Aww Gill it seems we are all struggling at the moment more than ever.
I think maybe it’s the summer and we all did so much we ith our mum’s. Not just in the summer but a change of season makes more memories and it’s tough going in all sorts of ways.
It seems the norm with so many people not to talk about them.
I know this site helps do much bec we can post about our mum’s and we all love hearing about them.
Let’s write about our mum’s more.
What did your mum like to do?
What colours were her favourite?
Did she have have favourite foods?
My mum loved adventures of any kind. Loved travelling and the last few years loved travelling to North Wales with me in the car. She always said her adventure started as soon as she left her house and didn’t mind long journeys.
She loved all colours but especially black trousers. She had so many pairs. Loved cardigans of any colour. And was always buying handbags. I don’t think I will ever need to buy a handbag for the rest of my life.
I used to make her sweet and sour chicken and she loved it. She loved her food and ate for Wales lol. She was so good at baking too. Learnt all the skills with her grandmother like they all fid in those days. I so miss her Welsh cakes,her meat and potato pie and her scones.
Wow once I start writing the memories come flooding back and I could go on and on
We have each other on here so write about your mum to us. Who needs people to talk about our mum’s when we have each other.
Love Deborah x
Thanks Debs, I think your mum sounds lovely. Mine wasn’t into travelling at all, but she took us the long journey up north to her own mum (my gran) every summer when we were wee. It was a long long drive for her with 2 small children (my dad could never go because he had a business). But we had this as a kind of adventure all three of us, lots of fun games in the car and nice places we liked to stop. I always found it strange on any journeys with other families because it wasn’t so fun lol. But as she got older, I think my mum had bad stomach pains, so travelling got harder. But she was brave in her work as she went to the city to do any courses on her own, she loved her job as a SEN teacher and had good colleagues which she treasured as friends all her life. I remember her loving crosswords and the garden, one time she was using a magnifying glass to read the paper in the sun and it burned a hole in her trousers lol. And she loved her wee cat who was with her till the end. So that’s my stories today. Thanks all for being there xxx
Hi Gill,
Your mum did lovely things with you and a long car journey with children would have been a challenge for her but she did it. Wonderful memories you have.
My mum had a cat called Tom. Sadly passed away before she did though. She was heartbroken.
She always loved her garden and more so as she got older. It was only a tiny garden but always so colourful and full of flowers.
She loved watching the birds also.
Its so lovely to write about her
x
Hi Girls
Lovely reading about your sweet mums.
Here’s a few of my mum’s favourite things:
Mum’s favourite colour was blue. She loved old black and white films, was a bit of a film buff and her all time favourite was The Godfather (strange that I ended up in Italy too!)
She loved a Sunday roast especially roast beef with all the trimmings. She wasn’t as keen on desserts but she made a yummy rice pudding and I always made her a Victoria sponge for her birthday as that’s the only cake she really loved.
I used to love coming home to her cottage pie when I went back to Gloucester. It was lovely how she started planning the menu for our homecoming weeks in advance. We often used to get late flights so by the time we got in all we wanted was a cup of tea and a piece of toast but she would have happily served up a 3 course meal at midnight for us all.
Mum too loved having a mooch around Marks and also had a bit of a thing for shoes and handbags (I follow her for that lol)!
She loved British history, wasn’t one for politics but her all time hero was Winston Churchill and she was a real royalist and so fond of our late queen. I’m glad that she lived to see Charles become king.
I remember watching the queen’s funeral with mum and messaging my cousin in Abu Dhabi that I felt grateful to be watching it with mum… it was a strange feeling I had. Later on that day she didn’t feel too well with her breathing. Two weeks later she was gone. 
She loved André Rieu and also her soaps and quiz shows. Before her carpal tunnel and arthritis made it impossible she loved doing her crosswords too!
I’m 100% sure her greatest joy in life was unexpectedly becoming a grandmother at 75 and nothing bought her more happiness than spoiling Alex.
How lovely to remember these things about our beloved mums. 
K xxxx
Aww Kate so much of what you have written reminds me of mum.She too loved Andre Rieu and would watch him for hours. M and S too. And like you mum was devoted to Glyn. She had 10 grandchildren but he was the closest as lived near her and from the moment he was born she just lived for him. I am so glad he was with her at the end.
