Aw Helen, it sounds like your Dad passed unexpectedly and sudden. For sure, i feel also it is the small things that break your heart the most. They are mundane but so essential to everyday life like someone’s glasses or shoes or plans made that never happened. My mum passed away suddenly in May, one minute she was gardening, the next she was unconscious from a stroke and never woke up. It was after mum had passed away in the hospital and we had to finally leave her, the nurse said, “oh wait, here are Mrs Armour’s shoes”, and it broke my heart in two. I put them in my bag and still sleep with them next to my bed. Thinking of you and all you will be going through. I felt in a state of shock for some time after, look after yourself as best you can. Xx
Lovely words to Helen Juniper.
I lost my Mum on the 3rd December 2023, watch her take her last breath, gee it was hurtful and now all I want is to join both mum and Dad who past away 2005
Peter, I feel your pain. My mum left me in October and I was holding her as she passed in silence. She held me as I came into her life and I held her as she left mine. My dad left over 40 years ago and now I’m alone in this world. I want to accompany her but I know in my heart that is not what she would want. She would want me to find and experience what happiness there is to be found in the time given me. Your mum would want the same for you.
Hi girls,
I am still at my mum’s house on my own. Decided to stay here tonight to just have peace and quiet with no distractions like TV noise etc. It’s been lovely to just have ME time. Had time to just reflect and reflect and reflect
I have also been talking to mum and it’s lovely not to have anyone here thinking I am losing the plot. I feel guilty I have left Paul and Glyn on their own but I have just put myself first for a change. I feel so much better as the past two weeks have been very draining emotionally. The house sale, people at me like solicitors and estate agents, my brother and sister coming out of the woodwork finally and being so nice, selling some of mum’s possessions like her wheelchair etc. It’s all taken it’s toll on top of me being ill off and on for 3 weeks. But I feel stronger after having ME time which is strange bec I thought I would feel the opposite.
I hope you are all getting through the day. For the New Year I am sending you all my love and lots of welsh cwtch hugs. Instead of saying Happy New Year which of course I would never do I am saying Happy Friendships Year because we need each other’s friendship next year more than ever.
Thank you all for being my supportive friends over the past year.I value you all with all my heart. May we continue to be there for each other in 2024 and forever.
Keep strong and I will post again in 2024. Wow that seems such a long way off but it’s just 3 hrs away.
Deborah x
Wishing you all a Happier New Year as it’s already 2024 here.
Thank you all for your invaluable support this past year… a beacon of light in a dark year.
Let’s hope that 2024 will be a better year for us all on our healing journey.
With love and best wishes to you all.
K xxxx
Well said Kate.
Hi girls, It’s a strange feeling as I started 2023 with both my parents and now I enter 2024 without either. 2 huge gaping holes in my life. I was close to both my parents and it will take some adjusting. Of course I am heartbroken but as I reflect on things I have a sense of gratitude. I am grateful that I was blessed with 2 wonderful, kind, funny, loving parents right into my 50’s, I am grateful for my siblings to share this pain with, I am grateful for Tom and my family, I am grateful that I have found comfort going to church and the lovely friends I have made there and I am extremely grateful for you girls. I truly believe our paths were meant to cross. Thankyou for your support and understanding over the past year. We will find more joy this year, I’ve just taken a few steps back but I’m determined to keep pushing through and hopefully towards the end of 2024 will find peace and acceptance. All my love Hxxx
Hi Peter67, I remember feeling like this. The loss of my mum felt so huge and overwhelming I didn’t know if I could cope. I just wanted to be free of that pain and to see mum again. That was nearly a year ago. I have coped somehow and so will you. You will adjust. You will always miss your mum but that feeling becomes part of you and you just live along side it. Tragically I have just lost my dad suddenly just 6 days ago and I feel lost and empty all over again. My advice is to go with the grief. Try not to fight it. Let it come and allow yourself to feel this pain. It’s a process that needs to happen. Each painful day is a step closer to healing. Please come on here as often as you need. Sending you love and thought Hxx
Hi Peter,
Helens words are so true. Take small steps every day. Set yourself tiny goals to get through the day and just survive the day. Make sure you look after yourself even if it’s just enough to get by in the beginning. You will get a little better as the weeks go on and you will come through it.
Keep posting as this site saved me and it will help you so much
Deborah
Hi All,
Helen bless you, 2023 was probably the worst year of your life but your words are so touching. You are right that grief and gratitude walk side by side. We are overcome by sadness at losing our loved ones but the other side of the coin is that we are grateful for having had them in our lives and we realise the intense love that is grief.
We see just how fragile life is and for me it’s been a lesson even if a very tough one.
Deborah, I’m glad you found comfort at your mum’s. I bet being alone there made you feel very close to her.
You, Helen and I will probably have to deal with giving up our parental homes this year, it will be hard, but we will be here to support each other through it as always.
Virtual hugs to you all.
