Aww Helen the barge sounds a lovely idea. I have always wanted to do that. You will enjoy it I am sure.
It’s very tough all this grief which never seems to end.
I feel I am just sad all the time and someone said recently I have lost my sparkle. I didn’t need to be told that because I already knew that.
Where are you going in the barge?
When I took mum to North Wales we watched the barges on the Llangollen canal. We also stayed in a hotel that the barges used to pull up at and it was such a sight.
Some were quite long too and it was hilarious watching some people park the barges.
You will enjoy it.
I haven’t been to mum’s house for a while as without the furniture it’s even worse. Once I hear back from the buyers I shall get a move on.
Don’t worry about losing it over something trivial. It’s only natural and normal.
Lots of love to everyone
Deborah x
Hi Kate,
I haven’t been to Birmingham either except to see a concert and then back on the coach. You had a full on time whilst over.
I can totally understand about the house. It’s worse when it’s empty I feel. Seems more real somehow. All the memory flashbacks that can never be relieved again.
Well done on getting do far with the sale. I haven’t heard anything for almost 4 weeks but am hoping I will know something soon. I still have a lot to do there.
I think for me it was looking through all of mum’s personal things. She was so private and it felt like I was intruding.
A few days ago I went to the m and S that mum and I always went to tog and instantly when I entered I felt the tears coming on . I had found vouchers in her house and the expiry date was the next day so I was adamant I was going to spend them . I had bought them for mum for her birthday before she passed so as I walked around I kept saying ok mum I am going to shop for both of us ok and I will get through this somehow. Anyway I couldn’t as the tears came so I walked out and composed myself.
Then I realised she wouldn’t want me to lose out on the vouchers so returned and looked around but started to panic as I couldn’t find anything I liked. Then you won’t believe this but I saw a dress on a dummy in the middle of the shop.Iy was the same one that I wore for mum’s funeral. How strange was that. It was last year’s stock . It’s so strange because I bought it in Jan 2023 and m and S don’t have the same dresses the following year. I took it as a sign that mum was with me urging me on. I bought some underwear and when I paid for them I explained I had to spend the vouchers by the next day and the lady just renewed them for me for another two years. But what are the chances of the dress being on display??? I have never known m and S to sell a dress two years running !!!
Anyway rest now Kate .
Love Deborah x
Please message me. Because i lost my dad in September and i understand everything you said about people initially messaging and then also one last hug one last laugh. It hurts my heart all the time.
Im here… if you want
Thank you for sharing
Hi Siotryhappy,
Welcome to our little group. I am so sorry about your dad. You have come to the right place in joining this site as it’s amazing and a lifeline when you feel at your lowest.
Keep posting as it will help you like it did and still does for me.
There is no right and wrong way in doing anything in this horrible journey. It’s just a matter of surviving each day somehow and we all try to fill our days with something like families, pets, talking on here, sharing how we cope especially when it gets very tough.
Share whatever you feel you want. No one will judge you only offer you love and support.
Thinking of you
Deborah x
Hi @stryhappy and sorry for your loss. As Deborah said, this forum has been such a help to us. We are further into our grief journey and I can tell you that it will eventually get easier, you will learn to live alongside the grief.
Eventually, the happy memories will be less painful and the sad ones will start to slowly fade.
I still have days when I can’t believe I won’t see my mum again in this life, I will always miss her with all my heart.
Hope you find some comfort here.
Kate xx
Hi Deborah
That dress incident was really uncanny! It’s true, they never usually put old stock on display again. I think it was definitely a sign from your mum telling you to go and have a spend up on her!
She’s egging you on to choose something nice for yourself. I too went into M&S in Gloucester and bought a few things for myself. I really felt mum telling me to treat myself.
We have to feel guided by what they would want for us. That way we can feel them near and in our lives.
I’m keeping my fingers crossed for the sale, it seems to be taking forever and I don’t want to count my chickens.
It’s March tomorrow, mum’s favourite month. She loved the Spring. This year I feel stronger than this time last year, even though sometimes it seems impossible that mum has gone.
There were daffodils under the tree in mum’s garden and that really bought tears to my eyes. She loved seeing them and also the snowdrops at the front of the house.
Hope you had a good day.
Love K xxx
Hi Helen,
Don’t be hard on yourself for shouting at Mary. We all lose it sometimes and you are entitled to be angry once in a while. I too am such a bitch at times losing my temper at the slightest thing and then regretting it. Also menopause and grief is a lot to put up with! You give her so much unconditional love and she knows this. I had a cuddle with my colleague’s Westie today as his wife popped by with Pixel. How gorgeous are dogs? 
I phoned the breeder today and he reassured me saying that dogs only have short term memories and do they don’t know how long we are gone for. My cousin also said that she had to leave her pup from the start as do 90% of dog owners and they do adjust quickly.
That sounds a lovely idea for your birthday. It’s a good idea for you 3 to go alone and have a carefree afternoon chilling on the barge. I’m sure Mary will love it too!
Your mum and dad want you to enjoy your day, they really do. I know it’s not easy, but we must try.
I’ll sign off for now.
Love and hugs to everyone.
K xxx
Aww Kate I know what you mean about the garden flowers.
Seeing the flowers grow in mum’s garden is heartbreaking as she took so much pride in her little garden and fussed about where every plant would go.
I have taken rose cuttings but they are still in rooting powder on my windowsill. Too scared to plant them in case I lose them.
I think you are right about the dress. There’s no way on gods earth they have the same stock two years running not exactly the same anyway.
I find going to m and S so difficult as mum bought everything there and I mean everything.
