Hiya Gill,
Cant sleep tonight so am on here again.
Lovely photos. Yes we are at opposite ends of the UK.
Years ago I went to Glasgow a lot and nearly ended up living there. Loved the Loch Lomond area. Think it was Hillhead area of Glasgow I stayed but I may have got that wrong. It was 44 yrs ago lol.
Yes our coastline is amazing and has lots of beaches and coves. Some only the locals know about. I must visit them when I feel stronger. I tend to stay at home a lot as I love the safety of my own home and it protects me from the world at the moment.
We live in a small town called Haverfordwest so it is fairly central for most places. We live within walking distance of Tesco , a theatre and swimming pool and I can even walk into the town centre which is handy. We dont have the large shops like in some towns but its still ok.
Your dad will understand so don’t worry. It’s tough for everyone and I am sure he loves your company. Just take some time out when you feel your mood changing. That’s all you can do. Go upstairs or out for a 5 min walk. We all need time out time. I usually go upstairs when I feel my mood changing and try to do some small jobs . If I just go up and sit down my mind starts wandering and then I feel worse so I have to keep doing something no matter how trivial. Theres no right way in dealing with all this. Just do anything that’s suits you to get yourself through each day.
I used to make a daily plan and now its a weekly plan. Mainly of things to do around the house or garden in the nicer weather. My lists/targets are very trivial sometimes but it helps me get through the week.
Your cat is beautiful. The eyes are enchanting. Yes it would be lovely to take her back if possible as it will give you a focus. Do you live alone?
How is your dad managing ? Is he going to be ok on his own ?
Keep going Gill and find time for yourself whilst staying with your dad.
Love Deborah x
I’m absolutely devastated to let you know that my wonderful dad died very suddenly last night. I will post again on here as soon as I am able but for now I will be hiding away trying to process what has happened. Lots of love to you all Hxxx
Oh Helen, that’s awful, so sorry to hear this. Thinking of you and hoping you find strength from somewhere and that there are good folks around you over this time.
WHAT !!!
Helen I am absolutely speechless and heartbroken for you.
I just don’t know what to say except when you are ready we are all here for you.
My heart goes out to you my lovely friend.
Deborah x
Helen,
I am so sorry to hear your devastating news. Cannot imagine this layer of grief so my heart goes out to you. Today marks a year for my Mum so lots of quiet contemplation here for me. I’m thinking of you. X
Helen, lovely I am still in shock… heaven knows what you are going through.
You made such wonderful memories with your precious dad over this past difficult year, memories you will treasure forever.
As I said, we are all here for you when you are ready.
Sending love and strength to get through this.
K xxxx
Helen,
I am just off to bed but couldn’t go without posting again. I haven’t been able to think about anything else all day. And I am not going to say anything because I just cant find the correct words to say.
You and your family are in my thoughts and I am here for you just like the girls are. You are very special to us and I personally hope all the love we have for you will reach you somehow.
Take all the time you need. Protect yourself lovely and come back to us when you are ready.
We will carry on posting just in case you get comfort from reading them and knowing we are here for you
Deborah x
Dear Helen,
I agree with Deborah and you have been in my thoughts all day. Alex wanted you to know he’s thinking of you too.
We are all here for you and sending love as always.
Night night God bless.
Xxxx
Hi Everyone
Jules, I hope you managed to get through yesterday. Thinking of you and I hope you can find some comfort now that the anniversary has passed. I did feel better once it was over.
I’m glad the festive season is basically behind us now. We have all been struggling with this time of year. I’m not looking forward to New Year, it’s never been a day I enjoyed even before my loss.
Helen, you are constantly in my thoughts love. 
I can’t find the words… just that we are here…
I was just reflecting that in over 1000 messages over the past year how much support we have given to each other at the worst time of our entire lives… and we will continue to support each other. 
Sending love and strength to you all.
K xxxx
Yeah it’s was October 24th for my mam i Just can’t wait to get new year out of the way as i always spent ny eve with my mams always got her settled in bed before i left and everyone wants me to party and i just can’t face it,i hope next year is easier for us and everyone else on here struggling xx
Hi,
Jules I hope you got through yesterday okish. It’s passed now so you did well.