K xxxx
Hiya everyone,
Agree with everything you have said Kate.
Yes this house will definitely sell this year. If this buyer pulls out then it won’t be long before another one comes along as this sold in 4 days and all were the asking price or above. If it doesn’t go through I will add another £20 k on next time.
Actually when you mentioned gratitude it got me thinking. For 2024 I am going to be more grateful for things in life. I know I am generally a grateful person but there’s room for improvement. I take certain people and things for granted and that needs to change. I have a very long list of new year resolutions and each year I break them within days.This year things are going to change lol. I can almost hear my mum laughing at me !!!
Mum always made a plan for the beginning of the year and she used to say you have to start as you mean to go on. I realise that grieving has changed me into a whole different person. I am not ready to make major changes in my life but I need to look after myself more,eat healthier and exercise,go out more and drive more. Not much when you think about it but it’s the motivation I need to work on.
Being at my mum’s house the past two nights has brought a lot of emotions back and I feel her presence her. It has also reminded me of how much we did together. Of course the sad thing is I won’t hear her saying things like Deb put the lamp on or get something out of the freezer or draw the blinds etc. It’s strange how my mind has wandered to thinking about those mundane things.
The buyer is coming here tom to measure for carpets and curtains so that’s going to be another hurdle to get through.
Just want to say Helen you are doing so well in even posting replies on here. Keep going my lovely friend and step back from everything whenever it gets too much. We are here for you always.
Well we have all survived the New Years Eve bit and almost the first day of 2024. I am sure we will all have some tough times ahead in this new year but as Kate said we will all help each other.
Love to you all
Deborah xx
Thank you for your kind message.
@Peterb @Peter67 I’m sorry for both your losses.
I too lost my dad over 40 years ago when I was 9 and my mum in October 22.
41 years between the losses of my parents, but the loss of my mum hit me so much harder. All my life I’d anticipated that horrible moment, but when it happened I just couldn’t believe the pain…the finality. We know our parents will leave us one day, but it completely floored me.
Take time to heal with baby steps and don’t put too many expectations on yourselves.
Your mums wouldn’t want you to even think about joining them now, you have your lives to live and enjoy although it might not seem like it now. My mum is up there saying the same to me every time I have a grief meltdown I’m sure.
Post here every time you need to… it really does help knowing we are not alone.
Sending love and strength.
K xx
Deborah you just reminded me of mum saying the very same things to me… draw the blinds, get so and so out of the freezer. Mundane things I did for her that now I miss so much. 
xxx
thank you for the kind words kate. i was a child when my dad left us in his sleep. i remember feeling bad and crying, but i think it was seeing my mum crying that drove me to it. every single day is now a burden, it seems. i think once we grieve something of this magnitude most future losses and struggles will pale in comparison. once we figure out we can survive this hurt, we can survive anything.
a poem which gives me some strength when i’m down:
grief is like the ocean,
it comes in waves
ebbing and flowing.
sometimes the water is
calm, and sometimes
it is overwhelming.
all we can do is
learn to swim - v. harrison
Hi Kate,
It’s all the little things I had forgotten about until I sat in her lounge in the same armchair I always sat and thought what would she be saying if she were here. She would definitely have said Right what are having for tea.
We would always have snacks at night watching TV. Crisps cheese and stuff like that. Ohhh and I forgot I always made a hot water bottle for her to take up to bed and when she sat in her chair I used to wrap a shawl around her to keep her snug. If only I could do that now.
Maybe in the new year we could share things about our mums eg favourite meals, clothes, sayings, TV programmes, perfume etc but only if you feel up to it.
Deborah xxxx
Hi Peter,
It certainly comes in waves and when you least expect it
The tiniest thing is all it takes to start that wave even after months of grieving. Lovely poem. Thanks for sharing it
Deborah
Yes that’s exactly what grief feels like.
Hi All,
Hope you are all okayish in this new year. I hear there has been a lot of rain in Uk.
I went back to work today after the break. I got through Christmas, basically going through the motions because it still didn’t feel right. I’m glad the festivities are over tbh and will take the decorations down tomorrow. I don’t know if and when Christmas will have the same magical appeal, but I’m just glad it’s over.
My friends didn’t mention my mum at all while we were with them. Why do people just act if it didn’t happen? It is so disheartening.
My cousin who lives in Abu Dhabi sent me some lovely old photos of mum from my late aunt’s collection, which I hadn’t seen. There was one picture of her at about 3 years old, so cute. Looking at the photos it made me reflect that mum had a good life. It’s so easy to just think about their ill health, the last year or so and the end of their lives and passing, but in time we will be able to see the full picture… that they had good colourful lives and that will bring us comfort. We won’t always dwell on the end of their journey.
Deborah yes it will be good to share memories of our mums on here. It’s comforting that in this community we can open up and talk freely about our loved ones and we all understand each other so well.
Love to you all.
K xxxx