I felt like that and still do at times it just doesn’t seem right to be here without them it’s not the correct way of life. I get up go through the motions of life for my other son and hubby . I have to I can’t have then go through this pain again because of something I have done. Xx
2 Likes
Oh sweetheart I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my son last April at 47. Every day since has been a battle & just when I think I’m making a bit of progress bang ! It comes over me once again like a tidal wave. I feel like you, I don’t want to see anyone, not interested in anything b7t I know I have to go on for other children and grandchildren. Please be kind to yourself and take it step by step. It’s not easy, in fact it’s torturous but in order to survive this we have to try and be strong. I pray your pain eases soon 
1 Like
Mamachat
Thanks so much for your lovely message. It really helped. I’m trying to be kind to myself, so tonight, I have ordered a takeaway curry, my favourite. Seems a bit sad to eat alone, but unfortunately, that’s how it is xxx
Hello Anne I’m so sorry we,re all going through this awful experience! My youngest son died suddenly 5 years ago. How can we accept when every cell in us is fighting to not believe this horrible truth. For me it has got easier to bare with time. Its not so raw. I believe he lives on in my heart. I treasure the memories I have of him and I.m pleased I had him for those 20 years. Ned, a beautiful soul . Sending love and strength to you
2 Likes
I lost my son 3 weeks ago he was also 47 I still can’t believe he’s gone myself and my husband his 2 brothers and 2 sisters are still in a state of shock. It was sudden and unexpected I still expect his texts nd phone calls I miss him so much I want to be able to remember him without this pain I feel like part of my heart has been ripped out I just can’t believe I will never see him again I want to help my family but I don’t no how to help myself I no that you will all understand these feelings I’m sure love to you all
1 Like
Lizz,
There are no words to describe our unmeasurable grief at losing a child no matter what age.
I too lost my son on 1st November 2022 at the age of 31 and I still cannot believe that I’ll never see him again or hear his voice.
I miss his laugh and smile.
His passing was completely unexpected and sudden,he passed with me at home and I struggle every day to understand what actually happened.
As a mum it’s just devastating to lose a child and although I hope in time it will get easier I know I’ll never be the same person.
Take one day at a time and be kind to yourself.
Love Jayne x
2 Likes
Sending to everyone. Tonight after work I cried more than I have ever cried. The silence at home hit me and my youngest would have been home for the weekend from work. I miss his pile of dirty washing, miss every dirty cup he used because he couldn’t be bothered to wash one out. I miss not sitting down together to watch a film or him chatting away about his time at work. I am grateful I have my eldest son at home but I have to leave him with his own thoughts and respect his time alone. I can’t expect him to keep me company when he is grieving himself. I need to be strong for him but I’m finding it hard to keep it together. Work keeps me busy but I dread the weekend. I think with the funeral approaching everything is coming to the surface.
Anne25,
I too try so hard to keep it together for my daughter who was with me when my son passed away at 31 years old and died unexpectedly and suddenly at home.
When you just want to give up and no longer feel the pain you can’t because you have responsibilities and as for me my daughter needs me.
We need to draw strength from our remaining loved ones and carry on for the sake of them.
We also have to hope our child is at peace and hold them in our hearts,remembering their beautiful soul and laughter.
Look after yourself.
Jayne x
2 Likes
Blockquote
-
I just want to remember him without this overwhelming pain . I no it’s going to be hard someone said it’s the price we pay for loving them so much so true I haven’t been out the house since it happened only when daughter took me to see him at the chapel,I don’t think I can be same person ever again my husband is heart broken he was are first born I will try to pick myself up Iv got to get through the funeral yet to support my other adult children I need to find the strength somehow thank you for your support love lizz
Hi everyone I was in such a state last night I tryed to post on here and it went all wrong. I am ok one minute then it hits me I’m never seeing my son again, and I can’t breath I just can’t believe he’s gone 3 weeks tonite those three weeks are just unbelievable I still can’t get my head round it I no only you parents on here understand what myself and my husband are feeling our first born he’s gone it shouldn’t happen like this . I will never hear his voice again I thought I would have him for the rest of my life we have other adult children they are suffering as well and I don’t no how to comfort them I feel so helpless my love to you all Lizz
1 Like
It’s so hard I’m over 5mths now and it still feels like it’s just happened I miss him so much they say you learn to live with it after time as I’m never getting over it but it just doesn’t seem possible at times. I struggle a lot x I look to my hubby and other son for strength x
It is so difficult, and I think the early months are like fog head. I’m 10 months into the hell journey as I call it, but you do get good days, then I used to get the guilt of having a good day, but it does ease. The waves of grief just catch you, I had meltdown in the week again. I was told you will never get over your loss you learn to live in a different way with it…I think it’s right as well.
