Hello everyone,
Firstly I’d like to sincerely apologise for missing so many posts. It really does sound like everyone has been through the mill lately and it’s been one thing after another for many?
The service for your dad, and just seeing the photo of both mum and dad on what you’ve posted is lovely to be able to put faces to names if that makes any sense?
That photo alone, they’re giving off such a warm and loving aura it’s hard to explain but I can tell that they had hearts of gold and would do anything for anyone, and they loved in such a broad and beautiful way.
I really hope everyone is as ok as they can be, I was wondering as I’d missed so many posts - what do we think about starting a WhatsApp group chat? That way we can keep intouch easier and share things and be a bit more ‘on call’ with the support situation as it sounds like (and I know from experience) that this group is a main support for many especially with it being away from people closer who clam up and don’t know what to say or do. Just a thought. I’ve attached a photo of a tattoo I had done a week ago for mum with a small amount of her ashes in the ink.
Sending my love to everyone and you’re all in my thoughts
Aww Molsul,
You are so brave to have that done. It’s lovely.
Not sure how to do WhatsApp to be honest so I better give that a miss. Showing my age probably Lol You are welcome to private message me anytime though.
Glad you are back on here though Was wondering about you and hoping you were okish.
Yes I think things have been difficult for all of us lately. But Jan is behind us and hopefully Feb will be better in a small way to help us get a bit stronger. How are you and all your family managing?
Keep going as we are here for each other.
Love Deborah x
Hiya Deb,
Thank you for complementing my tattoo, you may say I’m brave for that tattoo but the truth is it’s my 11th one and they’re just my thing I love them. I have two of my girls names just directly under my collar bones and one in the middle. So it kind of looks like a necklace, I have Phoenix on my left collar bone, Savannah on my right, Texas in the middle of them and then my fourth baby was a surprise and I have her name Kali on the left side of my neck quite big, I’m a big Disney villain fan so I have a tattoo of Maleficent on my right wrist about 5 inches tall and I have Ursula on my left wrist the same size as Maleficent, and I’m also a big Harry Potter ‘dark side’ fan so I have the dark mark on my right arm from my shoulder down to my elbow that took about 6 hours. I have my partners name on my left hip bone and Maleficent and Ursula are cover ups from small tattoos I had on my wrist in Blackpool for my first tattoos and they were absolutely awful so I had those covered. I love the fact that mums ashes are in the ink I’ve always got a part of her with me in my skin now and she is with me everywhere I go
We are doing as ok as can be, we’ve all had a viral infection for a week and a half so it’s been quite rough. I’m still obviously in a mess and it’s consuming me and I cry every day, I don’t think it’s going to go away at all to be honest ever I can’t see it at the moment anyway. I hope everyone else is ok as can be and I send my love to all of you
Hi Molly, my sister had a tattoo done of mums handwriting that says ‘all my love, mum xxx’ it was copied from a card mum had written and the tattoo artist did a good job as it’s spot on her writing. I don’t have any tattoos. How amazing to have your mums ashes in there
When you say how hard you’re finding it. I remember after mum died telling my husband that I couldn’t cope with the pain and didn’t think I could survive’ that’s how I felt at the time. I promise it does get easier. The absolute raw almost primal emotion you feel eases in time. Then you realise you laughed at something and then you feel guilty. It’s all a process and the crying is you letting that pain out like a pressure cooker. Keep crying when you need to.
