Hello girls,
Thank you all for helping me get through this dreadful year. Has been hard for all of us but somehow we have kept going. First Christmas without Mum was always going to be difficult. Enjoy the day and being around loved ones…. xx
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Hiya everyone,
Well we got through it but for me just about.
I kept busy all day but got very upset when we opened the presents without mum here. I knew I would. It was never going to be a walk in the park. Then I watched a TV show and the songs just got to me.
I was just sitting chilling after eating so much and thought I will check on the girls.
I expect your houses have been hectic. How fantastic is it to have you g children at Xmas. Nothing better than seeing their little faces opening presents. If I could find some magic dust and shrink Glyn I would lol.
Keep going and thank you for you lovely messages. They made me feel cared for even though you are all so busy.
Nadolig Llawen🏴🎄
Love
Deb x
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Hi Girls
Well it’s midnight here… so got through today. It’s true Deborah, the highlight of my day was seeing Alex open his pressies as it always used to be for mum too. I’ve just finished watching A Wonderful Life which was one of mum’s all time favourite’s.
It’s hard not to think back to our traditional Christmases , but I feel mum was here too really in spirit.
Well done Deb for making it through this difficult day … and I hope you’ve all had some good moments, we all deserve a pat on the back really.
Thinking of you all.
K xxxx
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Hi all not been in touch fo a while sorry i just have been struggling so much but i made it through today ,and honesty it has been harder than last xmas which was actually my first without my mam it feels like its getting harder not easier but i did have a dream of my mam last night and she looked amazing,nnot poorly or old she just lioked happy and healthy and she gave me the biggest hug and honestly it felt so good ,i hope you all had the best day you could have xxxx
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Hi Shell bell and girls,
Just want to say welcome back to our group. Great to hear from you again and well done for posting again. Yes it’s been a tough day for sure and like you I felt my mum with me today urging me on in so many ways. That dream you had was a sign from your mum. How wonderful.
We have managed to get through the day thank goodness and I am in bed reflecting and thinking how the hell did I get through it.
As Kate rightly said we deserve to pat ourselves on the back and say well done to ourselves. Thank God we all have each other to gain love and support from. We have all done well today so be so proud of yourselves girls.
It’s not over yet though so let’s plough on and get through Boxing Day. I am going to try to keep busy all day to distract me and I am not putting the TV on .I found it incredibly hard today listening to carols and hearing people talk about thinking about loved ones not with us. I am going into protection mode tom. It’s the only way otherwise the tears will flow tom.
Thinking of you all girls
Deborah x
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Fab tree Kate Where was this ?
Hi Deb
This tree is in the main square in Bologna. It’s really breathtaking and every year we go to see it and the wonderful decorations and lights. Mum saw it too in 2020 and 2021 and said it was spectacular.
Hope you all have a peaceful day and enjoy your turkey leftovers!
We always had cold meat, pickles and bubble and squeak on a Boxing Day and we all used to really enjoy that! So unbelievable that I’m talking in the past tense…
.
A funny fact or maybe a sign: we went to Bolzano, a large town here in the mountains (not far from the Austrian border) on Christmas Eve and in an outdoor market stand I actually found some parsnips which I love!! In nearly 28 years I’ve never found any anywhere in Italy! Unbelievable ! Mum used to smuggle them over in her suitcase lol!
I feel it was a sign from mum saying “you shall have your parsnips this Christmas darling!!”
I also bought some mince pies in M&S in Manchester so those 2 were little British touches to the Christmas lunch. No turkey…sigh!
I’m going to do a traditional Christmas lunch when I get back home as we are missing that.
Keep on going Everyone, we are all here for each other.
K xxxx
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Hi Shellbell
I agree totally, this Christmas has been harder than last. Maybe because I’d lost mum just 2 months before and I was in shock, but this year I’m struggling more and especially in the run up to it.
Thinking of you, keep posting.
Kate xxxx
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Aww Kate you just can’t explain the parsnips can you ? That has got to be a sign from your mum.The tree is there beautiful . Lit up at night I bet it’s a really beautiful sight.
