Hi all sorry locked myself off again cos im really struggling ,things just get worse,my landlord has given me 2 month to leave my home I’ve lived in for 14 years now and it has sent me to a place i dont want to be ,my mam would have sorted things or helped or kept me calm but right now i feel so lost and scared for my 2 boys and everyone i know just keeps saying you’ll be fine …but no i won’t because i have no help and im at my wits end right now ,im not after sympathy honestly just some kind of support
Hi Shellbell1,
Just read your post.
Am trying to think of something that you can do but I am not experienced in all of this but I am sure someone will reply with something you can do next about the landlord.
There must be some advice you can get.
It’s so hard at the moment hearing all this and of course you are worried about your 2 boys also.
Try all the places like Citizens Advice etc and find out what help there is for you.
Speak to your local Council also to see what’s available with them especially as you have the boys.
Go to see your GP and explain how you are feeling. You need help so reach out to anyone that can offer you some advice.
I know you are very worried but we are here if you want to reach out to us and it may help you in this new horrible journey of yours.
Posting will help
Hugs
Deborah x
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Thank you im going to give welfare nights a call see if they can help as my youngest has special need xx
Hi Shellbell,
Yes try any organisation that can help you even your childrens school. They may be able to refer you to someone. Look on and ask on social media if there are any other properties available. Not ideal I know but try anyway.
Deborah x
Thank you ,I’ve rang around today but not luck yet but I’ll keep going ,i wont be beat
Hi Everyone,
How are you all doing?
I expect you are all busy working and dreading next Sunday. Mother’s Day for me couldn’t be worse than last year when it was the first and also my birthday. At least this year it’s a week earlier. I must admit I have avoided all the adverts and shops big time so I don’t see cards and pressies etc The pain feels the same as last year though so I can’t say it’s any easier.
Am just going to treat it as just another day as I can’t really do anything else. Will buy mum some flowers though and put next to her photo.
Hope you are all okish
Deborah xx
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Hello ladies, Apologies I have been radio silent. I have been hit with Covid and have felt really ill for weeks . Just perking up but has been rotten. Yes I’m not looking forward to Mother’s Day either but my daughter is very keen to make it a lovely day for me. Will visit Mum and take flowers. Will also have a little chat. Oh how I miss my chats with my Mum. The last three weeks have been a rollercoaster. Before Covid hit I was super busy with work , gym and went to see Blood Brothers with the Year 10 Drama students one evening. Was fantastic but a tiring week. Come Friday, I think when Covid was hitting, I just burst into tears at work. First time I have cried at work since Mum passed. A colleague was so lovely ( shared solace - she lost both parents and her sister during the pandemic) I wanted to cry even more. I felt really ill the next day and tested positive.
Hope all you ladies are keeping well and we are all living without our Mums ( and Dad for some of us) in the best way we can. It’s a rough old ride and when that grief hits you have no choice but to give in to it. I’m still not sure what triggered me on that Friday but who knows. Xx
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Hi Everyone
Deborah I am glad that Mother’s Day isn’t until May here to be honest as there are so many reminders over there. In the shops, cafes, restaurants, supermarkets, everywhere!!! I could see that when I was there. It’s so hard and insensitive for those grieving. Social media too is hard on those who are grieving a mum on Mother’s Day. I’m dreading seeing all the posts. Mum always flew over in March and spent Mother’s Day, her birthday and Easter with us. A time of year she and we all looked forward to with Spring in the air. I still struggle with the changing of the seasons especially Spring and Autumn. Mum’s 2 seasons one happy and one sad.
This past week I’ve been so busy with the puppy, working and lessons too and I’m really exhausted. Skye is gifting us so many needed smiles and joy, she’s so adorable, hard work but adorable lol.
Jules, I think when we feel ill or under the weather, our grief just surfaces big time. We have to hold on tight and weather the storm knowing that there will be some calm afterwards.
It’s nearly 18 months that mum’s been gone. It seems impossible at times. I miss her presence in my life so much. I’ve had no real signs of late, just some dreams of her which I often can’t remember the next day, but it is comforting and I’m thinking that she is visiting me in my dreams. Do you ladies dream of your mums (and dad Helen) at all? It’s sad but comforting at the same time I feel.
Love to you all.
