Hi Kate,
Am still in bed but better than I was.
That was a visitation dream for sure. It was so vivid. And you remembered it exactly.
Maybe she is telling you she is at peace but also is with you if you know what I mean. I am going to look up what the fog represents.
The date it happened is also significant. She is telling you she’s still watching over you and made herself clear about that as she wasn’t a misty figure.
A strange thing happened to me a few nights ago. I slept in Glyns room and he has an Alexa. He always leaves switches on etc so leaving that one on was no different but after sleeping in his room for three nights in the middle of the night it started glowing and fading. I still didnt take much notice as was so ill and thought it was just what it does. Then 2 days later i was in bed early evening and i heard two knocks on the unit it was on then a click and the Alexa thing went off completely and hasn’t come on since. Now I am useless with technology so can anyone tell me is this normal. But it got me thinking as yet again its to do with lights.
Love to everyone
Deb x
Hi Deb
That’s uncanny that you always seem to have signs with lights….
Your interpretation of my dream seems logical.
Hope everyone is ok. Helen if you are back I hope you had a lovely time in America.
Jules I hope the funeral on Friday went well and that you can feel a little more peace now. Thinking of you.
I guess the shops and Tv is full of Christmas stuff already over there? Here it will soon be the same.
It’s a hard time for us all grieving. This is the 3rd one without mum and it’s just not the same. I feel no joy at the thought. I wonder if I ever will.
Anyhow just a short message to check in.
Love to all.
K. Xxx
Hi Girls,
I am still recovering from covid. Feel so weak after it.
Hope you are having a fab time Helen x
Kate its always something to do with lights. I have checked everywhere in my house now and I cannot think of any other light that could be triggered. Its strange because the same light doesn’t happen a second time so I think mum has exhausted every light source now lol.
Jules am thinking of you. and I hope Friday went as well as it could for you all. You got through it and that’s the main thing.
Hope everyone else is ok
Deb x
Hello everyone,
Been a bit quiet because I’ve had a hard week with work and feeling very low and missing my mum. I’m just breaking down every day. Trying to keep going but it’s so hard.
Deborah, it does take a while. When I had it again on the summer I felt awful for ages. And the fatigue just clung on. So horrible. Rest up and get well. The lights are incredible. I know you’ve had this several times and it’s so wonderful. Might sound odd but you’re so lucky. Definitely sounds like your mum. And the Alexa too. She’s letting you know she’s there.
And Kate, what a dream. I’m so new to this. Even though my dad died and a few things happened, it was never quiet as you ladies describe.
I’ve had a couple of things after my mum, though. I’ve heard her call me twice. Clearly. Both after very very bad days when I’ve called to her over and over for a sign. Each time, the next day, my partner has also heard her call him. And he’s very sceptical!! And I’ve only had two dreams, last weekend and one night after the other. In one we were walking with our lovely dog and she was telling me she was keeping an eye on him and “weighing him up” ahead of his annual check up and vaccines. Very her haha! And the next night she was sitting holding my hand on the sofa. It was so so vivid. Honestly felt more like life than a dream. Who knows?!
Kate, Christmas is on its way for sure. My mum
And I loved it so much. And 28th December is her birthday (a true Capricorn!). I think it’s going to be so difficult.
Jules, all my thoughts and strength are with you.
Hope everyone is as ok as can be.
Lx
Hi all, it’s been a while since I posted anything, just been reading through what’s been happening. Julest, am in Glasgow, but originally from Kintyre (as in Mull of, the Wings song). I hope you’re getting on ok with everything, it’s a bit of a long road, but we’ll get through it. Thinking of everyone who has lost their mum or dad recently. I am nearly 18 months on now from losing mum and I am worried she gets further away in memory. It’s like the time is moving on too fast and I want her to just still be here. I honestly feel sometimes like I cannot ever feel truly happy or at peace with myself. Anyway, what can I do to feel better? Not sure really, I just take each day as it comes.
I was watching something on youtube about the Seekers, as they were one of my mum’s favourite bands, they always make me think of her. So, music is quite helpful. Apart from that, I just sleep more than I used to and spend a lot of time alone. Not sure if that’s helpful, but cos I work from home, it’s just how it works out.
Anyway, easter sounds like a good option for meeting up, it would be lovely to get away from here, maybe warmer down south too lol. Am on my 3rd cold now in 6 months. I’ve wondered if any of them have been Covid Deb, but am not sure - only time I had it I lost my sense of taste and smell, but that hasn’t happened at all. Just normal head colds, but gosh, I could do without them! Take care, thinking of you all. G xxx
Hi millibobs, just read your post about the cards. I still write birthday/Mother’s Day cards and put them up next to mums picture and some flowers. No rules to say you can’t still write them a card if you so wish. They’ll always be our mum’s xxx
Hi Kate and everyone, I read this while I was in the states and tried to respond but for some reason it wouldn’t let me send. Oh that dream, how wonderful. It sounds like it had a very calming, peaceful feel. I’m glad you got some comfort from it. I do believe it was your mum letting you know she’s fine and she’s still checking on your old house.