Helen I am thinking of you. And willing you on to enjoy your day on the barge.
Love to everyone
Deborah x
Hi everyone ,
Deborah, happy St David’s Day!! 
wow! It gave me goosebumps when I read about the dress. Yes, your mum is telling you she’s okay and wants you to treat yourself. I know exactly what you mean about walking into a place and feeling overwhelmed. It happened to me at work the other week. I managed to compose myself in front of patients but was desperate to get home and have a good cry! Yesterday I had to phone the pensions department as there was an overpayment after dad had passed. The guy was lovely but when he asked me for dad’s date of birth it just set me off. He asked if I needed to take a minute but I managed to pull myself together. I cried for the rest of the day. We are selling dad’s car so I was vacuuming and cleaning it yesterday. Seeing all his cd’s and little gadgets he’d bought was just so sad but I did it!
Kate, you’re right. Dogs are amazing! They are always overjoyed to see you, they love you unconditionally, their zest for life is infectious and they get you out. Your little pooch will definitely adjust. Once she has her designated space and is used to it she’ll be fine. Mary has the utility room with everything she needs. Of course she’d prefer us not to go out but we have to do things without her like work etc. I’m not sure how it is in Italy but so many places are dog friendly here. Hotels, restaurants, holiday cottages all so easy now.
The barge is on the Macclesfield canal and we sail (or crash! 
) along there from a lovely little town called Bollington. Tom suggested we stop at a lovely pub for lunch but I’m happy to have an afternoon tea picnic on the barge. It will be lovely 
We still have a lot to live for. I accept I have peaked in terms of happiness levels and it will never be the same without mum and dad but I still have a life to live until I see them again. Keep going girls. We are making them proud!
Lots of love Hxxx
Hi siotryhappy, so sorry for your loss. I lost both my parents in 2023 so I understand the absolute trauma of your loss. The questions; how do I cope with this pain? How will my life be now? I can tell you that it does get easier. We all have to find our own ways of coping. My friend who lost her dad last May says she pretends he hasn’t really died. My sister copes by doing this too. The way I cope is by having to believe I will see them again and they’ve just gone ahead of me. I’m not very religious but I started going to church after mum died and that helps me. But that’s me. Each of us will be drawn to our own coping mechanisms. This group has been a huge comfort and support. Keep posting. It helps to know you aren’t alone in this. There’s a lot of us out there and we all need support. Take care. Sending you love and thoughts. Helen xxx
Hi Helen and Everyone,
Special day here in Wales today . Happy St David’s Day everyone.
Memories of dressing up when I was a child in the welsh costume and as I went to a church school we always sang at St David’s Cathedral and that in itself was awesome. Then even better when I was a teacher I took the children in my school to sing there.
I made Welsh cakes yesterday . Here’s the recipe if anyone wants to try making them
Yes the dress was something else.
Helen you could make an afternoon tea on the barge. Take some of your mums china that you came across. It will be emotional but so lovely. I have my mums bone china that she never used. Just kept in the dresser. I am determined to use them so am going to have afternoon teas in my garden once the weather gets better. I can imagine my mum saying oooh dont use them in case you break them.
You reminded me of what I do. And in the beginning that’s exactly what I did even more than now. I pretended mum was still here. She is in a way except I can’t see her or do the things we used to do. When i entered her house I used to pretend she was upstairs so I could at least wander around downstairs. When I went upstairs I pretended she was in the bathroom . I always closed the bathroom door before leaving the house so the next time I was there it was closed.
Its just another way to help cope with the trauma of not seeing them.
The car was the most difficult. I have only driven the car approx 4 times since mum passed as I cant bear seeing the seat empty. Not sure what I am going to do about that except not drive much but I realise I have lost my confidence to drive now.
Helen I had the same problem with mums pension . They had overpaid her by 2 days. How utterly insensitive !!! I remember thinking mum left school and started working at 14 and worked all her life and at almost 90 yrs when she passed they wanted to claim back 2 days state pension. I too cried on the phone when they referred to my mum as the deceased.
I feel its a journey of continually overcoming obstacles alongside a tremendous grief journey.
Keep going everyone and keep posting so we can all help each other
Love
Deborah x
Oh how wonderful Deborah, singing in the cathedral. I believe St David’s is spectacular. I hope the school has continued that tradition. I love Welsh cakes, especially when they are hot off the stove! I haven’t made them for ages so Thankyou for the recipe xx I have some Welsh family in north wales so close to my heart and my favourite flower is daffodils. Have a lovely day. We have cold, sleety rain so I’m staying in today on my sewing machine. Lots of love Hxxx
Happy St David’s Day Deborah and Everyone!
I also love daffodils Helen!
Here it’s pouring with rain so I’m at home working and getting the house ready for little Skye. 
I will try the Welsh cake recipe as I love them too.
Thanks for that!
K xxxx
Hi Kate, hope everything is going okay with little Skye 🩷
Hi Girls
I’m attaching a few pics of little Skye. We survived the first day and night lol😅!
She’s a cutie! It bought back so many memories of having Bella 37 
years ago!!
Hope you are all ok?
Love Kate xxxx
OMG she is so cute.
Look at her beautiful eyes.
What a lovely loving home she will have with you.
Just love her
Deborah x
Oh my sweet heavens above!!! Kate she is adorable beyond words. Hello Skye! Love the name btw! 
Totally agree !
XXXXX
Oh my goodness, she’s absolutely precious! What a sweetheart! She looks well settled already. Love Scotty dogs, you will enjoy lots of happy times with her, Kate and family xxx