Aww Helen the new working arrangements would unsettled anyone so no wonder you feel like you do. Roll on October when you will feel more settled.
Get the portfolio done and dusted and then it will be out of the way. One less thing for you to worry about.
Try to rest though as knowing you I bet you are doing far too much.
Love Deborah xx
Yes Deborah, I probably have been overdoing it. I finish work today at 3.30 and that’s it until next Wednesday work wise. I havexss as nice day planned tomorrow as me and Tom are going for a nice walk and I’ve ordered pizza from a narrow boat near us. It was featured on a TV programme called ‘Narrow Escapes’ about people living/working on narrow boats. The pizzas are top notch apparently so that will be good.
Hope you are feeling better today and you got some answers from your GP. I know you were worried about it all. Did they manage to ease your mind Deborah? 
Wishing you all a lovely weekend. Lots of love Hxxx
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Hi Helen.
That all sounds lovely. Am off to get my results at 4pm
Good luck Deb, hopefully you will get some answers and also start to feel better soon.
Thinking of you.
K Xx
Hi Helen
That sounds lovely. There are narrow boats in Gloucester docks and there do trips up the river Severn. I always said I wanted to hire one. We never did get round to though. Mum would never have come though as she had a fear of water and heights.
Maybe when we go back next whenever that may be.
Good news re your job too, you will certainly have more structure and will probably feel much better for it.
We are looking to book a week away somewhere here in Italy as I’m off the first week of July, but with Skye we are more limited. I don’t mind though because she’s such a cutie and brings us so much joy.
Have a good weekend all.
K xxx
Hi Gill,
Yes printing out photos of your mum is a lovely idea. I’ve got so many on my phone, but it’s nice to get them framed. I’ve had a few of mum framed, both from when she was younger and more recent ones.
Hope the weather’s improving in Scotland. It’s starting to get warm here, much later than most years about 29c as I write this.
Little Skye is already feeling the heat.
Have a good weekend whatever you plan to do.
K xxx
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Hi Kate,
All my blood results were fine. However the lump in my neck is in the lymph gland so the doc said to return in 3 weeks if not gone and she will refer me for a scan. So I am worried now. I think I will pm Helen as I know she understands these things
Hope you are all ok and of course little Skye x.
Deborah x
Hi Deb
Good news re the blood tests and that’s definitely a very good sign that they are ok. I’m no doctor, but I know that some people suffer more with their glands than others when run down. I had glandular fever when I was 15 and I was very poorly. The dr said at that time that I would probably suffer with my glands every time I was run down for the rest of my life. You could be the same so try not to worry. Are you on antibiotics ?
With all you’ve been through this past 18 months, the grief, the house clearing and sale you have been through the wars mentally and it takes its toll on the body.
Keep thinking positive!
Love K xxx
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Hiya Kate,
I hope it’s just the fact I am run down
I haven’t been well for about a month with one thing after another.
The doc wouldn’t give me antibiotics as had no infection in my body and the blood tests being all ok. I wish she had though.
Just got to take throat spray ,vitamins and throat sweets which I am already doing.
Yes I agree doing the house sale on my own was tough as you know yourself. I don’t think I estimated how much it would affect my body with all the stress and running around.
Just got to wait for three weeks and go from there.
Mum’s house had new people in it Awwww!!!
I was told by a neighbour but didn’t ask any more as it’s best not to know too much
Love Deb x
Hi everyone. Hope you’ve had a good weekend. Deborah I hope you’re feeling better. I know you’re still worried but there are a number of things it could be. Most likely due to your body fighting infection recently. Your immune system has been in overdrive and with you being run down just makes it harder for your body.
Kate I’m so glad Skye is bringing you so much joy. They are tying but the love and joy they bring outweighs that. They are a wonderful distraction in all this and make you go out which always lifts your mood. I’ll get some dates together for a visit soon but life has been so hectic.