It’s lovely reading about your mum. I can tell how special she was from the way you describe her. Am also glad Alex is of an age that he can remember her.
At mums funeral the vicar spoke about mum and at one point he said she adored all her grandchildren and added something like that went on in nans house stayed in nans house and then added wasn’t that right Glyn.
I spoke to the vicar the next day and he said that’s all my mum ever spoke about was Glyn and his he was her blue eyed boy. So I truly understand the relationship your mum had with Alex. Magical and unique bet a gran and grandson. I will forever be grateful that Glyn experienced it because but doesn’t happen to everyone.
Girls did your mum’s drive?
My mum didn’t. She went on the bus daily to town and always went to M and S and then a coffee and back on the next bus. She found and made a new bus family over the years. She made lovely friendships with ladies on the town service bus and it was lovely to hear the bus gossip as they all seemed to know everything.
Mum used to go to church on a wed . She said it was a shorter service to Sunday’s lol. I think there were only about 10 there but again it formed a little community and they would all go for coffee at a hotel nearby after the service.
Keep sharing about your mum’s and dad Helen and girls.
Love to all
Deborah x
Love to all
Hello all, I haven’t written anything for a while but I always read your threads and although I don’t always add anything, all of your words bring me comfort. Hearing you describe your Mums, and Dad, makes me feel less alone. I have friends etc but unless you are experience my grief it is hard for people to understand or know what to say. I’m sure I was exactly the same before Mum passed… I will catch up with all your stories properly at some point but thought I would add a few things of my own. Dad is really poorly and I cried myself to sleep Sunday night. Fathers Day. Kept thinking this will probably be the last one with Dad. He didn’t get out of bed when we visited. He is hardly eating, can’t walk about and just lies in bed. It breaks my heart. This man used to swim in Newquay waters for hours on end with no wetsuit on ! Cycled for miles and gave us big bear hugs. I’m 10 stone and look big compared to him. I want his pain to end but I’m not ready to say goodbye. He refuses to go into care, which we respect, but he won’t go into hospital. I’m sad to leave him. I work full time and do what I can for him but it’s not enough… Just a waiting game now. Sorry to be so gloomy but it hit me on Sunday that when Dad passes, so will our family home. I know you have all been through this and is so so tough isn’t it…
Anyway, I need to tell you about what happened to me in the hair salon a few months ago. We live in Romsey, Hampshire, and Mum used to pop on the number 4 bluestar to come and see us. She hadn’t driven for years as lost confidence and Alzheimer’s kicked in when she around 76 yrs old. She was 81 when she passed. Well, there was a lady sitting next to me in the next chair having her hair coloured. I didn’t recognise her and I hadn’t mentioned Mum at all on this occasion as I had a different stylist. Out of nowhere, this lady asked if anybody knew a Joyce? ( my mum’s name). I didn’t answer as wasn’t sure where this conversation was heading. She went on to say a lady named Joyce had just popped into the salon looking for somebody. She wanted to tell somebody there wasn’t much in the charity shops this week so she got the number 4 bus home. I was flabbergasted. Was this mum in the salon??? The lady then told us she is a medium. I froze. Came home and cried. My husband said to ignore her as is a con artist. I explained I hadn’t even spoken to her or recognised her. Still not sure what to think to be honest! I’ll write more later this week as need to get my daughter’s lunch ready - she’s off to Lego land on a school trip tomorrow. Take care all, Jules x
Hi Jules, good to hear from you love but sorry to hear your dad is deteriorating. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be. Does your dad have carers? He’s just given up hasn’t he? I find it hard to see pictures of my parents when they were younger at the moment, as it makes me too sad. Just when you said how fit and strong your dad used to be, I think it can just make you feel more sad to see how frail he is now. I am so sad for you.
The incident in the hairdressers is quite something. How would she have known? I’m quite cynical about this stuff but if it gives you comfort then go with it. I can’t explain it but I do feel my mum and dad with me quite often.
Don’t worry about posts that seem melancholic as that’s what this forum is for. I think it helps if we are all honest about how we feel, whether we’re up or down. I don’t want people to be sad but I do find it reassuring that I’m not going mad. People not going through this think we should be over this by now but when you guys say how down you are, even after 18 months, I think, ‘oh, it’s not just me then?’ Podcast often as you need to
Sending you my love Hxxx
Hi Jules,
Like Helen I feel so sad for you and the situation. For weeks before mum passed she stayed in bed and this was something I hadn’t witnessed at all with her as she was the last person to stay in bed even when she was ill.