I can’t believe you mentioned bubble and squeak!!!Yesterday i had loads of veg left over and Paul and I were talking about what we could do with it. He mentioned bubble and squeak and we laughed bec I haven’t made it for almost 35 years. I actually said I haven’t heard of anyone making it these days and then I read your post Amazing !!!. Anyway we are having bubble and squeak today lol.
My favourite vegetable is parsnip. Also love parsnip soup. Not everyone does though but I love it. Daft question but can’t you buy parsnips over there? We will have to smuggle some over for you.
Hope yest went okish for you. Boxing Day is nearly over so we are all doing well
Deborah x
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Hiya all, didnt feel so great yesgerday and had a meltdown at my Dad who then called my aunty round and we were all crying. I basically upset everyone by showing my feelings which isn’t the most acceptable thing in my fam. I feel so trapped here, but i wanted to be here for my Dad, its just such a long way from my own life. Without my mum here i just dont want to be here now. We didnt even get to the graveyard because the wind was so strong the flower we bought would have broken to pieces. 
everyone else seemed to manage of course. I hate this place without my Mum here. My aunt said my mum was feeling so bad she no longer enjoyed life. But she did! I know the things she enjoyed and the things she didn’t find easy anymore but thats allowed! Day to day life was getting harder for her but she didnt deserve her body giving out like it did. I just wish people had known what she was dealing with. Wish this holiday was over. Sorry, am hoping you’re all feeling ok and coping with the season xx
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Hi Juniper,
You did well to get through yesterday so if you had a meltdown and cried its ok. You are allowed to cry and feel distraught because everything is so raw still . Yesterday was about trying to survive the day for us all and look we did it. You are away from your own home so it was even more emotional for you. I personally think you should be so proud of yourself for showing your emotions as its not easy.
I know what you mean about the weather and taking flowers to the graveyard. I went to three graveyards and put flowers on 7 graves . It was so cold I honestly thought I would turn to ice and the wind was terrible.
People like your aunt may say things like your mum didnt enjoy life but you know different. Dont worry about people’s words when they say anything as they are just words and as hard as it is let those words go over the top of your head. People also say things sometimes for the sake of saying things and dont realise what they have just said.
To be honest looking back at my life I have probably said things without thinking and also not being in the shoes of the grieving person. Its totally different when you are the person grieving because we cling onto every word a person says. And words get straight through to our heart. We remember them more when grief sets in. The only way you can deal with it is to protect yourself and avoid certain people until you are stronger to deal with them and what they say. That’s what I have done for the past year and it has certainly worked. Just being kind back to people who hurt you and killing people with kindness as my mum used to say gives me so much satisfaction and makes me a better person . I will 100% say its tough going at times.
Boxing Day is nearly over and another day we have got through
Keep posting ok because I am sure the girls will reply with more advice soon
Big hugs and keep going
Deborah x
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Thank you Deb, such helpful, kind words, i just worry that i spoiled everyones day. My poor Dad worrys about me as i can get so cross, am sure we are all similar when deeling trapped in grief. I find family days difficult anyway and was used to hiding behind my mum (my relatives are overwhelming at times, but i do love them very much!) Like you say, thats boxing day nearly over, thankfully we have had good food and wine to take our minds off missing Mum and cheer us up a bit. Gonna try the graveyard again now its cleared up a bit here. Weather seems tricky everywhere this year!! Xxx
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Hiya Juniper,
I am so glad you seem a bit better.
Of course we all get cross and all emotions come out. I have been the same and I honestly don’t know how my husband has put up with me. Believe me when I say I have been awful at times.
You certainly wouldn’t have spoiled anyone’s day. They are all grieving also and everyone deals with grieving differently. I have a sister who after mums funeral said she didnt want any phone calls texts or messages as it reminded her of mum and her way was to block it all out. As you can imagine I have been terribly upset and there were times when I wanted to scream, dash to London to see her and hopefully sort her out and it took me a long time to appreciate that people deal with grieving in their own way. I became at peace with it if you know what I mean and just let it all go over my head. Its been almost a year since mum passed and 2 weeks ago my sister got back in touch like nothing had happened. I am sure mum was behind it and if so I am so glad because if I had gone to London it may have made things worse. It is very rare to find people who are grieving who were as close to their mums as I was with my mum but I feel I have found wonderful friends on here that really were as close to their mums as I was with mine. Out of all the horribleness of grief I feel I have found the most beautiful friends and the support I have had from them has been invaluable. Just remember to keep posting and reaching out as it’s such a lifeline when going through all this.
