Hi Helen,
I completely agree with what you said about sorting the house and it seemed so intrusive. I thought that I shouldn’t be looking at mums private things as she wouldn’t like it but then realised she’s gone and now everything is mine.
It was a weird feeling as I had never ever looked at mums private things before.
I found certain things too. A tiny souvenir that I had brought back from a school trip that she had kept. The paper copy deeds of her house that included all the names of her neighbours that had bought their houses. No data protection in those days and her house cost £8500. I am so proud of my parents for buying their house as it was a huge thing to do in those days.
I found things my mum had kept from her grandmother as her mum died on childbirth and her dad died when she was 2yrs old from TB. Old fashioned ornaments that were always on her grans mantlepiece. And like you Helen I found my tag when I was born along with my christening gown and certificate. A tiny little white dress which I hand washed and will keep for ever.
And I also found a wallet with her birth certificate, national insurance number and will. It was as if she knew I would need them one day so saved me from hunting for them in my grief. I was dreading looking for them but mum did it all for me.
Right the tears are starting so I am stopping now.
Love to you all girls.
Deb x
Oh Deborah I’m with you on the tears as I think we all may be. Let them out… X
Hi Deb, Don’t you find the older you get the more you realise how amazing our mums are. Your mum went on to live a good life, despite the tragedy of losing her parents when she was just a baby! Incredible. When you think about some of the things they did for us which we took for granted when we were young. Mum and dad were quite poor really when we were kids but we always had wonderful Christmases and with 4 kids they must have saved all year and gone without.
The items we find like your little christening dress. It’s the background sentiments behind them. Your mum must have carefully chosen that dress for her precious baby girl, probably had to save for it. Then when she lovingly dressed you in that day feeling like you were the most beautiful baby ever. Then being so proud all day and keeping it all these years. It’s not so much the items themselves, although lovely to have, it’s all that other stuff that pulls on those heart strings isn’t it?
We’ve had some beautiful sunny days here which shows all the autumn colours beautifully. Mum’s favourite time of year. 
:brown_square:
Jules I hope you are doing okay. Thinking about you. Hope everyone else is okay.
Lots of love Hxxx
Hi Helen,
I totally agree with what you wrote. Every item has such a lot of history and you can just imagine the moment they used or events they bought items for.
My parents were poor too but mum dressed us in beautiful clothes and the clothes she herself wore were amazing. I don’t know how she did it with such little money. She used to save all year for us to have a week in a caravan in Tenby and I always laugh when we turned up at the site seeing the oldest caravan ever! We never complained thought as we knew exactly how she had scrimped to get it for us.
It was the make do and mend era when things were handed down and repaired constantly. In fact I found her old sewing box. What a treasure !! Full of all sorts of things. Even the tool used to darn socks and I remember her using it.
I even found her grandmothers iron. It was the one they put straight on the fire then ironed with it . I remember going to an old aunt’s house and saw her using it. Unbelievable in these days .
I have been reading lots of poems and verses recently about grief and some have helped me. One said we never get over losing someone and that grief never goes and that it just eases a little in time and we learn to live alongside it . I have heard that many times over the past two years but somehow lately it’s sinking in more with me. Maybe it’s because I have accepted those words more now as before I used to read things but didn’t really want to know and nothing I read seemed to help me.
It’s been emotional here the past week as Paul’s mum fell and listening to what happened triggered lots of things for me. The ambulance came , Paul staying the night with her, carers calling, conversations about going I to a Home etc. All too much for me so I have left Paul’s family get on with it. She’s 93 and living on her own with the start of dementia so she needs more care now and so I think something will be sorted soon for residential care for her. Paul’s two sisters are ill themselves with one having a stroke and the other stage 4 liver problems so it’s unsustainable manning care 24/7 like they are doing now.
I guess there will always be triggers for us all no matter what happens in our lives.
Was wondering about how does everyone feel about meeting up next Easter somewhere. We really must try to make it happen next year. Have a think everyone.
Maybe we could remind everyone where we are all from so we can look up maps!!
I am in Haverfordwest in West Wales.
Anyway hope everyone is doing okish.
