Dealing with the sudden loss of my Mum

Hi Deborah, work was okay but isn’t it surprising how close to the surface the tears are? I only said to my work colleague how unsettled I feel, next thing I’m wiping my eyes.
Are you going to the chalet at weekend? Xx

No not this weekend. We are having work done in the garden so it’s been a bit hectic here . We need to do a bit of tidying up over the weekend.
I understand about the tears. I was just having food and burst into tears talking about mum. I couldn’t finish my sentence before I was completely in a state. I was only saying my mum used to make the best meat and potato pie when we were young and that was it. The tears came from nowhere. I was sobbing.
No matter how hard you try to fight not crying it happens. I just let it happen now.
I will find a photo vid the decking so far and send it

Deborah x


Looks fabulous Deborah. I love your views. Xxx

Looks better in the photo than what it really is. We are at the top of a hill so overlooking a main road. But we can walk into town, the cinema and a lovely restaurant half way down the hill

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Hi Everyone
Hope you are feeling better. I’ve been a bit quiet as it’s been such a busy and crap week. Alex was poorly and at one point I thought it was appendicitis! The doctor wants to keep an eye on him but thankfully he seems better now.:crossed_fingers::four_leaf_clover:

I too have been missing mum even more and the advice that she would have given, but I have been following my gut instinct as I feel her guidance always. I too can’t believe it’s 19 months without mum and it just seems impossible at times.
Tomorrow is Mother’s Day here and Alex and I are doing a 10k walk through Bologna’s historic centre with a group of friends. I always celebrated the Uk one with mum although we usually went out to lunch when she was here as for me we celebrated the Italian one.
Luckily it’s not so commercialised here.

Your chalet view looks wonderful Deb and having a peaceful place to retreat to is so lovely…
Helen have the best time in USA with your lovely girls. You deserve a break after this last year and a half. Enjoy every moment!
Hope everyone else is soldiering on? That’s how it feels at times isn’t it?
Lots of love to you all. K xxxx

Hiya Kate,
Aww poor Alex I hope he is a bit better now.
Just read your email about teh CGT Its a nightmare isn’t it. Be glad when its sorted.
Well done on the walk. You will smash it I am sure.
Yes I feel my mum with me always too. Guiding me like yours. I often find myself saying mum what should i do. And just hope she guides me right.
The photo i put up is my garden here at home. This is teh view from the
chalet. Ours is the row on the top on the right in the photo The one painted a darker colour. Its so lovely that its in a woodland setting so the wildlife we see passing our window is fab even pheasants !!
Helen how are you doing? Are you all set to go to America? Or are you there yet? Enjoy every minute with everyone.
Jules how are you? How is your dad? And school? Is that ok?
Gill are you back from Greece yet? How did it go?
Wherever you all are girls have a lovely weekend and enjoy the sunshine. Well we actually have sun here lol
Love Deborah x


Good morning ladies, apologies for the radio silence. I have been very unwell. Had Covid beginning of March. Wasn’t too bad and perked up quickly. However, just after Paris ( in fact while we were there) I started feeling lousy. Had developed into a chest infection with possible pneumonia. Was floored . I’m fit and healthy but knocked me for six. Had two weeks off work ( felt so bad about being off) but if life has taught me anything recently, we need to prioritise ourselves. I’m back at the helm and was lovely when most of the Year 10 girls shouted we missed you ! The boys just grunt ha ha. Sorry to hear Alex has been unwell Kate - I hope he is on the mend. Helen, your upcoming trip sounds wonderful will be amazing to see your lovely family and take a much deserved break by the sound of things! Deborah, your chalet looks amazing and hopefully you can use it to relax and reflect. You mentioned your Mum saying “ don’t worry/ consider people who don’t worry or consider you. Sounds like a wise woman. I think when we are younger we try and please too many people to the detriment of our own well-being. I hope you are keeping well Gill. My Dad is still very poorly but you know how it is. We do what we can to help. He is barely eating and sleeping most of the day. I don’t think it will be long before he is admitted to hospital. He wants to join Mum now and has lost all love of life. Is sad to see isn’t it. I will miss him terribly but I can’t bear to see him suffering mentally and physically in this way. Anyway, take care ladies and I really do hope I get to meet you all one day - I really do. Jules xx

Hiya Jules,
Wonderful to hear from you but so sad you haven’t been well.bHopefully you are on the mend now.
Thank goodness you took the time off school to recover and yes we must put ourselves first now.
I agree about the children saying things on your return. Aren’t they so lovely. I always found they perked me up no matter what I was going through. I worked with much younger children and they were so adorable. I remember one little boy telling me he loved my shiny shoes. Mind you I also had a Year 10 boy who said I wore make up to hide the witch in me so you never know what comes out of their mouths lol. I think the year 20 boy was right though lol lol So funny.!!!
I feel so sad for you about your dad.bit must be heartbreaking to watch his decline.
We will of course meet up soon and I know once Helen is back from America she is on the case.
Keep getting yourself better ok
Love Deborah x


Hiya girls,
How’s everyone doing?
Was wondering if anyone has had any signs recently. Jules what was that story you were going to tell us.Something about the hairdresser I think.
I haven’t noticed anything myself for a while except a few white feathers now and again.
And a robin that came so close to me whilst I was out walking in a castle . So close it almost hopped onto my hand. I don’t usually believe in robins but maybe I should. Of all places to see a lone robin in the grounds of a castle hopping around in front of me and came nearer and nearer.
Hope the week is going okish for everyone.
Deborah x