I had a lovely time seeing the girls. Penelope, my eldest granddaughter loves bugs and critters. We were at a lake and she was catching frogs on the edge of the water. There were no birds around at all and she picked up a large white feather. I didn’t think anything if it as it wouldn’t be unusual out in nature but then I looked at the bench my daughter was sat on and the inscription said ‘Nothing takes more courage than putting yourself back together’ I’m certain it was mum. It’s lovely isn’t it when they come to us. We just know when it’s them don’t we?
Deborah, your mum again messing with the electrics!! What is she like? I love hearing your signs as your mum makes me chuckle. 
Had a great time in the states. I also had a first family gathering on Saturday. I felt a bit wobbly beforehand as I knew mum and dad’s absence would be felt. I was so busy sorting food and drinks etc. it helped change my mindset. Everyone was so glad to be there I looked around and thought, almost everyone here is because of mum and dad
Hope everyone else is doing okay.
Lots of love Hxxx
Thanks Debs, I had a lovely time with the girls. Glad you are on the mend from Covid. Take your time. Hope you are doing ohay in terms of the grief. I’m going through a good phase at the moment. I’m feeling quite positive. Still had a little weep this morning though. I just go with it now. It’s part of who I am being a grieving daughter. It’s just the love I have for mum and dad coming out. Looking forward to seeing you in the spring. Lots of love Hxxx
Hi Girls,
Oooh it’s so lovely to hear from you all. It really is.
Helen I have been thinking about you playing with your grandchildren. And that seat is amazing. Suns us all up doesn’t it?
The feather was a sign. Yes you can say oh it’s out in nature but the fact your granddaughter spotted it and picked it up and showed it you speaks volumes.
Well I can honestly tell you I have hunted this house from top to bottom and there’s not a single thing that lights up left that mum hasn’t meddled with. There can’t ever be another sign to do with lights!!!.
Gill you mentioned 18 mths since your mum passed and I thought me too. Then I realised no it’s more than that and is 23 mths. I can’t believe it. Yes my grief has eased a little but not much. Something tiny will set me off and it always catches me unawares.
Paul is sorting his mother’s flat as she’s had to go into home and have 24hr care. He came back from the flat today and I could recognise that look after sorting mum’s house. It brought everything back for me. So am bracing myself as this was the first day today.
Milliemobs I still buy a mother’s day card for my mum. I put it next to her ashes or on the sideboard where I have a few things to remember her. Also a Xmas card. People will think I am daft but I don’t care
If it helps me do be it.
Lucy it was only because I had a few tests here that I knew I had COVID. Otherwise would have thought it was a heavy cold/ chest infection. It’s definitely hit me for six and still feel weak more than anything. Just glad I don’t work! Self care is probably the way to get better. Rest, eating well and looking after myself more.
Kate have you had any more dreams? I have had one of two about mum in the past two years and in them she looks her young self.
Something upsetting happen to me a week or two ago. I went to a funeral. My cousin’s daughter. So I hadn’t seen one or two far relatives for almost 50 yrs. So I was walking out I tapped one on the back to say hello and she turned around and and said Aunty Mair! She thought I was my mum. When I said I am Deborah she asked me how was Aunty Mair. Omg I had to fight back the tears. I could hardly speak. It’s the first time I have spoken to someone who didn’t know my mum had passed away. Didn’t know how to handle the situation which sounds odd.
Jules just want you to know I am thinking of you. Take small steps again just like with your mum. It’s so cruel that you and Helen have gone through this.
Well Easter time will soon be here and hopefully we can meet up. I have the tissues ready. Let’s make it happen girls!!!
Love to you all and we all know Christmas will be tough but we have each other. We will help each other get through it.
This year I have done everything online and wrapped all the presents in Oct bec it didn’t feel like Christmas then so it was much easier for me to do. Am glad now.
We all have to put an act on don’t we?
Keep going everyone
Love Deb x
I’m so glad I’ve found this group. My emotional state/mental health varies dramatically from day 2 day hour 2 hour. I’m off work at the mo - did feel work helped until one day it didn’t. Lucky to have a supportive manager, we talked recently and she said make the most of the good days, I’m gonna try to do that!
Hi Helen and Everyone
I saw your lovely pics on facebook; the girls are so sweet. I’m glad you had a great time.
Also the pics of the family gathering for bonfire night. Well done you. It looked so cozy and it reminded me of the family get togethers mum did in our garden for bonfire night. My cousin reminded me that mum used to do hamburgers and hotdogs for us and dad did the bonfire and we had sparklers. I’d actually forgotten, but it was before I was ten so many moons ago.
