Dealing with the sudden loss of my Mum

Hi Everyone

Helen it’s so good to hear that you are feeling better, having some quality time at home and enjoying the choir practice. It sounds lovely. I think I’d be like that guy… well maybe not that bad …but you get my idea :grimacing:!
I’m glad you can go to the stadium to be near your mum. It must be so comforting to have that place where you can really feel her presence :white_heart:
I won’t let you know the exact words Alex said regarding the City victory against Arsenal but something along the lines of “ so typical of jammy City to score in the final seconds!!!” He was very peeved! :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

Deborah, good to see you are keeping busy. Where is the chalet exactly? I really want to visit Wales. I only really know Cardiff, Newport just over the border and I once went on a horse riding holiday on the Brecon Beacons with the school.
We also went to Newport near Fishguard I believe on holiday the year after dad died. I remember a lovely beach even though I was only 10 and also mum and I having a meal in a very posh restaurant on the evening we arrived.
I remember Mum having peaches in brandy as a dessert… incredible what your brain remembers over 40 years later isn’t it? :white_heart:

We’ve had terrible floods here again. Last Wednesday my boss and I traveled to Sirolo in central Italy for an International Sales meeting organised by our Company, but we had to come back as it was cancelled at the very last minute due to extreme rain and flooding. The poor customers were stranded in their hotel on the day of the meeting and had travelled from all over the world. I wasn’t sorry to get back home as it was quite worrying. The roads were like rivers.:pensive:

I’m still struggling a bit and thinking a lot about this time 2 years ago. I guess it’s normal but it’s hard going back over the events of those last weeks and days, not knowing what was lying ahead.:broken_heart:
Anyhow I don’t want to depress you all.
Take care everyone and have a good start to the week girls.
Love K xxxx

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I just remembered it was New Quay where we had our holiday!!
Lovely memories. Xx

Hiya Kate,
You have been to quite a few places in Wales. We live near Fishguard. New Quay is so pretty. Lots of places to visit when you come over.
The weather sounds horrendous with you
We have had a lucky escape I feel as looking on the news tonight parts of England have suffered terribly. I would be devastated if my home was flooded.
Yes we have to face the anniversaries but the build up is worse somehow. Still can’t believe it’s all happened let alone two years. We just have to face it, keep going ,support each other and get through the next few months.
Love to everyone
Deb x

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Hi girls, haha Kate, made me laugh what Alex said! Tell him we weren’t so jammy after all now we’ve lost Rodri. KDB injured too :-1: Arsenal were terrible cheats. I actually sit in mum’s chair when I’m there so it is very comforting. At first I cried through the whole game (discreetly) but now I’m used to it and I love it. I’m missing next Saturday as I’m busy with this 175th event so I’m letting my nephew go instead.
I remember the floods you had last year. So sorry to hear people have been flooded again! Just awful. There was flooding here but not too bad. I’m not up to speed really as I don’t watch the news at the moment as I find it too depressing.
Deborah, I’m looking forward to seeing the pictures of the chalet. Oh, stripping woodchip is a nightmare. It was everywhere in the 80’s. We’ve renovated every house we’ve lived in and they’ve all had woodchip. I swear it would be easier to take the plaster off and re plaster!! By the time you’ve scraped it off the walls don’t look great
anyway. :joy:
Tom’s mum has now gone to a nursing home despite us saying she could move in with us. She’s perked up a bit and I don’t think she’s happy in the home. We have a lounge at the front that we never use. It would be perfect for her. Seems to be his sister making all the decisions though. Tom is stepson so feels a bit more removed than the actual daughter. She’s eating small amount and drinking okay. Completely bed bound now :cry: I’m going to take my dog, Mary next week. It’s a nice enough home and the care is good. We’ll see.
Had my great niece yesterday. She’s only 5. What an antidote she is to all this death we’ve had recently. She had a great time and so did we. Her mum and dad enjoyed the break too. We’ve said she can stay over next time. Children have a certain magic don’t they? Spending time with them makes you look at the world differently.
Hope everyone else is okay. I’ll say ‘bye’ for now and hope you all have a good week ahead. Lots of love Hxxx

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Hi Helen,
I agree about the woodchip. We just have the kitchen left to strip so not too bad. The bathroom veill be finished in Wed they said. So am looking forward to having a shower there at long last.
So sad about Tom’s stepmum I hope she will settle where she is. It was very kind of you to offer her a home. But that’s the type of person you are x
We are in the middle of very bad storms. We are bracing it and not going out. It’s been pretty bad all day. Where we live though we will not get any flooding so at least that’s something.
No other news with me.I am just plodding on.
Love to you all
Deb x

Hello ladies,
I’ve been very quiet recently as my lovely Dad has been very unwell and I’ve been trying to keep going and losing myself in work. Today I got the second worst phone call of my love. My Dad had passed away. My sister found him when dropping his shopping off. Just got home after organising undertakers. I’m numb really numb. This feels different to losing Mum. I’m not sure what to feel. I said my goodbyes to him in his bed looking peaceful. X

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So very very sorry to hear this. My thoughts and best wishes are with you and your family xx