Do you know something ? I used to hide behind my mum also. She always knew how to handle things in a calm way especially with overwhelming people and I took many a leaf out of her book and still try to think how would she want me to deal with things. She used to have a very overwhelming friend who was quite loud and bossy which was the opposite of mum. I used to ask mum how did she put up with her and she used to reply that deep down she was a very kind person. Mum always saw something kind in everyone and that’s what I try to do now even when I don’t want to lol.
I used to be a Headteacher of a church school and one of the mottos was WWJD meaning what would Jesus do. As you can imagine I asked that question thousands of times to the little children. usually when they were sent to me for being in trouble bless them. Well now I have my own motto WWMD meaning what would mum do. It helps me when dealing with difficult people , situations and emotions. The answer is always remain calm, roll my eyes like she used to do and carry on, let things go over my head, deal with people with kind words and actions and walk away for time out if I have to. Even 5 mins away from people even lovely sweet people can make the world of difference.
How long do you plan to stay with your dad?
Where do you both live ?
I live in Pembrokeshire so am amongst beautiful beaches. Even in the winter I love the beaches.
Heres 2 of my nearest beaches
The 1st one is Newgale and the 2nd is Nolton Haven.
Love and hugs to you.
Deborah x
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Hiya Girls,
How are you all doing tonight ?
Boxing Day is almost done and dusted as they say and we have managed to get through it. Don’t know how but we have !!!
Thinking of you all
Deborah x
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Hi Girls
Yep Boxing Day is nearly over… I am glad tbh.
Juniper, we knew our mums better than anyone… we really did. My mum’s only living sister probably thought the same about mum, but even though the last year of her life was hard health wise, ( now in retrospect I can see that clearly), mum never gave up. She was stoic and a very strong woman. She soldiered on and didn’t really complain. I said at her celebration of life if only I could have a fraction of those qualities I would be so happy. It’s just a shame that she’s not here so that I can tell her that. I really do realise her qualities now she’s gone. I miss her so much.
It’s true Deb that nobody can prepare you for the grief of losing a mother. All my life I knew it was coming and especially the last few years, but when it actually happened I just didn’t imagine the magnitude of the grief. It will come to everyone and until you are in that position it’s impossible to imagine.
I’m so glad I have you all to chat to. A year ago at Christmas I just felt so very alone. Nobody to chat to or who understood me and my grief. It was horrendous. This year I feel much less alone knowing you are all here.
Lots of love and hugs to you all.
K xxxx
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Deb, no parsnips to be found in Italy… it’s a mystery really, nor swedes either for that matter… I guess due to the Mediterranean climate there aren’t so many root vegetables around. I will look for more parsnips here in the mountains… my mission for this week lol.
Hope you enjoyed your bubble and squeak! 
Xx
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Beautiful photos and words Kate x
Hi Deborah, that’s how I feel I’ve been with my Dad, he’s had to deal with my awful mood changes. Just after Mum’s funeral then a couple of times in the summer I’ve been very low. I do want to feel positive but it’s hard here in winter. The days are very short and like you say, relentless weather. My Dad stays in Kintyre, on the west coast of Scotland, but I stay in Glasgow. I grew up here, in Kintyre, but it’s a small town and difficult to adjust back to. I think I’ll stay for New Year, then go back up for work starting. I worry about him on his own, but he’s coping well. I’ll post a picture from a walk today, first blue sky in a long time! I’m hoping my Dad will understand why my mood can change, it’s also maybe the beginning of menopause but am not sure! He’s a good soul, doesn’t deserve me being mean. I might take Mum’s cat back to Glasgow with me. She’s a lot for him to deal with alone when he’s finding just looking after himself hard enough some days. Gill xx
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Oh I see where you are in Pembrokeshire, thats in Wales! Aw, it looks like a beautiful coastline. We are both at the far west of the UK 