Precious times.
Gill I know how you feel about the passing of time. I too find it hard that my life with mum in it is getting further away. I try to keep busy but mum’s always on my mind. I know she’s urging me to be happy and enjoy life, but it’s so difficult without her in it.
One thing I’ve learnt from grief is not to take anything for granted. I try to live more in the present and am grateful for the little things every day. It’s true Milliemobs that we have to make the most of our good days.
Lucy, my little puppy Skye was also born on 28th December.
Mum’s birthday is 28th March and mine 28th Nov so that number definitely has significance in my life.
Deb, I remember when I had to tell the lad who used to cut mum’s hair that she had passed and it was just so sad.
I haven’t had any other dreams as vivid as that one recently, though I feel mum is often there in my dreams like a constant presence.
Anyhow ladies hope you all have a good day.
Lots of love
K xxx
Hi Deborah, I can’t believe it’s nearly 2 years!! It feels like last week in some ways but in other ways it feels like a lifetime since I last saw mum (and dad). How are you feeling? How is Paul’s mum settling in the home? Toms step mum hates it. She’s so miserable. They tried to get her out of bed using a hoist but she screamed in pain. Her body is crippled with osteoporosis so I can see it would be really uncomfortable. She’s so thin now as well. She spent the whole of my visit yesterday telling me how horrible the staff are, how she hates the food, how no one cares about her etc. I felt drained when I left!! We’re looking at another home for her but it’s when there’s a place and she qualifies for CHC so she doesn’t have to pay. It’s sorting all that out. I’ve decided to take a step back as she isn’t my mum. I’ll visit her once a week but don’t want to make decisions. I haven’t got the emotional capacity right now. I need to focus on things that bring me joy.
Me and my sisters have been up to the house to work out a plan. We are getting a skip next week so will be sorting stuff out this weekend. It was so nice to see them and we went out for a pub lunch. There was a few wobbly chins and watery eyes talking about our wonderful parents, but it was really lovely. I’m still getting out in nature everyday even after work. It helps my mental health so much.
Kate, we did just that. Hot dogs all round and I’d made a big pot of chillie. Tom was in charge of bonfire and fireworks (big kid!) I gave him strict instructions to only buy a small box of fireworks as he acts like a naughty teenager on the local rec if he gets the bangers!! He did as he was told.
Marriage wise is good at the moment too. We’ve had a few lows this year but a good friend of mine pointed out, it isn’t Tom that’s changed, it’s me that’s changed! It really hit me so I worked on that. I was becoming very intolerant of everything and I realise it was anger and helplessness in my grief. I was a bit of a cow to be honest but I’ve since cheered up!
I’ve noticed how rapidly I’ve aged this past 2 years with stress, grief, lack of sleep etc. I have a new skincare regime and am drinking lots of water. I need to sort myself out!! I’m feeling really positive right now so am enjoying riding the high.
Lots of love to all Hxxx
Hi @Kate111 it’s funny how numbers follow you around. For me it’s 43. Mum’s house, mine and my allotment all feature 43.
Hi Milliemobs,
I think sometimes you just have to take time off work and reflect and just focus on yourself. Time to heal a little or just start to. Make the most of your time off and do nothing. Absolutely nothing. Try to choose one thing every day just for yourself. Even if its a nice bath, quiet time for 10minutes, walk somewhere , visit lovely Barry beach or treat yourself to a cake. Its the simple things we need now.
Thinking of you
Deb x
Hi Helen,
So glad you enjoyed your holiday.
We are teh same with Pauls mother. OMG she moans constantly about everything in the home and she’s only been there just over a week.
I dont get involved because she isn’t my mum and we were never close. Paul and his 2 sisters have to deal with it. I just cant because my mum was the complete opposite and never moaned. It just makes me so upset when i hear her moaning. Nothing is right for her. Complained about the colour of the walls being magnolia which is depressing her, the food is too how or too cold, her chair isnt comfortable, room too cold, view not nice as its foggy, other people there not friendly etc.
So I know how you feel lol.
Yes we have changed for sure. There have been times when I have been a right cow too and I dont know how Paul has put up with me. I need to make more of an effort to go out as that is something I have not done much in 2 years. I have lost my confidence in going out and just want to stay home all the time. Next year I will try so hard to change that.
I have aged too. I think its because I have lost interest in myself and maybe its depression who knows. I know if it is its caused by grief because I was never like this.
So 2025 has to be the year when change happens even if its just small changes.
Keepr riding the high !!!
Deb x
Hi all, hope everyone is as well as can be. It’s turned very cold in London suddenly so thinking of what it might be like in all of your areas at the moment. It’s so chilly this week.
Juniper I completely understand about the time moving too quickly. I’m feeling that. It is eight weeks yesterday for me and just seems to carry me further and further away from my mum, my life as it was before and who I was before. It’s such a strange feeling.