I have a very busy week ahead, sorting out carers and hospital visits. My step mother-in-law, Rita (Toms step mum since he was 11) is getting quite frail now but lives happily on her own in a cosy little retirement flat with carers going 3 times a day who are more like her friends as she knows them so well. I visit once a week and often take the dog which she loves . For some reason his step sister has been wanting her to go in a care home for the last year or so. Anyway, Rita had a fall last week and his sister immediately got her in hospital. She didn’t need to go to hospital. She hasn’t broken anything and is ready to come home. She doesn’t want to go to a care home so we are arranging the care package and her discharge at the end of the week. I’m sorting a lot of it as his sister is away on holiday. When I messaged her to say we are getting her mum back home she seems quite disappointed!! Said ‘okay, but this is the last time!’ What, last time she goes home? His sister visits 2 afternoons a week and only does a bit of washing and cleaning for her which takes an hour, if that. The carers do everything else, even food shopping. Then his sister starts saying ‘I can’t do everything. I’ve got my job (3 days a week) and my own life (no kids). I was quite shocked and couldn’t understand this. I saw my dad 3 times a week and never once thought it was a burden. I just adjusted my life but seeing dad was a priority. I feel like screaming to her ‘don’t you realise how lucky you are? You’ve still got your mum to go and visit. You are so blessed’ I can’t believe her attitude. How sad is that? I’m so glad I appreciated my parents when I had them. My sisters and me would have just clothed them in all the love and care we could.
We may not have our mums, and some of us our dads, but we couldn’t have loved them anymore than we did and they will have known this even if we didn’t tell them all the time. It just made me realise how different we were to our parents than my sister-in-law is to hers. Even though it’s painful for us now, thank god we had and still have so much love for them. We were blessed with that.
Have a good week you lovely lot. Sending you lots of love Hxxx
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Hi Helen ,
I know exactly how you are feeling.Pauls mother lives in a cosy flat with carers going in three times a day and that’s all his sisters do is moan that they have to go to see her. One only lives a few metres away and only goes to visit her twice a week for half an hour each time The other sister lives approx one mile away and visits about three times a week but only stays an hour with her .Paul’s mother is 93 and every time I hear their moaning it reduces me to tears. I would give anything and do anything ,walk barefoot to heaven if I could just to see my mum again.
You are so right. We are all blessed that we had such wonderful relationships with our mum’s. Look how we are all suffering now after approx a year and a half.
I have no respect for Paul’s sisters and don’t bother with them bec they are heartless.
I actually called them the two wicked sisters and I mean it.
They constantly moan about her and sometime I have to leave the room when they phone Paul with the latest saga. I can’t bear to hear it.Pauls mum does moan and is nothing like what my mum was like. Total opposites but still I feel she’s 93 for goodness sake,lives on her own and tries to cope on her own.
It makes me think thank goodness I am not like them.
If I were you I would get your mum in law home asap. There is nowhere like her own home.
My own sister has said a few things that have got to me but I let it go over my head. She has continued with her life like nothing has happened. Never talks about mum unless I start a convey about her and send to be enjoying herself with holidays and a fab social life. Where as I can’t move on yet bec I just am not ready. I appreciate we are all different though so don’t say anything to her.
Do everything you can to get her settled back on her home before your sister in law comes back. It’s so sad. And even sadder witnessing people talk like that.
We are all caring people on here so it hurts so much more heating things like this.
Anyway I know you will do everything you can for her.
As for me I still have the lump on my neck.Have to go back in three weeks if it’s still there and the doc will arrange a scan.
I am trying to do everything I can to avoid that and I panic just hearing the word scan.
Hope everyone else is ok. Jules haven’t heard from you in a while Are you ok ? How is your dad?
Gill is everything ok with you?
Kate have you booked the holiday yet?
Not sure if I mentioned but Glyn has bought another flat. Much nicer than the last one so fingers crossed it will be ok this time.
Have a good week girls
Deborah x
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Hi Deborah, I just needed a bit of a rant and knew you’d understand. I just don’t understand the mindset. How can people be so heartless? I visited her earlier and they are going to try and discharge her tomorrow. I’m not back in work until Thursday also it could be perfect tomorrow. If all is well with her bloods etc tomorrow is looking good, Wednesday if not which is fine. Me and Tom are considering her moving in with us if she can’t manage back home. We’d need to put things in place. But I would certainly give it a go.
Hope you’re having some sunshine down there Deborah to lift your mood a bit. Roll on 3 weeks
Lots of love Hxxx
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Hi Girls
Deb hope you are feeling a bit better today and that the sun is shining there.
I totally agree with both you girls. I honestly can’t believe these people who see their parents as burdens. I too would have done anything for mum. Ours was a complicated situation but I managed to get her living legally with us for those last six months in spite of Brexit and all the red tape involved. What I would do to be able to make her a meal or a cup of tea now… one last chat. How can they abandon their parents at their most vulnerable time? It makes me so sad and angry.
