Hi Titch,
My mum was 89 when she passed away in Dec 2022 and it’s still devastating and we just want them to go on and on and on. Even when we see their body changing and getting frailer we still cling to every ounce of hope they will be here next week the next month and year. It’s so hard to carry on without them.
Just take a day at a time. That’s what I do. I can’t plan too far ahead as it’s too stressful and I just want to make life really simple for me at the mo.
Keep posting as it will help you do much.
Deborah x
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Hi Everyone,
How are you all doing today?
Here in Wales the weather has changed for the better after having gales and flooding recently. It’s actually sunny today which makes a change.
The daffodils mum and I planted 2 years ago have flowered and when I first noticed them it hit me for six. Just all the memories came flooding back of her sitting in my kitchen putting the bulbs into pots for me as she couldn’t bend when outside. We had bought a mixed sack and she said she wondered which ones would grow in each pot. That was it .She never got to see them last year and I can’t even remember seeing them last year as grief hit me. When I saw them this year my goodness it really took me back. All the different varieties she would have loved seeing them. It’s the little things like that that hits us hard isn’t it ?
I saw her signature on something when I looked through documentation and wow that pierced through my heart like a knife.
We just have to carry on the best we can but it’s tough going.
How are you all coping ?
Sending love yo you all
Deborah xxxc
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Hi Helen,
I will find some and post. I sorted bags and bags of photos the other evening and got a pile for my brother and sister. It was tough going and I did a bag each evening. Lots of tears.
Yes the trip to Manchester was the longest I have done since my cancer op but hell it was worth it . I think I have put off travelling too far because of all the issues involved with eating, toilets etc but realise now if I don’t travel more my life will be limited. It’s also a huge confidence thing which I need to overcome.
Yes to meeting again though and with anyone else on here who wants to join us. Our little group is growing so it would be wonderful to meet up somewhere.
For right now take time to rest before you go back to work.
And take each day as it comes when you go back.
Big Welsh hugs to you
Deborah x
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Hi Girls
I have been quiet because I’ve had a busy few days and just been feeling tired, not much energy and a bit melancholic.
How are you all ?
Helen some lovely pictures and I can imagine how emotional the thanksgiving service was.
What a lovely idea to have the grandchildren paint the tea light glasses. They were involved in the day and I’m sure they will always remember it. 
No… their passing wasn’t our faults… don’t blame yourself, it really was out of our hands. Mum too was not good for the last week or so, but never in a million years did I think she was at death’s door. I’ve beaten myself up so much for not realising this as you all know, but it’s not fair to do this to ourselves and our parents would not want that. It’s true, they knew how much we loved them and we didn’t need words to express that love. Just looking at the photos your dad posted, the love you shared as father and daughter was so clear.
I always say actions speak louder than words and we all showed our love by what we did with our parents.
We went to a theatre performance the other night with some friends and it was a comedy /stars in their eyes type show. It was quite uplifting to genuinely laugh and it felt so good, but suddenly I felt sad that mum wasn’t with us. It’s strange to feel sadness even in happy moments. I guess that’s grief.
Well I’ve had a busy day today so I’ll sign off for now, but I just wanted to check in on you all.
Lots of love K xxxx
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Titch I can relate. Although the shock was devastating and I still get flashbacks, I wouldn’t have known what to say if it was the last time with mum. Many many times since she’s been gone I’ve gone over what we would have said had we known.
At the end of the day we both knew what we felt… words weren’t necessary as Helen said. Maybe I would have felt a bit more closure though.
We wished each other goodnight the night before and it really was goodnight for mum….
It still seems unbelievable at times after nearly 16 months… 69 weeks tomorrow.
I still miss her every minute of every day.
Xx
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Deborah yes you’ve come so far … we all have. Let’s hope that this year we can become stronger and abandon some of our fears.
Grief brings so much anxiety with it doesn’t it?
Hugs to you. Xx
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Hiya Kate,
Feel fed up today. The buyer has pulled out of the sale of mum’s house. Am gutted as all the searches were done and I never expected this at this stage.
Just makes me wonder why is all this happening to me ?
Deborah x
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For mum’s funeral in December I wore her favorite colour and a black facinator with a short vail (1950s style). Having this really helped me with the fear of facing everyone and it looked nice with my dress. A kind of protective barrier. I howled through it.
I took the coffin spray to dry the flowers and set in resin. These little things helped.
I miss her everyday.
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Oh Deborah, that’s such a blow! Not just all the practicalities but psychologically too. Having prepared yourself mentally for this and now it’s been stopped. Sometimes when these things happen a better outcome follows but we can’t see it at the time. Have a break from it. Go away somewhere to just breathe and then start again when you feel ready. So sorry you’re going through this. Sending you all my love Hxxx
Hi everyone, Kate it’s good to see you are going out and actually laughing and having fun, albeit with the grief tapping on your shoulder. I said to Tom, I’m not sure I’ll ever be truly happy again now mum and dad are gone. They were such a huge part of my life and they’ve just left such a massive hole. Tom said I will be happy again but I have to accept it will be different. I can never go back to that life before and now have to navigate a different future. I am so sick of grieving and wish it would end but it never will. Like you say, it’s something you live alongside. I was picking myself up a bit before Christmas so I’m hopeful I can do that again. I will push forward and try and be positive. I’ll be inspired by my wonderful parents who were so positive and full of joy. Mum said to me before she died ‘you’ll be sad for a while but then you’ll think of the memories and smile’ I couldn’t bear to talk like this with mum at the time but she was trying to guide me and reassure me. I will learn from her wisdom.