Hi Deborah

No signs for me for a while now. I too see the odd white feather, but that’s it. I do feel I dream of mum though but can’t always remember the dreams when I awake. I would love to see a robin as I do believe in them being the reincarnation of the person who passed.
I was sorting out a drawer yesterday and found loads of mum’s birthday cards to me with lovely verses and messages as well as cards she had sent to Alex, Easter cards etc.
I put them in a file together. I find I can’t look at them for too long as I get so sad.:cry::cry:
Hope everyone is ok.
Love K xxxx


Hi Kate,
Good news today.
Had a letter from HMRC and have paid the CGT. Thank the Lord. £2500 so was happy with that.
I too cant look at mums writing or cards. It all just gets to me too much . Too painful.
I have had a few dreams also.
I am also seeing squences of numbers like 111 on a hotel room and a bill came for her for £66.66 and that time i saw a poster with my birthday date and her funeral date on it.
Hope you are ok
Deborah x


Hi girls. Jules I can relate to how you feel about your dad. My dad wasn’t as ill as your dad but I could see a rapid decline since we lost mum. He was becoming more short of breath on exertion and was generally aging quickly. It was so hard to see him so sad. I can’t say it’s a relief when they go as I wanted to keep him with me forever but there is some comfort knowing their mental pain is over.
Kate, hope you’re all well now and back to normal. I haven’t had many signs for a while. I do see robins but it’s the ones that hover with you for a while and seem to look you in the eye that I think is mum or dad. I think we get signs when we need them and we are all currently trying to forge a new life with this huge gap.
Deborah, I’m glad the probate is all settled now. I’m still hoping to buy out my siblings and keep the house for renting. It depends how much it’s valued at. There’s 4 of us so I have to pay 3/4 to buy them out. We’ll see.
Currently sat chilling here🇺🇸. It’s half 2 in the afternoon so the girls are busy and I’ve just got myself a brew. It’s so good to see them. I’ve been okay with the grief so far. I think I’ll struggle on the drive home from Heathrow as whenever I did a trip like this the first people I wanted to see was mum and dad to tell them all about it and show them the pictures. That is going to be hard but another ‘first’ to get through. I’m generally doing okay. Hope you all are too. Lots of love to you all Hxxx

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Hi Helen,
Aww you are out there!!!. Wow well done.
I was wondering when you would arrive there. Sorry lost all track of time.
Gill has gone to Australia also. What a jet setting group we are.
As for me well I am just at Costa Home lol
Having work done on the garden decking still so the carpenter is here today as the weather is good. Hopefully another day after today and he will finish it
I just wish mum was here bec I would love to show it to her.
Am going to buy some hanging baskets today as this was done mum and I did every year. I love purple ,yellow and white flowers so will see what I can find.
Helen just try to think that your mum and dad are with you and can see what you are all up to.
Gill I hope you are having an amazing time with your family and that your dad is ok after the journey.
Kate have you sorted the CGT yet? Do we need to inform HMRC when the estate is settled and closed I guess. I don’t plan on doing that yet though in case there are any issues with HMRC and I need to bury mum’s ashes one day. Not ready for that yet.
Jules how are you getting on?
Nearly half term so keep going.
Love to you all
Deborah x

Hi Everyone!

I couldn’t access the chat by going online but have found it by way of an old email. It’s just disappeared off my radar on the website ….
@admin do you know why this happened?

Anyhow hope it can be resolved soon.
Hope everyone is ok and Helen hope you having a great time with your girls in the States making lovely memories!
Deb, the accountant is doing the CGT return and I should be receiving the draft soon. I’m glad you got it all sorted now.

Have had a busy week and after his stomach problems, Alex is now on antibiotics as he had an eruption on his face of a herpes like infection but it’s clearing up well. The doctor said these things can happen when his defences are low, and as we are nearing the end of the school year he’s pretty ko. It’s been an important first year of secondary school and he’s been studying very hard. Fingers crossed he’ll continue to improve.

Anyhow hopefully I can see the posts angain asap as I don’t want to lose this lovely group chat.
Love to you all.
K xxxx

Hi Kate,
Everything is ok my end. Hope you have sorted it now. I had a problem like not accessing it months ago but a day or two later it settled itself and I could access it no problem
No news my end. Sunny today so makes a change.
Gardening weather so may pop out and get some bedding plants.
Hope everyone else is doing ok
Love Deborah xx


I can access the site and see the thread now so hopefully the bleep has been settled.
Have a good weekend everyone. Really warm here! :sunglasses::sun_with_face:
K xxxx

Mine is playing up now.
Not sure what’s going on. Or even if you will see this

Hi Deborah
I can see your post. How are you?
Hope everyone has a good start to the week.
K xxxx

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It seems to be ok again now.
All ok with me except broke my little toe on the castor on the bed. It’s so painful. Hobbling everywhere now.
Miss mum telling me to put this or that on it.
Miss going to her house terribly. I try to avoid going to the town where she lived as it hits home I haven’t got my childhood home anymore or any family living in the town. Whenever we go somewhere that involves going through the town I always find myself looking back a million times. I haven’t managed to go to the actual town since mum passed so goodness knows how I will manage that.
I used to have loads of relatives in the town and could pop into see them and have a cuppa but now there’s no one. I knew this would happen one day but I just wasn’t ready for it.
How have you been Kate?
Love Deborah xxx

Hi Deborah
Oh I’m sorry about your toe… I can imagine how painful that was!
When Alex was poorly I too could hear mum telling me to do this or that. It’s in those moments when I miss her even more, but I feel she is guiding me every day.
I miss her wisdom and advice so much.

I too feel so strange now the house is gone and I feel I’ve lost my anchor. This second year of grief has really bought the secondary losses into the mix. The house, my home town, our traditions.
I miss them all so much… all these second losses are tough on top of losing mum.

Hope everyone else is doing ok?
Love to you all .
K xxx

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