Helen, that message on the bench really rings true, doesn’t it? And I’m sure that was a nudge from your mum. Glad you’re in a positive space at the moment. Even if I feel ok for five minutes it feels such a relief from the weight of the grief.
I’m pleased to hear you’re feeling better Deb. So horrible and depressing to feel so unwell and run down. Yes, rest and lots of good nutritious food. I know how hard it must have been for your relative to think you were your mum but I’d also take immense comfort from that. She’s right there as a part of you, with you forever. I think that’s such a wonderful thing, as well as very upsetting.
Kate, I love that. All those correlations between dates. It’s really made me smile. And lovely little Skye too.
Sounds so difficult for those of you with partners parents going through hard times too. Thinking of everyone.
I too feel as though I’m ageing. Sort of losing that sense of hope and joy. And the physical toll of being so sad. It’s like a constant tension inside me. As though I’m waiting for something I’m worried about. But I realise it’s just the tugging feeling of the loss. Every single thing I do I’m thinking of how I want to tell my mum, phone her, see her. Even something silly like buying a garlic bread to have with dinner. Makes me realise how intertwined our lives were. My friends say these close bonds are so lucky and rare which I do understand and appreciate but it feels so hard. I can’t imagine ever feeling like my old self again. Or ever feeling fully happy or relaxed or content. There’s such a huge part of my life that’s missing. Does that sound familiar? I’m sure it does.
Well done those of you who are prepared for Christmas. I think I’ll do something but right now can’t imagine what. Going to accept I’ll be very last minute this year!
Hope you’re all having good evenings. As good as they can be.
Lxx
Hi Lucy,
Its still very early days for you and I think you are doing so well. It does seem that we are carried further and further away from our mums as we travel on this horrible grief journey but honestly we are not.
I read this quote and wanted to share it with you
“The love between a mother and daughter is a bond that time and distance can never break.”
Its so true isn’t it ?
It’s starting a new life now and one we didn’t want and it is so hard. Someone told me that a few weeks after mum passed and I felt like going mad with them and saying "Are you mad or what? " I didnt want a new life and that was it. It has taken me 2 years to even realise I am in a new life let alone starting one.
Having just 5 minutes feeling ok at the stage you are at is good. Grab the littele5 minutes here and there and fine. Dont rush it.
We have all learnt on here that there are highs and lows and just realising that when you hit a low that it will pass eventually. May take a few hours or even days but it will pass. After i had lots of lows in the beginning I realised I had to put some sort of distraction in place when I got so low. At night I would get up immediately and go downstairs , have a cuppa and do some jobs. You name it and I did it. Washed floors , watered plants, dusted, ironed, cleaned until there was nothing left to clean.
In the day when I hit a low I would go into the garden and walk around, cut flowers , made floral displays, repot plants etc. I found i had to do something physical as I couldn’t concentrate on reading or anything like that. I still got upset of course but it helped doing small tasks.
I do agree that we are lucky to have had such great bonds with our mums. I guess if we didn’t we wouldn’t even be posting on here. So our mums I feel are guiding and helping us. They can see what we are going through and I hope somehow are helping us.
Go easy on yourself for Christmas. Just do as much or as little as you want. It’s just one day after all.
I am doing as little as possible. And pretending its just another Sunday roast. Midnight mass on Christmas Eve to light a candle for mum and probably a trip to the beach in the afternoon on Christmas Day to escape from everything on TV.
This is my closest beach called Newgale.
and this is where I sit to have my Baileys coffee. Right on the edge of the pebbles as the tide hits them. Not me in the photo though
Hope everyone else is doing okish. Keep going girls ! You are all truly amazing. Thank you for writing such lovely words to keep us all going x
Love to you all
Deb x
Hi Deb, those words for Lucy are so true. When we get those snippets of peace we need to grasp them. Lucy you are in the very early days of this journey. It’s a very bumpy road ahead. Sometimes you think it’s all better then it hits you like a ton of bricks. The lows still come but they get less intense and further apart.
Deborah, that beach is stunning. If I lived nearer I’d meet you there on Christmas Day! We could toast our mums together. I was going to escape for Christmas but James is coming home so I have to put some effort in. I have mums Christmas pinnie so will wear that when I’m cooking.
Hope everyone else is bearing up.
Lots of love Hxxx
Hi Lucy
All those emotions are completely normal. You are in the earliest days of grief. For the first 3 months I was in a type of trance as mum’s death was a bolt from the blue and there was no time to even say what I needed to say to her.
That still hurts like hell.
At the end of December I found this forum and that’s when things slowly became a little easier. Here I could unload my feelings with people who really understood how I was feeling. Unfortunately friends and wider family didn’t (after the initial period of support they were absent).
We are all here for you so remember this is your safe place to unload anytime.
Sending hugs.
K xxxx