Helen have been thinking of you all day. Am sending a massive hug to you x Still have no words other than we are here for you xx
Gosh Kate 1000 messages. It is really that much. Yes its been brilliant support for sure. You have all been there when I have had no one to turn to. The best thing has been knowing I could post 24/7 when there were some dark times and when you feel your family cant take anymore of the grief. Knowing you would reply kept me going and checking my messages soon became a focus for my day. That is something I needed and still do. Thank you girls x
I have missed mum so much today. I had to fill all the online forms in for the sale of her house and there seemed to be so many questions to answer. It all seems so cold and matter of fact which of course it is to solicitors etc. It’s so hard to get through though from my end.
I am just drifting aimlessly through the next few days and just want to get through the new year. What a horrible year 2023 has been. I lost my best friend just after new Year and my mum just before New Year so 2023 has been my worst year by far.
Shellbell my mum always phoned us straight after midnight to wish us a happy new year I used to say mum you should be in bed but she always stayed up for it. My son always spent New Years Eve with her when he was growing up and they had great fun with streamers and party food etc. It holds such memories for me too. Like you though i cant wait to get it out of the way this year.
Juniper how are you doing today ?
Am sending love to everyone
Deborah x
Hello all,
Thank you. I got through the day ok but today I have felt low. I get out every day though as feel worse if I stay inside. However, there is a new baby next door so this did make me smile today when I saw him out and about. He is just really chilled and smiley… Without sounding maudlin I just hope I will start feeling happier again. I have a good life, a lovely home, beautiful family and a job I feel passionate about - but I still feel empty without Mum. I hope it gets better.
Kate: Italy looks wonderful this time of year. And hopefully you are right, getting passed the dreaded date may ease some of the dread. Your son sounds lovely and a real support - a real credit to you
Deborah: I know tomorrow is your dreaded date. You will get through the day but is a strange strange feeling. Xx
Great to hear from you Jules. Yes I keep saying how grateful I am for everything I have. I have more than what I need but mum is missing so it all seems pointless. I have no interest in anything any more but I really hope that will ease. I can’t see how I will be happier again but any improvement would be great.
Grieving makes us appreciate everything even more.
Enjoy the holidays
Deborah x
Hi Deborah, am much better this week than i was during the Christmas spell. My Dad gets down and stresses out about things, but we are managing. He is obsessed with food, what we’re going to eat next and replacing things we’ve just eaten. I think it’s how he keeps going really. I find going for a swim helps massively. We have a nice pool here and it’s very quiet just now. I’d get cabin fever otherwise as the weather has been dreadful, hard to out for a walk. I got some flowers for Mum today as we’ve still not managed to the cemetary. Tried to go yesterday but it was closed for another funeral. So hoping to go there today if i can get my Dad organised, if not i can go myself. I lost my best friend 20 years ago this year. I always pass her grave to say hello and I miss her each year. She was so full of life and filled a room with her personality. I feel this year has been so hard for people grieving but we’re getting through it. Love and hugs to all of you xx
Hiya Juniper,
Yes try to go out as much as you can. Do whatever you can that helps you. It doesn’t matter what it is.
I am the opposite I just want to stay home. I was never like this. I guess its just losing my confidence and not wanting to meet people and socialise. Even going out in the car is an effort sometimes. And I have only driven my car 4 times in the past13 mths so am a bit wobbly when driving. All these things I have to work on in 2024. Need to work on ME and sort myself out a little better than this person I have become.
The weather here is ok today after all the rain and wind. Its dry and a bit sunny so makes a change.
So sad about your friend. My friend who passed away last year was my bonkers friend as I used to call her. She was a one off. I met her when we were having our babies 29 yrs ago and we were in the same hospital room. Became friends for life. She had no sense of time so would turn up at midnight sometimes and never knew when to leave . She used to pop in as she said for an hour and stay days with us. But what a crazy wonderful loyal friend she was to me. In fact it was only last week that her daughter called with a letter her mum had written for me. She had found it in her mums bedroom. As you can imagine it broke my heart.
Agree we are all trying so hard to push on and get through it. Doubt we ever will get over it and right now I don’t even want to get over it but you know what I mean.
I only take a day at a time because one day I am ok the next distraught. Grief has taught me so much and I need to carry lots of this experience through my life and hopefully it will make me a better person. It has been a reality kick in so many ways.
The food thing with your dad is common I think with elderly people. My mother in law is the same. Goes on about food all the time. Panics if she doesn’t have anything when she has loads, constantly goes on about offering you food when you go there, has stupid fussy habits like only wanting small brocoli for example so my poor husband has to choose wisely otherwise she makes him take it back . I could go on and on its so pathetic. And she is obsessed with having several tins of the same thing. Just have to ignore it the best you can.