Love Deb x
Hi all, it is so true that as time goes by I can see how much my mum dealt with over the years, and did so amazingly, pretty much on her own too as her own family was in the far north of Scotland and us miles from anywhere really. She made lots of friends through her work and missed it once she retired, I think once her eyesight started to go, she felt more isolated than ever. I love mum’s sewing box as well and can remember the Christmas my gran gave it to her. It always had a very distinctive smell, lots of tins with buttons and ribbons and things. I loved my mum’s gifts to me, always a bag with thoughtful wee things she had gathered throughout the year. I knew then she had always been thinking of me, even when we were so far apart in distance. I realise more and more as this 2nd year into her passing goes on, I am on my own in this journey, people I thought were friends are more fair weather friends than I had realised and this hurts more than anything. I try to stay positive but feel more isolated than ever. I go to see my dad this weekend. He stays pretty positive but we (I) am going to be sorting through some of mum’s things, clothes etc. I expect I will take a lot of them away with me to hold on to longer. I miss her so much and sometimes feel like I always have, due to the distance, but now, she is only there in pictures and memories. Hope all well all, am in Glasgow Debs, would be good to meet you all next year if we can get somewhere like Manchester, is that central to us all? Gill xxxx
Aww Gill I know how you feel.
I too feel isolated in my grief as friends and even family in Uk just don’t mention mum anymore …
It’s so sad. My mum loved giving she had such a generous heart and at Christmas she was in her element.
She didn’t have much money growing up (being one of 6 kids, although she always said she had a wonderful youth and wanted for nothing) and then was a widow at 44 with a child to raise single handedly, but I never went without; in fact she always thoroughly spoilt me and her beloved only grandson too! Giving to others made her so happy.
I can really appreciate her life and her qualities even more now she’s gone.
Although I’m in Italy I would love to meet up and Manchester for me is tops as there is a direct flight from Bologna!!! 
This is where Deb, Helen and I met last time.
Love to everyone here.
K xxx
Hiya Gill,
Aww try to bag your mum’s clothes and bring them back with you to sort. I found it easier to do that with my mum’s. I did a little at a time. Luckily I was the same size as mum and she had lots of lovely clothes that I kept. It’s only recently though that I have started wearing them as couldn’t beat to before visiting I know she would be really pleased I am.
Spend the time with your dad and just bag everything and take home with you.
Oh you reminded me of my mum Also buying things through the year and making little surprise parcels for me. I found a tiny piece of paper after she passed with the name of my favourite perfume on it and I remembered she bought it for me after I looked after her five years ago when she had cancer. She had to order it in Boots the chemist and must have gone out secretly to buy it and write the name of it down. It was just a little piece of paper but gosh it meant such a lot to me. It’s all the little things that we accidentally find that mean so much.
Don’t worry about so called friends. I had a good clear out after mum passed and 2 yrs on I am still glad.I know you are on your own though do its different but i think you are better off without certain people.
Yes brilliant about meeting up next year. Manchester will be great Helen is the expert on places to go. We know a lovely coffee shop and a few watering holes in Manchester lol.
And a fab Cathedral! If you shops there’s loads.
I can get to Manchester no problem x
So Gill is in Glasgow. Helen in Manchester, Kate in Italy and me in West Wales. How about everyone else?
I think it will be wonderful to meet up for a day or two?
Sending love to everyone
Keep going girls
Love Debx
Hiya Kate,
Do you know something!!! No one ever mentions my mum either.I also feel I shouldn’t be going on about how much I miss her bec it’s been 2 yrs. People think I should or am over it. They look perplexed when I cry when talking about her and don’t say anything. It annoys me if I am honest.
Aww my mum loved Christmas too and used to decorate her house so beautiful. She loved Santas so had loads of different ones All sizes and different types. She even told people to send her cards with a Santa on them. I have them all now.
When mum was so so ill a week before she passed I couldn’t beat to tell her it was Christmas day. It was too upsetting.
I hope that one day I will be able to celebrate Christmas like she would want me to. But that’s a long way off.
I can imagine your mum Kate being a bundle of fun at Christmas.
I was only thinking the other day about when the three of us met. It was like the long lost family programme on TV. Goodness I was nervous but it was like we had known each other for years. In fact I think we talked so much we didn’t really eat that day!
I can’t wait to see you all again.
Let’s get through Christmas and plan something.
Love to you and everyone
Deb x
I feel the same about people thinking I should be over it by now. In fact I say ‘I lost my mum last year’ it was only just as January 15th. I just feel like if I say nearly 2 years ago I’d be judged on still being traumatised by it. You learn so much about people don’t you?
I love thinking about the day us 3 met. I was nervous too and excited. It was just like Long lost family. I didn’t want to leave but had to catch the last train home which forced me to leave. I look forward to meeting you all and new friends in the not too distant future.
Lots of love H xxx
Hi Deb, thats good advice, thank you, I will concentrate on spending the time with dad and bag Mum’s stuff to sort here. I don’t want to hand it in to the charity shop in their wee town as she worked there many years and it would feel awful to see her stuff in there. Actually like you and your mum I can wear some of her things, am taller, so not trousers, but jackets are fine. She had good taste in clothes, much better than me! I’d love to see you all in Manchester, but if somewhere else is better, that’s ok too. I’m excited to think of meeting you all in person and put faces to names. You’ve all helped me through this journey so much. Gill xx
Helen its also what I do. I say my mum has just passed away when in fact its almost 2 yrs ago but I dont say that because i know what they will be thinking.