It was so upsetting bro watch soni can imagine the pain you are going through.
Would it help if he had carers?
It would maybe help you all.
As for the hairdressers I am speechless. How would she have known all that? There’s got to be something in it. I have never been to a medium basically bec if I found one guaranteed they would be a con person. But I would love to go to a good one. You just can’t explain what happened to you there.
Did you tell the woman about your mum?
Did anyone else in the hairdressers respond?
I believe in signs but haven’t had any for ages. Electrical things stopping working or flashing were the main things that happened but nothing for a while.
Maybe I am not looking hard enough.
It all fascinates me.
I think it was your mum coming through to you. Next time you go up the hairdresser’s ask them what was her name and you may find out something about her online.
Anyway it’s fab hearing from you again.
We know you have a lot to get through so just remember we are always here for you ok.
Love Deborah x
Hi Jules
Sorry to hear about your dad. It must be tough seeing him so frail and giving up. It sounds as though he wants to join your mum, which is so often the case. I agree with the other girls that carers maybe looking in once or twice a day could be a good option as you are working. You are doing the right thing in spending as much time as you can with him and just say all those things you feel you need to say. I really feel for you.
The hairdresser episode is unbelievable. If you don’t know this woman how could she possibly have known? I would have felt great comfort but I can understand that our first instinct is to feel suspicious with these things. Maybe you could contact the woman and organise a one to one?
I wish I had a sign right now but nothing… I guess we have to be more open to finding them even in simple situations.
Thinking of you and sending love and strength. We are all here for you.
Love K. Xxx
Hi Girls,
How are you all doing?
The weather has been good here so have been doing a lot of gardening.
Still got the lump in my lump so worried about that. Got another 3 weeks before I see the doc. Don’t think it’s going to go. Got to try and carry on with the throat sprays and sweets. Nothing else I can do.
Hope you are all okish anyway.
Deborah x
Hi Deb
Sorry that you’re still not feeling great. Have you had any thyroid blood tests? I know that it can sometimes cause goitre if you have issues with your thyroid. I’ve been on thyroid meds for 10 years now.
I too feel run down. Have a really irritating cough and had a temperature on Friday night. It was about 32 and I was shivering with a temperature!! We were supposed to go to Arezzo yesterday on a day trip with a group of friends so we had to call it off.
It’s wet and dull here today and due to be so for the next few days. This year’s weather is strange.
The grass is growing well though lol.
I just feel anyhow. I keep thinking of mum, our past summer routines and how little enthusiasm I have for doing anything this summer. I’m just not the same person without mum.
Mum wouldn’t want that, so I’m trying to change my outlook but it’s hard.
How are you all feeling?
Lots of love
K xxxx
Hi All, we finally have some sunshine in Scotland! Yesterday I went with a group from my local climbing centre to Kirriemuir, its the birthplace of JM Barrie so we saw lots of Peter Pan related statues and things. Beautiful area, nice to get out of the city too. I felt better being out with people but before I went, I literally had to force mydelf put of bed to go. I have no motivation at all and sometimes feel I could happily stay around my flat near my bed. I have been more like this since losing Mum, it’s like I feel what’s the point? But I do feel better after despite myself dreading any social thing.
Deb, I was also going to ask if you had any thyroid tests done. Don’t know if this is one the doctors do without specifically checking this. I had subacute thyroiditis once and it started with throat pain and swelling in my thyroid, it left me pretty unwell but was hard to get my GP to diagnose it. Anyway, just a thought. It’s been a long haul for you to get through this. Sorry to hear your feeling unwell too Kate! There are some horrible bugs going around here too, I had a nasty sinus thing thats left me with a blocked ear for a fortnight now. So I am sort of slightly deaf on one side, it is a very strange feeling and sound is very distorted. Hoping it clears up soon. Gill xx
Hello Helen, I am so sorry for your loss. When I read your post, it really hit me. My mum passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly. I saw her on Saturday 4th May in Edinburgh. She was her usual happy self. I had arranged to pick her up on the Monday to take her for lunch, instead I found her dead on her living room floor. I’m heartbroken. I can’t get that image out of my head and I’m struggling. I’m trying so hard. We lost my mother in law in February and I’m so anxious about something else happening. I feel sad, I don’t recognise myself. I too don’t like the dark as the night seems so long.
