Dear @Sja2804
Although I was in midst of covid & grieving for for my husband I think I got £3000 bereavement grant & what I thought was a payment of £100 per month, turns out its 18months. It wasn’t means tested, depends on if there are children to care for & if national insurance payments criteria met. There’s a higher & lower tier, I was lower.
The DWP staff member was amazing, so helpful & compassionate.
I could be mistaken about the lump sum, my brain is mush.
M
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Thank you, yeah I got the bereavement payment from the DWP which has helped out, thank you.
I think it’s more the fact that his life assurance was about £700 ish short and we had to pay the crem fees etc first and his parents paid that - but since then they have received a lot of money from his death benefit. I must have been daft to think that they might have wanted to contribute a little to their sons funeral - but I must have been mistaken. It’s funny how money changes people. I couldn’t really care less - unlike everyone else spending like it’s going out of fashion. Not sure if they’re annoyed with what I got - I just don’t know.
I’ve just had enough of all the rubbish and feeling like I don’t matter cos I’m just his wife (or was his wife) as obviously I didn’t know him as long as they did. I just give up with it all - I think I’ll just try and keep myself to myself xx
Once you detach yourself a bit you will find it a lot more restful.
Let them contact / come to you ……. Maybe once they see your indifference to them they might reconsider or at least think about their behaviour but more!! If not you know you’re better off not trying to do the right thing
Xxx
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I’m trying believe me but they’ve just topped it all off tonight with one comment
“I think he would have wanted to pay for his funeral, and now he has” !!!
I don’t think they know their son as much as they thought they did, he would try his best but if he didn’t have the money he wouldn’t go on like this.
I sort of said something back, trying to be polite that i’ve paid the money back out of my own pocket and not using his money which was left - they didn’t reply back!
I’m going to try and distance myself from them if I can - I don’t think they actually have any idea when they say something, how much it hurts and this has just topped it off. Sorry again for coming on here and saying stuff. I’m just so upset with it all at the minute and they have no idea as they think they are always in the right. xx
It makes you question what type of parents they were to your husband.
I feel angry on your behalf. You deserve better, so does your husbands memory.
Stay strong …… it’s hard, but you are most definitely the better person here. Hubby would be proud. Your love for him shines through. The same can’t be said for his parents …. Shame
Dee xx
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To answer your question I went back in the bedroom my husband died in he was in a hospital bed so I got rid of carpets wardrobes etc
I redecorated bought new bed and covers and am back sleeping in there. But everyone is different and do what you feel most comfortable with love xxx
I had a similar experience my husband passed away in Florida I asked his sister to help towards arrangements etc until I arrived she never contacted me asking what i would like or if my husband had discussed specific instructions around his burial she only sent me the cost and amount that I needed to pay along with adding on a few other things I inturn contacted the funeral home gave them my instructions as his wife.
His sister who I have deleted out of my life for reasons I will not mention let’s just say her evil nasty behavior towards me anyway after she had the programmes printed she refused to put my name on the programme to give a tribute along with lots of other things as I say i have deleted her out of my life and blocked her from all social media.
So I hear your frustration and feel your pain.
We are always here for you so go ahead and know you are always connected to people here that will allow you to be yourself and say what’s on your mind and in your heart
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My husband of 51 years died at the beginning of September of, what i would think, was a rare occurrence. A hole was punctured from his oesophagus to his lung and he died of massive infection 12 weeks later. Im completely shattered. Its only 2 months so hope the feeling of loss diminishes as im almost imobile, and not eating, with grief.
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Snap, im on a waiting list too. My husband of 24yrs passed away in March. I thought I was coping ok, dont get me wrong, I cried loads, but I thought I was coping, and I was for the first 6wks, soo much to sort out. But when the funeral had taken place and all the sorting out done, then the reality hit, he wasnt coming home, and even though I have 3 lovely grown up daughters, two grandaughters and friends that I see, I am so terribly loneley and so very sad. I just go through the motions of living now
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Hi Anita Diane1
I totally 100% relate to what you have just said my husband passed recently in July this year throughout the planning of his funeral and after sorting out his clothes I too was fine and thought I could cope however after taking the last bag to the charity shop done it for me.
Hi yes I feel the same way I with my husband 42 years & married for 40 he died suddenly in May I don’t class myself as living just existing Take care
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It’s 17 weeks for me, I think the first weeks we are in shock, with so much to do, arrangements to make paper work and phone calls, we just go through it all on auto pilot, once things settle down, people start to dissappear, the reality kicks in,
Im thankful so much to this site and everyone who writes, it helps so much,
Hugs Chrissy3
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I am also so thankful to this site I find it so difficult to talk about my grief without completely breaking down with this site I can write in between the tears and nobody can see the state I’m in I am getting so much of my chest and out of my head I am beginning to see things clearer it is really helping me through this horrendous time hugs to all 
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Chrissy3 you summed it up in one, yes at the initial beginning I was in shock then as you say when all the phone calls and others things are done bam you break down, pain again However today I thought it was over I had to make so many calls to have my husband removed as my benifery from insurance polices and other stuff which was so painful and now I have to chase up a few things 
I ask will it ever end 
I too am so thankful for this sight
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I am happy that you feel comfortable in this group, although I am going through face to face counselling which is what I wanted along with group counselling which I have found via this amazing sight.
I hate crying in front of my counsellor but you know what I find it helps but I still have my cry in private, I invested in a big pair of sunglasses that I keep in my bag when in public and I start to well up which has happened several times.
I brought the sunglasses because as I have no control when the tears will flow because of something that triggers of an emotion this way stranges won’t ask me if I am “ok”
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Sending you hugs as I have no words
Ive still to clear out my husbands clothes. On the one hand, it might be a relief not to see his things everywhere, but on the other, I’ll feel im erasing him from my life, and he was such an important part of it. 
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Twelve months on and my husband’s clothes and personal items are still where he left them. For me personally they can stay there. The only clothing items I am sorting and getting rid of are my own.
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Even though It upset me to much to see Martins clothes hanging around I had could clear them out completely. I did things in stages. I folded items away and stored them out of sight. After a while when I was ready I took some clothes to some charity shops …… not local!! Some items I have put in the loft and they can stay there until when ever.
I started to clear a few things because there was a good chance I was going to have to move and I wanted to make the job a bit easier.
Dee xxx
You’re so right we are all in this together and that gives me strength
Family and friends just don’t get it so I turn into anther person when I’m with them . I can be myself on here xx
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