Yes I remember you rushing for the train lol.
Can’t wait to see you again
Deb x
Hi Gill,
Wearing mums clothes in the beginning was very upsetting but now I feel its so comforting. Yesterday I wore her navy coat with a beautiful navy floral scarf and I had her shoulder bag. I only went into 2 shops and one was M and S which I found very triggering as mum loved that shop so much. Quite literally wouldn’t shop anywhere else!!! As I was walking around I could see things that mum would have loved and bought in an instant and I could feel the tears coming on despite me saying to myself I am shopping mum for the 2 of us. All of a sudden something got caught on an item and when i looked down at my bag it was a key ring that mum had attached to her bag. One I had given her with an M on it. I took it as a sign that mum was urging me on.
Aww it will be wonderful to meet you Gill. We can make a weekend of it or something like that. Manchester is fine . I can get there by car or train. Brace yourself for non stop chatting lol.
Sort through the clothes in your own time and that way it will not be in front of your dad also.
Take your time with every item. Luckily I rearranged all my clothes and had an empty wardrobe so put loads in there. Over the past few months as I have felt like it I have just tried on a few things and if they were too small or big I offered them to people I know and my sister. They were all very grateful and I know mum would have approved.
I still have a lot more to get through though but taking my time doing it is much better. I am just so glad we were the same size in a lot of things otherwise it would have been heartbreaking.
Keep going , get through Xmas and then we will look forward to meeting up
Deb x
Hi Milliemobs and Lindz,
Just wondering how you both are doing?
Haven’t heard from you in a while. Hope you are okish . Sending love to you both.
Please keep posting and join in with any of our chats on here. It will help you.
Love Deb x
Hi everyone, hope your weekend is going well. An extra hour in bed but I still woke up naturally at what would have been about 6.30am! I’m a morning person anyway. Just enjoying an extra brew in bed watching match of the day. I didn’t get to the game yesterday (Man City) as Tom is away this weekend. Neither sisters could come with me and as it’s all online for tickets, I couldn’t be bothered with the hassle of transferring online. I’m so impatient with online stuff. If it doesn’t do what I want immediately I lose patience very quickly. I don’t know about you guys, but since losing mum and dad I don’t have as much patience for anything but at the same time, some things I just let go over my head. I think I’m turning into a cantankerous old lady!! Also, things that I got bothered about before are just so insignificant now. Maybe that’s good thing 
My mother-in-law is still stable. She’s completely bed bound and needs 24 hour care but is still eating and drinking small amounts. We’d cancelled all travel plans as she was approaching end of life. I wanted to visit the girls in November but held off. I randomly bumped into a friend I haven’t seen for ages and she just said ‘go and see the girls. Your daughter needs you more than Rita’ That just resonated with me and so yesterday I booked flights and I leave on Saturday. All last minute and it cost a fortune but, hey-ho. Only for a week but it’s a week of love and cuddles and I can’t wait!! Now I’ve booked it I realise how much I need to see them. I’ve felt so boosted since booking. My son James is coming home for Christmas so I’m a happy mummy right now. I wasn’t go to bother with a tree etc but now I will be making more effort for my boy.
Reading your chats about clothes, I’ve kept them all. I’m going to make memory bears and cushions for the family. Everything is currently in our front bedroom waiting to be sorted but that will be after Christmas. The room is normally tidy (I promise!) but is a bomb site right now with all mum and dads stuff stored in there…
I’m sure that looks familiar to us all who are sorting. It’s all shut away right now. I’ll deal with it soon
Kate, I hope your mood has lifted a bit. If not yet, it will do soon. We know how this works don’t we?
I might be a bit quiet on here for the next week or so as such a busy week ahead and off to USA next weekend. I’ll be reading your messages though. I’m always here. Lots of love Hxxx
Hiya Helen,
Aww thats wonderful to have lots going on and things to plan for. Hey your room looks really really tidy compared to mine. I couldn’t even attempt to take a photo of my dining room and a spare bedroom as I have mums furniture in them waiting to go to Glyn’s flat. But by Christmas fingers crossed I will get sorted.
I bet you cant wait to get on the plane lol. You will have an amazing time and then when you come back you have the visit from James to look forward to.
Pauls mum went into a Home last Friday. Its been so difficult for him being at her flat 24/7 manning a rota with his sisters who are both ill. It got to breaking point for them and she has dementia now and needs 24 hr care too. So we heard this morning she has settled well and likes it there but its early days yet !!!
Onwards and upwards now literally lol
Love Deb x
Hey Girls,
Helen wow great news re your visit to USA!