Was going to ask if you go to an indoor pool as so many people I know go into the Sea at this time of the year. Must be mad. Saw you wrote there is a pool nearby so i guess its indoors. Hope so anyway.
Hope everyone else is doing ok today
Deborah x
Morning All,
Just a quick message to say I’m thinking of Deborah today, and Helen always of course.
Love and strength to you both.
K xxxx
Hi girls, hope you are all getting through this difficult time okay. Deborah, I hope you have found some peace today.
I honestly don’t know how I am doing. It feels different to when I lost mum. I couldn’t eat or sleep and was in a constant state of panic when mum died. I’m much calmer this time, I’m eating and sleeping but wake up early 4/5am and can’t get back to sleep. I don’t know why I feel like this. I absolutely adored my dad so feel like I should be debilitated with the grief but I’m not. I’ve cried but not like I did with mum. Is it because I was subconsciously expecting it? Is it because dad is now free from his mental anguish? Is it because I’m already in a state of grief anyway? Is it because they are together again where they belong? I may even be in delayed shock and it will hit me like a ton of bricks in the next couple of weeks. I’ve been to the house to sort the cat out and I hate being there alone. Dad’s phone and glasses are still on the coffee table next to a handwritten shopping list. There was a half cut load of bread in the kitchen and dad’s mug next to the kettle. I was so sad to see these mundane things that proved dad was there, living, just a few days ago and now he’s gone. I really don’t know how my life is going to pan out now. Life will never be the same again. I feel so sad 
Love to you all Hxxx
Oh Helen I really feel for you . I can’t imagine how you are actually feeling at the moment but I do relate to the anticipation of it all. My own Dad is really poorly and frail at the moment. Every time the phone rings I imagine the worst and the inevitability of it all. But, I am not there yet… Keep looking after yourself and remember how far and how well you have got through the last year. I don’t think life will ever be the same but in time ( at least that’s what I keep telling myself or maybe hoping) we will smile again. Is still so raw at the moment with our Mums and to lose your Dad on top is heartbreaking. Take time off, try to heal and remember the good times- I’m sure there were many! In time these memories will make us smile. Like you say, your Dad is now with your Mum. They are smiling again and together. Try to hold on to that… Take care, Jules xx
Bless you Helen… I know it’s the little mundane things that really hurt.
The shock of sudden unexpected loss is gut wrenching and difficult to grasp. I I understand how you are feeling. Your love for your dad really shone through and his for you in the photos he posted after your Friday outings. They were lovely to see. Those memories hurt now but in time you will look at those photos and smile. You made so many memories in this past year, you dedicated so much love and time to your dad and he knew that.
You said that your dad was hurting but keeping it in and that he wasn’t his usual jovial self, which is understandable. Maybe your mum really did call for him because she knew how much he was hurting…
You can take comfort that they are now back together as hard as that seems to grasp, My gran died just over a year after my grandad; I’m sure she had a broken heart. He too was the love of her life and we think he called for her.
Keep posting lovely, take care of yourself, we are here for you.
Love K xxxx
Hi Girls,
Thank you for thinking of me today. I am at my mum’s house and for the first time on my own. It feels very different to when Paul is with me. It feels a little like old times except of course mum isn’t here. I made a white wreath for her today and put lights on it and hung it on the patio door outside. The little girl next door helped me and I let her choose a few things from mum’s house. Her mum came in and we talked about this day last year and I got upset but it was lovely to talk to someone who loved and cared for mum so much.
Helen I have been thinking about you all the time. I still don’t know what to say to comfort you other than I agree with everything everyone on here has said. Just try to take small steps and get through each day just like you did for your mum. We are all here for you. You mean so much to us and we will be here to help you.
Don’t know whether to laugh or cry about what happened to Glyn today. He went out this morning for a spin in the car and told Paul he just wanted a few hours on his own. He drove to the beach where he used to take my mum and went for a walk on the beach. When he got back to his car the carpark was flooded and the road leading to the car park. There were other cars there also so at least he wasn’t alone. Anyway they all had to be rescued by the fire brigade so what a day he had !!! I don’t think he will forget mum’s first anniversary.
Here’s my wreath IMG_20231230_163804|375x500
Love to you all girls x
Deborah x
