question everything when we go through all this. I also feel redundant bec there are no days out with her,no appointments to take her to, no fun times and most importantly no time together just doing ordinary things. It is overwhelming.
Yes they had the same condition and it was something I had never heard of until she had it. I googled everything about it and it was something mum just couldn’t fight. She needed an operation and because of her age they wouldn’t operate.
We are here for you so post when you feel strong enough to. There is no pressure. Sometimes it’s just enough to read other posts and gain a little strength from others.
Big hugs
Deborah x
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It’s so true girls that we can feel redundant now without our dear mums. Although I have a child to look after, I was used to looking after mum for so long and now, as you say Deborah, I would just long for an ordinary day with mum here with me watching Christmas Tv.
Now every Christmas song is painful.
I’ve been feeling quite weepy these past few days at home with the flu. I think last Christmas I was in shock and in robot mode just to get through it, but this year I’m feeling so nostalgic; the loss of our family traditions as well as missing mum so much. My heart just isn’t in it.
This morning another phone collage of pics from 6 Christmases ago… sheer torture! 
K xxxx
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Hi girls, sorry you’ve been unwell Kate. It makes you feel even lower when you’re ill. Get well soon chick.
Well girls, I thought it was all going too well. Had to get a few bits from Sainsburys before and was waiting in the checkout queue. It was a long queue so I was stood there for quite a while just watching people walk past. The Christmas music was on and I just felt myself welling up. The tears just rolled down my cheeks and I tried to wipe them away discreetly. I just felt weird, like I was invisible looking out at everyone, all the ‘normal’ people going about their lives. I miss my mum so much and I miss my old life too.
Hope you are all finding ways to cope with this most difficult of times.
Lots of love Hxxx
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Hello all, I have been a little quiet recently but reading and identifying with most of your posts. The grief has hit me like a sledgehammer this week. I knew it was coming. Today marks a year since I last saw my Mum alive - sat up in her bed in the care home. She had a dewy glow about her and kept telling us she would miss us. I chose to ignore what she was trying to tell us. The next day she was taken to hospital and we couldn’t see her due to the ward restrictions and winter flu. If only I had known that was the last time I would see her alive. The 27th of December was when she left us. I have spoken to Mum’s best friend in Birmingham today and it made me sad . They were friends for 65 years…
Sounds like we are all struggling in our own way . Deborah: sounds like you are very busy trying to sort your Mum’s house etc. I’m dreading the day I have to do this. I can’t bear the thought of my childhood home being sold etc - but I know it has to be. Daughter is only 12 ( I had my second at 39 years ) so getting into the Christmas spirit as much as possible. She is doing so well. Kate/ Helen: hope you are ok? I know we all lost our Mum within days/ weeks of each other so I know you all know how I feel at the moment. X
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I can identify with this Helen. Not in Sainsbury but at a Christmas lights trail ( ventured to Warwick Castle). The lights were amazing and some classical music came on. I just froze. Staring at the lights and sobbing…. X
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Hi Girls I too just have had a grief meltdown. I just popped to the local supermarket to pick up a frozen pizza as I don’t feel like cooking. I came out and just seeing the lights and people bustling around I just made it to the car before breaking down. Tears streaming down my face just sobbing for mum; for being at her house in Gloucester, for doing my last minute shopping errands there… it just feels so wrong to be here!!
Jules it’s so tough with those final week memories coming flashing back isn’t it? I feel for you and Deborah with it being Christmas too, I really do.
I just feel so much worse this Christmas, probably because last year I was in a numb shock.
Thinking of you all.
K xxxx
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Hiya Girls,
I have just read your posts as like you Kate I have been unwell for the past week with the chest infection bug that seems to have hot everyone.
I haven’t switched my phone on other than to post on here late at night bec I know there will be photo memories waiting for me. Just can’t go there. I am trying so hard to protect myself as last week I had a major. Crash and I could my whole personality changing and felt out of control with emotions. Scary.
We wouldn’t be normal if all this Christmas stuff didn’t get to us and as we were still close to our mum’s it’s hit us hard. I haven’t done my big food shop yet but hoping to go tom . I am honestly going to go into robot mode and it will be a matter of up and down each isle as fast as I can push the trolley. Then off to a fruit and veg whole seller to stock up on things and that’s it.
Tom I am also going to 3 different churches to put flowers on 7 family graves. I have gone with first grandparents then my mum since I was a little girl so I promised mum I would carry on doing them and anyway I want to as they were all so kind to me growing up. Picked loads of holly off my tree on my garden so will buy some flowers tom. Paul will help me and we will pop into mum’s house to check it.
I feel a strange feeling now I have accepted the offer on mum’s house. A feeling of calm actually as the person seems lovely and I think mum would approve. Of course sadness also but in my head I know I still have a few months before it will be finalised so I have time to stay there again and aim to make the most of it. We need a base whilst we work on the chalet so we need to be focussed in the new year and get a move on with renovating the chalet.
I put my tree up and found Xmas lights so have put them around the lounge and hallway even the kitchen It certainly looks pretty. I realised I couldn’t just not do anything bec I have to think of Paul and Glyn otherwise they will get depressed.
We have been invited to an 18 th party sat night but there’s no way I can go. Can you imagine seeing people enjoy themselves,dancing and drinking. I know I am being miserable but I can’t face it.
I actually found out today that in mum’s town there is a boy who is homeless and sleeping in an empty shop doorway. Lots of people have posted on Facebook about helping him as he is so young and apparently very polite. So I have put a bag of things tog for him pillow blanket socks hat gloves. Chocolates food toiletries all things I found around the house . I will go tom and see if I can find him. I hope I do.