I’ve just been missing mum so much and only you here can understand how hard it is when “society “ thinks or expects us to be over it. None of my friends mention mum ever and it’s hard. I want to talk about her and keep her memory alive!!!
It’s starting to get really warm here. Poor Skye! Alex is doing a bit of football summer camp here and we are on holiday for a week from next Saturday. We will probably go to a holiday park at the seaside here which is dog friendly. It’s enough to wind down for a week. Helen, it’s true that you are more tied with the pooches but how much joy do they bring? It is all worth it. She will get her rabies jab on Thursday as we are thinking of driving to Austria / Germany in August.
I’ve still got no real motivation to do anything holiday wise, but I have to pull some out from somewhere. It just seems wrong that we aren’t
going back to Gloucester this August. 
Apparently building work has started on the house.
Good news re Glynn’s new flat and keeping fingers crossed everything will go through smoothly.
Anyhow take care girls I’ll sign off for now.
Lots of love,
K xxxx
Aww that’s lovely of you Helen to consider moving in your step mum in law. I’m sure she will be so happy if you do. 
Xx
Hi Girls,
Helen you are an absolute amazing person. That would be wonderful if she could live with you. There will be challenges but gosh nothing you cant overcome. People are worth fighting for and especially elderly people you love.
I always knew my mum was special and never doubted it when she was alive. But since her passing I have felt it a million times over and realise how truly lucky I was to have her as my mum. I know you girls feel the same and that’s why its so easy to talk openly about her to you.
I have been caught unawares a lot this week in wanting to phone mum. It suddenly hits me I can’t. The other night I said to Paul Oh I will just finish the dishes and then give mum a call. It came from nowhere. Totally out of the blue Then tonight same thing happened as I sat down I thought I will just watch TV for a bit then phone mum. It hit me straight in my heart like I had been stabbed.
The I looked out of the window and saw a robin bobbing on the wall but disappeared into the flower bed. I said if that’s you mum please come back on the wall but it didn’t. There I was talking to a robin. Glad no one was watching!!!
Kate no one mentions my mum either. Even when I do i think they just give me lip service so I find I am not mentioning her myself around people bec they just don’t understand. I wish people would be a little more understanding and realise grief lasts much longer than what people think.
I miss doing all the simple things in life with her like food shopping, going to mooch round M and S, taking her for her hair to be done, picnics in the car and sitting having an ice cream with a sea view. Just the ordinary little routine things.
She struggled to walk but always insisted on going into shops to have a good look at everything. We used to go for a meal on the way home to a Beefeater and she loved it. Hell If only I could do even one of those things again with her.
I am ploughing myself into getting the garden fixed and then hopefully in 3 weeks time my lump will have gone and I can concentrate on Glyn’s flat.
It’s so exciting for him. I remember buying my first tiny house and the feeling of thinking it was Buckingham Palace was immense lol. Think I told you Brown furniture was the fashion then and an advocado bathroom suite which I though was amazing lol.
Now its slightly different with laminated floors and ensuites !!! and a balcony lol
Keep going girls. We are all on this journey together and I am sure our mums brought us together and your dad Helen. I feel we have something very special between us.
Love to you all
Deborah x
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Yes Deborah, we do have a special bond. We are all connected through tragedy. I knew I could off-load here about my sister-in-laws attitude to her mum. I recognise that some people have no alternative but a care home, especially in late stage dementia but I just don’t feel she’s there yet. If we did have her live with us, I just would get so much joy making her last years on this planet surrounded by love.
I was doing the garden today and thinking how nice it would be for Rita to be sat outside with a little pot to plant up. She used to love gardening but doesn’t have a garden now. I know how hard it would be at times too and there would be challenges. I know her daughter wouldn’t want her. She asked her son, Tom’s step brother if she could live with him, bless her, but he doesn’t have the space. He would have otherwise. We have a spacious home and she’d have her own en-suite with large shower you could put a stool in. When I was district nursing I’d visit quite a few elderly folk who’d moved in with family. It seemed like such a nice set up. They were so well looked after. I’d like to do that. We’ll see.