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Aww Jules my heart is breaking for you. I am sending you all the love I can send. Both you and Helen have lost both your parents in such a short time. I honestly don’t know what to say to even think about comforting you. I know Helen will reply soon and she of all of us will understand what it’s like for you right now.
From myself I want you to know I am here for you and if you feel you can post please do so whatever time of day or night it is.
I just feel so so sad right now and just wish I could help you somehow.
Try to get a little sleep tonight Jules even if it’s for an hour.
I will check in on you tomorrow but don’t feel you have to reply. I just want you to know I am thinking of you.
Sending love
Deb x

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Thank you both. I’m on auto pilot at the moment. Im feeling so sad. My husband has been amazing. He moved my Dad to a place of dignity when the paramedics ran out of energy/ will etc…. I’m off work tomorrow and next week minimum. The love from my education colleagues/ friends has been immense. Thinking of all of us who have lost loved ones. Thank you for thinking of me. We’ve never met Deborah but I hope we all meet up one day… Xx

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Oh Jules I’m so sorry to read this news today. :broken_heart:My heart goes out to you and your family. I know how much you’ve been worrying about your dear dad these past few months whilst his health was declining.
Another loss not so long after your lovely mum and I can imagine your grief.
Today is 2 years since losing mum and I’ve been feeling anyhow this past week with all the painful memories flashing back in my mind.
As Helen said every day is filled with sadness when we lose a parent, but the anniversaries are tough pills to swallow.
Sending all my love and strength to you. K xxxx

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Thank you Kate for your lovely words and thinking of you on this difficult day. I hope you find some peace today and reflect on all the happy memories you and your lovely Mum shared. I can’t believe it’s 2 years and will be 2 yrs for my Mum on 27/12. Dads health has been in decline since Mum passed and the last week has been awful. I had an awful feeling all week and constant worrying about him. I feel some relief mixed in with this pain. I know he’s up there with Mum now but the emptiness this morning is immense. Xx

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Hi Jules,
Woke up this morning and straight away thought of you x
Hope you managed to get a little bit of sleep.
Yes your dad is with your mum now but it’s the ones left behind that have to carry on with the awful unbearable sadness.
Life is so cruel for this to happen do soon after your mum and for Helen too. So unfair!!
I remember when you posted after your mum passed and I had somehow found the site as my mum passed on Dec 30 th just a few days after yours. We helped each other so much then and it will be the same now. This time though our little group has grown so everyone here will be here for you so always remember you have us to post to 24/7.
Just do the bare minimum today. Survive the day and that’s all. Let anyone do whatever they can to help. As for school as you know there are policies in place for everything including leave of absence so take whatever you are entitled to then get a doctor’s certificate until you are really ready to go back. Don’t put pressure on yourself to feel you have to go back sooner than you would like.
Sending so much love to you x
Deb x

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Hi Kate,
Thinking about you today and sending so much love to you.
It is still so raw thinking back and anniversaries are still so difficult.
How has 2 years passed so quickly? I think for me most of it has been a fog.
I can’t believe it’s been 2 years though. If only we could turn back time!!!
How have we managed to get through it all ?
Sending you a Welsh catch (hug) xxx
Deb x

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Thanks Deb,
I know …2 years seems unbelievable. We have gone through so much since those raw early days and we have come so far. It’s still hard trying to navigate these anniversaries and difficult days that occur during the year and all the emotions they bring.
Thank you for thinking of me.
Love and hugs to you too.
K xxxx

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I hope today has been bearable for you Kate. Thinking of you and your precious mum. Lots of love Hxxx

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Hi everyone,

I’ve been quiet as had a few horrible weeks. Had mums birthday on 18th September, then our 12 year old springer Milo passed away. Then I’ve been in hospital twice and had emergency gallbladder removal Monday last week. Really hoping things get better from now with no more events :sob:.

Been thinking of you all though.

Love Lindz xx

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Such sad news Jules. I’m so sorry you have lost your Dad, I know since losing my Mum I’d be lost without mine. Thinking of you and everyone in this group will be too. I guess it’s just take one day (or hour?) at a time. We are here for you. Gill xx

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Thank you Gill and all. I’m having a really bad day today. Is sinking in. I’m never going to see my Dad again. Went to the house yesterday to freshen up/wash bed linen etc and is an empty shell without him there. My childhood, heartbreaks (over silly boys!) successes all wrapped up in that home and I can’t believe it’s happened. I thought that would be easier when Dad went as he will be with Mum and I got through the last 19 months without her. I know it will get better but I feel so tearful. Just received a letter with Dad’s name on it. Set me back x

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Hi Lindz,
You really have had so much to cope with lately. Time to rest and prioritise now. Rest as much as you can and get over the op.
You need to get much stronger.
Thinking of you and sending love
Deb x

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Hi Jules,
Just wanted to say I am thinking of you.
Visiting the house is awfully sad. The coldness and emptiness of it. Then visualising all the memories.
I dealt with it by pretending my mum was upstairs and when I got upstairs I pretended she was in the bathroom. It helped a tiny bit. It was the only way I could cope with it.
I did the same as you. I went to mum’s house and made sure everywhere was clean and tidy like she always had it and changed her bed and ironed the bed linen over and over until every crease was out. I wanted everything to be perfect.
You will find a way to get through this Jules and we are all here for you x
Anytime you want to post do so because it will help.
Sending so much love to you.
Deb x

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