We are all in this together and that’s a comfort in itself. Lots of love to us all going through this Hxxx
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Oh Deborah sorry to read this!! I understand you totally. The searches have been done on mum’s too but everything is so slow moving. I’ve been worrying that things wiil fall apart. It’s so stressful hoping that everything will fall into place.
Helen is right, take time out from the house sale stress for now. Maybe the next potential buyer will be the right one. Don’t give up!
Thinking of you.
K xxxx
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Aww Helen my mum said a few things to me too and at the time I just couldn’t speak or say anything except something daft like mum it’s ok shall we have a cuppa. How stupid was I ? I should have talked to her more about what she wanted to say to me instead of rushing out to the kitchen for a cry. It’s hard even typing about it Sometimes I wish I was stronger and tougher and able to deal with this grief better but I am such a sensitive person and every just gets to me.
The house sale was upsetting yesterday. Not just bec I lost the buyer but the fact I was coming to terms with the house going and now I have to go through it all again.
Got more viewings next week so fingers are crossed.
You have written such lovely words about your mum and dad. I can feel the huge bond bet you and them . You are so right that we are starting new lives now. Things are going to be different and we have to try to adjust I guess even though we don’t always want to.
Hope you are resting as much as you can and that’s all you can do is take each day at a time. How many times have we all said that?
Thinking of you a lot
Deborah xxxc
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Aww Helen, lovely words from your mum. She was trying to guide you. Mum had written similar advice in a letter that I found when clearing out the house if you remember. She said it will get easier and that she will always be looking over me and be beside me.
We have to believe that… that they are here with us just out of our sight.
I don’t know about you all but January is a shi**y month for me. It’s endless, cold and depressing.
I always felt pretty depressed in January but when grieving it’s even worse.
The spring flowers will soon start to appear… we have to have faith that brighter days are ahead. 
Lots of love.
K xxx
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Hiya Kate,
Yesterday was upsetting as I had paid half up fro t for the solicitor but spoke to her today and it’s ok Everything will be carried over to the next sale so I don’t lose money. It was all over possible asbestos in the artec ceilings . I will get a survey done Hadn’t thought of doing that.
Anyway yesterday was my upset day so today I am determined to not let it drag me down. It was probably too good to be true selling my house in 4 days anyway lol
It’s not the end of the world and I can feel mum helping me . I will sell eventually. It will just take a bit longer.
Yes it’s a day of time out for me . Got to have a day to recharge
Thanks for all your kind words
Deborah xcxx
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Hi Kate,
Yes agree Jan has been a shitty month for me too. I thought starting a new year would somehow help but I was so wrong. I feel I have had lots thrown at me this month and it’s been hard to solve things.
Onwards and upwards now though.
Love Deborah xx
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Couldn’t agree more about January!! It’s depressing enough when kids is ok let alone when you’re grieving. I’ve started with anxiety a bit. Been reading lots of posts and realise it’s very normal which I really didn’t know. I spoke to gp who has prescribed Sertraline but only on day 9 and told it can take a few weeks before I see the benefits. Ive never suffered from anxiety before I’ve always been a really outgoing positive person. Just feel like I’ll never get the old me back but my hubby is saying I’m putting too much pressure on myself as it’s only been four weeks since mum died suddenly. Went for a fell walk the other day and got to say that really did help!
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Hi Titch, I think anxiety is inevitable with grief. Our foundations have been rocked and we see just how fragile life is. We start worrying and panicking about our own mortality and our loved ones.
I’ve always had a certain amount of anxiety, but I’m now in perimenopause when anxiety can go sky high and now grief is the cherry on the cake lol. Up until about 6/7 years ago I wouldn’t have classed myself as an anxious person, although I’ve always been a bit of a worrier I guess.
I did have some counselling for this years ago which helped, I personally didn’t want to go down the anti depressant road.
My best friend has been on Sertraline for some years and she swears by it. We have to do what we feel is best for us I guess.
You are in the very early days, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Do you work?
I actually found work has always helped me. I went back a week after losing mum and it gave me something to concentrate on, a distraction.
Getting out for walks also definitely helps… it’s just so cold and depressing out now that I’ve become too lazy that’s why I say roll on Spring!!
K Xx
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Hi Kate. Thanks for replying and wise words. I’m also in perimenopause and typically came off HRT just before Christmas (for other reasons) so typically my hormones will probably be all over the place. I’ve also had the worst head cold ever since mum’s funeral congestion only just going, ears blocked and pressure awful now ringing in my ears. Everything seems to be coming all at once!! X
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Hi Titch,
I get anxious too so I think it’s normal . It’s the really tiny things that make me very anxious. I have always been like Kate a bit of a worrier. In the sense I have to do everything yesterday. I have always been like that and my problem is I expect everyone else to be like that which of course they are not So that makes me anxious. It’s worse when grieving bec everything is so much greater in every way.
Take it easy on yourself and give yourself time to heal.
You have to make time for yourself. Says she who never does!!! But I am going to!!!
Keep going and keep posting.
Deborah x
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Hiya everyone.
How are you all doing?
Had good news today. The house sold again today. I don’t know if I am coming or going with it.
Deborah x
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