I know you are all struggling girls and I really do understand. We knew this would happen and it has.
I am just trying to get through each day. Can’t even think about Xmas day yet. And then on the 30 th I have mum’s anniversary so it’s one thing after another Then the dreaded new year.
Just want you all to know I am here for you so don’t feel down at all. Just post on here. Just wish we lived nearer so we could put the kettle on and have a cuppa tog. Wouldn’t that be lovely.
Will post tom night to check how you are all doing girls x
Deborah xxx
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Reading your posts makes my heart just ache for us all. Everything is a struggle. How I wish we all lived close by to meet up regularly. Having you on here my lovely friends is a huge source of strength. Knowing we are not alone in all this. How on earth would we have got through this?
Loads of love to you all Hxxx
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Aww Helen I feel the same .I feel we have known each other for years. We have all bonded so well. I don’t know how we have all got through it either but you know what ? Our mum’s have guided us.
I have had a hectic day today we’ll hectic for me anyway.
Went to my mum’s house and sorted all her kit hen things Did a Kate and went into robot mode. Just opened all the draws and threw everything onto a black bag and brought back here. We also brought back her freezer as I needed an extra one. then gave presents vto her neighbours as they keep an eye on the house for me,went to three different graveyards and put flowers on 7 graves which was emotional, went shopping and spent a fortune,had a Mc Donald’s on the way to home then sorted everything when i got home and had two glasses of wine. feel like I have climbed Everest. Am not used to doing so much lol. I feel much better than last week.Got my strength back again. Done all my Xmas shopping and packed everything so tom I am going to go to the beach and clear my head…
I hope you are all okish and coping with everything.
Yes I agree Helen I wish we all lived nearer each other What fun we would have lol. I have put a request in for Santa to get us magic carpets ok so the world will be our oyster soon lol
Deborah xxxx
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Hi Girls,
How are you all doing ?
I cant believe its Christmas Eve tom. Can someone pinch me lol. We have all managed to get to almost Christmas. We should be so proud of ourselves. It’s been hard though. For all of us.
Today I had a weepy day as yesterday I brought back all the utensils and baking things from mums kitchen I sorted them today well one bag so far. She loved baking and was such a good cook. I am useless at baking and I remember mum being at her friends house and suddenly remembered she had left a cake in the oven and dashed out of her friends house running back home. Her friend said dont run its ok Deborah is home and my mum said that’s why I am running lol
I laughed when I saw her baking trays today as if she were here right now she would be telling Paul I wouldn’t ever use them lol.
I cried a lot also remembering her using them.
I have been trying to sort anything before New Year just like mum and paid a few bills etc. The solicitor has sent me loads of paperwork to complete on line. Just hope its not too complicated. Will look at it tom.
We also brought her freezer back and I filled it with food. How can a freezer look so lovely ? Its the daft things like that that make me so emotional.
Bought a bottle of Baileys as mum liked a bottle at Xmas. Will try a Baileys coffee as everyone seems to have them . Do I just tip some Baileys into a mug of coffee or am I missing something . Is it that easy ?
Thinking of you all.
Deborah x
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Hi Girls,
Deborah I can’t help you with the Baileys query as I don’t like liqueurs lol. I must say well done for your positive mind set. You have made such progress, it’s great that you are making an effort for Christmas and your mum would be really proud.
I’m here in the mountains at our friends house. It was about 12 degrees here and 22 when we left Bologna… crazy for December!!! There’s not much snow on the mountains at all.
Tomorrow night we (mainly me as I’m the one on cooking duty here lol) are going to cook a fish based dinner as is the tradition here and tomorrow morning we are going to see the local main town of Bolzano which is very pretty. Here in the mountains the lights and decorations are truly beautiful, mum would love them.
It will be a very different Christmas Eve, but I guess we have to soldier through these next few days somehow. I can’t help thinking of our Christmases in Gloucester, but try to divert my thoughts as it’s so painful.
Keep going everyone, we are all in the same boat and are here to support each other as always.
Hugs to you all.
K xxxx
Aww Kate I forgot you are going to the mountains. Have a lovely peaceful time.
Deborah x
Hi Girls,
Just want to say I am thinking of you all as it’s now officially Christmas Day. Had a late night finally finishing off things so only now had a chance to check the site.
Wherever you are or whoever you are with I hope you find the strength to get through the day the best you can. I can’t be prouder of you all for getting to this point. I know how hard it’s been for us all.
Try to get through the day for your family’s sake and remember everything passes and so will Christmas Day.
Enjoy the time with your little ones and make their day as magical as possible.
If anyone is struggling just message ok.
Love and hugs to you all girls.
Deborah x
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Hi girls, Thanks for the lovely message Deborah. Good morning my dear friends. Yes, let’s get through this day. We’ll be thinking of our mums all day, and this time last year. Let’s try and focus our energy and joy into the ones we still have with us. Our nearest and dearest who are with us and supporting us through this. They are extra precious and we are all blessed to have people who love us so much. Lots of love you all Hxxx
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Hi Girls and everyone reading this,
Merry Christmas and as hard as it is thinking of Christmases past, I hope you can find moments of peace and joy with your families and friends today.
Our dear Mums are out of our sight, but remember that they are always here with us in spirit and forever will be at Christmas and always. They are our guiding light and they live on in us all.
With love and best wishes to you all.
K xxxxx
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