You definitely did the right thing! If grief has taught me one thing it’s to live in the present more… to seize the day and don’t put things off!! Everyday little joys are really the big things at the end of the day!
I still have some of mum’s things in her wardrobe here and I will get round to parting with some of it eventually but quite a lot I will keep for me.
Helen memory bears are a great idea. I have one of mum’s favourite gilets that she lived in that would be great as a memory bear. I couldn’t do it but maybe when we meet I could bring it for you( no stress or timeframe you just tell me what I need to buy). I don’t know anyone else who could do it. I could never get rid of that gilet.. I bought it for mum as an afterthought and she loved to wear it as lounge wear.
Deb I agree about Marks as mum called it.
When I was in there last time it brought back so many memories. That one shop reminds me so much of mum and our shopping trips together. When I was home we often went to Cheltenham and had lunch and a shopping day out. I remember her patiently waiting in the changing room area while I tried everything on. I used to love stocking up before heading back to Italy. Happy days……precious memories.
Skye was sterilised on Wednesday. So far she seems ok as it was keyhole surgery. Not that invasive. She was jumping on everything as usual the next day…
I’m not too bad mood wise; I will be glad when October is through though.
I know the Christmas lead up will be hard on us all but we are here for each other.
Love to all,
K xxxx
Hiya Kate,
I so agree Kate with what you said about living in the moment. I can’t say I have wasted the past two years but its all been a fog of grief. Snippets of happiness now and then but very rare. I need to start living more next year. Once I get through Christmas and new Year I will. Mum would be furious at me for staying like this.
Hope Skye is better
Love Deb x
Deb you are so right, when I feel down and weepy I often think what would mum say or do?
They would want us to be happy, enjoy our lives and not be locked in our grief.
I still feel guided by mum in so many aspects of my life and especially when I’m uncertain of something.
Skye is on the mend thanks. Her hormones are a little haywire though which is to be expected and she’s been mothering her toy chicken as if it were a pup.
We get a day off on 1st Nov for all saint’s day and the 2nd is the day of the dead when all cemeteries are literally overflowing with people paying their respects.
It’s a strange tradition.
Hope everyone is ok.
Love K xxx
Hi everyone, glad to hear Skye is on the mend Kate. They are so tough aren’t they. Full hysterectomy and they are ready to play the next day! I think your description of being locked in grief is how I’ve been feeling. I’ve been okay recently but it’s just there all the time. It’s tiring. We’ve all been agreeing we can’t be like this forever but can’t force anything either. I’m going to start thinking about holidays next year. Get something booked.
Anyway, I just thought I’d share this… I haven’t had any signs for ages. Yesterday I heard that the probate had been finalised. I felt a bit wobbly and had a good cry. Then my sister and great niece came over and we were doing crafts on the table. Me and sis were talking about the probate and feeling sad and relieved at the same time. I started clearing a few of the craft stuff and as I lifted some paper there was a white feather. I see white feathers all the time but we know it’s the unexpected, out of place ones that are the signs. The doors were closed, it wasn’t there before, no reason it should be there. On the day the probate went through. I took a gasp when I saw it and it stopped me and my sister in our tracks. I knew it was mum saying ‘it’s okay love. You’re doing great’
Hope you’re all doing okay. Love Hxxx
Hiya girls,
Helen that feather wax a sign to say your mum is with you for fire. I always find I have a sign of some kind usually to do with lights on significant days or days when something goes wrong and I need help or reassurance.
A few weeks ago I felt very down. I was back to not sleeping at night. Flashbacks of mum in the last few weeks vetc and I remember getting up in the early hours of the morn for a cuppa. Sat in my lounge at approx 4 am in the morning band noticed a solar lights on in mums pot of flowers outside the patio doors. It was the only light on and was one j had brought from her garden. Then as I had my cuppa I was scowling through my phone and came across a young male Welsh singer. Never heard of him before so I decided to look up his website. O m g the first song he was singing on his website was the one we had played at mums funeral.
Another time I was feeling very tearful so picked mum’s photo up and chatted to her telling her how I felt. I put the photo down and took two steps away from it and the main lounge light came on. I swung round and said mum I know that was you thank you .
Also a few weeks ago the the landing light came on in the middle of the night.
I have written down every time something has happened and it’s more than a coincidence.
Kate I am going to try so hard next year to get my life back. We all know we must but it’s do hard because I find grief bouts just come from nowhere and creep up and hit me for six. I really have been in a rut so I am going to start with weekends away, afternoon teas ,lunches, theatre trips and treating myself to new clothes. All sounds trivial but to me it’s huge if I can start doing things like this again.
Hope everyone else is doing okish.
Deb x