Hi Helen,
It’s the same for me. I know it’s a different sort of life now. I always think how lucky, privileged and special my life was when I had my mum. It hurts so much to even think about my memories of her but I will always think of her.
I feel I am getting a good actress in masking my feelings and pretending I am ok.
We went to a carnival last week at mums village where she was born and brought up and I felt like screaming at people who knew mum because no one mentioned her. What’s wrong with people? No one asked me if I was ok either. Does anyone really care these days or is it just me thinking like this ?
I felt cross,sad, disappointed and a feeling of being alone in my grief like I had turned into an alien or something bec I felt I was on a different planet. There were loads of people who knew mum all her life and family members who she was really kind to when they were young yet no one spoke one single word about her to me.
I just have to learn to adapt to this new life of mine and appreciate any snippets of conversation when mum is mentioned.
I know mum would say not to worry and not to get upset about it and that’s what keeps me going.
I miss mums words of wisdom so much. She used to say “don’t worry about people who don’t worry about you” How true are those words girls?
Did your mum’s have wise words that you miss hearing?
Thinking of you all
Deb x
Ah Deborah I know what you mean about nobody asking about Mum. I think most people are so wrapped up in their own lives they often forget others. I also think people are worried they may upset us ( not sure if that is even possible) or I am now of the opinion most people shy away from things that make them feel uncomfortable. Other people’s grief being one of them. Hearing about all of your Mums makes me realise just how many people were as lucky as I was to love them as much as I loved 
mine.
And yes, my Mum would say the following to me: “Don’t swim the ocean for someone who wouldn’t even cross a road for you” and “ your heart will always see what your eyes can’t “. I never really understood the second one until I was early 30’s and had one failed long term relationship behind me. X
My mum’s was telling me I worried too much. If I rang to tell her I was worried about something, she always said “what about now… you’re always worried about something”. It was always in a jokey way though.
And when we were younger and would argue, she’d say “you’d argue with our Lord if he came down”
Lindz xx
Oh that made me chuckle Lindz about arguing with the Lord. How funny and how lovely we have these memories and that voice in our head ( although some people think I’m nuts when I mention a voice in my head). I’m perfectly sane and perfectly lucky to hear that voice. It’s more a thought than a voice popping into your head . X
It is. It’s like when I talk to her photo, I always say “are you ok there mum”. And I hear her answer “yes I’m fine, will you stop fussing “ which is what she always said when I was worried about her and one of her health issues. It reassures me, I feel like she’s actually telling me that.
Love Lindz xx
Hi,
My dad just popped over to drop something off on his way home from work… he seemed upset. I asked if he was ok but he just said yes. I can tell he wasn’t…
I’m finding it so hard. My instinct is to help him feel better, but I know realistically there’s nothing I can do. He comes for dinner and to walk the dog etc, but that’s all surface level stuff if you know what I mean? I just feel so helpless. I’ve always been there when my mum and dad needed anything, so I’m feeling so useless and worried about him 
Sorry to be a downer 
Love Lindz xx
Aww Jules I love those sayings. I am going to start saying them. They are brilliant
Deb x
Aww Lindz those sayings made me laugh. Fair play they are wonderful.
Deb x
Lindz I talk to mum’s photo too xx
Hi Lindz,
Just read your last post about your dad. Would he stay with you for the weekend maybe?
Perhaps you could persuade him. Then you could maybe find him some jobs to do at your place to make him feel busy.
It’s a tough one because I know my mum always liked staying at her own house. I used to make out I was so tired and had so much to do so she would say she would stay and help me with jobs. I would frantically try to find small jobs for her to do.
Just keep being there for him. That’s all you can do
Deb x
Hi Deb,
My dad wouldn’t stay here… he only lives 5 mins drive away. My brother still lives there but they don’t really talk in-depth a lot. My sister and I have him for tea a couple of times a week each, and he goes to my aunties for dinner once a week, so he’s got support. It’s just when I see him walking away looking so defeated, it breaks my heart and makes me so worried about him.
Love Lindz xx
Hi girls, oh Lindz, I am worried about my dad too. He’s so down and alone now. Hopefully he will come stay with me next weekend. He’s a 4 hour drive from me, a remote town, it is hard to help from a distance, I just feel happier away from my home town. We just talk on the phone a couple of times a day, its not the same tho! Take care, your dad knows you are there for him. Gill xxx
Hi Gill, thanks for your reply. It’s horrible feeling so helpless isn’t it… trying to help but the only thing he wants is mum back and there’s nothing anyone can do about that.
I don’t begrudge helping him at all, but a lot of the time I feel like I’ve got another child to worry about and try to sort things out for… it’s a never ending worry .
Your dad knows you’re there for him too and that you’re doing your best, and most importantly, how much you love him.
Love Lindz xx
Hello Juniper8,
does your dad have a PC or a laptop and a internet connection? If yes, you could go an a website called “Jitsi Meet”. An old friend of my brother and I have been using it for many months now. It works well and we often have it running for hours. I think you will like it. - (You will have to have a microphone and a webcam.)
Using Jitsi Meet | Video Conference Demonstration - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Iwiwq7eofE
Nick
Thanks Nick, I’ve not heard of this before, he likes new technology so will tell him about it. He is going to visit me at the weekend. It’s a ling journey for him but think he needs a change of scene? The weather this year hasn’t helped him to get out for a walk etc. Gill xx
Hi Gill,
That’s great your dad is going to stay with you. Well done on persuading him. It will be lovely for the both of you. Hopefully the weather will be good and you can take him out and about.
Not much happening with me. Just gardening and pottering around with jobs in the house. Nothing exciting!!!.
I keep thinking that maybe this time next year I shall have more enthusiasm to do more with my life. We shall see !
Thinking of you
Deb x
Hi Everyone
We got back this afternoon and I must say we had a lovely relaxing holiday in the mountains.
I’ve been reading your messages and hope you are all ok.
Deborah, have you had your scan? I’m glad to hear your glands are better.
Helen, how are things progressing with the house sale?
Jules how’s your dad? I hope you are coping ok.
Gill, what about your dad? I bet you enjoyed having him stay with you.
Lindz, Nick how are you feeling this week?
Being in Austria bought back memories of taking mum to Innsbruck for Christmas 2010.
A precious time. We took her to Salzburg too as The Sound of Music was one of her all time favourite films. I still love it.
It’s been tough I must say as I’m usually in Gloucester at this time of the year. It’s hard but I know mum would want me to be happy and create new memories as we did on holiday. My phone keeps throwing up random memories of 2/3/4/5 years ago in Uk and it’s so painful, but I can now begin to smile a little at the memories.
Anyhow I’ve got a series of urgent meetings with my washing machine 
so will sign off for now.
Love to you all.
K xxxx
Love your photos Kate. So so glad you had a lovely time.
My scan is next Tuesday so fingers crossed.
Deb x
Aw Kate, I love these photos! So alpine and your wee Skye enjoying the trip as well is just gorgeous. Thanks for posting them. Had a good weekend with dad, it’s a long trip here so he got a plane from Machrihanish to Glasgow on Friday morning and we did some nice things over the weekend, cinema and Burrell Collection, Degas exhibition and generally lots of coffee and food. Sad to see him go, feel a bit flat now he’s away. Back to the usual routine! Anyway, have a good week all. Gill xx