I lost my dad just 5 weeks ago and now I’m feeling that pain all over again but I feel much calmer this time. I think I know I can get through this and so will you love. We will always have a sadness in our hearts that they aren’t here but we will learn to live with it. Lots of love to you, Helen xxx
Hi Deborah, I’m so pleased the house has sold again. At least you’re not in limbo now and can crack on with moving forward. We have so much sorting still to do but we are plodding on. Sometimes we laugh and sometimes we cry at the things we find. Mum had this ornament that is a cockerel in red and blue beads stuck all over it. It’s hideous but for some reason mum loved it. My sister said ‘why would I want that when I’ve got enough shite of my own!!’ Well we just cracked up. Now we have a joke of asking each family member if they want it and seeing their responses, trying to be diplomatic at saying ‘no’ Then there are all the cards and little drawings and letters they kept which make us cry
Mum was an avid reader, she read at least 2 books a week and dad loved history so you can imagine the amount of books they had. There’s a book recycling container at the tip and the guys there are like ‘back again?’ We’re making so many trips. I’m meeting a friend for coffee this morning and then back to mum and dads to fill my boot again. My younger sister has decided to take on doing the probate herself. She said if it gets too much she’ll just go with a solicitor so we’ll see.
Anyway lots of love to you all, Helen xxx
Hi Kate and Titch, I had terrible anxiety after losing mum but it did ease in time. Now I have it all over again since losing dad. It’s like a constant churning in the pit of my stomach. But now I’m a ‘grief expert’ I know it’s a normal feeling. I just tell myself it’s a normal part of grief and it’s okay to have this anxiety. Just telling myself this seems to ease it and also knowing that it does go in time.
Kate you are so right. It’s because our worlds have been knocked for six and life as we knew it has changed forever. Walking and being out in nature definitely helps me. We are supposed to feel terrible as a terrible thing has happened. We have to accept this and allow ourselves to feel what we need to feel. We will all adapt to the change but it’s a long process. We need to be kind to ourselves and think ‘of course I feel this or that, I’m allowed to feel like that. It’s okay’ We also have to accept that our lives will never be how they were before but we still have lives. We have to find a way to enjoy our time here until we see our dear mums and dads again. We will all get through this somehow. You’ll look back on posts here in months to come and think ‘wow, I’ve come so far’ even though you might not feel it.
Lots of love to you all Hxxx
P.S. Molly, it was mentioned a while ago about setting up a wattsapp group but some people couldn’t work the technology so we stayed on here. I’d be up for it if everyone else is. I think it probably will happen at some point. Hxxx
Does everyone know if you tap on the post numbers, then ‘jump to’ then key in the number of the last post you get to the back then can just scroll the last few you haven’t seen?? It makes it easier. Sorry if that is so obvious and everyone is fully aware of that but just thought I’d check xxx
Good news on the house sale Deborah, am keeping fingers and toes crossed lol.
Wow, that’s a lovely tattoo Molly, a touching tribute and your mum will always be with you that way. I was thinking of having one done of mum’s writing all my love mum xxx
from a birthday card, just a small one on the inside of my wrist as I’m a real chicken with needles… but I don’t know at 52……!!!
Helen the house clearing is a big physical and emotional task isn’t it? Moments of laughter and joy can be found though amongst the emotional onslaught as you have seen.
The cockerel sounds ehm colourful !!
Probate wasn’t difficult to do, but it was just as sole executor for me so probably easier in that respect. It will be good if your sis can do it.
I’m contemplating coming back over for a long weekend if we can find cheap flights etc at the end of February for a few reasons:
I want to oversee a few things regarding the house sale although it’s not really necessary as my aunt has been a star helping me organise the clearing of the last few items.
It will however be our last chance to fly for a while as the puppy will arrive late February.
I just feel I miss the Uk and Gloucester so much.
Maybe it will do me good. It was so full on in August I didn’t have the possibility to savour my time there.
Anyhow girls keep posting.
Sending love and hugs to all. K Xxx
I think it would be a good idea Molly… it’s more direct and personal for quick messages and to keep in touch.
Deborah get Paul or Glyn to sort you WhatsApp on your phone., you won’t know yourself after!!
Xx
Hiya everyone So lovely to hear from you.
MolSul that’s all I can say is Wow about the tattoos. It’s fair to say you love your tattoos lol. As Helen says it does get a tiny bit easier if that’s the right word. The rawness of the crying eases although I still cry I would say every day over something. You just have to navigate through it somehow but carry on crying as it’s a massive part of the process. Just go with it. By the way I love the names of your girls.
