I lost my Dad in 1981 when I was 10 years old. My Mom then entered into an abusive relationship with a “man”. Physical and mental violence ensued for years. My Mom passed in 2003 then my elder Brother committed suicide in 2010. We were very close. I feel like I haven’t grieved for any of those I’ve lost. I’m now 49 and feel like a pressure cooker at times. I think about dying and death a lot.
Hello, I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost so many members of your family, as well as witnessing your mum suffering abuse at the hands of her partner. It is understandable that going through all of this, especially as a child, could have a long-term impact. Not having the right support, or the chance to grieve properly at the time is definitely a big factor that can make things worse.
It’s never to late to get some support, and I’m glad that you’ve taken the first step of sharing some of how you feel here. Hopefully some of our other users will be along to reply to you soon. However, in the meantime, I just wanted to make a couple of suggestions that you might find helpful.
We have a user called @Peter01 who has posted recently about the trauma of losing his parents at a young age and the long-term impact on him and his brother. Perhaps you might like to talk to him, since it sounds as though you have some things in common? You can read and reply to his posts here: Bereavement as PTSD
When bereavement has caused long-term issues, it can be helpful to have some counselling to help process what has happened in the past. If you are interested in exploring this option as well as getting support here on the community, Sue Ryder’s Online Bereavement Counselling may be able to help you. You can also ask your GP for a referral, or check out NHS IAPT for services in your local area (some of these may have moved to telephone or online due to Covid 19).
Yes sounds like Priscilla is right, I think we will have common ground. Please feel free to drop me a private message if you’d like to get in touch. Would like to help if I can.
It’s good to see that you two have been able to connect. There is information in our help section on how to send a private message.