I’ve been a bit brighter recently but was very low a couple of weeks ago. I did cry this morning. I was talking to Tom and said something about ‘after dad died’ then just had a moment as I couldn’t believe I’d said such a thing. for a split second I wasn’t sure until the reality registered and I was just so sad 
No one mentions my mum and dad much either. I do though, I tell everyone who will listen. People are very kind and maybe they worry about upsetting us. One of my friends in church said she was thinking of me (it was Father’s Day) I just said ‘thanks’ but honestly I didn’t feel any worse than normal. Nothing could make me feel worse about it. I feel awful every day. I was grateful for the sentiment behind it though 
People cannot upset us by mentioning our mums/dads but they just don’t realise that.
Sending you all lots of love and hoping for another sunny day tomorrow Hxxxx
Aww Kate, it’s such a big change for you not going to Gloucester this summer. I really feel for you love. Maybe it will get easier in time as each summer passes by. I think you’ve mentioned the secondary losses and they keep hitting us don’t they. We’ve had a beautiful day today and I’ve tidied up all the garden bc and planted my pots and baskets. On days like this I loved it when mum and dad came round and were sit out in the garden having a little afternoon tea. I could see mum with cream on her face enjoying a big fat scone and dad taking loads of pictures of flowers and bees. They loved my garden and I miss them being in it so much. It’s lost its soul now. I can’t get my head round anyone seeing their parents as a burden. Don’t they realise there is no second chance at this?
Funny you mentioned rabies as Mary has just had hers as we are hoping to drive to Barcelona in September to see James. I had to swap her microchip over to our details and contact her previous owner about it. I sent her some pictures and she was really happy to see how well she’s doing. I’d love to get a picture of her next to the Eiffel Tower and a few other landmarks. That will be a lovely trip driving through Austria I love it there.
Off to get a brew now so will speak soon. Lots of love Hxxx
Oh Helen it’s strange you mentioned your garden. Mum always loved our little garden and spent so many hours sat out there. Last year I didn’t feel up to it but this year we’ve made an effort to make it more pretty. We planted some sunflowers as mum wanted to do that in her garden and we put up new lights and I bought some colourful Chinese solar lanterns to hang in the tree. Mum would have loved those.
As you say I can see her there with her cuppa and putting the world to right with Alex.
It’s bloody tough isn’t it?
Hope Mary was ok after her jab.
That sounds like a great road trip to Barcellona to do with little Mary too.
It’s so kind of you thinking about caring for Rita. It’s true that at times it was challenging probably for both of us, we didn’t always see eye to eye on everything, but I would do it all over again in a flash. I just wish I could have made it even better for her. I really hope she knew how much of a privilege it was to have her with us those last 2 and a half years, even though I didn’t say it. Thanks to Covid and the lockdowns (if we can see a positive from that nightmare ) we got to spend so much time together. I thank God she was here with us at that time and that she managed to avoid getting Covid in those first months as I dread to think how that would have ended.
There’s still a lot to be grateful for and yes we are so lucky that we treasured our parents, but as you say many just don’t feel that way, even though I find it unbelievable.
I’ve been feeling a bit down today and am very tired, so will call it a day.
Night lovely ladies,
K xxxx
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Hi girls,
Just want yo say I echo everything you have written. It really was a privilege as you said Kate. An absolute 100% privilege.
I was the same today whilst in the garden. I said to Paul I could visualise mum sitting by my patio door and then walking around my garden on her walker saying she was going a Sir Tom lol.
I haven’t done much in my garden because I can’t bear to plant much without mum with me. Was the same last year and I promised myself I would try this year but can’t find the strength to plant anything.
Goodnight my lovely friends x
Hi all, it is so helpful to near you all talk about your mums, I miss her so much but it feels like those left don’t want to mention her to me. It’s like she isn’t part of things for them. I feel her presence with me all the time, especially in the better weather which she loved. She spent so much time in the garden and loved looking out to sea and being near the water. I feel my dad and brother are so taken up with themselves and want to move on. I think some people miss people differently. I wish she was here to be the foundation again, like she always was without even realising! Without her not me, dad or my brother would have been who we are now. I just feel am left without my soul mate. I am so grateful to have this group as it is just men in.my family now apart from my dads sister and mums sister, both of whom are quite different to her. She struggled with them in different ways but i always listened and we got through things together by talking and being there for each other. I am rambling now so will sign off. Thanks all xx
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