Helen you made me laugh about the cocktail. I have been the same. I have found so many things that previously I wouldn’t have hesitated to throw away but now they take on a different meaning. I found something that no one wanted and I have kept it as a garden ornaments and every time I pass it it makes me laugh.
Yes an elderly couple have put in an offer for mum’s house and it’s the asking price again but wait for it her husband hadn’t viewed the house yet and is doing so on Monday. The wife just viewed it and offered the price on her own And they want to buy to let it so I don’t know what to think about it. They are in their middle 80’s so do people buy at that age to let??? Maybe they do and good on them if they do but I am not building my hopes up. There’s a fair amount of work to organise there like a rewiring so a lot to take on.Butcsaying that I like the lady’s style in spending her husband’s money before he sees the house as I bought a house once using Paul’s money without him seeing inside so maybe she is someone from my own heart. This house selling process has taught me not to count my chickens before they hatch.
Anyway just want to say you have written such lovely words to MolSul. Spot on with the way grief hits us and how to carry on
I remember you Kate and I going through that terrible gasping crying pain in the beginning and somehow crawling through it. And of course you with your dad again. I often have to pinch myself when I realise that grief has hit you twice in one year.
I know you probably don’t realise it right now but you are showing great strength and yes you will no doubt have your crash but we will be there for you.
Jules, Gill,Kate, Peter are you all ok . Apologies if I have left anyone else out.
Let’s hope Feb is a bit better than the Jan we had. Let’s have a healing month in some small way. For me it’s going to be trying to do something to help with my health and put some wellbeing things in place. I have my yearly scan on Monday so it’s all making me so anxious. Need to get through Feb in so many ways.
Love to you all. I know you all have your ups and downs through all this but just want to send my love to everyone xx
Deborah xx
Hiya Kate,
Let us know where you will be staying and dates when you will be over. It would be amazing to meet up again.
Omg just as I typed that Lewis Capaldis song started playing just like it did in the pub in Manchester when we met. How spooky is that It’s still playing.
Deborah x
For a whats app group I would suggest a single administator to DM you’re number to and some basic terns for use (you could tailor from this sites terms of use). I would not encourage people posting their number on a public site.
It’s a nice suggestion. I’d just want a sense of where my number would be shared. Hopd this helps
Beautiful tattoo Molly. Love it has ashes mixed in.
I’m getting a cremation ring for mum and dad. They died 9 weeks apart and wanted their ashes mixed forever. Having them close will hopefully gove me some comfirt they are still guiding me.
Dad died 2 weeks ago - so i’m in the full throws of grief and dispare. Going back to work on Monday, no idea whether that is a goid idea. Wish me luck. Roberta x
That sounds lovely @RobBeat08 I’m going to get my mum’s handwriting in a pendant. I’ve worn her wedding ring every day since she died. I read about how the relationship doesn’t end just because your loved on isn’t physically here and it’s important to keep that connection
I love them. I have two of my girls names just directly under my collar bones and one in the middle. So it kind of looks like a necklace, I have Phoenix on my left collar bone, Savannah on my right, Texas in the middle of them and then my fourth baby was a surprise and I have her name Kali on the left side of my neck quite big, I’m a big Disney villain fan so I have a tattoo of Maleficent on my right wrist about 5 inches tall and I have Ursula on my left wrist the same size as Maleficent, and I’m also a big Harry Potter ‘dark side’ fan so I have the dark mark on my right arm from my shoulder down to my elbow that took about 6 hours. I have my partners name on my left hip bone and Maleficent and Ursula are cover ups from small tattoos I had on my wrist in Blackpool for my first tattoos and they were absolutely awful so I had those covered. I love the fact that mums ashes are in the ink I’ve always got a part of her with me in my skin now and she is with me everywhere I go 