K xxxx
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Hello, You are absolutely right Kate. I was, and still am, under the weather and my emotions seem very close to the surface. Factor Mother’s Day, my Birthday on the 17 th March in to the equation and it all makes sense. Mum always bought me a St Patrick’s Day card alongside my Birthday card, and had been placing a £ 5 note in that card ( for a birthday Guinness) since I turned 18 ( a long time ago. !!) I never really enjoyed Guinness tbh but used to go along with it. Your puppy sounds amazing. Animals and babies certainly soothe the soul. X
I also need to tell you ladies what happened to me in the hair salon a few weeks ago but I’m feeling sleepy with this Covid and need to sign off. Is Mum related
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Oh Jules anything and everything can trigger the tears It doesn’t take much. I think my tear are always there even when I am posting sometimes. When I write about mum it suddenly hits me… She is everywhere in my life.
I hope you are feeling better especially after COVID also.
So glad someone in school understood what you are going through and you were able to share what you are going through.
We are here for you .
Sending great big Welsh hugs your way ok x
Deborah xx
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Kate you are so right about mother’s day over here and the commercial side of it. I had never really taken much notice of it before but it’s a massive set back if you are grieving. Thankfully I haven’t been in too many shops as I remember last year how awful it was.
Yes I have had two dreams about my mum and in each she was much younger. I only remembered snippets of the dream when I woke up and it’s only happened twice.
I haven’t had any signs for a long time except for the poster on the wall of the van hire place. Not sure if I told you . We were in the office if a van hire place about a month ago and it was by chance I went in as Paul was going to go in on his own to sort the van. As we were waiting I was facing Paul and behind him on the walk was a poster with a clock on it and the words Feb 6th 1958 in big words on the top . I froze bec Feb 6th was mum’s funeral and I was born in 1958 . I found out after googling the date that it was the date of an aeroplane crash carting Manchester united players and several were killed. But what were the chances of me going in and standing where I stood so I could see it.
Lovely to hear about Skye.
Hugs to all of you
Deborah xx
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Oh Jules I can’t wait to hear what happened. I really believe in signs x
Deborah x
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Hi Shellbell I’m so sorry you are having this added stress right now. I hope you can get things sorted. I’m sure it will. Sending lots of love H xxx
Hi Deborah, I have bought mum a card and flowers for Mother’s Day. I’ll put them next to her ashes. They are still our mums aren’t they and we will always have them with us in one way or another. I’ll be thinking of us all this weekend. Lots of love Hxxx
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Hi everyone, sorry you’ve been ill Jules. Hope you get your energy back soon. Sounds like you are keeping very busy with work/life. This is how I cope. I need to keep busy. If I am alone in the house with nothing to do my mind will go straight to mum and dad and the fact they have died. I start dwelling on it and it can take days sometimes to pick myself up. I too find the grief comes from nothing. The slightest thing can set me off. If I made a pie chart of where the love I receive in life comes from my parents would be a great big chunk of it. Now that space is just black and I need to learn how to live with that void. The world feels empty.
Kate, I’m so happy you’re getting joy from Skye (your daughter 
). They can drive you crazy but the love and joy outweighs any of that. She’s so cute! I do dream about mum and dad but not often. The dreams are more like a presence rather than actually seeing them. I do find it comforting.
Deborah, I’ve not had a sign for a long time which is fine. That is so strange about the clock and those dates! It’s often mechanical/lights for you isn’t it?
I’m having a nightmare with dad’s car! I’ve taken on the role of selling it. It’s worth about £5k so we took it to ‘we buy any car’ and were offered £4k which was too low. It’s immaculate and the mileage is really low. Anyway, took it back to dads then left it for a couple of weeks till I could face it again and it looks like the gearbox has now seized (it’s automatic) so will cost thousands to put right. We want to give it a good run on the motorway to see if that will resolve it but now I have to re-tax it and get insured to do that 
I feel like just scrapping it and forgetting the whole thing. Definitely not getting too stressed about it. Once you’ve suffered loss like we all have nothing seems too bad. Does anyone else find things they stressed about before seem so meaningless now? Maybe that’s one positive from all this?
Anyway, busy day ahead so wishing you all a good weekend and that we can all find some peace on Sunday. Lots of love Hxxx
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Hiya Helen,
Oh yes the house sale is stressing me so much today so I know how you feel. Trying to answer the buyers solicitors questions is really taxing my brain. Like who owns the adjoining internal walls. All sorts of things. Latest today was why was the house put into my mums name in 1992. I didnt realise it had been so had to look up and read the deeds. My father died in March 1993 and he told us he didnt have long the previous Sept. Unknown to me until tonight he must have known at the beginning of the year bec he gifted his share of the house to my mum in the previous April. New deeds had been drawn up and neither he or my mum ever mentioned it. I was very emotional tonight finding that out.