Oh my heart goes out to you. I’m so very sorry for the sudden loss of your mum. It brought back the horror and disbelief in those early days. It’s 17 months since I lost mum and 6 months since I lost dad suddenly from cardiac arrest (broken heart) 
I remember those early days and feeling I couldn’t survive the pain. I’ve never felt anything like it. It was unbearable at times. I can promise you it does get easier in terms of coping with it. I try and do something nice each day. Usually going for a walk with my dog. I still feel very sad about not having mum and dad but I do manage to get some joy. I still find it hard to believe sometimes that they’ve actually gone. Even typing it seems mad. I still cry a couple of times a week but it’s not that devastated, curling up in a ball type crying.
Try and set a little goal each day. That might be something simple like a luxury bath with nice smellies or a walk. It makes a difference. I went swimming every morning when I was off work. I didn’t feel like it but made myself go and felt better for it.
Go with the grief. Don’t fight it. Feel the emotions; the pain, the loss, the anger, the despair and cry, cry and then cry some more. You need to prioritise allowing yourself to grieve at this stage. Slowly but surely it does get easier.
My heart goes out to you. Lots of love, Helen xxx
Hi Ginger24,
I am so sorry also for your loss. It is so heartbreaking and I can feel your pain.
As Helen has written set yourself tiny goals for each day. For me in the beginning one of my goals was making myself a cup of tea because I couldn’t even do that. Just set one goal and build up from there.
It is such early days for you so try to get through each day however best you can. You are going through all the raw emotions and so its a matter of surviving each day and trying to get a little bit stronger each day.
We have all changed through grief and I know I will personally never be the same but posting on here has helped me so much as I know others understand.
Post anytime you want x
Deborah x
Hiya Girls.
I have had the thyroid blood test and all ok . In fact I think I had what they call a complete blood test so I think they tested the kidney, liver, tyhroid, protein levels and the doctor said everything was ok .
Still got the lump so just got to wait to see if it goes down.
Gill I am so glad you went out and about. Sounds as though you had a really lovely day.
Kate I am the same as you. I lack all enthusiasm this summer and cant be bothered attitude is back along with waking at stupid hours and thinking of mum. I usually get up and make a cuppa and have a little cry. All the routines come flooding back don’t they ?
This time of year we would be buying bedding plants and doing her tubs. Mum loved garden lights so every year she would buy some new ones and add to her collection. She also bought a small garden fairy every year for her garden . I have brought them all back here.
I need plants for our garden but can’t bring myself to buy any without her. We used to have great fun buying them and getting them all into the car with me trying to drive surrounded by plants. She would laugh so much as she had plants by her feet , on her lap and everywhere in the car.
It’s just not the same without her and I cant be bothered to buy any.
Think I will just leave it this year and maybe next year I will feel stronger.
I know mum wouldn’t want me to feel like this but I just feel everything is pointless.
Helen you gave lovely advice to Ginger 24. When I read your post I thought back to when we all lost our mums and the terrible state we were all in. It really was a very difficult time and I don’t know how we all got through it but we managed somehow and bless you because you had to go through it all again with your day. So heartbreaking . And poor Jules is going through such a sad time too.
Jules if you are reading this I hope you are okish and remember we are here for you so post when you feel able to do so.
Just glad we have each other girls x
Love
Deborah x
Thank you Helen, I try to do some exercise each day. It is comforting sharing and knowing people understand what the pain is like. Take Care Gx
Thank you Deborah Gx
Hi Ginger
I’m really sorry for the sudden loss of your mum. I know how you are feeling as it was very similar for me.
We were supposed to be going out for lunch on that day, but instead I found mum had collapsed and died on her bedroom floor. It was so heartbreaking, traumatic and unexpected.
The flashbacks will eventually become less, but still after 20 months I still have them occasionally.
This site has been a godsend and we are all here to help each other on this difficult journey of ours. Post whenever you need to.
Sending love and strength.
Kate xxx
Thank you Kate, I’m so sorry that you have gone through that trauma too.
I have found comfort in that my mum lived her life to the full and the way she wanted to live it and sadly for us, she died the way she wanted. I just wasn’t ready for it and I’m not sure she was either. She still had so much to do.
Take Care and thank you
Gxx