I e changed as a person, zero tolerance with people for trivia things especially when they say I know what you are going through…no they don’t unless you are going through it. I’ve removed a best friend who was so negative and moaning constantly and I don’t miss her friendship at all. I’m glad I’m strong enough to do this. Don’t get me wrong I came across to some people as a very hard natured person and get misjudged sometimes…my answer is don’t judge me until you have walked my path in life. If they don’t like that tough luck.
Take care, do what is right for you.
This forum is a lifeline where no one judges and you can actually put down your true feelings x
1 Like
It’s 5 weeks today since I lost my son. I feel worse during the morning when I wake up and the realisation hits me that I won’t see him again. Just an awful sickening feeling of dread and heartache. I get panicky thinking about feeling like this until it’s my time to go.
I think if I hadn’t got my eldest son here then I would be in a worse place than I am now if that’s possible.
I’m glad I joined this forum as I know I’m not alone in having to go through this and can just type my feelings down. I pray one day I can wake up and feel a little differently to what I do now. I want to think of him and smile and not break down. I want to go to the shop and not get upset because I don’t need to buy his favourite food. I want to think of him with pride and happiness and not feel dread- or guilt that I couldn’t do anything to prevent his accident from happening My son will always be in my thoughts and heart.
Sending love and strength to everyone today
2 Likes
Anne25, I think the mornings were always the worst for me, but my partner got me out for a walk every morning as a distraction, and it helped in a way. I still get panicky about things and have meltdowns, it’s all part of this process which you have to go with. My son who I lost in March 2023 aged 35 was my only child and my stepson aged 39 passed away 8 months later. I was in such a meltdown in the week it was crazy, over thinking, what had I missed, questioning everything including the inquest we had in September. I have re grouped again but it’s not easy, all I can say is do each day or each hour of the day. I find writing a daily journal helps and it’s part of my day. Yes you can say your true feelings and thoughts on here where people actually understand. I have given up with a lot of people since my loss, realised I didn’t need them in my life anymore as I have changed as a person and have a totally different outlook on life, but that’s me. I enjoy my swimming, walking, cycling, treadmill and find that is my release with music going. My grief pattern changed when I lost my step son as I had to up my game to support my partner but have realised men are so totally different in there emotions during grief. Hope you can find time to be kind to yourself, do what you can when you feel you can. Take care x
Thank you for your message @MJG . I’m sorry for the loss of your son and stepson .I did buy a journal but I’m not good at keeping up with it every day but maybe I need to get all my thoughts and feelings down and have some routine with it.
I have been going to work as the routine and distraction helps me but the weekend is the worst. I think I need to find something to do for those first few hours instead of sitting in silence going over everything in my head.
My son’s funeral is in a few days which I know will hit my eldest son hard as I think he’s in denial. I have to be strong for him… and yes I agree that men react differently and some don’t show their emotions well. I have my son’s Nan visiting later and will be grateful for the company. It’s the silence that gets to me.
I used to love the quiet first thing in the morning when the boys were still asleep but now I feel the opposite.x
Anne25, you are doing really well as you are going to work, and probably a good distraction. Try and find a different routing on a weekend, maybe go for a walk, swim, anything which distracts. I find when your mind goes into over drive and other thinking makes it even worse. You will find the strength for your son’s celebration of life. I did, the crematorium was packed, but I showed no emotion, knew the service word by word. I broke down when we got home. I was the same for my stepsons, as my partner was a wreck before we went in, and cried most of the way through it. he sees me when I’m inconsolable which is often. Deep breaths, take care x
1 Like
You are doing well, its still very early days, im only 6 months in, but I prefer the quiet I cannot deal with noise any more. The funeral will be hard its not an easy day.
1 Like
It’s so sad but also refreshing to hear your stories. Most days I’m struggling and can’t leave the house. I keep wondering what’s wrong with me but I guess we are all in the same boat. I too, find the mornings terrible. I wake up and it hits me like a brick. I couldn’t get out of the house today. If I do leave the house, I can make it to the shop and that’s about it. Some days all I do is cry. My daughter was 18. It seems so unfair to lose her and I think about all the milestones I’m going to miss.
1 Like
Im so sorry, its heartbreaking for you. I Lost my darling boy in September . He was 3 days off his 42nd birthday. Just spoke to his elder brother, he is heartbroken and crying . How do I comfort him? Grief is a terrible, long and lonely journey xxx
It is very hard, is there some way perhaps you can get a part time work or volunteer work for a day or two a week ?.I am retired but I work on a Saturday and Sunday ,I do find it helps to get me out of the house . My son with special needs ,died within 3 months of cancer last year.