Anyway I have answered all the questions now and emailed everything back to my solicitor. Its the buyers daughter who is the solicitor so she is being ultra ultra fussy. I would be the same I guess . Its just when you are grieving all these questions are very tough.
As for your car well I am speechless. You just don’t need this right now.
Am deleting Sunday from my radar !
Love Deborah x
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Hi Deborah, what sort of a question is that? Who owns the adjoining walls!? I’ve never heard that before and how would you know. Isn’t it the same as who owns the boundary fencing of the garden. You kind of both own it don’t you? What a pain. Even though it’s hard it will be good when it’s sold and all this stress is gone.
Dad’s car was sold yesterday. The issue had resolved so we just took it to ‘webuyanycar’ and took the reduced price. We’d have got more selling private but I just don’t have the energy for people coming round then not turning up etc. I cried all the way home after leaving it there. Another step away from mum and dad.
Anyway, off on our little boat trip today, just me and Tom so that will be good. Have a good day Deborah and everyone else. Lots of love Hxxx
Hiya,
You are up early like me. Can’t sleep much these days so am up early so checking on here. The internal adjoining walks I found out are joint with joint expenditure should anything ever be done to them .Obvious really but there you go just another question.
I am bracing myself for when the building survey is done. Can you imagine the questions.
Am just taking a day at a time and trying not to stress about it anymore. I love weekends when solicitors,estate agents and accountants can’t get hold of me as they are closed. Thank goodness for weekends. It gives me a chance to recharge ready for the week ahead
Aww I shall be thinking of you on the barge. Send some photos.
Can’t think of anything nicer. Hope the weather is great for you . Just put yourself first today and Tom of course Switch off from the world and just relax on board. You deserve some proper peace and quiet.
Love Deborah xxxx
Hi Girls
Hope you are all ok.
Helen, sorry about your dad’s car. It’s something else of theirs that has to disappear and it’s hard.
I still can’t bring myself to get rid of some of mum’s things here. I will if and when I feel I can.
Deborah, I totally get you regarding the house stress. I’m still waiting for the buyer, which is the local council to agree on the exchange of contracts and completion date. It’s so frustrating!! The weeks are rolling on and the house is just a cost now, what with insurance which needs renewing, council tax and bills.
I’m trying not to get too stressed though. As you rightly say Helen, after immense losses like ours, nothing else is that important.
Hope you’ve had lots of fun on the barge today.
Thinking of us all here on this forum for tomorrow. Last year I put mum’s last Mother’s Day card next to her photo with some flowers. It’s such a hard day to get through, but we must try to remember the good times spent on past Mother’s days.
We are all here to support each other.
Love and strength to you all.
K xxxx
Hiya Kate,
Totally agree about the house. I wanted mum’s to go through before the tax year ends as the capital gains reduction allowance for this year is £6k. After the new tax year starts it drops down yo £3k. It has taken five weeks for the buyers solicitor to do the searches and she’s still asking questions. So I have no chance of getting the house sold before the new tax year bec surveyors and electrical reports haven’t been done yet. So slow.
Helen have been thinking of you today and hoping everything went well. I just know if I went on a barge with Paul we would end up arguing and most probably get stuck somewhere. That would just be my luck.
I am going to pick some daffodils from my garden for mum tom. She helped me plant them two years ago so it will be lovely to pick them for her. I am going to use her bone china cups and plates to make an afternoon tea. I know she would absolutely love that. They were always kept in her dresser. Pride of place so I can hear her saying" Be Careful with them".
I took am finding it so difficult to part with any of her things. Even things like the cockerel that Helen found mean so much to me.
I have found myself looking at some of the things and thinking what was the story behind that or who bought that for mum. She treasured so many things that people gave her and if they made it into the dresser well that was mega status lol.
It’s even more emotional for me because I was with mum when she bought almost everything in her house so I have memories of trailing around shops until she finally decided to buy something.
I can’t believe it’s almost 15 mths since mum passed. Still can’t say the word starting with d. I ask myself how on earth has that time passed. How have I survived to this point?.
Someone said when mum passed to give myself a year. How wrong were they ! I am exactly the same except the wailing constant crying has eased.
At the hosp last Fri I had my pre assessment for my op and as always was asked a load of questions. The nurse asked me if I suffered from depression and it was a random question she was going through on the forms. I said no but I feel depressed. Then I realised that maybe that was a stupid answer but that’s the way I feel. I feel in limbo. In no mans land with my feelings and I feel numb still and miss mum dreadfully.
Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me ?
Girls try to get through tom the best you can . Not only is it Mother’s Day but our Friendship Day so I am here for anyone that feels like a chat tom .
Sending love to you all
Deborah xxxxxx
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